“Yeah,” I rub the back of my neck. “A year and a half ago. I just found out tonight.”
He curses and drops his head into his hands. “Shit. Are you sure it’s yours?”
I nod. “I’m sure. The timing lines up and he looks just like me. Damn near identical to my baby pictures at that age.
“You should get a paternity test,” he suggests.
“I don’t need it. He’s mine. I haze zero doubts. You’ll feel the same when you meet him.”
He doesn’t like my answer, but thankfully doesn’t argue either. “We need to call Roberto.”
“What?” I shove away from the table. “Why the hell would we call him? He left!” I hiss, but Antonio just shakes his head.
“Can you think of a better option? Raul is a problem. A big one. And now you have a kid. What are you going to do if you have him here and Raul shows up? Huh? Have you even thought that far?”
My blood turns to ice as I digest his words because no, I hadn’t thought that far. I’m still dealing with the fact that I’m a dad. That Luis is mine. I hadn’t even considered just how vulnerable he is. How dangerous having him with me could be for him. Shit. If Bibiana found out what I was dealing with, no way would she let me be in his life. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“He doesn’t have leave coming up. There’s nothing he can do—”
“He’ll get leave.”
“But—”
“Let me handle it, okay? Shit. Boy or Girl?”
Huh. It takes me a second to understand his questions. “Oh. Boy.”
“What’s his name?”
“Luis,” I tell him.
Antonio nods to himself for a second before a wide grin splits his face. “So, I’m an uncle.”
I muffle my laugh with my fist. “Yeah, fucker. You’re an uncle.”
Silence stretches between us, both of us thinking of all the things that have gone wrong and all the possible things that can still happen. It’s times like this when I can’t breathe. When the pressure builds too much, and I need to find a release. I’m tempted to call some random. It’d be easier if I called Sarah, worked out some of my frustration while Antonio was here but that’s not a tree I want to be barking up right now. Fucking her holds zero appeal for me. I don’t know what is wrong with me but obviously something is. Maybe it’s just her. Our last fuck was awful. But…whatever. I can’t leave Antonio and Sofia to deal with Raul on their own whenever he wakes up anyway.
My family might be fucked up, but we do what we can for as long as we can. Let’s hope we all have enough fight left in us to deal with whatever comes next.
Twelve
I wake to Luis’s garbled baby jabbers and roll over to find the space beside me empty. A glance at the beside clock. It shows that it’s just past nine. Emilio must have left sometime after I fell asleep. I pick up my Luis almost as though I’m on autopilot and go through our usual morning routine.
Nurse. Fresh diaper. New clothes. When he’s all set, I put him down on the floor with some of his toys and get myself ready, taking a five-minute shower with the door open to try and wash away some of the strain of last night.
Clean and feeling more awake, I straighten up the small mess Luis made before we head downstairs. I pass my mom’s room on the way, her door open and the bed empty. I wonder if she ever came home last night. I need to talk to her but I’m not sure what to say.
The entryway and kitchen are a disaster. A lamp is laying on its side, shards of glass scattered in the general area. There are blood smears across the floor. Chairs toppled over and dirt from a potted plan strewn about.
I sigh, already knowing I can’t leave it like this. I deposit Luis on the floor in the living room with a few of his favorite toys and turn on some cartoons. “Mommy will be right back.”
I grab a garbage bag and the broom, cleaning up all of the dirt and glass and throwing away anything not salvageable. Luis wanders into the kitchen a few times, so the clean-up process takes a little longer having to go back and forth and pause long enough to play with him for a few minutes before he’s distracted enough for me to slip away and finish my task.
The blood has stained the off-white tiles leaving them tinged with pink, but I’ve been scrubbing at them for close to half an hour so it’s as good as it’s going to get. I’m just about to go dump out the blood-tinged water when there’s a knock at the door.
I dry my hands on my pants and head over to it to answer, surprised when I find Jae standing on my doorstep. “Hey,” I say opening the door wider for him to come in.
His hair is disheveled. Instead of being neatly pulled back into his usual bun, it hangs over one side of his head, and a sprinkling of scruff covers his jawline. “Hey. Sorry. I would have come sooner, but I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Is everything okay?”
Luis chooses that moment to crawl into the kitchen. His eyes light up when he sees Jae and he stretches his little arms up in the air. His way of demanding to be picked up. Jae complies, bouncing Luis in his arms for a second. “Hey, little man,” he coos, and I don’t bother fighting my smile. Jae has always been great with Luis. It’s why I always felt like a jerk for never giving the guy a chance.
“So, what brings you by?”
He turns to face me, and his expression grows stony. “I was at the precinct all night. I know Miguel was arrested.”
“Oh. That.” I’m not sure what else to say. He works for Miguel. They were kind of friends despite the age difference between them. I know Jae looked up to him almost like a mentor. “Did you see my mom?”
He shakes his head. “No. She was at the hospital with Miguel. She called me for help but then I found out what he was being charged with …” He hangs his head. “Did he… “
“No. It wasn’t me. He didn’t.” I shake my head. “Not me.”
He exhales a relieved breath. “Your mom seems to think—”
“He did it. He all but admitted it in front of me. He isn’t innocent.”
He jaw clenches. “I kinda figured.”
“You did?” I ask, surprised. He and Miguel always seemed close, almost like he looked up to him.
“Yeah. Miguel is in some shady shit. The way he talks sometimes when it’s just the guys,” a shrug. “I brush it off as just talk but now …”
I place a hand on his arm. “Not your fault. You couldn’t have known. None of us knew he was capable of something like this.”
“I know. But, I’m… I’m sorry, Bibi. I told your mom I couldn’t help. Wouldn’t. If he’s guilty, I’m not going to use the firm’s connections to get him off. They’ll have to figure things out on their own.”
“Good.” Miguel can rot for all I care.
“It’s just…” he hesitates. “It looks like your mom is going to stand by him on this one. He’s in the hospital. He’ll be taken to the precinct once his injuries allow it but…” he trails off.
Moisture pools in the corners of my eyes and I blink it away. I shouldn’t be surprised. She’d said as much yesterday.
“So…” I trail off, unsure what it is that I’m asking exactly.
Jae holds one arm out while his other supports Luis’s weight. I step into his embrace, relishing the security and comfort of just being held. “I’m here for you. I’m worried about you,” he says, conviction in his voice.
I slowly pull away and stare up into his eyes, a fierce determination on his face. “We’re not your problem,” I tell him, and his jaw tightens.
“You’re my friend. That’s reason enough to give a damn about your well-being.”
Fair enough. “I’m not sure there’s really anything you can—”
“Move in with me,” he says, his words taking me back.
“What?”
He hands Luis back to me and shoves his hands into his pocket, squaring his shoulders. “Move in with me.”
I can’t be hearing him right.
“Miguel has an entire team of lawyers working for him. Even if he doesn’t
get off, he will get out on bail. They’re already drawing up the paperwork for his release. You’re not safe here. Neither is Luis. I think you should move in with me.”
Before he finishes, I’m shaking my head. “I—I can’t move in with you.” I say, though what choice do I have if what he says is true? If Miguel gets out, this is his house. His home. I can’t stay here if he’s here. And Mom… I don’t even know what she’s going to do. We haven’t talked since she ran out to follow him. I need to call her. Figure out what she’s planning. Convince her that he isn’t someone worth defending.
“Bibi—”
I raise a hand to stop him. “I’ll think about it,” I tell him, and I will. “But he’s not here yet. He’s still in the hospital and it’s the weekend. At best, he’ll get out Monday.” With any luck it’ll be later than that. “Let’s just hold off a bit and see what happens.”
He doesn’t look happen but nods. “Okay. But if you need anything,”
“I know. And thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.” I’ve made friends at school but they’re new. Fragile. It’s not like I can call Allie or Kasey and ask to move in with them and while Monique would want to help, no way would her family approve. I’m grateful I have Jae at least.
He looks around the room, spotting the garbage bag and bucket of bloody water. “I know he was arrested and is accused of raping a student at Sun Valley High. Wanna fill me in on the rest?”
For whatever reason, I completely unload all of last night’s events on Jae. From the second everyone arrived to Emilio finding out he’s Luis’s father. It’s takes twenty minutes to give him all the details and when I finally finish, he’s wide-eyed with a stunned expression on his face.
“Shit. That’s a lot to process.”
“No kidding.”
“Do you know what you’re going to do next? What he—”
A knock at the door halts his next words. “Let me get it,” he says, moving to answer the door. Emilio is on the other side, freshly showered, his hair still wet. His eyes are narrowed at Jae, but they soften when he spots Luis in my arms behind him.
“Hey, can I come in?” He barely acknowledges Jae’s existence.
I nod and have to tug on the back of Jae’s shirt when he doesn’t step aside to let Emilio in.
“Yeah. Follow me. We can go in the living room.”
I lead him through the house where Luis’s cartoons are still playing. Jae takes a seat on the sofa, a wary look on his face as he sizes Emilio up. I’m not sure what he’s looking for, but whatever it is, he doesn’t find it because his expression only seems to darken as the seconds go by.
“This is my friend, Jae. Jae, this is Emilio. Luis’s—”
“Bio-dad. Got it,” he bites out.
I scowl at him, not sure where his hostility is coming from, but also not having the energy to deal with it right now. “Do you think we can get together later?” I ask. “Emilio and I…” I pause. What do we need to do exactly? Talk, I suppose. I’m sure he wants to meet Luis. Play with him maybe.
“I can stay if you’d like,” Jae suggests, but I don’t miss the narrowing of Emilio’s eyes. “It might be good to—”
“That’s okay.” I cut him off. “This is probably something I should do alone.”
His jaw tightens, but he nods and climbs to his feet. “Okay.” He kisses the top of my head before doing the same to Luis. “Catch you later, little man. And Bibi,” I wait. “Think about what I said. Okay?”
“I’ll consider it,” I tell him, watching as he leaves. I wait for the sound of the front door closing behind him before I turn and face Emilio.
“Something I should know about?” he asks.
I shake my head. A part of me knows he would have a problem with me living with Jae and it’s not something I want to argue about right now. Not when we should be focusing on Luis. “No. It’s nothing.”
I take a seat on the floor, Luis in my lap and hand him a few blocks to play with. “He takes a few minutes to warm up to strangers,” I tell him, immediately regretting my choice of word. “But if you give him some time to adjust, he’ll make his way over to you on his own and hand you blocks or cars to play with him with.”
Shoulders stiff, Emilio nods and lowers himself to the ground across from me. He shrugs out of his coat, laying it on the sofa behind him. His shirt stretches across his broad shoulders, the fabric hugging his muscular form. I wet my lips and wring my hands in my lap.
Luis captures his entire attention, his gaze never straying from our boy. I watch emotions play over Emilio’s face. Curiosity, wonder, joy. He’s enamored with him already and a fist squeezes my heart inside my chest seeing the open affection he already has for him.
We both watch our son toddle around the room, one second crawling and the next walking as he collects his toys into one pile before throwing them as far as he can—which isn’t that far—across the room one by one, laughing as they hit the hardwood floor.
“He’s kind of a terror, isn’t he? Emilio asks, affection clear in his voice.
I smile. “Yeah. He likes the sound the blocks make when they hit the floor. It’s his favorite pastime these days.” One block lands particularly close to Emilio, and Luis crawls toward him to retrieve it. Emilio freezes when Luis sits up on his knees, brown eyes curious, as he holds the block out in his hand for Emilio to take.
“That for me?” he asks. His face is the softest I’ve ever seen it as he looks down at our son, carefully taking the toy from his tiny fingers. “Thanks.” Luis stares at him a moment longer before crawling right into Emilio’s lap and turning himself to the side to get comfortable. He reaches for the block in Emilio’s hand and he gives it to him, both arms winding around Luis’s small body and a wonder-struck expression on his face.
Luis doesn’t allow Emilio to hold him long before squirming in his arms to get back on the ground to play and Emilio reluctantly releases him.
“So…” I begin, because there are a lot of things we should probably talk about. “We should talk about, um, what it is you want.” God, even to my own ears that sounded lame.
His dark brown gaze finds mine and anger flashes for a split second before he nods once, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah. Well, I figured it’s pretty obvious.” He looks to Luis and his jaw clenches. “I want to be in his life. I want to be his dad.”
Okay. That sounds good and all, but…
“And I want regular visitation.”
I swallow hard and force my breathing to slow despite the rapid beating of my heart. What he’s asking for isn’t unreasonable.
“And I want it in writing, Bibiana. I want to be added to his birth certificate. I want our visitation schedule in writing and signed or notarized or whatever it needs to be for it to be official. I need to know you’re not going to disappear again and take him from me.”
My breath hitches and a trickle of apprehension slips beneath my skin. “I never meant—”
“It doesn’t matter. You did. I’m not risking that again, so those are my terms. I’ll pay child support or whatever. We’ll figure it out and I’ll do my part, but I want everything in writing so there is zero question that he is mine and I have rights.”
I lick my lips. “And if I don’t want to put everything in writing?” I ask because there is a needle of fear that tells me if I give him what he’s asking for, it will make it all the easier for him to one day take Luis away from me. I’m not saying he would, just…it’s a possibility. I don’t know Emilio. Not really. What if we get into an argument? What if he wants to take Luis out of town or to visit a distant relative and then never comes back. I know they’re what ifs, but that little boy is my entire world. The thought of losing him—
“Then we’ll get the courts involved. I don’t want to do that, Bibiana. I don’t want things to get any uglier than they already are but…” He trails off and shakes his head, turning his focus to Luis. “I won’t risk losing him.”
The mention of
that word—court—makes my mouth run dry. He could take me to court, make demands, ask for even more than he’s asking for now and there is a good chance he would get it. I know people assume that the judge always favors the mother, but will that still hold true if they learn I kept his son from him? That he missed out on the first nine months of his life because of me? No. I don’t think it would. If he takes me to court, I could lose everything.
I drop my head and close my eyes, pulling in a lungful of air. “Okay,” I whisper, my heart aching in my chest and I raise my gaze up to his. “We’ll put it in writing.”
He nods once.
“But—”
He frowns.
“The rest we do my way. I’m his mom. He doesn’t know you yet, and you’re a seventeen-year-old guy with no clue how to look after a baby. I’m not going to just send him off with you after one introduction.”
His jaw clenches, his nostrils flaring. “I won’t let you keep him from me, Bibiana.”
“I don’t want to. I just…” I exhale a loud breath. “He’s only nine months old. He’s still breastfeeding.”
His eyes drop to my chest, and a dark look passes over his face before he blinks it away.
“I think you should come here for visits, at least to start,” I say and when it looks like he’s about to argue I rush to add, “Let him get to know you. Let…let me get to know you so I don’t freak out when you walk out the door with the most important person in my universe. Please.”
The muscle in his jaw ticks. “Fine,” he manages to bite out, and I release the breath I’d been holding.
“Thank you.”
Thirteen
This moment is surreal, seeing my kid play with his toys and bring them to me like he knows me. As if we’ve been doing this his whole life.
My kid.
Fuck. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact I’m a dad.
Luis stumbles across the floor, his tiny legs unsteady, and with each step he takes, I tense, waiting for the moment when he loses his balance and I need to catch him. Somehow, he manages to stay on his feet, his arms held out and a drooly grin on his face.
Savage Devil: A Secret Baby, High School Bully Romance (Devils of Sun Valley High Book 2) Page 10
