Eleven
Mom: You can’t be serious, Stephen. Your son is in the hospital.
Dad: The doctor said he’ll be fine. You heard him.
Mom: How do you know? He hasn’t even opened his eyes yet. God, you never do change, do you? Work always comes first, then your family.
Dad: Here we go. Let me save you the trouble, Lois. I’m a bad father. My work means more to me than my son. I’m a lousy husband. I mean, lousy ex-husband. I’m a workaholic. I’m selfish. I still have it all memorized.
Mom:This is not about our marriage! This is about your son getting into a car with a drunk boy and smashing into a utility pole. Did you even know what he was doing tonight? He could have been killed!
Dad: Well, he’s not dead, is he? He’s not even seriously hurt. He’s sleeping off a minor concussion, and I have an obligation to my colleagues to be back at the Chicago office in eight hours.
I kept my eyes closed for the duration of the argument and managed to sleep a little while longer (or perhaps I just passed out). For a moment, when I woke again, I thought the conversation, and the whole night had been a very long and complicated dream. When I finally opened my eyes, I saw mom standing in front of a window.
“Lois, he’s awake,” I heard from behind me, and turned to see Patrick sitting in a chair near the door.
“Honey!” she yelled, rushing to my side.
I looked down and saw myself lying in a hospital bed under a white blanket. It felt like my head was throbbing, but the pain wasn’t bothering me too much. There was a bandage about three inches long on my right arm.
“How do you feel?” mom asked.
I don’t know why I said it, so don’t ask. I was sitting there, looking pathetic and injured, and for some reason the words just came out of my mouth before I had a chance to run them by the part of my brain that checks for errors.
“I’m gay,” I said plainly.
Mom’s head retracted a couple of inches.
“Travis,” she said, softly, her face morphing through various emotions, “you got your head hit pretty hard tonight. I think you’re confused.”
Maybe somewhere deep down inside me, I decided this would be a safe way of coming out. If her reaction was bad, I could later plead temporary insanity from the accident and pretend the gay thing never happened. In the unusual event that she decided to attack me, I was already in a hospital, so she shouldn’t have been able to do that much damage before I could press the call button.
“I’m not confused, mom. I’ve known for as long as I can remember.” I couldn’t look her in the eye, so I stared at her arm instead.
“But – gay?” She said it as if she was learning a word in a foreign language. “You’re really sure? I mean, really, really sure? They’ve given you some medication.”
“Mom, it’s not the medication. It’s not the accident. I’m gay. Of all the things in the world I could make up, why would it be that? Patrick, tell her.”
“Honey, you’re mistaken. That’s Robert.”
I could have sworn I saw Patrick there. I even looked around the room once, not believing that he wasn’t.
Robert stood up and looked at me, and I couldn’t imagine what was going through his head. Confusion? Disgust? Disbelief? Concern? He already knew about me. He couldn’t be surprised. He said, “Why don’t we let him get some more rest. We can talk about this later.” He put a hand on mom’s shoulder.
“You’re right. Travis, you close your eyes and try to sleep some more. I’ll be right here if you need anything.”
“What time is it?” I asked.
“Almost 4:30 in the morning,” she said.
I was still feeling awfully woozy. Maybe she was right. Maybe I wasn’t in my right mind.
“Good morning, Travis,” I heard an unfamiliar female voice say to me. “Let’s wake up for a few minutes, okay?”
Okay? Is it negotiable? I felt like I’d been trampled by a herd of drunken elephants.
“Come on, honey,” I heard mom say. “The doctor needs to check a couple of things.”
I forced my eyes open and looked at the doctor. She was a round woman with blond highlights and was too perky for my mood.
“I’m Dr. Jones,” she said, armed with a clipboard. “How are you feeling?”
“Well,” I said, “my head hurts. My chest hurts. My arm hurts,” I said, wondering what was under the giant bandage on my arm. “I feel a little dizzy. Or maybe just tired.”
“Alright. You did sustain a minor concussion last night and everything you’re describing is perfectly normal. What I’d like to do now is run you through some simple tests to make sure you’re recovering properly.”
Dr. Jones asked me some no-brainer questions, like, if I knew what day it was. I was made to get out of bed and move around. She checked my eyes and physically examined me.
“You’re going to be looking after him?” she asked my mom.
“Yes, I’m going to stay with him.”
What? Terrific.
“Summing up here, Travis seems to be on the right track. He suffered a minor concussion, a couple of bruised but not fractured ribs, and a laceration to the right arm. The next 24 hours are crucial, however. You need to make sure someone is home with him during that time. I would keep him on fluids, at least until dinner time. If there is no vomiting by then, solid foods should be okay. Also, for the next 24 hours, don’t let him sleep more than three hours at a time. You’ll need to wake him up and make sure he’s alert and his vision is clear, and that the pain has not increased. I’ll write a prescription for you, and it’s important that he doesn’t take any other kind of pain reliever during this time.”
It was as if I wasn’t even in the room. Feel free to speak directly to me, I wanted to say. I felt like a dog that was about to be checked out of a veterinary hospital.
“If anything should happen or the pain doesn’t subside by tomorrow, you should bring him back and we can arrange for a CAT scan. If you don’t have any questions, you can bring him home as soon as he feels up to it.”
Around 11:00 am we checked out of the hospital, or whatever you call it when you go home. Robert picked us up and drove us back to my house. Mom had her mind made up to stay with me as long as I needed her, especially because dad had hightailed it back to Illinois.
When I got to my room, I told my mom and I needed to change and when I closed the door, I quickly ran around hiding anything I didn’t want her and Robert to see. Worrying about other people seeing my personal things rarely came up. After I had thrown everything into the back of my closet, I put on pajamas and got into bed.
Despite the fact that I’d been doing nothing but sleeping all day, I still felt completely worn out. I must have dozed off again because mom woke me up to tell me she was running to the grocery store and that Robert would be there if I needed anything.
“Is there anything special you want from the store?” she asked.
“Not really. Can you get that prescription filled, though? My head is pounding,” I said.
“Sure. See you in a bit.” She kissed my forehead and was off.
After she disappeared, I turned my television on. Sunday was the worst day for watching TV unless you liked reality show marathons, which I never really cared for.
“Hey,” Robert said, sticking his head in the doorway. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” I said.
He stood beside the bed and looked around as if he didn’t know where he should go.
“How do you feel?”
“Like shit,” I told him.
“Um, what made you decide to tell your mom that at the hospital?” He looked bewildered.
I thought for a minute but couldn’t come up with a simple answer. “I don’t know. I mean, I didn’t really think about it. I just said it. I don’t know why.”
“You glad you did it?” he asked.
“You know, I don’t really care. Maybe it’s cause I’m a little out of it. I thought if I ever, you know, came out,�
� I used finger quotes here, “it would be like, this huge deal, and I would be agonizing over it and scared and all. But it’s just like, whatever. Has mom said anything to you about it?” Now I put him on the spot.
“Hmm. Not much. I think she may have suspected it.”
“Well, what did she say, exactly?”
“Just that she didn’t know why you picked now to deal with this and that things were going to be hard for you.”
“And that’s it?”
“That’s it. She’s the type of person that’s gonna love you no matter what. It’s gonna take a lot more than one of her kids being gay to disappoint her.”
“Yeah,” I said mindlessly, and then something occurred to me. “What do you mean one of her kids? I’m the only one.” He immediately looked panicked. “What?” I asked, not really wanting to know.
“Well,” he let out a long sigh. “She should be the one to tell you this.”
What the hell was he talking about? “Telling me what? Do I have a brother or sister stashed away somewhere that I don’t know about?”
“Not yet,” he said. “But you will have one in about eight months.”
It seemed like an hour that I had sat there with my mouth gaping open. “Are you serious?” I asked, finally.
Robert nodded his head and said nothing. My head was throbbing.
“I need to rest,” I said, putting my head down. “See you later,” I said, cuing him to go away.
Mom was going to have another kid. Could this really be happening? I’ve been an only child for 17 years and I’ve grown to like it just fine. I’d be 18 already when it was born. This was all too much.
Mom returned from the store with more food than I’d bought the entire time dad had been away. She and Robert took turns visiting me in my room at least once per hour and mom refused to let me get out of bed for any reason other than to use the bathroom. Neither of them mentioned the pregnancy thing and I didn’t either. I didn’t even want to think about it.
There was a knock on my door which was open and I looked up to see Patrick.
“Thank god,” I said, looking up at him. “Get in here and shut the door,” I instructed.
“You got pretty banged up, huh?” he asked, rolling my desk chair over to my bed and sitting in it.
“I guess you can say that,” I answered.
“Are you gonna die?” he asked. This was the most inappropriate thing you could ask someone who just got out of the hospital. It’s why we were such good friends.
“Well, yeah, but not any time soon,” I said.
“Can you leave me your iPad in your will?” Patrick asked, and I rolled my eyes at him. “So, uh, what’s the story?”
“I don’t know. Everything is such a blur. Basically, Daniel dragged me to some park and he wanted to fool around.”
“Wait a minute. Daniel likes the cock?” Patrick asked.
“Apparently,” I said. “Anyway, when I didn’t want to, he got mad and started speeding off without the lights on.”
“Why?”
“Because he knew it was freaking me out and I guess it was his way of getting back at me for rejecting him. Anyway, what happened to Daniel? Was he okay?”
“Yeah. I mean, he was a little bruised up, but you definitely got it worse.”
“Figures,” I said. “Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you, I outed myself to my mom at the hospital.”
“Really?” He genuinely looked surprised. “Why?”
“I haven’t figured that out yet. I just said it. And guess what else? My mom’s pregnant,” I said.
“Wait. What?” Patrick was now making the face I must have made when I heard it from Robert.
“Robert told me earlier. Mom wasn’t here. I don’t even know if she knows that I know.”
“That’s so bizarre.”
“I know, right?”
“But, anyway, how do you feel? Your mom kind of filled me in on your injury status.”
“Eh. I feel fine one minute and then dizzy the next. My head’s been throbbing on and off all day and these pills aren’t really helping. This thing hurts like a bitch,” I said, pointing to the giant cut on my right arm.
“That looks pretty nasty,” Patrick said.
“I’m glad I was out when they stitched it. I totally would have barfed.”
We continued to chat for a while. Mom asked Patrick if he would drive Robert to where my car was so he could bring it back.
“Hey,” Patrick said, before leaving, “I want to give Ryan his money. Do you have his number?”
“Oh, crap,” I said. “We were actually supposed to hang out today and I never called him.” With everything else that had been going on, it was almost as if I’d forgotten Ryan existed.
“I don’t have it. No one found my cell phone after the accident.”
“Daniel probably took it and sold it on eBay. Well, I can just drop it off at his shop,” Patrick said.
I couldn’t believe I’d completely forgotten about Ryan. I promised I’d call him and I never had the chance. Now he probably thinks I’m a jerk for forgetting about him. Or maybe he thinks I’m getting back at him for that time at the park. But he would understand when I explained what happened, right?
I suddenly felt very sleepy and nodded off.
Mom did routinely wake me up all night long and by 4:00 am, I couldn’t sleep anymore so I watched television until I dozed off again sometime later until mid-morning. When I woke up my head no longer hurt and I felt a little better, so I got up, brushed my teeth, and went downstairs.
“What are you doing out of bed?” mom asked.
“I’m feeling better,” I said, and had a seat in one of the kitchen chairs.
“Want some breakfast? You must be starving. You haven’t eaten anything since Saturday.”
It was true, I hadn’t eaten anything, but I actually wasn’t that hungry, considering. “Maybe just a couple eggs,” I said. “Did Robert leave?”
“He had to go to work. I’m going to stay here for a few days until you’re feeling better, and then he’ll come get me when I’m ready to go back.”
“Hey, you know, he told me about, um, you know,” I said, pointing at her stomach.
“Oh, I know. He told me. We weren’t going to tell people until after the holidays. Are you upset about it?”
“Well, I don’t know. I mean, no, I’m not upset. It’s just… weird.”
“It’s taken some getting used to for all of us,” she said, swatting eggs around in the skillet. “Travis, there’s another thing you should know. Rob and I are planning on getting married. I’m not sure when, but before this baby is born.”
Great. Not only was I going to have a half brother or sister, now I was also going to have a step-Robert. For once in my life I decided to abide by the rule of, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
“When you go back to your room, get your dirty laundry together and I’ll wash it for you. This whole house could use a good scrubbing. That cleaning woman apparently doesn’t do the big stuff.”
“She’s not supposed to,” I pointed out.
“Well, somebody has to do it.”
I tossed some dirty clothes out into the hallway and then laid down for a nap until I was jarred awake by knocking on my door.
“Come in,” I yelled.
Mom poked her head in. “There’s someone named Ryan here to see you. He says he’s a friend of yours,” she said quietly, as if it might be a secret.
“Cool,” I said. I couldn’t believe Ryan actually came to my house. I was thrilled that he did, though I wasn’t thrilled that I looked like complete shit at the moment.
Mom went downstairs and I told Ryan to have a seat in my desk chair.
“Are you okay?” he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
“Eh, I will be,” I said, trying to sound like it was no big thing. “Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I lost your number. I lost my cell phone, actually.”
> “Hey, it’s okay,” he said. “Patrick stopped by last night to give me some money and he told me what happened. I was like, holy shit. So I told him I’d stop by after school today and, well, here I am.”
I went on to tell him the details of what had transpired over the weekend, what I could remember about the accident, the coming out in the hospital, and the pregnancy and marriage news.
“Wow. A lot’s happened.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, rubbing the back of my neck.
“So, how much pain are you in?” Ryan asked.
“It’s not bad if I don’t move around too much. I think my neck is just stiff from being in bed for two days.”
To my surprise, Ryan took this as his cue to stand up and start massaging my neck. Was I dreaming? Is my bus cutie actually here, in my room, dare I say it, touching me? He leaned down and spoke quietly.
“I was thinking, when you’re feeling better, you wanna go out again?” he asked as he continued rubbing.
“Why, Ryan, are you asking me out on a date?” I asked, all innocent-like.
“Looks that way,” he said.
The massage stopped.
He looked into my eyes.
I looked into his.
He leaned in, closely.
I felt his breath on my lips.
He closed his eyes.
“Hey, Evil Kneival, what’s-”
Ryan stood up straight and took a step back. I turned and saw Kate standing in the doorway, immediately realizing that she was interrupting a quite crucial moment in my life. Why her, I thought. Why now? I was so close. I silently clenched my teeth, but I was screaming inside my head where only I could hear it.
“Um, um,” she stammered, looking embarrassed. “It looks like you’re busy. I can come back.”
“No, it’s okay,” Ryan said. No, it’s not, I thought. It’s so not okay. Ryan was finally about to kiss me. She just ruined the most romantic moment of my life. “I really should get going. I have work to do,” Ryan added nervously. “I’ll call you about, you know,” he said, referring to the date we had planned to go on that he apparently couldn’t bring himself to say aloud in front of Kate.
I sighed. “Well, I’m glad you stopped by,” I said, trying to not sound bitter.
“Me too. Get better soon, okay? See ya,” he said, and nearly tripped over himself darting into the hallway.
The surprised look on Kate’s face still hadn’t changed.
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t know!” she said.
“Go away. I’m not home,” I said, turning in my bed to face the other direction.
“Come on! How would I know you were about to get a lube job from mister fix-it? Your mom just said, ‘go on upstairs, he’ll be glad to see you’.”
“I was this close,” I said, illustrating with my fingers metaphorically and literally how close I was to kissing Ryan. “You know how skittish he is. Now I’m going to have to check under every bed and couch to see where he’s hiding.”
“You’re supposed to be all broken and accident victim-y, not jumping on some guy’s hydraulic lift. And anyway, I thought this Ryan guy was out of the picture. I didn’t know I was going to walk in right before he checked your undercarriage.”
“It’s just great how you never run out of mechanic related innuendoes,” I said.
Lucky Page 11
