by J B Heller
My annoyance with this whole conversation was at record levels. It wasn’t the first time I had to have one of these little chats. Most men thought that they could claim me like a piece of meat. And when I moved on, they got shitty because it was me discarding them not the other way around.
I took a deep breath to calm myself, “Look, you don’t really care for me as more than a friend Gabe. Sex always complicates things. I should have known better than to think that being friends with benefits wouldn’t affect our friendship. I’m sorry. I would take it back if I could. But…”
He cut me off before I could finish. “Don’t, don’t you dare go there Sloan. There are no take backs, especially when you have meant so much to me. I can accept that our arrangement is over, but if you need me, know I will always be here for you.”
He stood up, walked over to me where I was sitting on my stool. He crouched down on his knees in front of me bringing his face level with mine. “Don’t try to tell me what I do or don’t feel for you.” His big hand came up and cupped my cheek gently. I was stunned, Gabe had never been so affectionate or gentle with me.
His lips twitched with a sad smile. “You are an amazing woman Sloan. I am so grateful to have you in my life, in any way that you will have me.” Then he leant forward and softly kissed my lips before he got to his feet and left the shop.
I touched my lips wondering if that really just happened. What the hell was that? I was still sitting there reeling when Dex came waltzing over and sat in front of me. “Hey Sweets, how’s your day been?”
I shook my head, “What?”
He looked at me funny before repeating his question.
“Oh, sorry, it’s been, uh interesting.” I said, chewing my lip.
Dex raised a brow, “How so?”
I didn’t know how to answer him. I didn’t want to lie to him about Gabe. But I also didn’t want to make an issue out of nothing. So I just shrugged my shoulder and told him about the bimbo and the bone head from this morning.
He just nodded… “So, that big dude I just saw leaving wasn’t your buddy Gabe then?”
Shit. I started fidgeting with my nails, “Umm yeah actually, it was. I was supposed to do some more work on one of his pieces today, but we ahh, decided to leave it a little longer.” That sounded like such a load of crap, but I really didn’t want to tell him what Gabe had said to me.
“Okay, you don’t want to tell me what’s going on with you two, fine. But if he’s in Sloan, I’m out. I don’t share, not now, not ever.” He levelled me with his amber eyes.
I was a little shocked by his words, I didn’t expect him to call me on my shit. He wasn’t going to let it slide and I guessed that wasn’t a bad thing.
I got to my feet, went over to where Dex was sitting and straddled his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned back so we could look into his eyes. I wanted him to see the truth in mine. “You’re not going anywhere pretty boy, and neither am I. It’s come as quite a shock to me, but I don’t want to share you either.”
We kept eye contact for a full minute after I spoke. He seemed to be searching for something in my eyes. I’m pretty sure he found what he was looking for, because after that minute, he nodded his head, closed the distance between us and kissed me.
My body responded immediately. I felt tingles shoot through every part of me, right down to my toes. Things could very easily get out of control if I wasn’t careful. So I pulled back, breaking our kiss and smiled at him.
“There’s that smile I love so much.”
I couldn’t help it. It’s the effect he had on me. He made me happy.
That afternoon I completed most of the detail in Dex’s wings. They were going to look amazing when I was finished. I wondered if he had any respect for their meaning. Eagle wings were very symbolic. I wondered why he had chosen them. “Dex?”
He tilted his head towards me, “Hmm, what’s up Sweets?”
“Why did you choose eagle wings?”
He tensed up initially. That told me more than words could. He had chosen them for a reason. But he slowly relaxed his body and rolled his tense neck releasing the bunched up muscles there.
“As you know, I don’t really have a relationship with my father. I moved out of his house about two years ago. Trying to get some distant from his constant disappointment in me, and to put some space between us.
“Not so long ago, I severed all ties with him, his company, and the life he had planned for me. I felt so relieved when I did it. Like I was weightless, I could just fly away, and find a life of my own choosing. For the first time in my life I had real freedom and control over what my future holds.
“I had always wanted to get a tattoo, or a few. But my father wouldn’t approve, I didn’t want to give him something else to add to my list of shortcomings. But once I was free of him, I started looking into what I would like to get. I found a site that went into great detail about the symbolism and meaning behind different designs. And the eagle wings just called to me. You know?”
He turned his head to look at me sitting behind him, doing the final touches to the detailing. My heart was pounding, I felt honoured that he had chosen me to give him something that meant so much to him. “Yeah, I do.”
There was that smile again. I could feel it trying to get out, so I let it. I beamed at him. I was so proud of him. I couldn’t even imagine living with a man as cold as Johnathan Jordan. My home growing up was always so warm and filled with love and acceptance. I had a feeling Dex had never experienced those things.
It became my mission to show him what it felt like when someone genuinely cared for you, accepted you and believed in you.
Gabe
I’d been pacing in my office for an hour, did she even know who she was getting involved with? I doubted it. She would have ripped his balls off when she found out who he was. Unless, yes! Of course. That’s the whole reason she’s with him. The only way to get to Johnathan is by using his son. Smart girl Sloan.
I felt so much better now that I’d figured all this out. It was driving me crazy trying to work out why she would be with that little douchebag. I relaxed back into my desk chair, never more relieved that I’d spent such a ridiculous amount of money on a chair. She would use him and toss him aside.
When you can’t get to the father, the next best thing is the son.
I wouldn’t stand in her way anymore. I’d let her play her little game for now, and when she’s done with him, I’ll still be here.
Dexter
Two Weeks Later…
The last two weeks had been the best yet most torturous of my life. I was trying so hard to give Sloan the space she needed. But there were never enough hours in the day. She had finished my eagle wings last week. They looked amazing. I felt stronger within myself having them there. The tips of the wings reached all the way to the back of my elbows.
She had done it in three four hour sessions. I couldn’t have let anyone else do it. The only way I got through the pain was knowing that it was Sloan’s tiny hands holding that gun, slicing me open with its tiny little needles.
Call me a pansy, I don’t care. That shit hurts. And anyone who says it doesn’t, well that pricks lying.
I was heading over to Sloan’s place again for the third time this week. She’d been flat out at work so I’d only seen her of a night time for a couple of hours. We’d been getting to know each other better on a physical level but I really wanted to know more about her life. I knew how important her work was to her. But I wanted to know everything about her.
Tonight I was determined to talk before we jumped each other. When I got to Sloan’s townhouse I walked straight in without knocking. She had started leaving the door unlocked when she knew I was coming around. She was relaxing into our relationship more each day.
She was cooking us dinner when I arrived, and I could hear the most beautiful voice coming from the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of Sloan swaying her hips singing along to Duf
fy’s Breaking My Own Heart. Her voice was deep and soulful. She hadn’t heard me come in, so I didn’t interrupt her. I was enjoying silently observing her. She would never have been this at ease if she knew I was here watching her.
When the song finished and the next started she continued singing, but her swaying hips slowed to a more sensuous rhythm as Emma Louise’s Jungle blasted out of the speakers of her iPod dock. She was so beautiful, lost in the music. I was growing hard watching the slow figure eight her hips were rotating in. I had to blink a few times to break myself from the trace that I was quickly being pulled into.
I snuck into the kitchen right up behind her, wrapped my arms around her little waist and placed a kiss on the top of her head. She jumped in my arm, but I knew it was coming, so I tightened my grip on her before she could spin around and try to knife me again. “It’s just me Sweets.”
I felt her body sag before I loosened my hold on her. She slowly turned around in the circle of my arms. Looking down into her wide green eyes I was mesmerised. I knew why I had so much trouble controlling my baser instincts when I was around her. Before I knew what I was doing, those three little words slipped passed my lips and Sloan’s once soft, warm body went ridged as she froze up.
I panicked, “I’m sorry,” I blurted.
She didn’t say anything though, just continued to stare up into my eyes.
“I didn’t mean to say it, not because I don’t mean it, but because I know you’re not ready to hear it.” I tried to explain, but still nothing. I lifted my hand and gently closed her gaping mouth. “It’s okay Sweets, you don’t have to say it back. I know it’s too soon for you. Please say something though.”
Her body slowly started to soften again. Her eyes had never left mine and I could see so many emotions swirling around in them. None staying long enough to identify, then they cleared and it was like her eyes were shining emeralds. I hoped I wasn’t seeing things but I could have sworn I saw my feelings mirrored in them.
“I love you too Dex, so much it scares me.” A single tear slid down her cheek.
I gently swiped it away with my thumb. I was so ecstatic I thought I was going to explode. She loved me? She fucking loved me!
I picked her up and did the corny spin with her in my arms, but I couldn’t help it. Just then the perfect song started to play, Michael Jackson’s You Rock My World. Huge grins spread across both our faces, I had to kiss her, now. So I did.
I lifted her higher in my arms, placing her arse on the edge of the kitchen counter and poured all my emotions into that kiss. She responded just like I knew she would, wrapping her legs around my waist, kissing me back with equal passion.
When we came up for air the song was just finishing. I threw my head back and started laughing. Sloan punched me in the arm. “What are you laughing at pretty boy?”
She was adorable. She had narrowed her eyes and her little nose was scrunched up. I wanted to kiss that frown off her face. But I decided it would be safer to just answer her. “I just didn’t pick you for a Michael Jackson fan, is all.”
The frown disappeared and was replaced with that gorgeous smile she was donning more and more lately. She lifted one shoulder and scrunched up her nose again. “I have eclectic taste in music. Well actually, in most of my life.”
That she did. I stepped back from between her legs and helped her off the counter. “I’ll help you finish dinner.”
“Okay, can you get the salad ready?”
“Sure.”
We worked around the kitchen in perfect sync, making small talk about our days. When dinner was ready we sat across from each other at the breakfast bar in the kitchen and dug in.
It was fantastic. Sloan was an excellent cook. She had made a lasagne from scratch. If I wasn’t already in love with the woman, this would have sealed the deal. She had a good laugh when I told her as much.
I knew as soon as we had finished eating our meal I wouldn’t be able to control myself much longer and I’d be devouring her as soon as I could. So we had to talk now or it wasn’t going to happen tonight. “So do you want to finish that talk we started a few weeks back? Getting to know each other and all that?”
Sloan shrugged, “Sure. Where should we start?”
“Wherever you want.”
“Okay, so you’ve met Stella. She’s the only family I have now. What about you? Do you have any siblings?”
I didn’t want to have this conversation yet. We had already dealt with far too many heavy emotions in such a short time. But how could I expect Sloan to be honest with me if I wasn’t honest with her. It was time to come clean. “I have a little sister. Her name is Isabella.”
She didn’t notice my hesitation, and launched into the conversation. “How little? I call Stella my little sister, she’s four minutes younger than me. Younger is younger, right. It’s really the only thing I can lord over her. She’s a wiz with numbers and she’s confronting life head on now that she has Bray. I’m so proud of her. I feel so protective of her, I don’t think it has anything to do with technically being older, or even stronger. But I just know it’s my job to protect her, you know?”
I was filled with shame. Protecting your siblings is what you’re supposed to do. But I didn’t. I didn’t protect Isabella and now she’s gone. I couldn’t look at Sloan. I felt so beneath her. One look at her and everyone knew she would do whatever it took to protect her sister. I was a coward. Was. But I would make it up to Isabella somehow. I had to.
I felt Sloan’s small hand on mine, gently rubbing it. “Hey, you okay? I hit a nerve huh? You can talk about it you know. I won’t judge you. I am in no position to judge anyone. What’s eating at you?”
I was the one who’d been pushing for Sloan to open up to me and I was no hypocrite. “I was hoping not to have this conversation just yet, but I don’t want there to be anything between us. I won’t hide anything from you. I know if I want honesty and trust from you, I have to give it first. Isabella is a big part of me.”
Sloan looked nervous, she had started chewing on her thumb nail, her eyes flicking around the room, everywhere but on me. “Sloan?”
“On second thought, you don’t have to tell me. I mean, you can if you want to but it’s not that important. We can talk about something else. I know you can’t handle my baggage. I don’t want you to think that telling me this will make me tell you about my past.”
“I understand, but I don’t think that. I want to tell you about Isabella. I’ll start at the beginning. Isabella is very much my little sister. She’s ten years younger than me. My mother died giving birth to her. From the moment my father brought her home, he despised her.
“But she was never in need of anything. She had round the clock care, from several live-in nannies, who were also my father’s play things. Even though my father didn’t want anything to do with her, I was fascinated by this tiny little person. I spent all my spare time with her. We were very close. Well, at least I thought we were.
“About a year ago she started to change. I figured it was just hormonal stuff. I mean what would I know about a fifteen year old girl? She was drawing away from me slowly, spending more time with her friends. I thought that was normal too. I wasn’t too worried until she started lying to me about where she had been or who she had plans with.
“When I caught her out, she started crying and told me she had a boyfriend that father wouldn’t approve of so she was keeping him a secret. I demanded she at least tell me who he was and when she would be with him. I also took her to a doctor to make sure she had birth control for when the time came.
“I didn’t like the thought of my little sister having sex, ugh just the thought makes me shudder, but I was trying to be realistic, you know? She assured me she wasn’t interested in sex yet but she would come to me if she had any questions or anything like that.”
Sloan smiled at me, tenderness shining in her eyes, “You’re a wonderful brother Dex. She’s lucky to have you.”
“No Sloan, I’m
not. I failed her. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting her discover herself. I had looked into the boy she was seeing, I’d even paid him a little visit just to make sure he wasn’t just some little weasel trying to get into her pants. And to let him know that I would never be far away should he screw up. He seemed like a really nice guy who was genuinely interested in Isabella.
“Six months ago I got a call from Isabella’s boyfriend, Chase. He was worried about her, she hadn’t been returning his calls and she hadn’t shown up for their date the night before either. I knew she was crazy about him so something definitely wasn’t right.
“I went over my father’s house to talk to her. But she wasn’t there. I looked all throughout the house, and all her favourite places on the property she used to go to think or read. My father found me searching for her and told me not to bother, because she had gone away to a boarding school in Europe.
“I didn’t believe him. She would have told me if she was thinking about doing something like that. And she definitely would have told Chase. I couldn’t see her leaving by her own choice. I was pretty sure she was in love with Chase. She hadn’t told me as much yet, but you could see it when she talked about him. I envied her for finding love so young. I hoped she would be able to hold onto it.
“My father wouldn’t tell me anything else. Not even the name of the school she had gone to. Nothing was making sense. I called Chase back to tell him and he was devastated. That’s when he told me that Isabella thought she might have been pregnant.
“I’m glad he told me that over the phone because I would have beaten the shit out of him if it was in person. He and my sister may well have been in love but she was far too young to have a baby. She had her whole life ahead of her. And as mature as Isabella was for a sixteen year old, the fact remained, she was still just sixteen.
“I knew my father wouldn’t stand for such a scandal. He would see it as a stain on the family name. If he had found out, I don’t know what he would have done.
