Steeling himself for what might follow, he swallowed and told her the truth.
“Your father must have told her about the talk we had this afternoon.”
“What talk?” Janie asked, confused.
“I ran into him at your office when I left.”
“What could you possibly have talked about that would have made him upset with Nancy?” Janie replied, bewildered. “What did you say to him?”
Jackson took a deep breath and made a silent prayer that he wasn’t about to destroy everything they’d built.
“I let him know that I didn’t think much of the way he behaved at dinner the other night. That anyone with eyes and ears could see how terribly Nancy treated you and that he shouldn’t let her talk to you that way.”
“What else?” Janie asked, softly, her gaze fixed on the floor. Jackson continued, feeling like he was digging his own grave.
“I told him that, if I were you, I’d never forgive him. I told him he needed to do better, and if he couldn’t, he should do you a favor and disappear,” Jackson said, rubbing the back of his neck and feeling like he might puke.
“You what?” she hissed. “You told him to disappear? How… Why…” Her sputtering ended in a wordless growl of rage.
“I’m sorry, baby girl, but I had to say something,” Jackson replied, holding up his hands. “If he’d been paying the slightest bit of attention, or cared even a little bit, he would have been more than upset with her a long time ago. I couldn’t stand to see him hurt you that way. I had to do something.”
“No, you did not,” she screamed. “You think I don’t know he’s been a terrible father? You think I don’t know that I deserved better? You don’t think that I could have told him to fuck off at any point in the last five years?”
“You hadn’t-”
“I wasn’t ready!” she shrieked. Angry tears ran down her face and he took an instinctive step forward, wanting to comfort her. She held up a hand to stop him and he froze in his tracks.
“He’s the only parent I have left, and even though he’s a shitty father, I wasn’t ready to be an orphan yet. And that’s my decision to make. Mine!” she growled through clenched teeth.
She looked at him with such disappointment, such a look of pure betrayal that his stomach dropped. He’d fucked up. He’d made a mistake so big, there might be no coming back from it.
“I was just trying to look out for you,” he explained.
“I don’t need you to look out for me. I can take care of myself.”
“I told you I’d always be in your corner,” he said quietly. “I just wanted him to know how amazing you are and-”
“I know,” she said. “But in my corner means behind me, backing me up. Supporting my decisions, not fighting my battles for me.”
“You shouldn’t have to fight that battle. No one should have to fight for a parent’s love,” Jackson replied.
“I know that,” she said softly. She looked up at him finally, face streaked with tears. “But what’s worse? Having to fight for it, or having someone love you because they’ve been shamed into it?”
Her words sunk in and he knew she was right.
“Janie-”
“You should go,” she said, turning away.
“Can we talk about this?” he asked, frustrated with his own stupidity. “I didn’t mean-”
“I can’t do this right now,” Janie said, shaking her head. He followed her to the entryway and watched her climb the stairs and disappear into her room. She reappeared a moment later with his shoes and jacket, tossing them down the stairs before retreating into her room and closing the door behind her.
He put on his boots and jacket in a daze, looking up at her closed door one last time before admitting defeat.
He opened the door and there, on the stoop, stood a teenage boy holding a small stack of boxes, hand poised to knock. Jackson paid the kid and left, leaving the stack of boxes behind on the entryway table.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The first day was relatively easy. Between work and trying to make sure Makenna was okay, Janie had little time to think about Jackson, and when she did, she felt… numb. There were times when she wondered if maybe the whole thing had been a dream.
Her father surprised her by calling as soon as he got back. They’d had an awkward conversation where he’d informed her that they’d made it home, but Nancy had packed a bag and left as soon as they’d gotten back. He didn’t know where she was and he didn’t particularly care. He didn’t say any more, and Janie didn’t ask.
She might have felt numb when it came to him, but when it came to her father, she was feeling anything but. She was confused, hurt and angry, but definitely not numb. She wasn’t ready for anything more complicated than their standard conversation.
Her father seemed to know this, because he didn’t push her. He asked about Makenna and they talked about his flight, but that was about it.
Day two was harder. She finally broke down and told Alexandra what had happened, and the damn burst after that. Each day after that got worse and worse. She cried in the shower, in the car on her way to work, in bed at night. Basically, any time she was alone.
She hardly slept and everything she ate tasted like cardboard. She only had enough energy to keep things together at work. The rest of the time she wandered around like a zombie. She and Makenna had made permanent imprints on the couch in their down time. Angel forced them to eat and drink water, but aside from that, they both did a lot of nothing.
It got so bad that Alexandra finally pulled her aside at the office one afternoon.
“Have a seat,” Alexandra said, gesturing to one of the leather chairs in front of her desk. Janie sat, mentally preparing herself for questions she wasn’t willing to answer.
“What’s up?” Janie asked.
“You tell me,” Alexandra replied, picking up a file folder off her desk and handing it to Janie. Janie opened the file and glanced at the first page and her heart sank. It was a response to a Summons and Complaint that should have gone out in the mail three days ago.
“I’m so sorry,” Janie said. “I’ll run it over myself.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Alexandra said, taking the file back. “I’ve already called the courier. He’ll be here to pick it up in an hour.”
“Thank you,” Janie said, heaving a sigh of relief. “I don’t know what happened. I promise I’ll be more careful.”
“Well, as your boss I’m required to give you a verbal warning. So, consider yourself warned,” Alexandra said. “But as your friend, I’m worried about you.”
“I’m okay,” Janie replied, trying not to sound as hostile as she felt.
“No, you’re not,” Alexandra said quietly. “You will be, I’m sure. You’re tough. But right now, you’re not fine. You’re distracted at work, you haven’t wanted to go anywhere or do anything, and you look like you’re not sleeping or eating.”
Janie closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She didn’t have any response that wouldn’t be an out and out lie, and Alexandra would see right through it. Besides, she didn’t want to lie to her best friend.
“I’m not, at least not very much,” Janie shrugged.
“You know you have three weeks of vacation time and two weeks of personal time for the year, right?” Alexandra reminded her.
“Are you suggesting I take a month off of work?” Janie asked, surprised. “And do what? Haunt my apartment like a ghost and fall asleep watching true crime shows every night?”
“Ew,” Alexandra said, wrinkling her nose. “Of course not. I’m saying that if you need to take a few days or a week, or even two weeks to get your groove back, then you should do it. Take Makenna for a spa weekend. Go upstate for a few days of peace and quiet somewhere with better scenery. Hell, spend a couple days crying into a pint of ice cream. Whatever you feel like you need to do to feel better.”
“I’m not sure any of that would really help,” Janie said. “May
be a week-long bender. Kill off enough brain cells so I can forget the whole thing?”
“I would not advise that,” Alexandra said, frowning. “But, as your friend, I would gladly agree to come check on you every day to make sure you haven’t aspirated your own vomit and died.”
“How sweet of you,” Janie replied, laughing weakly.
“I know there’s probably no way I can help, but whatever you need, I’m here.”
“I know you are. And I love you,” Janie said, forcing a smile. “I just need to work through it. Keep my mind occupied until it passes.”
“Okay. If that’s what you want…” Alexandra replied, looking unconvinced. Janie stood to leave but Alexandra put a hand on her arm.
“As your friend, I also feel obligated to ask you if you’ve thought about… just calling him? Talking things out?” Alexandra said hesitantly.
“No,” Janie said quickly. “I just… I just can’t, right now.”
“Okay.” Alexandra nodded, letting her go.
Janie went back to her desk and sat for a minute thinking things over. She’d replayed the whole series of events more times than she could count and every time she ended up with the same conclusion. She’d been stupid to get that serious with anyone. It was more proof that even the kindest people, even the people with the best intentions, would inevitably still hurt you.
She’d briefly forgotten that lesson, but everything that had happened since her father called her that afternoon three weeks ago had just reinforced how true it was.
Three weeks? Was that all it had been? Such a short amount of time to cause her so much heartache.
Her cell phone rang and she dug it out of her purse, hoping despite herself that it would be Jackson calling. When she saw the caller ID, her heart fell.
“Hey, Kenna,” she answered. “What’s up?”
“Janie, it’s Dad,” Makenna said, her voice muffled by tears.
“What about Dad?” Janie asked, fear churning in her gut.
“He’s in the hospital,” Makenna sobbed. “They think he had a heart attack. They couldn’t reach Nancy so they called me. They want to do surgery. Oh, God, Janie. What do we do?”
Janie’s stomach dropped into her toes and her vision dimmed. But she couldn’t allow herself to break down. She needed to deal with this now and fall apart later. She took a few deep breaths and shook her head to clear it.
“Shh,” Janie cooed, trying to calm her distraught sister. “It’s going to be okay. Pack a bag for yourself and one for me, okay? Nothing fancy just enough for a few days. Can you do that?”
“Uh huh,” Makenna sniffled.
“Okay, good. I’m going to book us a flight for this afternoon, okay? We’ll fly home and we’ll see what’s going on, okay? I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
“Okay. Good. Pack bags. I can do that,” Makenna said, calming a little.
“Okay. I’ll be home in half an hour. Be ready to leave by then, okay?”
“Half an hour. Okay,” Makenna said. “I’ll see you soon.”
Janie hung up the phone without responding, her heart pounding in her chest. She stood up and rushed back into Alexandra’s office, unaware that Alexandra was on the phone. Janie stopped short, but Alexandra gestured for her to wait.
“Can I call you back?” Alexandra asked into the phone. She must have received an affirmative, because she thanked them and hung up the phone.
“What is it? What happened?” Alexandra said, getting up from her chair and walking around her desk.
“Well,” Janie replied, choking back tears. “It looks like I’m going to need to ta
✽✽✽
Jackson had been all over the place the last week. He’d gone back and forth between being angry at himself for screwing things up so badly, to being frustrated with Janie for not seeing what he was trying to do, to feeling like there was no point to anything at all.
Parker was still hardly talking to him, and without Janie, he did little more than eat, sleep as much as he could and work. At least that was something he was good at.
He’d picked up the phone to call her at least fifty times, but every time he did he remembered that hurt look on her face and the tears in her eyes and he just couldn’t. As much as he wanted her back, he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t risk making things worse.
He’d been racking his brain trying to figure out some way to talk to her without actually talking to her. It sounded stupid when he thought about it that way, but he didn’t know what else do to. He’d considered calling his mother and asking for her advice, but they hadn’t spoken since she’d dropped that bombshell on him about the money.
Janie didn’t need him sticking up for her, his mother apparently hadn’t needed him to take care of her now that his father was gone, and apparently Parker didn’t even need him. What the hell was the point of everything he’d done in his life if nobody actually needed him?
He’d started feeling like there was no point to any of it. He could have gone off and hitchhiked to California, or backpacked through Europe. He could have stayed in Texas working a shitty job and drinking his pay if he’d wanted to and it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference.
“Jackson?” Connor asked, and clearly not for the first time.
“Sorry, man. I guess I was spacing out,” Jackson replied, closing his locker and spinning the knob to lock it. He hefted his gym bag over his shoulder and followed him into the hallway outside the locker room.
“Let’s talk,” Connor said, motioning with his head to the left toward his office at the end of the hallway.
“Sure, boss.” Jackson shrugged. He just hoped this wasn’t some damn intervention. He’d just worked for ten hours and he was exhausted. He just wanted to go home, drink a glass of whiskey and pass out in front of the TV like he had every other night this week.
Connor held his door open for Jackson, closing it behind him. Jackson parked himself in one of the chairs in Connor’s office, crossing one ankle over his knee. Sam was sitting in the other chair scrolling on his phone.
“Sammy,” Jackson greeted him.
“Jackie,” Sam replied with a smirk.
“So, what’s up?” Jackson asked, lacing his fingers together behind his head.
“Sam and I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Christ, here it comes.
“About what?” Jackson asked.
“About your future here,” Connor said, taking his seat and folding his hands on his desk in front of him.
“Want to be a little more specific?” Jackson replied, unclenching his jaw enough to speak.
“Well, Sam and I have been talking and we’ve decided that it’s time to take on some more help.”
“Are you firing me?” Jackson asked, sitting up in his chair and gripping the armrests until his knuckles turned white.
“What?” Connor asked. “Are ye daft? I said more help, arsehole. Meaning in addition to you and the others. Why? Should I be firing you?”
“No,” Jackson sighed, relieved and feeling foolish. “Sorry. It’s been a rough day.”
“More like rough week,” Sam muttered to himself.
“Excuse me?” Jackson asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Sam,” Connor said sternly. Sam just shrugged and went back to scrolling on his phone. “Look, let’s just address the elephant in the room, shall we? We all know you’ve been an absolute bear since things went south with Janie.”
Jackson opened his mouth to speak, but Connor kept talking.
“And before you ask, yes, of course I know all about it. No, Alexandra hasn’t given me any details, and no, I won’t ask. If you want to know how Janie’s doing, you’ll just have to put your big lad pants on and ask her. I’m here if you want to talk about it, but if you don’t you won’t hurt my feelings. You’re being an arse now, but we all know you’ll get over it. Eventually.”
Connor stopped, took a breath and looked first at Sam and then at Jackson.
“Th
at about cover it?” Connor asked. When neither responded, he nodded to himself and went on.
“Grand,” He said. “Now, as I was saying, Sam and I think it’s time to expand our roster and after talking it over, we’ve decided we need to create a new management position. Sam is obviously busy enough with the tech side of things, putting bids together for system installations.”
Sam nodded, seeming pleased with himself.
“And we all know he’s shite with people,” Connor added with a smirk. Sam frowned but didn’t argue.
“I’m in it up to my ears with presentations and customer relations on top of running logistics and scheduling for the personal protection side of things. I need help if I’m going to be able to enjoy my life at all. And I intend to enjoy my married life.” Connor smiled and Jackson’s chest tightened.
“I need someone to take over the day to day logistics of the personal protection side of the business. Training, scheduling, booking - that sort of thing. And we think you’re the best man for the job.”
Jackson was stunned for a moment. Him? He wasn’t qualified for that. He was only good at shooting shit or keeping shit from getting shot.
“You don’t have to decide right away, of course,” Connor went on. “You can think it over, but a few more things to think about. We haven’t decided on a title just yet, but whatever it is comes with a pay raise and regular hours that you can choose as long as there’s 40 of them a week. We’ve even got an office for you.”
This was a bit more than Jackson could process at the moment in his current state. He nodded a long and pretended to consider it.
“Can I let you know next week?” Jackson asked. Connor looked at Sam and Sam shrugged.
“That should be fine,” Connor agreed.
“Thanks,” Jackson replied, standing up and slinging his bag back over his shoulder. “I’ll think about it.”
He walked out in a state of confusion that lasted the rest of the night. He got home, poured himself his whiskey and sat in front of the TV, all the while he was asking himself why they wanted him.
Her Defender (MacLachlan Security Group Book 2) Page 20
