by Abbi Glines
“Okay. I have caffeine. I’m ready to find this dude.”
I didn’t correct her. I knew she knew his name by now. I’d used it several times. She was just refusing to acknowledge it. This was her form of rebellion. Cain represented Sumit and she didn’t want me in Sumit. Instead of aggravating me it warmed me. She wanted me with her and it felt nice.
“He left Rosemary because of the price of hotel rooms. So, he’s somewhere affordable. Can you take me to a few of those?” I asked.
She nodded but she didn’t look at me. She was texting. Great. I needed her to focus and she was more than likely telling Jace we were almost there. I didn’t really want Jace to know anything.
We drove around for thirty minutes with me checking parking lots at all of the cheap motels in town. This was getting frustrating. He had to be here somewhere. “Can I use your phone? I’m gonna call him again and let him know I’m here looking for him. He’ll tell me where he is when he knows I’ve driven all this way.”
Bethy handed me her phone and I quickly dialed Cain’s number. It rang twice.
“Hello?”
“Cain. It’s me. Where are you? I’m just outside of Rosemary and I can’t find your truck anywhere.”
There was silence, then “Dammit.”
“Don’t get all mad. I needed to check on you. I came out here to drive you home.” I knew he’d be frustrated that I came this close to Rosemary again.
“I told you I’d be home once I slept it off, Blaire. Whycouldn’t you have stayed put?” The aggravation in his voice annoyed me. You would think he wasn’t happy I’d come to check on him.
“Where are you, Cain?” I asked again. Then I heard it. A female voice in the background. The phone became muffled. It didn’t take a genius to figure out Cain was with a female and he was trying to hide it from me. This pissed me off. Not because I thought Cain and I had a chance but because he’d let me think he was hurt and alone in a strange city. Asshole.
“Listen. I don’t have time for more of your stupid ass games, Cain. I’ve been there, done that. Next time, could you not make it sound like you need me when it’s obvious you don’t.”
“Blaire, no. Listen to me. It isn’t what you think. I couldn’t sleep after you called so I got back in the truck and headed back home. I wanted to see you.”
A girl’s angry scream came from the other side of the phone. He was pissing off whoeverwas with him. The boy was an idiot.
“Go make your company feel better. I don’t need an explanation. I don’t need anything from you. I never did.”
“BLAIRE! NO! I love you, baby. I love you so much. Please listen to me,” he begged and the girl with him got more hysterical. “Shut up Callie!” he roared and I knew then he was back in Sumit. He was with Callie.
“You went to Callie? You came home so I wouldn’t worry and went to see Callie? You’re ridiculous, Cain. For real? This doesn’t hurt me. You can’t hurt me anymore. But stop and think about others’ feelings for a change. You keep jerking Callie around and it’s wrong. Stop thinking with your penis and grow up.”
I pressed end and handed Bethy back her phone. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. “He went back to Sumit,” I said in way of explanation.
“Yeah… I got that part,” Bethy said slowly. She was waiting for more. She deserved more. She’d brought me back here. She was also the only real friend I had. Cain wasn’t a friend. Not really. A real friend wouldn’t keep doing stupid stuff like he did.
“Can I sleep at your place tonight? I don’t think I’m going back there. I was leaving soon anyway. I’ll figure out where I’m going tomorrow and then when I get there I’ll have Granny Q ship the rest of my things. It isn’t like I have that much anyway. My truck is headed to the graveyard. It would never make the trip again.”
Bethy nodded and cranked up the car then pulled out onto the road. “You can stay with me as long as you need. Or longer,” she replied.
“Thank you,” I said before laying my head back on the seat and taking a deep breath. What was I going to do now?
The smell of bacon got thicker and thicker the more I inhaled. It was as if bacon was taking over my senses. My throat constricted. My stomach rolled from the rich smell of it. The grease sizzled somewhere in the distance. Before I could completely get my eyes open my feet were on the floor and I was running to the bathroom.
Luckily Bethy’s apartment wasn’t big and I didn’t have far to run.
“Blaire?” Bethy’s voice called from the kitchen but I couldn’t stop.
Dropping to my knees in front of the toilet I gripped the porcelain seat with both hands and began throwing up everything in my stomach until nothing but dry heaves wracked my body. Everytime I thought I was finished I’d smell the bacon grease mixed with my vomit and it would begin again.
I was so weak my body trembled as I tried to vomit and nothing else would come up. A cold washcloth was in my face and Bethy was standing over me flushing the toilet and then leaning me back against the wall.
I held the cloth over my nose to block out the smell. Bethy noticed and closed the bathroom door behind her. After she turned on the fan she put her hands on her hips and stared down at me. The disbelief on her face confused me. I got sick. What was so strange about that?
“Bacon? The smell of bacon made you hurl?” She shook her head, still staring at me as if she couldn’t believe it. “And you weren’t gonna tell me, were you? You were just gonna put your crazy ass on some damn bus and ride away. All by yourself. I can’t believe you, Blaire. What happened to the smart girl that taught me not to let a man use me? Hmmm? Where the hell did she go? ‘Cause your plan here sucks.Like bad. You can’t just run off. You have friends here. You’re gonna need friends… and I’d hope that you intended to tell Rush about this too. I know you well enough to know that this is his baby.”
How did she know? I just threw up. Lots of people get viruses. “It’s a virus,” I muttered.
“Don’t lie to me. It was the bacon, Blaire. You were sleeping so peacefully on the couch and the minute I started cooking the bacon you started making weird noises and tossing and turning. Then you shot off like a bullet to puke your guts out. Not rocket science baby. Get that shocked look off your face.”
I couldn’t lie to her. She was my friend. Possibly my only one now. I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. This was my way of holding myself together. When I felt like the world was breaking around me and I couldn’t control it I always held together this way.
“That’s why Cain came here. He caught me buying pregnancy tests yesterday. I know that’s why he came here. To ask Rush… to ask about the relationship between Rush and me.It’s something I refused to talk to Cain about. I didn’t want to talk about Rush at all. Then I was late. Two weeks late. I thought I’d buy a couple of tests and it would come back negative and everything would be okay.” I stopped my explanation and rested my cheek against my knees.
“The tests… they were positive?” Bethy asked.
I nodded but didn’t look up at her.
“Were you gonna tell Rush? Or were you really gonna just run off?”
What would Rush do? His sister hated me. His mother hated me. They hated my mother. And I hated my father. For Rush to be a part of this baby’s life he’d have to give them up. I couldn’t ask him to give up his mom and sister. Even if they were evil. He loved them. And he wouldn’t give up Nan. I’d already learned that when it came to me or Nan, he’d choose Nan. He had up until the end. When I’d found out everything. He’d kept her secret. He’d chosen her.
“I can’t tell him,” I said quietly.
“Why is that exactly? Because he’d want to know and his ass needs to be a man and be there for you. This running off shit is stupid.”
She didn’t know everything. She only knew bits and pieces. It had been Nan’s story to tell and no one else’s in Rush’s eyes. But I disagreed. It was my story too. Nan still had both her parents and he
r brother. I had no one. My mother was dead. My sister was dead. And my father might as well be dead. So this story was just as much mine as it was hers. Maybe more so.
I lifted my head and looked up at Bethy. She was my one friend in the world and if I was going to tell this story then she was who I wanted to tell it to.
Rush
It had been three weeks, four days and twelve hours since I’d seen her. Since she’d torn my heart out. If I had been drinking, I’d blame it on the alcohol. It had to be an illusion, a desperate one. But I hadn’t been drinking. Not a drop. There was no mistaking Blaire. It was her. She was actually here.Blaire was back in Rosemary. She was at my house.
I’d spent five hours last night driving all over the damn place searching for Bethy hoping she’d lead me to Blaire. But I hadn’t found either of them. Coming home and admitting defeat had been painful. I had convinced myself Bethy was still in Sumit with Blaire. That maybe the text from Bethy had been a drunken text and nothing more.
I soaked in the sight of her. She was thinner and I didn’t like it. Was she not eating? Had she been sick?
“Hello, Rush,” she said, breaking the silence. The sound of her voice almost sent me to my knees. God, I’d missed her voice.
“Blaire,” I managed to say, terrified that I’d scare her away just by speaking.
She reached up and wrapped a strand of her hair around her finger and tugged on it. She was nervous. I didn’t like that I was making her nervous. But what could I do to make this easier? “Can we talk?” she asked softly.
“Yeah.” I stepped back to let her in. “Come inside.”
She paused and glanced past me toward the house. The fear and pain flashing in her eyes had me silently cursing myself. She’d been hurt here. Her world had been destroyed in my house. Dammit. I didn’t want her to feel this way about my house. Not when there were good memories here too.
“Are you alone?” she asked. Her eyes shifted back to me.
She didn’t want to see my mom or her dad. I got it now. It wasn’t the house. “I forced them to leave the day you left,” I replied, watching her carefully.
Her eyes went wide. Why did this surprise her? Didn’t she get it? She came first. I’d told her as much in that hotel room. “Oh. I didn’t know…” she trailed off. We both knew she didn’t know because she’d cut me from her life.
“It’s just me. Except for Grant’s occasional visits, it’s always just me.” She needed to know I hadn’t moved on. I wasn’t moving on.
Blaire walked into the house and I clenched my hands into fists as her familiar sweet scent followed her. So many nights I’d sat here and dreamed of seeing her walk back into my life. My world.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I asked, thinking how I really wanted to beg her to talk to me. To stay with me.To forgive me.
Blaire shook her head and turned around to look at me. “No. I’m good. I… I just… I was in town and well…” She scrunched her nose and I fought the urge to reach over and touch her face. “Did you hit Cain?”
Cain. Shit. She knew about Cain. Was she here to talk about Cain? “He asked things he shouldn’t have. Said things he shouldn’t have,” I replied through my clenched teeth.
Blaire sighed. “I can only imagine,” she mumbled and shook her head. “I’m sorry he came here. He doesn’t think things through. He just acts on impulse.” She wasn’t defending him. She was apologizing for him. That wasn’t her job. The stupid fucker wasn’t her responsibility or her fault.
“Don’t apologize for him, Blaire. It makes me want to hunt his ass down,” I growled, unable to control my reaction.
“It’s my fault he was here, Rush. That’s why I’m apologizing. I upset him and he assumed it was all because of you so he came running here before talking things out with me.”
Talking things out with her? What the fuck did Cain need to talk out with her? “He needs to back off. If he so much as —
“Rush. Calm down. We are old friends. Nothing more. I told him some things I’ve needed to say for a long time. He didn’t like it. I was cruel but I needed to say them. I was tired of protecting his feelings. He pushed me too far. That’s all it was.”
I took a deep breath but the pounding in my head had gotten louder.
“Did you come to see him?” I needed to know if that was why she was here. If this had nothing to do with me my heart needed to deal with it.
Blaire walked over toward the steps instead of going into the living room. I noticed it. I understood. She might have come in my house but she couldn’t walk in there and face things. Not yet. Maybe never. “He may have been my excuse to get into the car with Bethy,” she paused and let out a sigh, “but he was gone when I got here. I stayed for other reasons. I… I need to talk to you.”
She’d come here to talk to me. Had it been enough time? I used every ounce of will power I possessed to stand still and not go pull her into my arms. I didn’t care what she had to say. The fact she wanted to see me was enough. “I’m glad you came,” I said simply.
The small frown was back and Blaire wouldn’t look directly at me. “Things are still the same. I haven’t been able to let it go. I’ll never be able to trust you. Even… even if I want to. I can’t.”
What the fuck did that mean? The pounding in my ears grew stronger.
“I’m leaving Sumit. I can’t stay there. I’ve got to make it on my own.”
What? “Are you moving in with Bethy?” I asked, wondering if I was still asleep and this was a dream.
“No. I wasn’t going to. But this morning I talked with Bethy and I thought maybe if I saw you and talked to you and faced… this I’d be able to stay with her for a while. It wouldn’t be permanent; I’ll leave in a couple months. Just until I have time to decide where I am going to go next.”
She was still planning on leaving. I needed to change that. I had a couple of months if she stayed here. For the first time since she’d told me to leave the hotel room I had hope. “I think that’s smart. No reason to make a rash decision when you have an option right here.” She could stay in my house for free. In my bed.With me. But I couldn’t offer that. She’d never agree.
Blaire
“I’ll be working at the club. We’ll… uh… see each other on occasion. I’d get a job somewhere else but I need the money the club pays.” I was explaining this to myself as much as I was explaining it to Rush. I hadn’t been sure exactly what I was going to say when I showed up here. I just knew I had to face him. At first Bethy had begged me to tell him about the pregnancy. However, after she’d heard exactly what happened with my father and Nan and her mother that day she hadn’t been as Team Rush as before. She agreed that there was no need to tell him anything right away.
Working up enough nerve to drive back to this house after the way I’d left only three and a half weeks ago had been hard. The hope that my heart wouldn’t react when I saw Rush’s face had been futile. My chest had constricted so badly it had been a wonder I could breathe. Much less speak. I was pregnant with his baby… our baby. But the lies. The deceit. Who he was. All of that kept me from saying the words that he deserved to hear. I couldn’t. It was wrong. I was being selfish. I knew it. That didn’t change anything. The baby I was carrying might never know him. I couldn’t let the way I felt about him cloud my decisions for my future… or my baby’s future. My father, his mother and his sister would never be a part of my baby’s life. I wouldn’t allow it. I couldn’t.
“Of course. Yeah, working at the club is good money.” He stopped and ran a hand through his hair. “Blaire, nothing has changed. Not for me. You don’t need my permission.This is exactly what I want. Having you here again. Seeing your face. God, baby, I can’t do this. I can’t pretend I’m not fucking thrilled you’re standing in my house right now.”
I couldn’t look at him. Not now. I hadn’t been expecting him to say any of those things. The stilted nervous conversation was more of what I expected. It was what I wanted. My heart could
n’t take anything else. “I need to go, Rush. I can’t, I just wanted to make sure you were good with me being in town. I’ll keep my distance.”
Rush moved so fast I didn’t realize it until he was standing between me and the door. “I’m sorry. I was trying to be cool. I was trying to be careful but I cracked. I’ll do better. I promise. Go to Bethy’s. Forget what I just said. I’ll be good. I promise. Just… just don’t leave. Please.”
What did I say to that? He’d managed to make me want to comfort him. To apologize to him. He was lethal to my emotions and good sense. Distance. We needed distance. I nodded and stepped around him. “I’ll… uh… probably see you around.” I managed to croak out before opening the door and stepping outside the house.
I didn’t look back but I knew he was watching me leave. It was the only reason I didn’t break out into a run. Space… we needed space. And I needed to cry.
~*~
It was as if he had known I was coming. I’d already decided to go straight to the dining room and look for Jimmy. I figured Jimmy would know where to find Woods. But Woods had been waiting on me at the door when I opened the back entrance to the clubhouse.
“And she returns. Honestly didn’t think you would,” Woods drawled as the door closed behind me.
“For a little while maybe,” I replied.
Woods winked at me then nodded his head toward the hall that led down to his office. “Let’s go talk.”
“Okay,” I said as I followed him.
“Bethy’s already called me twice today. Wanting to know if I’d seen you yet. Making sure you got your job back,” Woods said as he opened his office door and held it so that I could walk inside. “What I didn’t expect though was the call I just received about ten minutes ago. It surprised me. From the way you bolted out of here three weeks ago and left Rush all high and dry, I didn’t expect him to call me on your behalf. Not that he needed to, mind you. I’d already agreed that you could have your job back.”
