“Is she expecting you?” Beau had inquired when Greg asked to see her.
“No, of course not. Don’t you know? Scarlett has run away from her life. From her dreams. She wouldn’t be expecting anyone to fetch her here.” Greg had looked around the barn like he was standing in a pile of cow manure, and though he was close, Beau hadn’t appreciated him talking about the ranch like that.
“What do you mean, Scarlett has run away from her dreams?”
“Oh, don’t you know? Scarlett Heston is a very successful actress. She had several auditions lined up, but she bailed on them to marry you.” Greg’s condescending tone grated on Beau’s nerves, but he was too shocked to say anything to the pompous man about his bad attitude.
“I see from your face that you didn’t have a clue. I don’t know what’s gotten into Scarlett. I knew that she wanted to get married—she’s never had very much luck with men—but I didn’t think she’d do it at this expense. Giving up everything for a man she’d never even met. It’s absolutely crazy. She’ll be coming home with me tonight. You mark my words.” Greg shook his finger at Beau and he wanted to rip it right off his hand, but he held himself back.
“I think Scarlett is the only one who can decide that.” Beau had led Greg from the barn to the house, and that’s when everything had hit the fan.
He rubbed his hands through his hair, trying to figure out what to say to Scarlett. His heart was clenching in his chest, and all he wanted to do was tell her that he loved her too, but doubt was consuming his mind. He couldn’t help but feel like she would be better off not knowing how he felt about her, and that she’d be better off with someone else. He knew what it was like to be asked to give up everything you loved to be with someone, and he didn’t want that for her. He didn’t want her to decide years down road that she didn’t want this life, and that she missed acting. He’d never fit into her world, and he didn’t want to let her down, like he had every other girl he’d dated. Knowing that he might not be able to give her everything she wanted was destroying him.
“Beau, please say something.” Scarlett’s pleading brown eyes cut into him. He’d never been looked at so earnestly, and not knowing what to say was killing him. He knew she’d just been vulnerable by telling him how she felt, but he couldn’t return the sentiment. Not right now, not when there was so much up in the air.
“Come here,” he said, and he pulled her into a hug. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, then said, “Let’s just lie here for a little while. I need to process everything that just happened, okay?”
“Okay.” Her feeble voice sounded heartbroken and all Beau wanted to do was fix it, but right now, he didn’t know if that was best. So instead, he held her in his arms and let his mind wander until he fell asleep.
* * *
A few days later, Beau and Scarlett were still in a weird funk. Nothing had been able to smooth out the kinks that Greg’s appearance had caused in their relationship. Beau was unwilling to let Scarlett know that he loved her because he loved her. The love he felt for her caused him to care only about her happiness and wellbeing, and he knew if he told her how he felt, she’d never leave. And he was also sure that if she stayed, eventually she’d be unhappy. Beau wanted to be selfish. He wanted to promise Scarlett that he would make her happy for the rest of his life, but he couldn’t be sure about that, and so he knew that he had to let her go.
“I like that,” Beau said as he walked past a painting she’d hung in the hallway. She was standing back to admire her work, and he stood next to her for a moment.
“Really? I was afraid you wouldn’t.”
“Where did you get it?”
“My parents gave it to me after the premier of my first show. It’s one of my favorites.”
The painting was of a sun rising over the ocean. There weren’t a lot of details in it, but it reminded him of the sunrises he’d watched as a kid. He’d always been up early to do chores, and watching the sun come up had never failed to take his mind off how tired he was and how much he wished he could be back in bed. Eventually, he’d gotten used to the work and the early mornings, but watching the sunrise still helped him forget about his worries.
“It’s beautiful,” he said honestly. Then he laced his fingers through Scarlett’s and squeezed her hand. He didn’t want to let go, but he knew he had to. For her.
Ten
Scarlett had been at the ranch for over three weeks, and although things weren’t bad, they had definitely been better. Greg showing up had ruined everything. For the first two days, Beau had been loving, sweet, and thoughtful, but after Greg left that night, nothing went back to how it was before.
Beau wasn’t mean to her per se, but he had become cold and withdrawn. The passion they’d shared at the beginning was dimming, and Beau just didn’t seem interested in her like he had been the first week after they’d been married. She was starting to wonder if it was Greg’s visit that had changed things, or if Beau had decided that he wasn’t as attracted to her as he had originally thought.
Scarlett wrapped her arms around herself. If that was true, she didn’t know if she could take it. She didn’t know if she’d be able to stand getting rejected by the only man she’d ever loved. Just the thought of it seemed to knock the wind out of her, and she found herself gasping for breath. She sat down on the couch and concentrated on inhaling and exhaling for a few minutes until she felt okay again.
After an onslaught of doubts flowed through her head for a solid five minutes, Scarlett decided to call Adriana and see what her thoughts were.
“Hello?” Adriana’s voice sounded so cheery, Scarlett didn’t even want to bring up such a negative topic, but she knew she couldn’t make any decisions without consulting someone. She was over-thinking everything way too much to trust herself.
“Hey.”
“Scarlett, are you okay? You sound sad.”
“Umm . . .” Scarlett couldn’t hold back her emotions any longer, and she started to cry. “Not really. Okay, no—not at all.”
“What’s going on? Do you need me to come get you? Because I will. I’ll drive up there right now.”
Scarlett wasn’t sure how to respond. “I don’t know, Adriana. I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to go running back to California.”
“Well what’s going on? Aren’t you happy? When you called me after you got to the ranch, you seemed thrilled. Like you’d finally found the love of your life.” Adriana was reminding her of how good things had been at first, and a deep ache began to throb in Scarlett’s chest.
“I was. I thought my dreams were coming true. But then Greg showed up, and Beau found out about my acting career, and everything just changed. It feels like nothing will fix it at this point. It’s been weeks, and Beau will barely even look at me. I just don’t know how much longer I can stay here before my heart shatters into a thousand pieces and becomes completely irreparable.” Scarlett was sobbing now, and she was starting to regret everything about this stupid decision. At least she hadn’t been rejected this way in LA. She’d isolated herself. No one had ever been so loving and then so…cold. Beau had completely broken her heart over the last two weeks.
“Greg? Ew, what?
“Yeah.”
“I can’t believe this. Scarlett, I’m coming to get you. You just need some time away. Clear your head, decide how you really feel about Beau, and give him some space. If you feel like it’s worth fighting for, you can always go back.”
Adriana sounded so loving and accepting, and that was all Scarlett wanted right then. She just felt so alone. The ranch might as well have been a different planet. And without knowing how Beau felt, she didn’t feel comfortable being here anymore.
“You’re right. I’ll leave until after the NFR. Maybe Beau’s just stressed, and dealing with all this information is too much right now. I’m sure things will be better once the NFR is off his plate. He’ll be leaving in a few days for Las Vegas, and he’ll be busy while he’s there, so real
ly, it won’t be that much time apart.” Scarlett was trying to tell herself this was a good idea, even though deep down, she didn’t want to leave Beau, or the ranch—especially not to go back to LA.
“When do you want me there?” Adriana asked.
“As soon as possible. Before I change my mind. I think you’re right—he just needs some time. We jumped into this so fast, you know? Without knowing each other at all. He’s probably just overwhelmed.” Scarlett thought about not seeing Katie if she missed the NFR, and she was sad, but not sad enough to stay at the ranch for another minute with how awful she felt.
“I’ll be there in the morning.”
“Oh, Adriana. Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me that I can always count on you.” Scarlett’s tears came back, and she felt sad about her parents for the first time since she’d announced that she was leaving LA and getting married. She hadn’t realized how badly Greg’s words about them not wanting anything to do with her had hurt until now.
“See you soon.”
* * *
The rest of the day, Scarlett was in a haze. She packed a bag as soon as she got off the phone with Adriana, and went to her room every time she saw Beau approaching the house so she didn’t have to face him if he somehow figured out her plans. She didn’t know how he would, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was making it through the night without Beau knowing anything was up so she could leave and try to make sense of everything.
“I’m going to bed,” she said after lightly knocking on Beau’s door that night.
“Goodnight.” Beau’s voice sounded far away. Just about as far away as he felt to her now. Part of her was grateful that he hadn’t come out to talk to her, but the other part was devastated that their relationship had come to this.
She went into her room and locked the door, making sure she had everything she needed for a week or so away. Then she lay on her bed and pulled out her phone, typing out the text she would send Beau after she left the next day.
Beau,
I can’t tell you how sorry I am for not telling you the truth about who I was, or where I came from. I hope someday you can understand my reasons. There is nothing else I want in this whole world more than to be with you. Right here. I want all of you, Beau. I want your crazy bull-riding addiction. I want your unruly hair. I want your cooking lessons. And I want it all, forever, because I love you. I’m not going to pretend like the past few weeks haven’t torn my heart apart. Feeling this separation between us has been the most painful thing I have ever endured. I need a break. When you go back to the house, I won’t be there. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving forever, I’m just leaving for now. Think about us. Think about our future, and let me know your decision. I can’t keep staying here feeling like you don’t want me. When I told you I loved you the other night, I meant it. But I don’t want to be here if you don’t feel the same way. I’ll be back after the NFR. Good luck. I hope you always ride for eight.
Yours,
Scarlett
That night, Scarlett slept fitfully, and she decided about twenty times not to leave the ranch, but she always changed her mind.
* * *
The next morning, Beau was tossing hay into a feeding trough with a pitchfork when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. No one ever had anything pressing to talk to him about, and if they did, they usually called, so he decided to check it when he was done feeding. A few minutes later, he stuck the pitchfork into the haystack and pulled out his phone.
Scarlett. That was odd. Scarlett hadn’t texted him in days. Guilt pooled in Beau’s stomach, knowing that their silence was his fault. He’d been trying to push Scarlett away, but he was starting to think that maybe she really did want to be here as much as she said.
Beau opened his phone, and as he read the words in the message Scarlett had sent, his chest started to burn. Before he could even think another thought, he ran to the house and hoped that he would catch her before she left. Why am I so stupid?
He threw open the door. “Scarlett? Scarlett!”
Beau ran to her room to find it spotless and the bed made. His stomach knotted, but he kept looking. After running all over the house calling out her name and searching for her, he sat down on the couch, defeated.
Why do I always do this to myself? The thought made him so angry, he wanted to spit. He’d ruined every relationship he’d ever had. And this time, he couldn’t even blame bull riding. He’d finally found the perfect girl, the one who accepted him for exactly who he was, and he’d pushed her away too. He raked his hands through his hair, then stood up and started pacing.
Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe she’d come back like she said in her message, although he doubted she would if Greg or her parents got ahold of her. He was sure they would convince her to leave him for good.
Oh, God, what have I done? He sank to his knees and offered up the broken prayer of his heart. He usually prayed before each ride, and before his meals if he remembered, but beyond that, he rarely turned to God for help. Bring her back to me. Just please, let her come back, he begged.
When he stood up, he walked down the hall, and he couldn’t help but notice the sunrise painting Scarlett had hung a few days after she’d arrived. He stared at it for a few moments and made a pact with himself that he’d watch every sunrise until Scarlett came back. Maybe that would give him some hope.
He walked to the barn to practice on his barrel that simulated a bucking bull. As heartbroken as he was, he knew that a poor performance at the NFR wouldn’t make anything better. He’d been practicing as much as he always had, even with Scarlett around, but now he was going to spend every waking moment preparing for his next ride.
At the end of the day, Beau was exhausted from all the emotions he’d been feeling, and after making himself a quick dinner he just wanted to crawl into bed and forget about everything. He closed his eyes and was trying to relax when his phone rang. The noise startled him, and thinking that it might be Scarlett, Beau decided to take the call. He was surprised to see that it wasn’t Scarlett calling, but Dr. Lachele.
“Hello?”
“Beau? What’s going on over there? I can never sleep knowing one of my couples is having problems. Scarlett called me a few hours ago and said she left. Is that true?”
“Yeah, it’s true.” Beau stared at the wall in front of him. He was ashamed of what he’d let their relationship turn into, but part of him was still uncertain about Scarlett. What was preventing her from changing her mind about acting down the road? The last thing Beau wanted was to get in the way of her dreams.
“Well, why? Why did Scarlett leave? She said she’s in LA. She hates LA. You must have really messed up if she went crawling back there. So, spill. She wouldn’t tell me anything besides she thought I should know she was taking a little break.” Lachele wasn’t going to leave him alone until she knew what was going on—that much was obvious.
Beau took a deep breath. “Okay, just—just calm down for one second. I’ve been putting some space between us the past few weeks. I don’t want to find out in a couple of years that she isn’t happy with this life, I want to make sure I can give her what she wants, and right now, I don’t feel so sure about it at all.”
“Are you serious? Beau, this is your past talking. She’s not going to ask you to move or give up bull riding—not now, not ever. I matched her with you because I knew the life she wanted, and I felt like you were the one to give it to her. You didn’t know that she was an actress, but I did. Didn’t you think about that? If I had any reason to believe that she would ever want to go back to California, do you think I would have set the two of you up?”
“I…”
“The answer is no!” Lachele was livid, and Beau was almost scared of her.
“This isn’t my first rodeo, Beau Lawrence. And you might think you’re so tough, and that you can just let her go, but I know better. I’m sure you’re already trying to figure out how to get her back, so let me help you. Have yo
u told her how you feel?”
“No. I was going to, but I thought it would be best for her to make a decision without that confusing her,” Beau explained.
“Oh, so she wasn’t the only one hiding the facts.”
“Now, wait a min—” Beau started.
“No, I won’t wait. The fact is, you love her, don’t you?”
“Yes. Yes, I love her. I’ve loved her for weeks, and it’s been torture not telling her, but I just want what’s best for her.”
“And so do I!” Dr. Lachele insisted. “That’s why you’re going to tell her how you feel. When she comes back—because she is going to come back, at least to see what you have to say—you’re going to pour your heart out. You’re going to grovel. And you’re going to beg because you, Beau Lawrence, are what’s best for Scarlett.”
Beau sat dumfounded for a moment. He had just been set straight in a way that no one had dared to set him straight before, and it felt like someone had slapped him across the face. The sting hurt, but he was glad for the wake-up call.
“Okay. You’re right. Scarlett needs to know everything. Including how I feel about her.”
“Good. You’re not as dumb as I thought. Turns out those bulls haven’t knocked all the sense out of you…yet.” Dr. Lachele seemed to have calmed down a great deal after he’d agreed with what she’d had to say.
Beau couldn’t help but laugh a little. Having a plan about Scarlett lightened him up a bit, and it felt good. He hadn’t completely ruined everything, but now he had to endure missing his wife like crazy for the next few days, and he had no one to blame but himself.
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