by J B Heller
“She’ll be alright Bray. It’s nothing she hasn’t been through before.”
When he looked back my way I didn’t expect the flair of anger I saw in his eyes. “What happened to her? I need to know why this happens to her. You told me she had been through some stuff, and she told me that something had happened to her that changed her. At first I didn’t think I wanted to know, but now, I need to know, Sloan.”
I was shocked; Stella didn’t talk about that night. Not even with me. And I was there. “She told you that?”
“Yea she did. Why do you sound so surprised? She didn’t say what, just said something.”
“Stella doesn’t talk about it. With anyone. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised. It’s not for me to tell you Bray. It’s her story to tell. I think she will tell you, when she’s ready. She’s already told you more than she’s told anyone else.”
He looked back down at her, and that look came over his face again. That look told me all I needed to know. That Bray would take care of my sister. A small smile spread across my lips. My sister was about to find happiness whether she was ready for it or not.
When Bray looked back up to me he finally noticed Fergus sitting in my lap.
“What is that?” he asked with disgust.
“This is Fergus. He’s normally stuck to Stella like glue. Your presence seems to have scared him; I found him hiding under the spare bed.”
“Fergus? What kind of name is that for a… is it a dog?”
I burst out laughing. Although at first I thought he was an overgrown rat too. “Yes, he’s a dog. I couldn’t believe it when Stella brought him home. We grew up with big dogs, so when she told me she was picking up her puppy you can imagine my shock when she came in with this little hair ball.”
“Hey. Stop ragging on my dog.” Stella’s sleepy voice whispered.
Both our heads snapped in Stella’s direction. Fergus was out of my lap in an instant scrambling his tiny little legs as fast as he could to get to Stella. Brayden’s face had softened again and he lifted a hand and gently brushed her cheek. I felt like I was intruding on their moment.
“Hey you, how are you feeling? You had me worried for a bit there. I had to call in the big guns.” He said gently, gesturing to me with his chin.
I could tell Stella was embarrassed, by the way her pale cheeks reddened. She ducked her head back down under Bray’s chin. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. She was actually letting a man touch her. Not just that, but she was cuddling into him. I didn’t want to ruin whatever they had going on here. They needed to talk and I didn’t think my being here was necessary anymore. She was safe with Bray. “I’m going to head out, got a hot date tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow baby sister.”
She shot me a glare as I got up and headed for the front door to her apartment. I turned and blew her a kiss before I walked out.
Stella
I relished the feel of Brayden’s strong arms still wrapped around my body. I didn’t think I would be able to stand a man’s touch again for so long. And now, here I was, snuggled into this delicious man’s big strong body. And loving it.
I didn’t ever want to let him go. I didn’t understand what was happening to my body, or my mind. Just the thought of a man’s touch used to make my blood run cold. I felt anything but cold right now.
Silence filled my apartment. I guess I had some explaining to do. Part of me wishes Sloan had of done it for me. But I know she wouldn’t do that. She would never betray my trust. She and I are the only ones who really know what happened that night. For so long now I wanted to keep it that way.
But there was something about Brayden, I knew I could tell him. No, I felt like I needed to tell him.
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath, gathering my courage for what I was about to do. Just because I felt I could tell him, doesn’t mean it would be easy.
Brayden spoke before I could. “You don’t have to say anything Stella. I want to know what that was all about, but only when you’re ready to tell me. This is all on your terms, remember.”
I could tell he was sincere by the look in his eyes and the conviction in his voice. I decided that maybe I could just tell him a little tonight. And if I felt strong enough, then I could tell him the rest. “Thank you. I’m really sorry about that earlier. You must think I’m crazy. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
He scoffed, “Don’t apologize to me, you didn’t do anything wrong. And I don’t think you’re crazy.”
I sat back in his lap and looked into his eyes. “I haven’t let a man touch me in a long time. Let alone hold me like this. I can’t believe I’m not having another panic attack right now. But, I feel safe, with you.”
The smile that overtook his face at that last part warmed my heart. I wanted to tell him my story. But not tonight, tonight I wanted to enjoy his touch. I wanted to feel the warmth of his body. I felt my eyes glaze over as I scanned his handsome features.
He cleared his throat and shifted beneath me.
I furrowed my brows, had I done something wrong already?
With a grimace he said, “You need to stop looking at me like that Stella.”
My head tilted to the side. “Looking at you like what?”
He shifted again, this time I felt it. A large hard length poking me in the butt. Oh!
He grimaced again, “Like you want me, the way I want you. I’m holding onto my control by a tread right now, and I don’t want to blow this. Or my load, which is going to happen if you don’t stop.”
My eyes went wide. I had turned him on. I hadn’t even done anything. “But I, I didn’t do anything. Did I?”
Now he was smiling. His dimples shone through. I liked those. His hands slowly came up to caress my cheeks. “You don’t even know. You’re so innocent, so pure Stella. Just looking at you gets me hard. But then you go and tilt your head, or bite your lip, my cock jumps to attention. Add to that, I finally have you in my arms, in my lap, that pert little arse rubbing against my dick.” He closed his eyes for a moment, seemingly enjoying the contact. “Damn baby, I want you so bad. But don’t worry, I won’t do anything you don’t want.”
I felt my mouth opening and closing trying to form words. He was so brash. But I had asked him to be himself around me. This was Brayden, and I was shocked to find, I liked it. I found myself squirming in his lap, his dirty words did something to me. I could feel a dull ache starting inside me.
I still hadn’t been able to form words, his smile widened. “Do you like dirty talk Stella?”
Again, I couldn’t reply. I just squirmed more in his lap. I could feel the heat creeping up my neck. I was breathing heavily.
“You do, don’t you. And you like the feel of my cock pressing against your arse.” He licked his lips and I was transfixed on the movement. He tilted his hips, so I could feel more of him. I let out a soft moan. He really wanted me, even though he knew I was damaged goods.
He has seen me at my worst, but he’s still here. I tilted my head again, then leant forward and placed a soft kiss on his full lips. When I pulled back he looked surprised.
“What was that for?” he asked quietly.
“For seeing through my crazy. For making me feel again.” I whispered against his lips.
Swallowing hard, he cleared his throat then said, “You’re welcome. Can I kiss you Stella, the way I want to kiss you? I won’t push for more, I promise.”
I wanted that so badly. As soon as I nodded his big hands treaded into my hair, hold my head in place, and angling it just right. My lips parted slightly and began to tingle before he’d even touched them. Gently he pulled my face down to his, I could feel his breath on my skin and I began to pant.
His tongue slid out against my lips, tracing the outline of them before slipping into my mouth. When his tongue touched mine I moaned loudly. It felt so good. He explored every inch of my mouth. When he pulled back we were both breathless.
His smile was devastating. And I’m sure mine
mirrored his. I went to lean forward, to kiss him again but he stopped me. Hurt, confusion and embarrassment blazed through me. I pulled back, and attempted to stand, but he grabbed me by the waist and held me firm.
“No Stella, it’s not like that. I want you, don’t confuse control for rejection.”
I furrowed my brows, “What do you mean?”
“If I keep kissing you, touching you, I’m going to have a really hard time pulling myself back. I don’t want to scare you with my intensity. That kiss, was amazing, but it was just a fraction of what I want to do. I need you to help me out here.”
“Oh.” I smiled again. Reassured by his words. I could see the lust and desire in his eyes. I understood. I knew I couldn’t offer him much more than kissing yet, so I’d wait. I didn’t want to torture him. But when I glanced down to the tent in his jeans I got the feeling I already was.
The rest of the night passed at a much slower rate. After our kiss, Brayden decided to put on a movie while I made us some popcorn. Contentment swept over me as I watched him from my kitchen counter. He was comfortable here, and more importantly, I was comfortable having him here.
Brayden
When the movie finished I didn’t want to leave. But I knew I had to. Stella had let me into her safe haven, and that was enough for me for now. I kissed her cheek when I left, and told her I would call her tomorrow.
As I walked out to my car my phone beeped. A grin spread across my face when I saw that it was a text from Stella.
~Thank you for tonight. X~
~Is it too soon to ask if I can come back tomorrow night?~
I had gotten in my car and began to pull out of the apartment complex when her reply came through. My heart was pounding in my ears.
~I’d like that.~
~I’ll be there at 6. Goodnight Stella. X~
~Goodnight Brayden. Sweet dreams.~
I dropped my phone into the cup holder and drove home happier than I’d ever been before. I could see a future with Stella, and while I thought that would scare me, I found myself getting excited by the prospect instead.
That night, I did have sweet dreams, very sweet dreams. All involving Stella and that sweet mouth of hers. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow.
Stella
I woke from the best sleep I’d had in a long time. Fergus stirred beside me and licked my face. “Good morning baby, want some breakfast?”
I knew talking to my dog like he was a real person was a bit strange, but he had been my only company all these years. It was habit. I rolled out of bed and strolled into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for myself and Fergus.
Memories from the night before came to me as I leant on the bench. A deep contented sigh left me. Tonight I would tell Brayden my story. I would tell him about my horrific past, and hope it didn’t scare him away. I had to tell him now, before I became any more attached. As it was I would struggle to get over him if he decided me and my baggage were too much for him. But I knew if I waited, it would be much worse.
Work passed quickly today and I hurried out of the office earlier than normal so I could stop by the grocery store and get some things for dinner. I decided I would make a quick creamy chicken pasta tonight. I stopped in the liquor store on my way out of the grocer to get a nice bottle of white wine to go with our meal.
I was home by five, as I glanced at my watch I figured I had enough time for a hurried shower before I had to start dinner. I threw my long hair up in a messy bun and scurried into the shower. When I got out five minutes later Fergus was waiting on the bath mat for me. I hadn’t taken him for his bathroom break.
“Sorry sweetheart. Just give me another minute and I’ll take you out, okay.”
He let out a little whine but followed me into my bedroom. I pulled on a plane black tank top and some old comfy jeans. They were faded and worn, but I loved them. Fergus’s whining had become more incessant, he really had to go. I slipped on my black hoody with Big Bobs Bikes and Auto across the front, and Welcome to Sugartown on the back. I ordered it from one of my favourite authors.
She wrote about girls who were strong. Who had been through things similar to me, yet they came through it. They didn’t turn into a shell of a person like I had. They didn’t let their fear control them. I wanted to be like the heroines in her books.
Grabbing Fergus and his leash we went down stairs to the grassy area and I let him off. He ran off behind a big tree and was back in less than a minute. The smell that followed him made me glad I had trained him well enough to hold it. I did not want that smell in my apartment.
I scooped him up in my arms to protect him from the chill of the afternoon then went back up to get dinner ready. It was already half past five. Once inside, Fergus went and sat in front of the TV waiting for me to put on his cartoons. He was like a real child. I switched them on for him, watched him take up his position on the couch then went back to the kitchen to get dinner on the go before Brayden arrived.
A knock at the door sounded his arrival and butterflies started going riot in my stomach. I placed my hand against it to settle my nerves. But it wasn’t nerves, it was anticipation. I peeked through the peep hole just to be sure it was him. My heart picked up its pace at the sight of him.
Opening the door I stepped back immediately, unlike yesterday, I tried to keep my perusal of him less obvious. He still caught my gaze fixed on his butt as he walked through the door.
He bounced his eyebrows, grin in place, dimples on full display. “Like what you see?”
I nodded, too embarrassed to speak. When I turned after I closed and locked the door he was there. A smug expression on his beautiful face. I could see his desire for me burning in his eyes. I flushed, looking at my feet I felt him cup my cheek. When our eyes met, he paused for a moment, then stepped into my body and kissed me.
I melted against him. My knees went weak and I clutched to his forearms for support. He pulled back, kissed my forehead and held me. I felt right. Him being here.
When dinner was ready we ate on the couch. I crossed my legs, placed a throw pillow on my lap then sat my bowl of pasta on top. When Brayden came over, he sat as close as he possibly could. My knee rested on his thigh. I flushed again.
I liked the constant contact. It felt like he hadn’t stopped touching me since he arrived. He had followed me around the kitchen, getting the bowls and forks ready, but always had a hand on me.
“What’s with the blush?” he asked.
I usually would have hidden behind my curtain of hair, but it was still bunched on top of my head. So I took a deep breath and decided to be honest with him. “It’s nothing, I just like that you’re always touching me. It feels nice.”
“I’m glad you said that. I worried I was being too pushy. I just—” He shook his head and put his bowl of pasta on the coffee table in front of us, then turned so his whole body faced mine. He’s eyes pierced my soul. “I can’t help it. I have to touch you. I have to feel connected to you, even if it’s just a little. All day, I felt like I was going crazy. You’re all I could think of. I got shit all work done. And now that I’m finally here, I just want to hold you, as much as I can.”
I was beaming, he was feeling everything I was. I had let my damaged past hold me back long enough. I wanted Brayden, but I had to tell him first, I had to give him an out. I put my bowl on the coffee table next to his and shuffled around so I was now sitting sideways on the couch.
“I need to tell you something. I need to tell you about what happened to me. I couldn’t deal with it if you found out later and decided you didn’t want to be with me anymore. So—”
Brayden cut me off, “Stop, you don’t have to do this Stella. That’s not why I came here again tonight. Take your time, you can tell me when you’re ready.”
“I am ready, but I’m doing this for completely selfish reasons. If this keeps going the way it is, at the pace it is, I, I need you to know.”
He nodded his head and settled back into the couch. Before he got too comfort
able, he reached forward and grabbed me around the waist. I was startled by the swift movement, before I knew it, I was perched in his lap again.
“I’ve never told anyone what happened. I try not to think about it, ever. I’m going to tell you, but I don’t want to go back there, so, if I seem detached, don’t worry, I’ll be okay as long as you hold me.”
“I’m not going anywhere baby. I’m right here.” He said with a ferocity that comforted me.
I nodded and began to tell him my story. “When I was eighteen, I had been seeing this guy for a little while, and he wanted to take things further but I wasn’t ready yet. He said he understood and we could take it as slow as I wanted to.”
I took a deep breath as I let the memories overtake me. I hadn’t gone there in a long time. As soon as I let go of the tight leash I had on them, the images flooded my mind like it was yesterday.
“One day a couple of months after we started seeing each other, he told me he had something special organised for Saturday night and to make sure I didn’t make any other plans. I was excited, I really liked him. The fact that he was willing to let me set our pace made me like him even more. He was a couple of years older than me, and very attractive. I didn’t know what he saw in me. But he said he loved me. I could tell he was disappointed when I still wasn’t ready to sleep with him after he told me he loved me. But he said he understood.”
I hadn’t realized I had started shaking until Brayden tightened his arms around me. He grounded me, brought me back to the now. I was safe. I knew Brayden would never hurt me like he did.
“Apparently he didn’t understand. I had spent Saturday afternoon getting ready with Sloan’s help. She didn’t really like him, but we had always had different taste in guys, so I put it down to that. I was just about ready when he arrived. Mumma answered the door and let him in, while I ran around my room looking for my shoes.”
