by L A Cotton
“It’s okay,” I breathed, hardly able to form words.
Rafe thrust harder, burying himself deeper, and I cried out, clinging onto him. “Jesus, Eva,” he groaned, his husky words only drenching me in more pleasure.
My eyes fluttered closed, too overwhelmed, too lost to sensation. It was intense, the way we fit together. Our bodies, moving as one to create the rhythm, our labored breaths becoming the melody, and the sounds of our moans producing the lyrics.
“Rafe... I...” I panted, the words choppy.
“I know,” he rasped, pressing his forehead to mine. Our hair was damp and sticky between us. “This isn’t the end, Eva,” he rocked harder, hitching my leg higher, anchoring us as close as possible, “It can’t be the end.”
His words melted away as he reached some magical place inside me, the world shattering into bright white light before my very eyes.
Rafe came hard, his body shuddering above me as he traced letters of love on my skin. Painted promises of more.
Of this being the start, not the end.
“That was...” he swallowed, offering me an adorable smile.
Amazing.
Perfect.
Indescribable.
Right.
The words sat on the tip of my tongue as I fought the emotion rising inside me.
“Eva?” Concern flashed in Rafe’s eyes. “Was it okay? I thought you wanted to—”
“I did, so much.” I leaned up to kiss him. “It just felt...” How was I supposed to explain something I didn’t fully understand myself?
Rafe didn’t push though. It was as if he knew. As if he also felt the tether between us snapping into place the second he pushed inside me.
A soft yawn slipped from my lips and Rafe smiled. “Let me get cleaned up and then we can sleep, okay?”
I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to miss a single minute with him. But my eyes were growing heavier by the second.
“Okay,” I said, and he dropped a kiss on the end of my nose before clambering off the bed to take care of the condom. When he came back, Rafe slipped under the covers, pulling me into his chest, and whispered, “Promise me this won’t be the last time I see you, Eva?”
A heavy feeling settled over me as sleep edged into my thoughts and I whispered, “I promise.”
My eyes fluttered open, a delicious ache radiating through me. A small sigh of contentment slipped through my lips as I rolled onto my back, stretching my hands. “Rafe,” I asked, voice thick with sleep, “what time is it?”
Met with nothing but silence, I glanced over. But the space beside me was empty. The sheets cold to the touch.
Rafe was gone.
Disappointment sank into me, clinging to the edges of my memories of the night before. Of the way Rafe had loved me. Worshipped my body and played it to perfection.
Then I saw it. The note scrawled on hotel issue paper.
* * *
Eva,
Sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye, but our manager called and needed us on the road. I tried to wake you, but you were out cold and looked so peaceful.
But I’ll call you, I promise.
Last night was... thank you.
I’ll never forget it.
You’re destined for great things, Starshine, don’t ever forget that.
R xo
* * *
I clutched the note to my chest, a feeling of elation washing over me. Rafe hadn’t abandoned me—he’d had to leave because the band needed him.
It was a dangerous thing to fall for a rock star, but despite the little voice of reason in my head, I knew I would count the days until he called.
Because Rafe Hunter was different.
We’d connected on a level I never had with anyone else. There was no pressure or expectation or fear around him, only gentle acceptance. And after last night, I didn’t doubt he felt the fledgling spark between us.
“Eva?” Molly’s voice drifted through the door. “Are you—”
“In here,” I called out, hardly surprised when she burst into the room.
“Thank you, Jesus. I thought you’d been abducted by a very hot guitarist.” She shot me a playful look, but it quickly melted away. “They left, didn’t they?”
“Hudson didn’t—”
“Leave me a note?” Her eyes went to the paper in my hand. “No.” Sadness crept into her expression.
“I’m sorry.”
“I knew exactly what I was gettin’ myself into with Hudson. But what about you and Rafe?” She sat down on the loveseat. “Did you two…”
“We did.” Heat flooded me.
“And?”
“It was perfect. Intense, sensual… it was everythin’, Mol.”
“I’m happy for you, truly.” I didn’t like the caution in her voice.
“But…?” I prompted.
“But I don’t want to see you get hurt. You’re my best friend and I love you.”
“He said he’d call. He left a note.” But as I said the words, my chest tightened.
“Then I’m sure he will.”
Molly didn’t believe it. I could see it in her eyes. She’d already written Rafe off as being the same as Hudson, and I guess I couldn’t blame her.
“He will,” I said defiantly. Confidently. Because I had faith in the gray-eyed bassist who had stolen a piece of my heart this weekend. “I don’t know how we’ll make it work or when I’ll see him again, but last night meant somethin’, Molly. I feel it in my bones.”
“Where is she?” Dad’s voice filtered into the house. “Where’s my superstar?”
“Hey, Dad,” I said as he entered the living room.
“Don’t ‘hey, Dad’ me, young lady. Get over here and give me a hug.”
With gentle laughter, I went to him, letting him pull me into his arms. “I’m so darn proud of you, kiddo. So proud.”
“I hoped I could go all the way,” I said, the words muffled as Dad held me close. His posture stiffened as he eased me away.
“What on Earth do you mean?”
Mom huffed in the background, still not over our earlier discussion. Dad’s eyes flitted over my shoulder but then he was focused on me again, confusion pinching his brows.
“I thought if I won, I could give you the money and—”
“Stop right there,” he sighed, his eyes crinkled with tension. “You did this… for us?”
“Of course I did. We need the money, Dad. I know we do. And I was so close.” So damn close.
“Oh Eva, we never wanted that. We wanted you to find your passion again, sweetheart. Music has always been such a big part of who you are. We hoped the contest would help you realize that.”
“I did, Dad. But I wanted to win so much.” Tears burned the backs of my eyes as I swallowed down the emotion. “I wanted to be able to fix everythin’.”
“Eva, baby,” that was Mom. Her arms slid around me and she pressed her cheek against my shoulder. “You think we care about the money, about the house? Sweetheart, all we care about is you. About havin’ you here with us still.”
“Your mom is right,” Dad added, roping his arm around us both, pulling us against his chest until I sandwiched in between them. “As long as we have each other, we have everythin’ we need.”
I wanted to believe him, I did. But I saw their stress lines, heard their hushed conversations after I went to bed. Something had to give, and I’d really thought the contest could be the answer.
But it wasn’t.
And it was just another thing I had to live with.
“Hey, it’s me.” Molly’s head peered around the door. “Your mom said I could come up.”
“Hey.” I sat up, hugging the pillow to my chest.
“Is everythin’… shit, babe, why didn’t you call me?” She came over to the bed and sat down.
“I just needed some space. Things got a little intense with Mom and Dad. I got upset, they got upset.” After we’d hugged it out, Dad had insisted we sit down and talk.
But talking had only led to more tears. Eventually, I’d retreated to my bedroom.
“Did they agree to take the money?”
“What do you think?” My teeth ground together. Dad had vehemently refused to take the money. He wanted me to keep it for college, for my future. But I didn’t want it. I wanted them to have it. It was the least I could do.
He wouldn’t hear of it though. Insisted we’d manage, that he’d find more work. Something more secure.
“Oh, Eva, I don’t know what to say.”
“There isn’t anythin’ to say. He’s a proud man, and I get it, I do. But I wanted to… I needed to do this for them.” Swiping at the tears, I shook my head gently, forcing a smile. “We’ll figure it out, I’m sure.”
Now I was feeling healthier, I could look at getting a part-time job or something.
“Babe, you can’t carry all this guilt around with you. You lived, and we’re all so damn happy you did. Because losin’ you would have…” My best friend couldn’t even say the words. Instead, she pulled me into her arms and hugged me like it was the last time. “You can’t leave me, okay? Promise.”
The blare of my cell phone ended our moment and Molly gave me space to grab it.
* * *
Rafe: I miss you already, Starshine xo
* * *
“It’s him isn’t it?” There was a hint of jealousy in Molly’s words as she watched me staring at the screen, hardly able to believe he’d texted.
It shouldn’t have mattered so much, but it did.
After such an emotionally exhausting day, seeing Rafe’s name, reading his words, filled me with warmth.
With hope.
“Yeah, it’s him” I whispered.
“Maybe I was wrong,” Molly said. “Maybe he is different.”
My eyes lifted to hers and I smiled weakly. Because while I wanted to heed her warning, I knew what I felt. And what Rafe and I had shared was special.
It was worth the fight.
And I was prepared to find a way to make it work.
All I could do was hope he felt the same.
Rafe didn’t call.
A week passed. Seven long days of waiting, of hoping. Molly told me to put myself out of my misery and text him since I had his number. But I didn’t want to be that girl. I didn’t want to be the girl who chased the guy.
He’d said he would text when he could.
He promised.
So I waited.
And waited.
I think part of me needed him to be the one to reach out, to keep his word. I needed a sign that he felt the same. That he thought we were worth the fight, despite the odds being stacked against us.
School kept me busy enough. Classes weren’t the same as before. Kids didn’t know how to act around me or what to say, and if they did talk to me it was only to get their five minutes of fame with a Talent Showdown winner. But I was over it. Despite not winning, the contest had given me that much. I was now able to walk into a room with my head held high. Let their whispers and stares roll off me. Being a cancer survivor would always be a huge part of who I was. But it didn’t define me. Just like not winning the contest didn’t define me.
I was still discovering myself. Who I was meant to be. And for the first time since leaving the hospital, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could do this thing called life.
Two weeks later…
Rafe still hadn’t called. I told myself he would though. We had shared something special that night at the hotel. Something impossible to forget. It was imprinted on my soul like the ink on his skin. I refused to believe he could just cast that aside. Cast any chance of us aside.
He was busy with the band, recording new material for their upcoming arena tour. It had been announced just last week, selling out tickets at record breaking speed. I wouldn’t admit it to Molly, but I’d been keeping tabs on their progress; official fansite updates only after I’d deleted the Rock Review app from my phone. The constant headlines and news articles were enough to drive me crazy. Everyone knew the media was toxic, the way they made up stories and spread rumors to sell copies. But I knew Rafe, the real Rafe Hunter. The guy underneath the tattoos and piercings. The guy fiercely protective of his brother and loyal to his bandmates. The guy who had kissed me so intensely, held me as if he never wanted to let go. That guy wouldn’t just ghost me.
Not without good reason.
So I would have faith.
I would have patience.
I would wait.
One month later...
I deleted Rafe’s number today.
I finally broke and drunk dialed him a week ago, after I let Molly talk me into going to Homecoming. She’d managed to sneak out some of her daddy’s hooch and we’d sat under the stars, allowing ourselves to remember our weekend with one half of Black Hearts Still Beat.
Rafe didn’t answer and I didn’t know what to say, so I went with a very honest, very desperate, ‘please call me’.
He didn’t.
I guess Molly was right all along. You couldn’t trust people like Hudson. Like Rafe. Their lives were too hectic, too wild. And I was just another warm and willing body who fell for the bassist’s charm.
Knowing he’d fooled me only made my heart ache more. Because it meant everything I thought we’d shared that weekend had been a lie. And it sucked that the person I chose to put myself out there with used me.
But I couldn’t change the past and I was done reliving every second of every minute spent with him that night.
Rafe Hunter was nothing but a liar I wanted to forget.
Three months later...
Levi Hunter was splashed all over the front-page news again. It was hard to escape Black Hearts, to escape Rafe, when they were everywhere I looked. I tried not to read the articles but sometimes it was impossible to avoid the headlines.
Reckless and unpredictable. Hunter trashes hotel during stay.
The prince of rock falls in nasty clash with paparazzi.
Hunter forced into rehab?
The Black Hearts lead singer was on downward spiral no one could seem to stop. Not even his brother Rafe.
I tried to tell myself they deserved one another. That I didn’t care.
But the truth was, I did care.
I cared too damn much.
And I hated it.
Four months later…
“I am so ready for the holidays.” Molly yanked her jacket around her, burying herself into the thick material. “No school, no homework, just endless reruns of holiday movies, candy, and my mom’s infamous eggnog.”
“Sounds... awfully like a broken heart.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I knew Troy Mackenna was a disaster waitin’ to happen.” Troy was on the football team. He and Molly had casually dated for the last six weeks. Until she found out he was also casually dating a girl from the next town over.
“I’m beginnin’ to think all guys are—”
“Sorry.” I dug around in my bag to find my vibrating cell, my brows pinching at the out-of-state number.
“Who is it?” Molly asked.
“I have no idea.”
“Maybe it’s a talent manager?”
I’d had a couple of calls since the Talent Showdown, but my answer was always the same.
“I’ll be right back.” I stepped away from Molly and answered the call.
“Hello?”
“Is this Miss Evangeline Walker?” An unfamiliar male voice asked.
“It is, can I help you?”
“This is Alistair Portman from Razorsharp Records.”
“I know who you are, Mr. Portman,” I bit out, “What can I do for you?”
“Actually, it’s more like what I can do for you.” There was a smug arrogance in his voice that stiffened my spine. “How would you like to come on tour with one of America’s biggest bands?”
The ground dropped away from under me as I choked out, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re—”
“I’m sure you’ve seen the headlines, Eva. Can I call you Eva?” He didn’t wait for me to answer. “Levi has had some... issues of late. The damage to the band’s reputation has been extensive. The Blood Runs Thicker tour hopes to fix all that.”
“So why do you need me?”
“You made a good impression at the Talent Showdown. Our people inform me you had quite the positive impact on Levi.”
His people... surely, he didn’t mean Rafe?
“I...” I squeezed my eyes shut, desperately fighting the memories of that weekend. “I’m not sure what impact you think I can make, but I barely know him, and with all due respect Mr. Portman, I can’t just go on tour. I have school. It’s my senior year.” Not to mention, I had no songs, no experience, and no record label.
“Eva, I’m offering you a once in a lifetime opportunity here, and Damon was quite insistent you were the girl for the job.”
My heart withered in my chest.
Of course Rafe hadn’t been the one to suggest me.
“What exactly do you expect me to do?” I asked. Levi was unstable, that much was obvious from the short time we spent together.
“Let’s just say you’ll be the light to Levi’s dark. His reputation has taken hit after hit the last few months and he needs opportunities to be seen in a more positive light. Bringing in the small-town girl talent contest winner who dared challenge him to a sing-along is something my team can work with.”
“So it’d be a publicity stunt?” I didn’t know how to feel about that.
“It could launch your music career,” Mr. Portman went on. “If I know anything, it’s music talent. And you, Evangeline Walker, have it in spades. The people love you. They’re already calling you the next sweetheart of country.”
“I haven’t performed publicly since the Talent Showdown and you want me to go on tour?”
“I know it’s a lot to digest,” his tone softened, “but this could be make-or-break for the band.”
“Do the rest of them know?” The words spilled from my lips. “Rafe and Hudson, do they know you’re inviting me on tour with them?”
