by Anna Albo
“I’m sure Emma is grateful and thankful for this.”
“Yes, I am,” I said quietly, trying to recover.
“I put away money from every paycheck. Cam managed the investment side of it, so it’s a pretty healthy sum. And I’m going to keep paying into it. All my kids get the same amount of money for the same amount of years. I don’t play favorites.”
“Thank you, Meredith.” I was desperately fighting the tears that were threatening to fall.
She scooted her chair closer to me and put her arms around my shoulders. “Sweetie, it’s the least I could do.”
I couldn’t fight it anymore. Meredith was becoming my mom.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Emma
Christmas dinner was at the Bennett house. Dad and I gathered presents in two boxes and made the walk there. Uncle Ron had already asked me if Zach was coming along and I had to explain his absence. People seemed to be more interested in him than me. To them, I was just the senator’s son’s girlfriend.
“Jake’s going to be there,” Dad said.
I shrugged. “So what?” And I meant that. To think of all the years I’d pined for him, defended him after Textgate, kept making excuses for him—now his name didn’t affect me at all. Dad could have told me the letter carrier would be there and I would have given more of a shit.
“It’s the first time you guys will be spending any extended time together.”
“I don’t care.”
“Well, that’s good. I’m glad it’s all forgiven.”
We got there and the Bennett house was filled with the smells of cinnamon and other baked goods. Light Christmas carols played along with the chatter of half of Pine Falls. Uncle Ron greeted us at the door and gave me a big bear hug.
“Hello, gorgeous. It’s been too long. How have you been?”
“Good.”
“And school?”
“It’s going well.”
“I hear you’re off to New York next year,” he said, his blue eyes alive and fueled by spiked egg nog, a Bennett favorite.
“Right. We’re still working on the details.”
“Pauly here is going to miss you. Won’t you, Pauly?” he said, patting Dad on the back.
“She’ll be back every summer and all the holidays.”
“I wouldn’t worry about your dad too much. He’ll find a way of keeping himself busy,” Ron said with a wink. “Now who needs a drink?”
We followed him into the living room where everyone was gathered. I hugged Jake’s parents and Ron’s children and wife. Jake’s sister was there too with her fiancé and then there was Jake, picking away at the appetizers. I tentatively walked over and surprised him.
“Hey, Jake,” I said.
He nearly dropped his chip into the dip. “Oh, hi, Emma. How are you?” His face lit up, like he was genuinely happy to see me. I hadn’t seen him look at me like that in years.
“I’m good. I thought I’d say hello and get that awkwardness out of the way.”
He smiled meekly. “You’re a better person than I am.”
Damn right. “How have you been?”
“Good. Focusing on school. No Walker with you?”
“He’s with his family.”
“That’s probably for the best. I don’t think he likes me much.”
“I hear you broke up with Bianca,” I said, grabbing a Coke from the cooler. I snapped back the tab and took a swig.
“Yeah, a long time ago. Pretty much after the whole thing with you. Zach told you?”
“No, Bianca did.”
Jake’s blue eyes grew wide. “When did you run into her?”
“A while ago. Western isn’t that big.”
“Tell me she didn’t give you a hard time.”
“She was her usual self, but I can handle her.”
“She’s not giving you trouble, right? I told her to cut it out.”
“Too bad you didn’t do that from the start.”
Jake absorbed the blow. I felt a little bad taking the shot at him, but he deserved it. “I was an idiot. I should have known what kind of person she was, but with me she wasn’t like that. She was sweet and kind. I thought she loved me.”
“I can’t believe we are talking about the same person. Sweet and kind? You have got to be kidding.”
“She wasn’t rotten to the core.”
“Pretty close.”
Jake’s shoulders shrank. “She did a lot of stupid things and I have no idea why. The second I found out about it, I dumped her, but Zach’s no saint. You know that, right?”
No one was close enough to hear us, but I didn’t want to take any chances. I motioned for Jake to follow me into an empty hallway. “What are you referring to?” I asked, even though I had a good idea what he was talking about.
Jake shuffled his feet. “Let’s not go there. Can’t we leave the past where it is?”
“What do you know about Zach’s past?”
“Emma, forget about it.”
“What did Bianca tell you?”
He looked me in the eye and sighed. “Zach has a video of Bianca giving a bunch of guys blowjobs. Are you happy now?”
“She told you?” My voice was even, betraying nothing. I could see that Jake didn’t know what to make of me.
“Yes. She said Zach took the video and he has it. I don’t want to start trouble with you. I’ve done enough already, and I’m getting the impression you don’t believe me. I think she’s telling the truth, though. She was sobbing when she told me about it. That he was holding it over her head. That’s why I never liked the guy, but I had to tread carefully because I had no idea what he’d do.”
“When did she tell you about it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe last Christmas. A little before? She could have been lying to me to get some sympathy.”
I swallowed hard. “She’s not lying. There is a video and I have it.”
Jake’s eyes bugged out. “Holy shit! How did you get it?”
“I made Zach show it to me. Now I have it.”
“What are you going to do with it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Emma, a video like that will destroy them both. You wouldn’t do that to Zach . . . wait, is this the reason he’s not here? Did you guys break up?”
“No. We’re on a break or whatever.”
Jake leaned back into the wall. “Emma, this is crazy shit.”
“I know.”
“Do you want some advice?”
“I’m not sure I should take any advice from you.”
“That’s fair, but I can see this is eating you up. Do everyone a favor, you included, and get rid of the video. Don’t hurt either one of them. They were young and stupid. As much as I’d like to see Walker rot in hell, he’s been good to you. Better than I ever was. Why would you ruin him?”
“I wouldn’t.”
“Then destroy it. The guy did so much for you because he loved you. You don’t know how many times last year that he stuck up for you when I should have. I was a royal piece of shit who lost the best friend I ever had for some girl who turned out to be pretty crappy. I hate that a part of me still loves her.”
“I hate that too.”
“So what are you waiting for? Get rid of it.”
“A part of me wants Bianca to know I have it.”
Jake’s face soured. “Emma, don’t sink to that level. It’s not like you.”
I was confused, then realized he and I were on two very different wavelengths. “No, that’s not how I meant it. A part of me wants her to know, to put her out of her misery, but the deranged side of me wants her to keep worrying.”
“I stick to what I said before. Don’t sink to her level.”
“I expect you to keep my confidence. If I know you’ve told Bianca I have that video, I’ll never destroy it. I mean it, Jake.”
“I haven’t seen her in ages, and I’m not about to pick up the phone now.”
I took a step back and stopped.
“You know, a lot of what she did was about control, but deep down I think she loved you. She seemed pretty devastated that you dumped her. If that gives you any solace. But don’t get back together with that bitch.”
Jake half-smiled. “This is a very different side of you. I like it on you, Emma. And I can assure you that I won’t get back with her, but can I give you some advice too?”
“Sure, why not?”
“Don’t hold this against Walker. I may hate the guy and hope he slips and falls into a vat of acid, but he’d kill for you. And despite everything, I want you to be happy.”
I nodded. “See you around.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Zach
Brett wanted to know if I’d go to a party with him. Biggest party of the year, he promised. It was scheduled the day before Christmas Eve. I was all in. All. Fucking. In. I told him to pick me up at my apartment since it was a safe haven again, now that Mom and Dad were back in town and Emma was back home.
I showered and blocked out everything in the room that reminded me of Emma. Sure, her moisturizer and perfume were sitting on the countertop along with her hairbrush. I stuffed those in a drawer so I wouldn’t have to look at them for three weeks.
I got out of the shower, dried off and put some gel in my hair. I looked at myself in the mirror. I needed a shave. I couldn’t go like a wooly mammoth to the party. I lathered my face with shaving cream and got to work. I thought of Emma’s stuff that I’d thrown in the drawer. I pulled out the perfume and sprayed it gently. But like every damn thing in my life, it came out in a solid, streaming mist, filling the bathroom. Now I’d smell like fucking perfume. As I cursed myself, I took in the scent. I missed her. A million times I wanted to call her and beg her to forgive me, but I stopped myself every time. I was not stooping to that level. I was not that guy. No girl was going to make me resort to that. I didn’t beg.
I finished shaving and lathered myself with cologne to block out the Emma smell. I checked myself one last time then got dressed. Genie was in the living room when I went to get my jacket and keys.
“Where are you going?” She wrinkled her nose. “Did you marinate in cologne or something? Do I smell some perfume too?”
“Out with Brett,” I said, ignoring her other comment.
“Out where?”
“Well, Mom, none of your business.”
She looked over her shoulder and gave me a look. “Let me guess, you’re going out to get drunk and stupid. Am I right?”
“Maybe. Not sure. I should know in a few hours,” I said, glancing at my watch for emphasis.
“I’m not going to baby you anymore. Go screw up your life. See if I care.”
I grabbed my phone. Brett texted to say he was waiting downstairs. “Don’t wait up.”
“I won’t,” she said.
I got downstairs and climbed into Brett’s waiting car.
“Well, you don’t look like you’ve been trapped on an island for ten years anymore.”
“Funny.”
Brett sniffed the air. “Do you smell like perfume?”
“What? No! Where is this party at?” I said, changing the subject.
“Dan’s place. His parents are gone until the New Year. This party will be epic.”
“Good. I could use a good party. Let’s stop to get some booze. I don’t want to show up empty-handed.”
When we pulled up to the party, I swear I could feel the house thumping from inside Brett’s car. I grabbed the beer and whiskey I’d bought and we headed inside. The house was packed. I could barely see a corner that wasn’t filled with people. The music blared as I wove through the drinking masses. We reached the kitchen and I set down the alcohol. I grabbed a plastic cup and poured myself a drink. A tall one.
“Zach Fucking Walker,” Dan said, slapping my back. “Where the hell have you been keeping yourself?”
Dan and I had been frat brothers so long ago. I hadn’t seen him in a while. “Got to graduate this year.”
“Brett says you’ve settled down. Who’s the chick?”
I bristled. Nope, Emma was not ruining this evening. “A girl I met. Great party,” I said, pivoting.
“It’s not bad.”
Another guy pulled Dan away and I returned to my drink. Brett decided to circulate so I followed along. I caught up with guys I hadn’t seen in ages. I listened but didn’t participate much. When my first drink was done, I headed to the kitchen to make myself another. I didn’t mind being alone for a few minutes, especially with a lonely bowl of pretzels. We could keep each other company.
“Zach Walker?”
I turned to see a girl standing next to me. I had no idea who the petite brunette was. Her wide dark brown eyes stared at me, her cheeks flushed from booze or whatever else flushed cheeks.
“Yeah,” I said.
“I’m Sophie. We had a class together last year. Political Ideas and Ideologies.”
There were thirty people in that class. I didn’t remember her. “Sorry, I don’t have a great memory.”
“That’s okay. I sat behind you.”
“Want a drink?” I asked. “Pretzels?”
She giggled and her face flushed some more. “Sure. What do you have?”
I scanned the counter. “Pretty much everything. Vodka, whiskey, rum and tons of beer.”
“I’ll have what you’re having.”
“Whiskey and Coke coming up.”
She giggled again and then it hit me that she was nervous. I finished my drink and poured two more. One for Sophie and one for me. I handed it to her and she smiled. She was cute with a lot of curves.
“I don’t know a lot of people here so when I saw you, it was a face I recognized.”
I sipped my drink. “Who’d you come with?”
“A couple of friends. They’ve already dumped me. I have no idea where they are.”
“I see. I figured you would have come with your boyfriend.”
What was I doing?
“Nah, I don’t have one,” she said and giggled some more. Based on the giggles, she’d had a few. “How about you?” she asked.
“I don’t have a boyfriend either,” I deadpanned.
She giggled some more. “Okay, I meant a girlfriend, silly.”
I smiled, the first time in a long time. “It’s complicated.”
She frowned a little. “Oh, that sucks.”
“Shit happens. How does a gorgeous girl like you not have a boyfriend?”
Okay, I had to stop now.
“I broke up with my last boyfriend a few months ago. No big deal.”
“His loss.”
And then a little voice nagged me. The voice sounded a lot like Genie and it was telling me that old Zach was creeping in, starting to play this girl hard. The Zach that dated a girl for a few months, fucked around as much as he could, then got bored. That shitty Zach. I silently told the voice to shut up.
“So this relationship, with a girl, why is it complicated?”
I took another sip of my drink. “Well, I’m here and she’s not.”
“Bummer.”
“Do you know Dan?” I asked, pivoting again.
“Carly, my friend, does.”
“The friend who disappeared on you,” I said, flashing a smile.
“Yeah. Great friends, huh?”
She wasn’t drinking much. Did she want to keep in control? “My drink isn’t good?”
“I’m the designated driver tonight, so I’m pacing myself.”
“I see. Do you mind if I have another?”
“Not at all.”
“You live on campus?” I asked, pouring my newest drink.
“I live around campus with a couple of friends. Well, the friends I’m here with. The ones who’ve abandoned me.”
I smiled. Time to seal the deal. “Well, if you want to ditch this party, we could get out of here.”
Her eyes opened wide and she caught her breath. She bit down on her lower lip, likely weighing all the options. “
Okay, sure,” she said with a smile.
I gulped my drink and set down the empty cup. “Great. Let’s go.”
I followed her as she cut through the crowd. There was a jump in her step and as we walked, Genie’s voice returned, imploring me to stop. I shut it out again. We almost made it to the door when Brett appeared out of fucking nowhere.
“Where are you going?” he said, stepping in front of me.
I scowled. “I’m leaving with . . .” Fuck, I’d forgotten her name. Sara? “Sophie,” I said, proud of myself.
“No, you’re not.”
Sophie turned back and waited, staring at Brett.
“Yeah, I am, so get the fuck out of my way.”
Brett’s expression turned to stone. “Do you think I’m going to let you leave here with some random broad?”
“I think you should mind your own business.”
“No way. I’m not letting you fuck things up for yourself. I’m also not letting you do something you’re going to regret.”
Heat rose in my face. I inched closer to him. “Get out of my way,” I seethed.
“You don’t intimidate me,” he said, even though his eyes were telling me otherwise. “I’m your friend, and I’m trying to stop you from doing something really stupid.”
“I appreciate your concern, but you better move.”
Brett puffed out his chest, more for his benefit than mine. “So let me get this straight. You go home with this girl, fuck her, then what? Let me tell you what. You throw away everything you have with Emma for Sophie, a chick you’ve known ten minutes? Sounds like a fantastic plan, Einstein.”
I poked him hard in the chest with a finger. “Mind your own fucking business.”
“I won’t let you go.”
I laughed. I had inches on him and at least thirty pounds. With one shove I had him out of the way with his ass hitting the ground. A few people gasped, others gave dirty looks as Brett fell into them. I opened the front door and Sophie went outside. I followed her, slamming the door behind me.
“Look, maybe we shouldn’t do this,” she said. Panic had risen in her voice and the wide eyes returned, but for the wrong reasons.
“Forget him,” I said. “He’s an asshole.”
