“Ooh, which ones?” Riker asked.
“The parmesan chicken, buffalo chicken, and enchiladas,” she answered.
“You make buffalo chicken?” Riker turned on me like I had been hiding Blackbeard’s treasure from him.
I chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll make it for you next week.” It wasn’t hard to make, it was just that I knew once I made it for him he’d want it all the time. The campus had buffalo chicken in one of the dining halls, and Riker was obsessed with it.
“Speaking of next week. Kit are you going to that networking event for the department?” Elyse asked.
“Oh, umm. I kinda forgot about it,” I said and rubbed the back of my neck. “I can’t go.” I was hoping she would leave it at that. This line of conversation would head into dangerous territory fast if she pursued the reasoning why. Of course, she probably already knew that because she asked anyway.
“It’s the same time as their game and I already told Riker I’d go watch,” I told her.
“It’s just one game. There’s plenty more you can go watch.”
“I told him I’m going to his game, so I’m going to his game, Elyse.” Again, I was hoping she would drop it. She had other ideas. “It’s your senior year, Kit. Networking to get a decent job after graduation is more important than one game isn’t it?”
I wanted to be done with the whole dinner right then and there. Or disappear. Anything to make this conversation end. Normally, I would agree with her that, yeah, my future was more important than a college soccer match. But what was more important than either of those was Riker, and the game was important to him and I promised him I’d be there. I’d already traded work shifts so that I could go. I couldn’t just tell him now that I wasn’t going anymore.
“It’s our first home game of the season. It’s a big deal,” Jake said.
“And his future isn’t?” Elyse turned on him with a fire in her eyes. Great, she was looking for a fight.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Jake said.
“Then what are you saying?” Elyse asked with some edge to it.
“I’m saying his boyfriend is important to him and he made a commitment to him to be at that game and that’s a big deal also.”
“Jake, please,” Riker said quietly. Jake sat back and mouthed sorry to him. Riker had sunk further into his chair and was staring resolutely down at his plate. He just didn’t want this to escalate anymore. Neither did I.
I looked at Elyse, and as firmly as I could said, “Elyse, just drop it alright.”
She looked straight at Jake, challengingly, and said, “It’s just a game. I don’t think you understand what’s important in life at all if you think Kit should risk a good career for that.”
Jake tensed but didn’t respond. Riker seemed to make himself even smaller. Great, now she had him thinking stupid things.
“I’m not going to the event Elyse, I’m going to the game. End of discussion,” I said.
The table fell back into silence then and stayed that way the rest of the time it took for everyone to finish eating. I could’ve throttled Elyse for that. She couldn’t play nice for one night. Couldn’t have just dropped it when I asked her to the first time like Jake did for Riker. No, she had to push things even when she knew she was causing trouble. She had to ruin the night for all of us instead of just accepting my decision. We had been so close to having a decent dinner too. Sometimes, when she pulled stunts like this I questioned why I was friends with her.
I wasn’t blind. I knew she had an abrasive personality. I knew she could be downright mean to people and rub them the wrong way. But she was also strong willed, and she was determined to make the best out of her life and to help her friends do the same. Normally, I liked that drive, agreed with it even, but not this time. No, this time she was making Riker feel bad, and that just wasn’t going to stand. He was my future too.
I made her help me clear the dishes and everything from the table when we finished eating. The deal had been that if I cooked, and she helped, then Riker and Jake would clean up, but I felt like she owed at least that little bit of help before I walked her out the front door.
“You just couldn’t let it go, could you? You couldn’t play nice for one night for me,” I snapped as soon as the door was shut.
“You know I like you and Riker together—” she started, but I cut her off.
“Oh really? Could’ve fooled me, with all the pressure to just go back on my word to him.”
“But,” she picked up like I hadn’t interrupted her, “he can understand you missing one game for something like this.”
“I don’t want him to understand it. I want to go to his game. I want to make him happy and be there for something that’s important to him. I don’t want my best friend making him feel guilty about wanting me around for stuff like that.”
“Whatever, Kit,” she said, ready to end the conversation. Well I wasn’t going to let her.
“Not whatever. He’s the most important thing in my life now, you don’t get to make him feel bad because you think my priorities are in the wrong place. They’re my decisions to make, not yours. Accept that or stay out of it.”
She crossed her arms and gave me a pointed look. “Do you want me to go back in there and apologize?”
“No, I’m not risking that going wrong and things just getting worse. Just go home. You owe me a favor for tonight though.”
“Fine. I’ll see you Monday.”
“Yeah,” I said. I waited outside the door until I saw her get in her car. Then I went back inside.
“I’m sorry if I made things worse,” Jake blurted out as soon as I had shut the door behind me.
“No, you’re fine. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I assured him before turning to Riker who was standing a couple feet away and behind him. I smiled softly at him. “Can I borrow you for a sec?”
He nodded and followed me to my room. As soon as I shut the door behind us, I opened my arms and he walked into them.
“I’m sorry for Elyse,” I said.
“You can go to the networking thing if you want. You don’t have to come to my game,” Riker mumbled into my shoulder.
“Yeah I do, Ri. I want to go to your game. I knew about the networking event when I agreed to go to the game. Don’t listen to anything she said. Your game is important, and my career will turn out just fine with or without that event. They’ll be at least two more of them this year. I don’t mind missing this one, but I don’t want to miss anything with you.”
“Promise me that you actually want this and you aren’t saying it to make me feel better,” he said.
“I promise.” I stroked his hair and we just stood there, holding each other. It was calming and relaxing after everything. I could feel the tension leaving Riker by the second.
He sighed and pulled away a few inches. “It could’ve been worse, really. A lot worse. I was expecting worse.”
So was I, honestly. At least no one was actively yelling. Even if there were raised voices, there still wasn’t yelling or fear of things getting physical. Still, it was bad enough. She had implied he wasn’t important. She had made him think that, even if it was only for a short period. And that was almost worse than yelling in my book.
“Yeah, it could’ve been worse,” I said. I tugged him back to me enough to kiss the top of his hair before reaching behind me for the door. “Come on, go have fun with Jake. Salvage what’s left of the night.”
“Come play video games with us?” he asked as I opened the door.
“Sure.” I took his hand and allowed him to drag me back out to the living room.
Chapter 4 - Kit
December 12th, 1998
“My feet hurt,” I whined.
“I know, buddy, just a little bit longer okay,” Mom said and ruffled my hair.
We had been shopping for hours. It was boring. It was long. I wanted to go home. The line we were in was soooooo long, and Mom wouldn’t let me bring a toy. I started looking ar
ound to see if there was anything funny happening. I didn’t find anything funny, but I found something interesting, and I couldn’t look away. There were two men kissing. Kissing was disgusting, but it was what mommies and daddies did when they loved each other. Maybe they loved each other. I had never seen that before. I didn’t know it was possible.
“Kit, buddy, hey you gotta pay attention we’re moving,” Dad said as he took my hand and pulled me forward, “What are you looking at anyway?”
I pointed with my free hand and the next thing I knew Dad was lifting me up into his arms and telling Mom, “I’m taking him out to the car.” I didn’t question it, because I didn’t want to stand there anyway. But then Dad opened the back seat of the car, sat me down, and knelt down in front of me.
“Kit, I need you to listen to me real good. Can you do that for me?”
I nodded.
“Good. What you saw back there, if you ever see something like that again, I want you to look away okay? What those men were doing isn’t natural. Boys don’t kiss other boys. It’s wrong. Boys kiss girls, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Okay?”
I nodded again. He smiled and kissed my forehead, then strapped me into my booster seat. I was sad. I wasn’t sure why. Those men looked happy. If they were kissing, then they had to love each other. Why was that wrong?
“Kit, you were really good today. What do you say we stop and get you some ice cream?”
“Okay,” I mumbled.
“Vanilla with chocolate syrup?”
“And sprinkles?” I asked hopefully.
“Of course. And Sprinkles.”
He searched around the back seat until he found my toy car and handed it to me. “There you go, buddy. Mom will be here soon. Just a little longer.”
Chapter 5 - Kit
September 22nd, 2016
Elyse and I were at a table on the first floor of the library. Multiple textbooks open, notes spread out, and about a dozen pieces of paper each for our project. We were sliding papers back and forth without more than a couple of words to each other. It was a method of getting work done that we had perfected early on our freshmen year. Except now it was being slightly derailed by the fact that my phone had been buzzing on and off for the last two hours. I briefly debated muting my phone but decided against it in case there was an emergency or work needed me.
I pulled it out to check it again.
R: Class sucks.
R: I’m bored.
R: Kit.
R: Kiiittttt.
R: Save me.
R: I’m dying of boredom.
R: Who actually enjoys philosophy?
R: Kiiiiiitttttttt.
Yeah, so that was pretty much business as usual then.
“Is he still texting you?” Elyse said.
“Yeah,” I said, but I didn’t look up at her. I was opening a separate text thread with a coworker.
“Tell him to leave you alone,” she said.
“No,” I said.
“He’s distracting.”
“Maybe I like it,” I countered. Truth was I thought it was cute whenever I opened my messages to about fifty messages from him wanting absolutely nothing.
“If he can’t survive without attention for half an hour, then he should get a puppy.”
“Elyse.” I sat my phone down on the table and finally looked up at her with a glare. “Do you have a problem with my boyfriend? Because recently it seems like you do.”
“He’s fine.” She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms.
“See, I don’t believe that. You fight with his best friend every chance you get regardless of how it affects me or him. You have problems with me going to his games. You have a problem with me texting him. So, you clearly have some sort of problem here.”
“It’s our senior year, Kit. We have senior projects to do, jobs to apply for, resumes to write, and interviews to prep for. We don’t have time to goof off. We don’t have time for distractions.”
“Riker is not a distraction,” I said, barely restraining myself from growling. “He’s my boyfriend. If I can’t make time for him now, then how am I ever supposed to make time for him when I get a job? Besides what’s the point of all this?” I waved my hands around us. “If I ignore everything else in my life? We are doing all this work, focusing so much on having a good future, but the difference between me and you is that my future has someone else in it with me. I choose to let Riker distract me sometimes.”
“That’s a bad choice.”
“Why can’t you just let me be happy?”
“I do want you to be happy.”
“Then, from now on, refrain from commenting on Riker, or my relationship. You’re my best friend, Elyse, but I won’t let you put me in the middle of a tug-of-war match between you and him,” I warned her then looked back down at my phone. Elyse huffed but didn’t say anything else.
R: Kit, Kit, Kit, Kit, Kit.
R: Kit Kat, Kit Kat, Kit Kat.
R: And now I want a Kit Kat.
R: This is your fault.
R: I still love you though.
R: Going to practice now, you are now free.
I chuckled and went back to work.
Chapter 6 - Riker
September 23rd, 2016
Breakfast hadn’t happened, because it took me twice as long as normal to drag myself out of bed. My blankets had felt extra soft, and I hadn’t wanted to move. Usually I would’ve just skipped class, but I had a test in my first class. So unfortunately, I had to drag myself out of bed and to campus. Of course, though, that made for a very long morning, sitting through a test while I was starving.
As soon as I got out of class, I made my way to the closest of the two dining halls and piled my plate with fries, a hamburger, and a hotdog, and sat down at one of the small two-seater tables off to the side. I was mid-bite of a hamburger when Elyse plopped herself down across from me at the table.
“Kit’s mad at me,” she said without preamble.
I swallowed slowly and tilted my head. “Why is that my problem?”
She waved dismissively. “It’s not, but can you talk to him for me?”
“Why can’t you talk to him yourself?” I asked then shoved two fries into my mouth.
“Because if you talk to him first for me then he might take my apology better,” she answered.
I swallowed and narrowed my eyes at her. “Why is he mad at you?”
“I said some stupid stuff,” she said.
Well, that was typical. Every fight and misunderstanding they ever had was because she said something stupid, so I wasn’t entirely sure what the big deal was here. “You always say stupid stuff. What’s different this time?”
“Can you just do it?” she snapped.
I picked up my soda, took a sip, and set it back down. “No, not unless you give me a reason. This is your problem, not mine, and I don’t want to get in the middle of whatever this is.”
“You’re already in the middle of it,” she mumbled.
“Excuse me?” I asked confused.
“You know what, never mind. Forget I said anything. You’re a good guy, Riker, and I’m sorry if I ever say anything that makes you feel bad,” she said.
“What?” I started to ask, but she was already standing up and walking away.
That was the oddest thing I had experienced in a while, and I couldn’t make any sense of it. First, because as far as I could remember, that was the only one-on-one conversation I had ever had with her. Second, because where did she even come from? It wasn’t normal.
Oh well. I finished my lunch in peace then went to my last class of the day. After that, it was the soccer game for the week. It was a game that, on paper, should’ve been easy, but ended up as a narrow win for us, and all of us were far more exhausted than we normally were after a game. A couple people were sporting heavy bruises and minor scrapes. Mark was limping. My ankle wasn’t feeling the best, and I knew there was nothing wrong with it, but it would be sore for
a few days. It wasn’t the best day ever, but it could’ve been worse.
I changed, pulled Kit’s hoodie on, and slung my bag over my shoulder. It was cold outside, on any other day I probably would’ve been complaining about it, but right then it felt good. Especially on my ankle. I tried to flex it out a bit while I scanned the parking lot for Kit’s car. He hadn’t made it to this game. His shift ended just a little while before the game did, but he was supposed to be picking me up. It took me a minute, but I spotted his car eventually and made my way over to it. I quickly climbed into the passenger seat.
“I distinctly remember telling you to leave my hoodie in my car,” he said as I shut the door behind me. I ignored the comment in favor of leaning over the center console and wrapping my arms around him. He sighed and ran a hand up my back. “Good mood, or bad mood?”
I thought for a moment, not entirely sure if I was happy that we had won the game or deflated from how much it had taken out of me. “Bit of both,” I settled on.
“Well, that’s confusing,” he said softly.
“Yeah, tell me about it.” I pulled away, so I could buckle my seatbelt and he could finally start driving. “I’ll give you your hoodie back tomorrow. I have to do laundry. I’ll wash it.”
“Oh just keep it. I’ve got more, and you’re just going to keep taking it, anyway,” he said in defeat.
“But if I keep it, it won’t smell like you anymore,” I pouted. That was the whole appeal of the hoodie. Sure, it was soft and warm, but my own jackets fit that criteria.
He chuckled and said, “There’s no appeasing you is there?”
“Ah, I’m easy,” I said. “So, how was your day?”
“Eh, it was fine. Elyse isn’t talking to me at the moment though, so it was quieter than normal,” he said nonchalantly.
“She said you two were fighting,” I said, suddenly remembering my earlier run in with her.
“She said what now? When did you talk to her?” He asked, sounding somewhat panicked suddenly.
“She just said you two were fighting. Wanted me to talk to you for her, but she wouldn’t give me details, so I said ‘no’. It was really weird.”
He Loves Him Page 2
