by Amber Nicole
She stops reading and sets her book down on the bench. I swear the girl spends more time reading than anything else.
“I’ll always have time for you Ash. What's going on?” She looks up at me, smiling. I swear I fell in love with that smile before I even met her. Why is she staring at me? Oh right say something back stupid.
“I was just wondering if you might want to go to a movie this weekend without Mia. Just the two of us—like a date?” Whew I got that out maybe a tad too fast, and a little mumbled, but I did it. I stare at the ground for a few breaths before looking up, her smile gets even bigger if that's possible.
She giggles while replying. “Ash, I’d love to, but why do you look like you're about to be sick? Have you eaten anything? I made some cookies last night. Want to share them with me?”
I lied, I didn't fall in love with her that day I saw her smile for the first time. Today, March 13th is the day I fell in love with Gracelyn Nicole Rose and knew my life would forever be changed.
If I’d known just how much things were going to change, would I have asked her out? Honestly, I just don’t know.
"Ashton? You there? Did you butt dial me again?”
Fuck. I got lost in my head again. This can’t keep happening.
"No, I'm here —got distracted. I want you under the bleachers in three minutes. If you're late, I'll call Tinsley."
I don't wait for her reply, hitting the disconnect button a little harder than required. Relaxing back into my seat I continue the drive to school but can’t resist a final glance in my rearview mirror. I breathe out, relieved.
She's not there. Maybe I imagined the whole love tap. I mean hate tap. My shoulders feel even heavier with that lie, and I tense knowing the truth.
She's back and this is just the beginning. Even if she doesn't remember me, ‘supposedly’ she has amnesia. Yeah right. That's just a great way to not confess to what an evil bitch she really is. She fooled us all with her sweet as candy smile and demeanor. Volunteering at animal shelters, and always baking extra treats to deliver to the children's shelters. She always did love kids. I couldn't care less considering my parents always ignored me, but Gracie, she wanted to have a house full. But times have changed.
I swore on Mia’s grave that I would make her life hell. She’ll pay for everything she's done.
I will cause her destruction even if I go down too. She may have been the love of my life—my soulmate—but that time is gone. How can I have a mate when I no longer have a soul?
3
Gracie
Shaking off whatever just happened back there I continue on to school, but something is nagging me.
Maybe a memory or a feeling, but when I looked into that boy’s eyes I felt like I knew him. Like he was someone important to me.
To see all that hurt and what looked like betrayal shining back at me just makes me sad, confused, and so angry. Man these mood swings are going to kill me.
Some days I really wish I never woke from that coma. Losing my memories is probably one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. Granted I can't remember, but I'm not the only one suffering during this time. My parents, my big brother, Grayson, and whoever that boy was, seem to be just as lost as I am.
Every night I pray to just wake up the next morning no longer scared of my unfamiliar surroundings and the strangers who sleep down the hall. To stop all this pain I somehow caused. If only someone would just tell me what they think happened, maybe it would help trigger a memory. I know something happened and they are either afraid to tell me about it or they think I did something I shouldn't have.
From what I've learned about my life pre-accident I think I can handle the information. Screw causing me more problems down the road. Having them tiptoeing around me as if I'll shatter at any second is just making my anxiety and paranoia worse. I just really want to remember my life from before. The good and the bad. From all the photos I've seen lately it seems to have been a good, happy life. Well at least until 6th grade. For some reason I'm not allowed to see anything more recent than that year. It can cause detrimental damage to my already damaged brain, blah blah, blah. I tend to tone out all that doctor jargon.
After seeing multiple specialists and even a hypnotherapist, I’m starting to feel hopeless that I won't have any more than just a few flashbacks of my past. I turn the corner at the stop sign and the school comes into view—my school—Willow Creek Academy.
I've always loved looking at this place. When we stopped by a few weeks ago for a tour, I was blown away. Large grey stones mixed with what reminds me of white marble with large windows covering the whole front makes me feel as though I am entering a castle. It even has gardens in the back with a giant maze hidden in the middle. I can’t wait to explore. Not to mention the huge stadium on the side for the football games. But what I like most about this place—I feel safe —like I belong here. Walking past the small pond with a beautiful fountain in the shape of a majestic lion perched in a willow tree, I feel some of my nerves slip away.
I make my way to the front steps, and freeze, suddenly having a flashback.
I rush out the front doors. I can't remember why I’m in such a hurry, but I have an empty sandwich roll, a full thing of chicken salad in my hands, and a fork in between my teeth.
"Hey girl, you made it," Mia says as soon as I plop down on the cold hard stone of the front steps of the school.
"Yeah, sorry. The teacher held me back," I reply.
"No biggie, but I almost ate the cookies you left in my locker," she says with a grin. "You know that's dangerous girl. Your baking is my kryptonite."
"Ha ha, you're hilarious Mi. So tell me what you were doing last night that was so important you missed our Sunday funday routine?"
She looks at me nervously. "Well, I may have run into that guy I was telling you about. You know the one in college?"
I just blink at her, waiting for her to go on, but I guess she's waiting on me to respond. "Okay? This is a bad thing? I'm not following. Why didn't you just say that last night? Is it supposed to be a secret?”
Her eyes get huge at that last question. “What? Of course not Gracie. No secrets between us. You know that,” she sputters out a little too quick for me not to be suspicious.
Whatever. Maybe she's embarrassed about him. She will tell me when she's ready. I mean like she said, we don't have secrets, unless they are dirty details about ...
I come back to my surroundings with tears running down my face. Mia. Gosh, why did she have to go? She was my other half. My yin to her yang.
Composing myself before I enter the building, I take a few deep breaths. Thankfully no one was here to witness whatever just happened ... or so I thought. Later though, that little show of emotion would come back to bite me in the butt.
4
Ashton
I’m headed to the locker room when I see her, she hasn't noticed me yet. Seeming to be in a daydream while staring at the Halloween dance posters on the walls. I wonder if she's remembering last year's Halloween dance. When she and I went dressed in the most ridiculous couple’s costumes.
Her as Hermione Granger from Harry potter and me as Ron Weasley. She seriously went all out itchy robes, annoying wands, and even dyed my gorgeous dirty blonde hair red. She swore it was temporary but I was a redhead for six weeks. Every time she looked at me after Halloween she would burst out laughing. It wasn't all bad; it got me a lot of one on one attention with her being so apologetic. Lots of late nights sneaking around. Steaming up the windows in my car, finding an abandoned classroom after school before cheerleading and football practice. She was a total nerd but I loved her. Even though I shouldn't, I miss those days.
She always was an avid reader. Happy to just blur everything out around her and get lost in whatever world or drama she was reading that day. Hell if she weren't on the cheerleading team she probably never would have watched my football games. She would spend hours curled up with a book, or if we were in the car she was readin
g on the kindle app on her phone. When she got her appendix out I spent hours curled up with her while we took turns reading to each other.
She had promised this year we could dress as Khaleesi, and Drogo for Halloween. Too bad, she would have looked hot, and I know I can pull off being shirtless. I've got abs for days kind of comes with the whole being quarterback thing.
Thinking back those were the days sappy love songs are written about.
Too bad she had to fuck everything up. All our plans for the future. Gone because of a stupid pact between her and my sister. I just don't understand why? That's all I want to know, why did she want to leave me? What was so miserable about her life she wanted to escape it, and why drag Mia with her?
I still am not buying that she has amnesia, but I have too many questions to not find answers, and I'm going to get the truth.
Supposedly the police questioned her at the hospital when she woke from the coma. But due to the brain damage she couldn’t help with the investigation. I’m still not sure what to think but I visited her every week till she woke up.
Walking into this hospital room is by far one of the hardest things I've ever done, even considering I just had to identify my sister’s body. Since my parents aren't answering their phones, like normal. Seeing her lying there so bloody and broken I’m not sure I can do this. At least her monitors are proving she's still alive.
“Tristan that you?” I hear Gracie’s dad say from the corner. Tristan, my middle name, that's what everyone calls me unless they are Gracie or Dom. They call me Ash.
“Yeah, Grant is she … is she okay?” I ask, holding back the tears threatening to fall.
“Come here son.”
Walking into his awaiting arms I collapse. Only his strength keeps me from falling to the hospital floor. I sob for what feels like hours when it’s probably only a half hour. Grieving over just losing my sister, and possibly my future wife. Gracie is my whole world and has been since the day I met her.
Once I get myself under control I notice that we’re the only two here. “Where is Christine, and Grayson?”
“Grayson wasn't able to handle seeing Gracie like this, and her mom went to go call my parents with an update.”
“What did the doctors say?”
He lets out a breath filled with the emotion he’s also holding back. “The next seventy-two-hours are critical. She suffered immense damage to her neo-cortex, as well as small cuts and abrasions. She looks worse than it is because we haven't been able to wash her up yet. They say if she wakes up then she’ll be okay. But I don't know, Tristan, it’s all a waiting game now.”
I was there by her side for days. I wouldn't have abandoned her if the police never showed up with the note. That's when everything changed. After what must have been twenty minutes since I stopped to watch her, she turns, noticing me, causing a pink blush to slowly spread across her cheeks, and a gasp to fall from her lips.
"You," she says in a whisper of a voice.
"Yes me, did you miss me dollface?"
She scrunches up her nose in a confused, disgusted way causing a forbidden chuckle to escape. "Really, dollface? Do I look like a precious doll to you? And to answer your question no I most certainly do not miss the man who tried to run me over! What the hell is wrong with you?” she replies, her blush turning from a soft pink to an almost ruby red color, oh she's pissed. Well good so am I.
"Yes dollface, you always did hate that term of endearment, but you know I couldn’t give a fuck. As for running you over I admit that was a bit far but as for the rest, you know good and well what the fuck my problem is. So get ready for hell dollface because you're in my domain now."
I turn and head back towards the locker room already knowing I'm late, and Coach will make me run laps. Totally worth it though. She has no clue what's in store for her here. I'm the king of this school. She may have been the queen once. But what was it King Henry whatever number said?
"Off with her head," I whisper under my breath with a smile curling my lips slightly.
It's game time dollface, and as everyone here knows, I'm undefeated.
5
Gracie
What just happened? I am so confused, it's not even funny. Why did he look at me with such contempt, and that attitude?
Turning from the wall I was zoning out at, I head toward the girl's locker room. Apparently even with brain damage I'm still a part of the cheerleading squad.
Thanks lady, but it will help for college applications. If I decide to go—still undecided about the future. If I even have a future. Who knows these days? Everything just seems so blah.
They say depression can be a side effect from a TBI, traumatic brain injury. Maybe that's what it is, I'm depressed.
Just another topic to bring up to Dr. Pepper—yes really. I would have laughed the first time I met her if I’d been able to laugh at all. I should just carry a journal attached to my wrist or something, so I can write down all these questions, or thoughts I keep having. Or maybe just do like little audio recordings so I could write them down later. Hmmm I’ll have to ask lady, I mean Christine grrr I have been living in her home for over five months why can’t I just remember Mom. I mean she's never been cruel, she's super sweet to me. Time Gracie, just give it time. The doctors did say that anxiety and stress could cause some confusion. Walking into the locker room. I'm assaulted with so many things, one being the Queen Bitch standing in front of me with her hands on her hips and a sarcastic sympathetic smile on her face.
"Oh Gracie, Ash said you were back. I didn't believe him, like why in heavens would you return after everything you did? You either have a death wish or your brain injury just made you dumber." She snarls, lip curled and everything.
It reminds me a bit of a dog I've seen in a movie. I wish I could remember what it was called then maybe I could put this witch in her place, with a snappy comeback. Oh well, probably best to play dumb like she thinks I am. I have a feeling there’ll be many more opportunities still to come.
"I'm sorry do I know you?" I ask softly, almost timid. Playing up the worried look, even going as far as biting my lip. She just blinks at me, so I continue. “Were we friends? You know before my accident? I'm sorry I don't remember you, what’s your name?”
She gasps and looks appalled at the fact someone wouldn't know who she is. Ha-ha checkmate bitch. Even with memory loss I know who she is, the fact that she's loud, obnoxious, entitled, and cruel. I learned her name within five minutes of entering the school just by overhearing idle gossip.
Keeping my excitement from showing I just stare at her, still waiting on a reply.
"Whatever bitch, stay away from Ash. He may have been yours at one point, but he's mine now," she eventually snaps back, spinning on her heel.
"Oh is he that cute boy who talked to me in the hall just before? He did seem to know me," I state, watching her face start to color. She doesn't need to know that he was cruel, just that she isn't as hot as she thinks she is.
I truly hate mean girls, or I think I did—do. Why can't everyone just get along. Life is way too short to spend it with hate in your heart. I turn my back on her and her posse, head toward the locker I was assigned and put on my practice uniform.
“OMG girl, you look hot, A is going to flip when he sees you in that. Now don’t be rude, tell me I look hot too!” Mia practically squeals when we try on our uniforms for the first time.
Trying hard not to giggle at her antics I say. “Damn girl you look smokin’. Can I get that number?”—I bust out laughing—“If I wasn’t with your brother I would totally wife you!” I tried. Mia scowls in fake annoyance, then joins me in a giggle fit.
“Ladies, what is taking so long. We need to do warm-ups and stretches before the game. Let’s move it along!” our coach yells from the doorway.
I head in her direction, when Mia pulls me back kinda roughly.
“Ow, chick what’s up?”
She just grins then steps in front of me and walks out the door. R
olling my eyes I just follow.
I would really like to know why I can remember Mia and almost everything about her but I can't remember my family. There has to be some significance here.
Walking out to the side of the field I see the other girls stretching, not sure what all they expect me to do, I don't remember any routines or cheers. Plus the lady, Mom, tells me I can't be a “flyer” anymore, too risky in case I were to fall, and with the vibes I've been getting from my so-called teammates they would probably drop me. The only thing I really remember is standing on the sidelines and waving my pom poms. This is going to be a disaster. Well here goes nothing.
6
Gracie
That was horrid, absolutely awful, and a complete waste of time. First the coach makes a giant speech of how happy she is that I'm okay, and back on the team. Which okay I'll admit was very sweet but the snickering and eye rolls from my team was completely over the top and not necessary. Then she wanted to do a refresh of the jumps and basics for me and who do you think she chose to ‘help’, yeah cue eye roll.
Miss Queen Bitch herself. She was very helpful, and informative while recording the whole thing so I could later look back and see what I did wrong. I can just see the GIFS now. So here I am sweaty and really sore, so of course the whole football team needs to come over and chat.
I don't know any of these damn people but they sure seem to know me. I know I'm the butt of some inside jokes but it's really getting old, why can't anyone tell me what the hell is going on? What happened? I've even scoured Facebook gossip, news sites. From what I've gathered my family is well off but why would you pay to keep this hidden? What is the big secret? Everyone calls it an accident, but with all this secrecy it just makes me more suspicious. My therapist tells me to move on, start fresh, leave the past in the past. Like that’s ever going to happen with the constant flashbacks and ‘helpful’ reminders of who I was before.
