“You okay?” he asked, concern written all over his face.
“I’m fine, Jackson,” Janie said. She wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry. She was clothed, more or less, and was covered by the blankets, so his reaction seemed a bit over the top. But he was so worried about her and he’d literally thrown himself over her as if they were under attack. It was the sweetest, most chivalrous thing any man had ever done for her.
She kissed him. She hadn’t even thought about it. Whatever she was feeling overwhelmed her and she just did it.
He was surprised for a moment, but recovered quickly, pulling her down and rolling her beneath him. He kissed her hard, prying her mouth open further with his tongue and delving inside as if he needed the very air she breathed to survive.
Her arms circled his shoulders and she hooked one leg over his hip, enjoying the hard length of him against her bare skin. She loved how quickly he responded to her touch. It made her feel powerful and sexy to think that with just a few touches, she could have this amazing man hard and aching. For her of all people.
Unfortunately, as much as she would have liked to take things much further, her body had other more urgent needs.
Jackson finally pulled away, biting his lip and giving her a wicked grin.
“Well, good morning to you, too,” he chuckled.
Janie laughed, gave him a quick peck on the lips, shoving at his firm chest.
“Let me up.”
“Hey, you pounced on me,” he replied, sitting back on his heels.
“I know,” Janie said with a sheepish smile. “But I need to use the bathroom.”
“Of course,” he said, climbing out of bed and heading for the dresser. Once again, Janie took a moment to appreciate his firm, round ass and his broad, muscular back. She tried to ignore the erection that bobbed around when he walked, otherwise she might never get out of bed.
Jackson pulled out a pair of athletic shorts and a t-shirt and pulled them on.
“I’ll just go kick the shit out of Parker while you use the bathroom,” he growled. He shot her a wink as he opened the door to let her know he wasn’t entirely serious, and then he was gone.
Janie considered putting on the clothes she’d retrieved from the bathroom the night before, but decided she couldn’t wait that long. She ducked out of the bedroom and padded barefoot down the hallway the few feet to the bathroom.
She was trying to tame her rumpled curls when she heard muffled voices from the other room. She called herself a nosy bitch, but she put her ear to the door anyway to see what she could hear. She wasn’t sure what she expected, but it certainly wasn’t what she heard.
✽✽✽
“Hey, man. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company,” Parker said as Jackson walked into the kitchen where Parker was standing against the counter drinking a cup of coffee. He was still in his slacks and dress shirt from the night before so he must have just gotten home.
“Just knock next time, alright?” Jackson grumbled, grabbing a mug from the cupboard and pouring his own cup of coffee. He dumped in a spoonful of sugar and a dash of cream before taking a swallow. He should fix one for Janie, but he wasn’t sure how she took it.
“You sure there’s going to be a next time?” Parker asked, raising his eyebrows. “Are you two going steady now?” he added with a chuckle.
“Yeah. We are,” Jackson growled.
“Whoa, chill, man,” Parker replied. “What’s with you?”
“Just don’t be a dick, okay?” Jackson sighed. “It’s new and I don’t want you scaring her off.” Jackson looked back over his shoulder to make sure Janie was still out of earshot.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Parker snapped. “I’m just saying I’m happy for you, dude. Get the stick out of your ass and stop snapping at me.”
“Fine. Whatever,” Jackson said, shaking his head. He didn’t even know why he was so wound up. Last night had been one of the best of his life, and he wasn’t even talking about the sex. He felt like Janie had finally opened up to him. They’d talked about their lives, their interests- even their families a bit. She’d laughed and joked and been freer than he’d ever seen her, especially since her family arrived in town.
They’d been in a perfect little bubble, and Parker’s rude intrusion had irked him. He couldn’t say why, but when it was just the two of them it felt special. Precious. He was afraid that as soon as they were forced back out into the world that it would… change somehow.
He was being a dumb shit, and he knew it. He just couldn’t help it. Something about her made him feel fiercely protective. The idea that Parker, or anyone else for that matter, would even look at her sideways drove him crazy.
Which is why what Parker asked him next was the exact wrong thing.
“So, how’d you do it?”
WIthout even registering what was happening, Jackson lunged at him, fist flying. Parker dodged and Jackson split his knuckles on the cabinet door.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Parker shouted. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Don’t fucking talk like that,” Jackson snarled, his vision going red.
“Dude, calm down!” Parker yelled. “I was asking how you got her to agree to date you, you dumb shit.”
Jackson closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control his raging temper. What the hell had come over him?
“You know what? Forget it,” Parker muttered. “I’m going to bed. Wake me up when you get your shit together.”
“Park…”
“Forget it,” Parker mumbled, heading down the hallway to his room. A moment later Jackson heard his door slam and cursed under his breath.
He took another deep breath to calm himself down, telling himself that he’d talk to Parker later and make it right. His knuckles were bleeding so he grabbed a towel and turned the sink on cold.
He stuck his hand beneath the running water, focusing on the sting and the cold of the water while he got himself under control.
He heard Janie clear her throat and turned to see her standing in the doorway, dressed in her clothes from the previous night.
I fucked it up…
“I don’t suppose there’s any way you missed that?” Jackson asked, turning off the tap and dabbing at his knuckles with the towel.
“Oh, no. I heard.” Janie shrugged, but stepped forward and took the towel from him. She gently patted his hand dry, examining his knuckles.
“You seem to hurt yourself a lot,” she said, smirking up at him. He could now add shredded knuckles to the gash he’d received last week and a myriad of other nicks and cuts that had left scars on his hands.
“Seems so,” Jackson agreed, turning his hands over to look at them.
“Luckily, I think you’ll live,” she said softly. He looked up and saw tears in her eyes.
“Shit. Janie, I’m sorry. I-”
“No, no,” Janie said, wiping her face. “I’m just… touched.”
“You are?” he asked, surprised. He wasn’t sure she’d heard the same conversation because all he remembered was being a hot-heated asshat.
“Don’t get me wrong, you were totally overreacting,” she said, smirking. “But you were sticking up for me. To your best friend. Most guys wouldn’t do that,” she added with a shrug.
“I’m not most guys,” he replied, tucking one of those red curls that he loved so much behind her ear.
“So it would seem.” The smile she gave him turned his insides to jelly and made him want to take her back to bed and barricade the door.
“I seem to recall promising you breakfast,” Jackson said, changing the subject before he gave in to his caveman fantasy.
“You did.” Janie nodded. “But I’m afraid I’ll have to take a raincheck.”
“You sure?” Jackson asked, afraid that despite what she’d said, he’d scared her off with his testosterone-fueled outburst.
“Yeah.” Janie nodded. “I have a standing appointment with Alexandra on Saturdays
. Too late to cancel now.”
“You want me to drive you home?” he asked, wanting a little more time with her.
“I’ll grab a cab,” she said. He frowned and she laughed, rolling her eyes. “I’ll be fine. And it seems like you’ve got things to take care of here.” She nodded toward the hallway Parker had disappeared down and he knew she was right. He should stay and hash things out, but he wasn’t sure Parker would be ready. He usually needed a while to cool down. But there was plenty else he had to do before he went to work this afternoon.
“Be safe,” he said, wrapping Janie in his arms and giving her a deep, lingering kiss.
“I will,” she whispered. She pulled on her jacket and walked out the door and Jackson watched her go with a sense of unease.
He just couldn’t shake his anxiety, especially now that she was out of his sight. He didn’t know what he was afraid of, but that didn’t make it go away. If anything, it just made it worse.
✽✽✽
“Hello? Where have you been all morning?” Alexandra asked, waving a hand in front of Janie’s face.
“What are you talking about?” Janie asked. She’d arrived only five minutes late and she and Alexandra had gone through the usual routine. It felt good to go through the predictable motions of each machine in the same order they always did, but now that she had time to think, her mind was moving about a million miles an hour.
She’d been distracted and not her bubbly, talkative self. Clearly Alexandra had noticed.
“You’re out of it,” Alexandra said, narrowing her eyes and scrutinizing her from head to toe. “Is it Jackson? Your family? Both?”
“Both,” Janie sighed. Alexandra’s face turned murderous and Janie rushed to clarify. “Not in a bad way, really. Just… a lot going on. A lot to think about.”
“Okay, spill.”
“Lex…”
“No. Spill. It’s time.”
Janie gave her an irritated look and Alexandra shook her head.
“Nope. I gave you time, but you clearly need to get some things off your chest so it’s time to push.”
Janie considered and decided Alexandra was probably right.
“Fine,” Janie conceded. She spent the next forty five minutes telling Alexandra everything about her situation with Jackson. Well, almost everything. She wouldn’t normally think twice about sharing every detail, but for some reason it didn’t feel right this time.
It wasn’t so much that she thought Jackson would mind, but she just felt like she wanted to keep some things to herself.
Alexandra, being her wonderfully analytical self, listened intently, asking the occasional pertinent question here and there and nodding periodically to show she was paying attention. Alexandra had engaged legal mode, which could be genuinely terrifying sometimes.
“So, he went ballistic on Parker because he thought Parker was being disrespectful?” Alexandra asked when Janie had finished telling her about the scuffle she’d overheard that morning.
“Yup.” Janie nodded. “It was total caveman behavior.”
“But also totally hot, right?” Alexandra said with a knowing smile.
“Oh, my God.” Janie shivered dramatically. “So hot.
“Yup.” Alexandra nodded. “That overprotective alpha male energy is so sexy.”
“Big dick energy, for sure,” Janie agreed. Alexandra laughed.
“Oh, that’s good. I like that.” Alexandra was quiet for a moment. “You know that he really likes you, right? I mean that’s clear, even to you, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean ‘even to me’?” Janie protested.
“I mean that when we’re in the thick of it, we don’t always see what’s right in front of us. But it should be obvious, even to you, that he’s crazy about you. The question is, how do you feel about him?”
“I don’t know.” Janie shrugged. “I mean, I like him. A lot. He’s hotter than Hades, funny, sweet... and did you know he can cook? Like, really cook.”
“That little shit,” Alexandra muttered.
“What?”
“He played me!” Alexandra said, affronted. “When he was on duty he would give me those puppy dog eyes whenever I mentioned food. I felt so bad that he was a single guy living on his own! I imagined him eating those sad frozen dinners or greasy takeout so I cooked for him!”
Janie couldn’t help it. She burst into laughter until she had to stop the treadmill. She was doubled over trying to catch her breath when she heard Alexandra join in.
“That asshole,” Alexandra laughed.
“Oh, come on,” Janie giggled. “He didn’t actually tell you he couldn’t cook, right? I know he wouldn’t lie to you.”
“No, he didn’t, dammit, but that’s not the point!” Alexandra whined.
“And I know how much you love cooking, so would it have really made a difference?” Janie asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Whose side are you on, anyway?” Alexandra asked, putting her hands on her hips.
“I’m just saying.” Janie held up her hands. “He’s a good guy, but he’s not stupid. If you offered to cook for him, of course he isn’t going to refuse.”
“He’s a good guy, huh?” Alexandra asked, smiling. Janie could feel herself blush.
“Yeah. He really is.”
“Hey, how about we grab lunch after?” Alexandra asked, mercifully changing the subject.
“Sounds good,” Janie replied. By the time they had finished up their workout, changed their clothes and headed out for lunch, Janie had made a decision. So, once they were seated at their table, drinks in hand, Janie folded her hands in her lap to keep them from shaking and looked Alexandra in the eye.
“I think I’m ready,” she said, taking a deep breath. Alexandra immediately understood what she meant and set her drink aside, giving Janie her full attention.
Janie proceeded to tell her what she’d withheld before. She explained the situation with her family from the beginning. All the horrible, hurtful things her stepmother had said and done, the truth about the struggles she’d faced, and where she was in her recovery. She even confessed her relapse earlier in the week.
She talked about Bonnie and how much meeting her had helped. They didn’t technically have sponsors for eating disorders, but that’s how Janie saw her. She was more than a counselor. She was someone she could call at any time of the day, who would always answer her calls and talk her through things.
When Janie was done, she lifted her chin and dared Alexandra to feel sorry for her. Alexandra picked up her glass and took a sip of her wine. She set it down, folding her own hands in her lap before she spoke.
“Your father is an utter garbage person,” Alexandra said calmly. Janie’s eyes widened and she found herself laughing. After a moment Alexandra began to giggle as well. After a few minutes they were both laughing uncontrollably until their eyes began to water.
“You’re right.” Janie nodded once she could speak again. “He really is.”
“Seriously,” Alexandra said, shaking her head. “How in the world are you this normal?”
“Sheer stubbornness?” Janie shrugged.
“I’ll drink to that,” Alexandra agreed. “Here’s to being too stubborn to break.”
Janie gladly raised her own glass and toasted, knowing that Alexandra knew exactly what she was talking about. Alexandra had survived her own hell by strength of will alone. She’d clawed her way back from the brink and understood how hard it was.
“I’m proud of you,” Alexandra said firmly. “You are a strong, capable woman, Janie. That’s why I hired you in the first place. But knowing you got that way all on your own is truly impressive.”
“Thanks.” Janie was trying hard not to cry. She’d managed to fend off the tears through her story, and she’d be damned if she cried now.
“And, hypothetically, if you find yourself in jail for smashing Nancy’s face in with a tire iron, make sure you keep your mouth shut until I come down with bail money,” Alexandra ad
ded with enough of an edge to her smile to convince Janie that she was only half joking.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Janie replied cautiously.
Their food arrived and she dug into her turkey club with immense pleasure. It felt as though a weight had been lifted. She’d never been aware of anxiety about keeping this “secret” from everyone around her, but now that she’d told someone, she felt an easing of pressure like she’d never known.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Alexandra said, as if reading her thoughts. “Getting it off your chest.”
“Yeah. It does.” Janie nodded. “I mean, I’ve told Bonnie and I’ve talked about it in my support group-”
“But it’s not the same as telling someone close to you.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not pushing,” Alexandra said, hesitantly. “Again, I, more than anyone, understand the need to do things in your own time.”
“But?”
“But, you should consider telling Jackson,” Alexandra said, watching Janie intently as if she was afraid she might explode.
The thought terrified her. But then again, the thought of telling anyone had terrified her. But she did feel better now. Maybe Jackson would understand. And if she was going to give things a real shot, she should be honest with him, right?
If he was going to bolt, it was better he do it now than in a few months. Except she wasn’t ready for it to be over. She wasn’t ready for him to find out how broken she was and change his mind.
Janie was still pondering what to do as she and Alexandra left the restaurant and started walking back toward the townhouse where Alexandra had left her car.
Janie was so lost in thought that she didn’t notice Alexandra had stopped until she was almost half a block away.
“Lex?” Janie asked, finally spotting her and turning back. Alexandra didn’t answer. She stood, staring transfixed at something in a shop window. Janie recognized the vintage store. She’d even shopped there once or twice, but it didn’t seem like the sort of place that would have anything to catch Alexandra’s eye. She and Janie had very different styles.
As Janie approached the window she finally saw what Alexandra seemed to be so taken with.
Her Defender (MacLachlan Security Group Book 2) Page 17
