by G. R. Lyons
“They asked what happened,” Rey went on. “All I could tell them was that you'd been super busy lately, and that you seemed out of it when you came into my room this morning. Then…” Spencer just caught the grimace on his brother's face out of the corner of his eye. “I told them I thought I'd seen you taking something. Dirk dug it out of the cupboard when I told him where to find it, but none of us could figure out what it was. Not even the EMTs. I had to call one of your mage buddies to ask. He said it was some kind of drug? Some upper that boosts your energy?” Rey paused. “Spence?”
Spencer slowly nodded, risking a glance up at his brother's face.
Rey went on: “He also said there was way less of it in the jar than he expected to see.”
Spencer looked away.
“So you were taking that shit,” Rey spat. “I knew it.” He shook his head. “He said it wasn't dangerous—in small doses every now and then—but you were taking a lot more than that, weren't you?” After a pause, he vehemently repeated, “Weren't you?”
Spencer winced, then gave a nod. “I took something like four or five doses a day over the past few days. And I was up to three on a regular basis before that.”
“Gods damn you,” Rey cursed. “You can't do shit like that, you hear me? Not you! You're not allowed to be like me, alright? I've ruined enough with my own shit. I won't let you do the same.”
“It was only temporary,” Spencer tried to argue.
“Fuck that,” Rey spat. “It shouldn't have been at all. You were always the perfect one, you know? The amazing big brother. My hero. The guy I admired, wanted to be just like but could never even hope to match. But instead you're turning into me and I can't handle it.” His voice broke, and he looked away, pressing a fist over his mouth.
Spencer sagged even farther in the bed, feeling more and more weight pressing down on him from all sides, the guilt churning in his stomach.
Rey was silent for a long while before he finally murmured, “Something's gotta change, Spence. We'll never make it if you keep going like this.”
Spencer looked out the window, at a loss for what to say.
He heard the squeak of wheels on the floor as Rey moved his chair, followed by a grunt of effort and the sudden addition of noise from the hallway as the door was opened. Spencer peeked at his brother, itching to get up out of that bed and help him, but he knew they'd only berate him if he tried.
Rey made it through the doorway, and Jayden peeked into the room, only to wince and jump back out of sight. Spencer barely had a chance to feel the sting of that when a nurse strode in, introducing herself and explaining that she was going to give him another dose of sedative now so that he could sleep again.
Spencer managed a nod but didn't say a word. He was too tired to argue. He settled back down in the bed, the nurse helping to adjust it flat again, then he impassively watched the slow, steady drips in the IV line before darkness claimed him.
When he next woke—hours or days later, he had no idea—he felt a weight pressed up all along his side. Spencer slowly blinked his eyes open and looked down to find Jayden in bed with him, his head on Spencer's shoulder and an arm draped across Spencer's chest.
“Jay?” Spencer whispered, his voice rough and cracking.
Jayden sniffed. “You can't leave us, Daddy,” he cried. “You just can't.” He burst into tears, bunching Spencer's hospital gown in his fist as he cried into it, muffling the sound.
Spencer tried to hold him, to comfort him, but one arm was pinned to his side and the other felt so weak. Not even physically weak. More like his soul lacked the strength to play the part he wanted to play. He wasn't worthy of being Jayden's daddy. Of taking care of Dirk. Of providing for Rey. He'd tried and failed.
Maybe it was time to accept the fact that he simply had to give it all up.
Then find a way to move on.
Chapter 17
DIRK STOPPED by the hospital on his way to work the next morning. He had his driver wait at the curb as he went inside, heading straight to Spencer's room.
Peeking into the room, he found Spencer fast asleep. Thank gods. Dirk hadn't left the hospital yesterday until the doctors had assured him that they'd be keeping Spencer there for at least twenty-four hours. They planned to wake him at intervals to give him some proper meals—something else Spencer had probably been neglecting for far too long—but otherwise he would be sedated so that his body had a chance to fully rest.
Dirk crept into the room and perched on the side of Spencer's bed, taking a moment to study the man. Gods. Even asleep, Spencer still looked exhausted. How had Dirk never noticed it? The dark circles under his eyes, getting worse by the day. The paleness of his skin. The slightly sunken cheeks. Dirk brushed a hand down Spencer's chest, his ribs a little too prominent for Dirk's liking. And all that hadn't just happened in the past few days, though Dirk was sure the sudden extra work in the wake of Irene's leaving certainly hadn't helped matters. No, this had been going on for a while, slowly but surely getting worse until the added burdens of recent days finally brought it all to a head.
And Dirk had been completely oblivious, too wrapped up in the excitement of finally being with Spencer to notice that anything was wrong.
Gods damn the man for hiding it so well, too!
It was going to stop. Dirk was going to make sure of it. He and Jayden had already spent yesterday afternoon making calls and pulling strings so that Rey would have in-home care in Spencer's absence, and Dirk fully intended to make Spencer take the next week off while they tried to figure out just how things had gotten so out of control.
Dirk frowned. When was the last time Spencer had taken a vacation? He muttered a curse and shook his head. Spencer never had done. Not once in the six years Spencer had worked for him. Hells, Spencer hadn't taken so much as a sick day, always there at the desk and ready to work, supporting Dirk and keeping the magazine going.
That was going to stop, too. Dirk wasn't sure how, but they'd have to figure something out before he even thought about letting Spencer back into the office.
He bent down and pressed a kiss to Spencer's forehead, murmuring his love to the sleeping man before he quietly let himself out of the room.
Dirk reached the office a little earlier than usual, feeling a pang of emptiness when he didn't see Spencer there waiting for him. He strode into his office and switched on his computer, then went to the coffee maker. Normally, Spencer would have had a cup of coffee already fixed for him, just the way he liked it, while also having Dirk's overnight messages and reports ready to review. As soon as Dirk managed to get his coffee poured, he went back to his desk and opened his email, finding way more messages than he was used to seeing.
He sat down and went through them, seeing all sorts of nonsense that had never been there before: junk mail and offers for credit lines and all sorts of crap he didn't need or want to deal with. Dirk went through and deleted them, wasting precious minutes when he needed to get his mind back in the game after his absence.
Dirk sat back, looking at his much cleaner inbox, and shook his head. Had Spencer been screening his emails all this time and saving him the effort of doing so himself?
He set the thought aside for later, just one more thing he'd have to ask. Dirk called down to the HR department, letting them know that Spencer would be out sick for the week and that he'd need someone to fill in at Spencer's desk in the meantime. Once that was done, he completely lost track of time as he went from one task to another, making final decisions on the latest issue while taking all sorts of calls that his interim secretary put through, calls that Spencer would never let get to Dirk's desk.
At half one, Dirk was so hungry that he couldn't focus anymore, so he called out to have something delivered, cursing himself over the fact that Spencer would have already done so—and without being asked—if the man had been there. Dirk had never even had to think about food. It just showed up right when Dirk needed it.
He was right in the middle of hurrying
through a sandwich when one of the accounting clerks walked in and set a thick file on his desk, something that had never happened before.
“What's this?” he asked.
“The quarterly department review,” the clerk said.
“Oh.” Dirk dragged it closer and opened it to the first page, then frowned. “Where's the summary?”
“What summary?”
“There's always a brief summary of the report right here on top.”
The clerk looked at him like he'd gone mad. “We've never done that before.”
Dirk stared at her for a second, then waved her off. “Never mind.” He waited until she left the room, then slumped back in his chair with a groan. Spencer had been intercepting these reports before they came to his office, and apparently the man had been reviewing them and printing up a summary to save Dirk the effort of reading the whole thing himself.
He pushed the rest of his sandwich away, his appetite gone. Just how much had he taken Spencer for granted? And just how much more had the man done for him that Dirk had never been aware of? Six years, they'd worked together. Six years, he'd pined after the man. But even now that he had Spencer in every way he wanted, Dirk felt like he barely knew him.
Every other thing that happened for the rest of the day only made him feel more and more guilty. He couldn't get out of the building fast enough once everyone started going home and closing their offices down for the night. Gods knew he could probably stay several more hours and get more work done, but he couldn't stomach sitting at that desk a moment longer, stewing in his own guilt.
Spencer had been bending over backwards to take care of him, and the end result was Spencer in the hospital.
“This definitely has to stop,” Dirk muttered to himself as he stepped out of the elevator and crossed the lobby, eating up the floor in long, determined strides. He'd managed to remember to call his driver on the way down, knowing Spencer wasn't there to do it for him, and as soon as he was in the car, he told the man to take him straight back to the hospital.
He made his way toward Spencer's room and found Jayden sitting on a chair in the hallway.
“Hey.” Jayden shot to his feet. “So you did get my texts.”
“What?” Dirk dug out his phone. He'd heard it giving him notifications all day but he hadn't had time to actually look at the thing. “No. What happened? Is something wrong?”
“No,” Jayden assured him. “I just figured you might be coming back here around now but I texted to be sure…” He trailed off and bit his lip. “I wasn't ready to go in there by myself again.”
Dirk pulled the young man into his arms. “Come here.” He held Jayden tight and kissed the top of his head. “It's gonna be alright. He's gonna be alright.”
“Are you sure?” Jayden asked, sounding more scared and vulnerable than Dirk had ever heard him.
Dirk nodded, rubbing his chin against Jayden's hair. “Because you and I are gonna make sure of it.”
Jayden looked up at him, then gave a sharp nod of agreement. He stepped back and worried his lip, glancing at the closed door to Spencer's room. “I went to the house to check on Rey before I came here. I wanted to be able to tell him that he was being taken care of.”
Dirk inwardly cursed, wishing he'd thought of that, and glad that Jayden had done. He gave Jayden a grateful kiss, then nodded at the door. “Shall we?”
Jayden bit his lip again, then nodded.
Dirk knocked gently on the door before he opened it and peeked inside.
Spencer was sitting up in bed, staring out the window, a tray pushed off to one side with the remains of his dinner. Dirk gave the tray a quick glance, relieved to see Spencer had eaten everything they'd brought him.
“Daddy?” Jayden murmured.
Spencer slowly turned to look at them, blushing shyly as he looked down at his hands instead. “Hi.”
“Hey,” Dirk said. He shut the door behind them, and they both approached the bed. “How are you feeling?”
Spencer toyed with the edge of the sheet with his fingers. “Bored out of my mind,” he said with a humorless chuckle.
“Good,” Dirk insisted. “A little of that is exactly what you need.”
Spencer shook his head. “I need to get back to the office. And go check on Rey. And–”
Dirk held up a hand, but Jayden spoke first: “Rey's fine. I just saw him.”
Spencer's eyes widened slightly. “You did?”
Jayden nodded. “We got him a couple of temporary nurses to stay with him at all hours while you were in here. I just stopped by the house to make sure he was being taken care of.”
“Is he eating?” Spencer asked.
“Yes–”
“And taking his meds?”
“Yes–”
“And–”
Jayden grabbed Spencer's hand. “He's fine. I promise. Told me to tell you that you'd better hurry up and come home because they couldn't take a joke like you could.”
Spencer choked out a weak laugh. “That sounds like Rey.”
Jayden chuckled.
Dirk started to smile at the humor, refreshed by the change of tone in the room, then turned serious again when Spencer glanced at him.
“So tell me,” Dirk began, perching on the edge of Spencer's bed and crossing his arms over his chest, “just when did you get your business degree?”
Spencer blushed and looked down. “About a year after I came to work for you.”
Dirk blinked. “Wait. You're serious? I was being rhetorical.”
Spencer looked up. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I got a very serious dose of reality today when I realized just how much you actually do for me at the office, and something tells me I haven't even scratched the surface of it.” Dirk watched Spencer blush again, then asked, “But you seriously got a business degree?”
Spencer nodded. “I signed up for online classes after you hired me. Spent my nights studying business and accounting as well as keeping tabs on all the employees and departments so that I could stop problems before they even started.”
“Before I could even know about them,” Dirk realized.
Spencer nodded again.
“What else did you do that I didn't know about?”
Spencer looked down. “Screened your calls and emails. Took a different employee out to lunch every week as the schedule allowed, learning about their roles in the company. Any complaints or suggestions they had. Reviewed all the reports and summarized them before putting them on your desk.” He paused. “I stayed up late every night, monitoring the industry financial reports, as well as press and social media, keeping in contact with the PR department. Marketing. HR. Accounting.” He paused again and gave a shrug. “I just wanted to make your job as easy as possible.”
Dirk frowned. “Is that what you meant when you said you couldn't remember the last time you'd gotten a full night's sleep?”
Spencer looked like he might argue, but he wound up nodding instead. “Between that and taking care of Rey? Yeah.”
“Fuck,” Dirk breathed, shaking his head. “Why didn't you ever tell me?”
Spencer looked up. “Because it was my job. I told you how much I needed the position, and how much I loved working for you and the magazine. I was determined to be the best executive assistant that ever existed…especially after I got to know you and started falling for you. I just wanted to help you. Take care of you.”
Across the bed from Dirk, Jayden frowned, looking like he might tear up again like he had yesterday.
“Well it stops–” Dirk began, but got interrupted when a nurse walked into the room.
“Mr. Daniels?” she asked.
“Yes?” Spencer replied.
“I've got your discharge papers whenever you're ready.”
Spencer blinked. “I can go home?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper and so full of hope, it almost broke Dirk's heart.
“Yep,” the nurse said with a friendly smile, handing him a she
et of paper with his follow-up care instructions. “But the doctor wants you to stay on bed rest for at least another day or so. Lots of fluids and solid meals. No stress.”
“But–” Spencer began to protest.
“You might as well listen to her,” Dirk added, “because you're not coming back to work for at least a week.” When Spencer opened his mouth to argue, Dirk added, “And I'm your boss, so that's an order.”
Spencer snapped his mouth shut and looked away with an embarrassed blush.
Dirk snatched the care sheet out of Spencer's hand just as soon as the nurse stepped out, wanting to make sure he got a good look at it himself. It was all pretty straightforward: eight hours of sleep each night—more if Spencer felt like he needed it; eight glasses of water each day, plus three solid meals. No coffee, no stimulants, and no alcohol for at least a few days. Dirk was determined that Spencer would follow those instructions to the letter.
Luckily, Jayden had packed Spencer an overnight bag when he'd gone to check on Rey earlier, so Spencer was able to get up and dress so they could leave right away. Dirk ushered them all into the car, trapping Spencer between himself and Jayden in the back seat.
Dirk pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Rey, letting him know they were bringing Spencer home, then settled in for a quiet, awkward ride across town.
They got to Spencer's house, and Dirk helped Spencer out of the car even though the man looked pretty stable on his feet now. Spencer even tried to scowl at him, but didn't say anything.
“You're going straight to bed,” Jayden ordered as he opened the front door.
Spencer sighed. “Let me just check on Rey first,” he pleaded.
But there was no need. Rey was sitting there in the entryway, waiting as they all walked in.
“Hey, Mr. Wizard's home!” Rey teased.
Spencer chuckled, but there was little actual humor in it, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Hey, Rey. How–”
