by J B Heller
Now I had lost Sloan completely, the only woman I have ever really loved. She didn’t want me in her life anymore, and it was my own fault.
Such a dick. I pushed my hands through my already messy hair again before walking back into the office. I was ready to have my arse kicked. I could take either one of them, Bray or Dex, but I deserved whatever shit was about to come my way.
Dexter
Seeing Sloan laying there motionless had nearly dropped me to my knees. She was always so strong, a fighter. Whatever it was that Gabe knew about her, it was her breaking point. I wanted to beat the ever living shit out of him. Not just because he was responsible for her being like this now, but because he knew things about her that I probably never would.
Now was not the time for my jealousy to rear its ugly head, but the fact that the guy had not only slept with her, but now he knows more about her than I do was eating at me. Add on to that, he’s the only way of finding Isabella.
I was at a loss. I had no idea what to do. So I kissed her. I licked her soft plump bottom lip before biting down on it gently and whispering against her lips. “Please baby, please wake up. I need you Sloan, I love you.”
I breathed out against her lips, when I felt her hand twitch in mine I sat back quickly and glanced at our interlocked hands. Waiting, watching to see if she would do it again. And she did, she clutched my hand tightly. I looked back to her beautiful face, her eyes were still closed, her eyebrows scrunched together, and worry lines marred her forehead.
“I’m here Sweets, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Wake up for me now baby.” I kissed her lips again, this time they relaxed at my touch. Leaning back a little so I could see her face I saw her eyelids flutter. Relief swept over me like a tidal wave. She was back. It took her a minute to focus on my face, when she did I could see the pent up anguish leave her.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Her softly spoken words were the sweetest I had ever heard. I knew she loved me, in her own way. But every time I heard her say it, my heart beat ten times faster. All I could do was smile back at her, and kiss her lips again, she kissed me back, and all was right in the world. Her lips slid against mine like silk, followed by her tongue. I was instantly hard, I mentally chastised myself. Now was not the time.
I had to break the kiss before I got carried away like I usually did whenever I kissed her. Brushing a few strands of hair behind her ear I cupped her face in my palm. I loved this woman more than anything in the world. “You want to tell me what happened Sweets?”
Before I finished my sentence her eyes grew wide and she began shaking her head. I knew from previous conversations that she thought her past would send me running. But I knew without a doubt, nothing could make me leave her except death itself. Even then I’d fight like hell to stay with her. “There is nothing you can say that will make me walk away from you Sweets, not now, not ever.”
“You wouldn’t walk Dex, you’d run.” She said in a pained whisper.
Softly running my fingertips down her cheek I gently chastised, “Silly girl, I promise you. That will NEVER happen. Never.”
She turned her face away from me; I could see tears trickling down her cheek. As gently as I could, I turned her back to face me. “Look at me Sloan. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, the only thing that will stop that from happening is you. I’m in this for the long haul, I’m not going to leave you. I swear it on my mother’s grave, I have never loved anyone like I love you. Open up to me, be with me. I’ve given you all of me, will you give me all of you?”
I feared her answer. I was worried she would choose to let her past rule her. I couldn’t let that happen. Earlier in our relationship I had decided to let her keep her secrets, if it was that important to her. But now it was clear, the only way she would ever fully trust in me, in us, was if I knew all there was about her. And proved that I wasn’t going to leave.
Sloan
He wanted me to give all of myself to him, even the ugly parts. I couldn’t risk losing him, but he’s so adamant he’ll stay. Can I do this? I want to, I do, I want be with him 100%. I want him to love all of me, the way I love all of him. I suppose it comes down to trust.
Do I trust him? Yes.
Am I scared? Shit yes.
Can I do this? Relive the most horrific experience of my life? I’ve tried to live as though it never happened. But it still haunts me. I’ve never felt truly safe, until Dex. I owe him this. I owe him my honesty. But not here.
Just as I was about to answer him Gabe came walking back into the room. I hadn’t even thought about him or anyone else since opening my eyes and seeing Dex hovering over me. But it all came crashing back in. Gabe knows. He knows what happened to me, and he knows what I did. I sat up too fast and my head started spinning. I grabbed it with both hands as I swayed trying to move into a sitting position on the couch.
Dex was by my side, with his large arm slung around my shoulder, the other was resting across my lap, holding my hip. I knew he would want to be kicking Gabe’s arse right now, but he was comforting me instead. He completely ignored Gabe’s presence in the room. Glancing at Gabe, I could see the sorrow and confusion spread across his face.
I was angry with him for digging into things that were none of his business. But I guess that’s what he does. I was stupid to think he wouldn’t look into my past. Everyone knows I have secrets, most people know to just leave it alone, but not him apparently. I knew why he had done it. But it didn’t lessen my anger. I felt betrayed.
“Sloan, I’m sorry. I should never have looked into your past. But for the record, what I found only made me admire you more. I—”
I held my hand up, I couldn’t hear this right now. Maybe one day, but not today. “Don’t. You betrayed my trust. I’m going to need some time before I can be around you again. And as for Isabella—”
“She and the baby will be landing at a private air strip about twenty minutes out of town tonight. I’ve made all the arrangements. I’ve managed to keep it under Johnathan’s radar so far. The rest is in your hands.”
Dex stiffened then relaxed beside me. He was getting his sister back. And a new niece or nephew too. Looking into his eyes I saw that they were glassy with unshed tears. They were the colour of dark malt whisky. I could see the internal battle he was having with his emotions. He was grateful to Gabe for finding Isabella and bringing her home, but he also hated him.
After a few moments of silence Dex released his hold on me and stood up to face Gabe. I had no idea where this was going to go. Especially when I saw Stella, Bray and Ivy enter the room. Dex extended his open hand out to Gabe, and he took it. They shook hands once then let go.
“How?” Dex asked.
I could imagine how frustrating it must have been for Dex, he had been looking for Isabella for months, and Gabe had found her and got her home in a matter of weeks.
Gabe shrugged, “Does it really matter? Just be at the landing strip at eight o’clock tonight. She’ll be expecting you. You’ll need to pick up baby shit before then though. She didn’t have time to grab much before she left.”
Gabe handed Dex a piece of paper with what I assumed was the directions to the landing strip. Dex took it swallowing hard and nodding. I think he was just realising he was now an uncle.
Dex seemed to be turning all the information around in his head. His brows were bunched and he was rubbing his forehead. Then all of a sudden he stood upright, his stance shifted and he swung his right fist landing it right in Gabe’s jaw. No one said anything.
The room was silent until Dex finally spoke. “That was for Sloan. I’ll give you whatever you want for finding Isabella and returning her home safely, except Sloan. I. Will. Never. Give. Her. Up. Understand?”
Gabe was rubbing his already bruising jaw. “You hit hard for a pretty boy. I don’t want your money, take it as my apology. I should never have used your sister as a bargaining chip. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for my behaviour, towards both
of you.”
Dex flexed his knuckles, “Apology accepted. But I will be paying you, Isabella is my responsibility. I—”
Gabe shook his head, “Spend it on the baby. I won’t take it.”
After a moment Dex rubbed the back of his neck then looked around the room, “Okay then. Are we done here? I have some shopping to do it would seem.”
Gabe cleared his throat, “Actually, I’ve arranged for some fake ID’s to be made for Isabella and the baby. I didn’t know if she would want to be popping up on your father’s radar just yet. They won’t be ready until next week though. I’ll have Ivy call you when they’re done.”
A small smile graced Dex’s face before he held out his hand to Gabe again. “Thanks man.”
Dex turned back around to me, took my hands and helped me up from the couch. He guided me out of the offices and out to his car. We stood outside his car breathing in the crisp evening air together for a few minutes before talking.
“Sweets, are you feeling well enough to come with me tonight?” He asked softly.
I nodded. I had decided to tell him about my past. But we had Isabella and the baby to worry about right now. I didn’t want my past interfering with my future any more than it already had. “I’m fine, as long as we’re together, I’ll always be fine. I will tell you about, everything, but not tonight. Tonight is about celebrating having Isabella and the baby home where they belong.”
The smile on his face melted the last of the ice clinging to my once frozen heart. Footsteps and whispers were coming towards us, it was Stella and Bray. I was glad they were here, although I didn’t like Stella seeing me so weak, having her near strengthened me.
She threw her arms around me and held me tight. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ve always known you have secrets. I know why you keep them from me, but don’t keep them from Dex. That man loves you. Let him in.”
“I will.” I whispered into her shoulder.
I was done keeping Dex at arm’s length in certain areas of my life. Stella and I separated and turned to the boys, who were having a deep discussion about baby goods.
“I don’t know shit about baby stuff man. All I know is they eat, sleep, scream and shit.” Bray said frowning.
Dex looked concerned, “And you think I do?”
Bray gave Dex a look that could only be described as obtuse, “You practically raised Isabella, all those nannies ever did was screw your dad.”
Nodding, Dex chewed his bottom lip, “Yeah, true. But that was a long time ago, and everything was already there. I didn’t have to go buy anything.”
Just then they looked up at us watching them. “What?” They said in unison, which made their whole conversation that much more amusing.
We instructed them to go get a capsule for the baby to ride in the car. While Stella and I went to get nappies, wipes, creams, clothes blah blah blah.
Dex kissed me goodbye and drove off with Bray in his car. Stella and I decided to drop my car back to my place first and take hers to get the baby goods, since not much would fit in Betty. Stella’s Prius had much more space for shopping bags and I imagined there would be many.
When we got to Target we decided to spilt up and just get the basics for now. Time wasn’t on our side. Isabella would be arriving in less than two hours. And since neither of us had ever met her we didn’t know what her taste was like. We could take her shopping in a few days after she was settled in. Besides all that, we had forgotten to ask if the baby was a boy or a girl.
Stella went to the clothes section and I went to get the nappies and creams. I didn’t know anything about babies either, but I figured my maternal instincts would kick in and I would just know what to pick.
I was wrong, so very, very wrong.
How many different kinds of nappies could there be. Before me stood a wall filled just with nappies. I grabbed a box of Huggies, even I had heard of those. When I turned around there was a wall of nappy rash creams. Seriously? Why’d they have to make it so complicated? I picked the one with the coolest name- Bottom Butter.
Further down the aisle I found the wipes, I figured I should stick to one brand, keep it simple. So I grabbed some Huggies wipes too. I was just going to get one packet, but babies pooh a lot right? So I opted for the box instead. I was glad I had taken a trolley with me, there was no way I could carry all these boxes to the counter.
I wandered around looking at all the baby stuff just picking out what I thought she might need. I found a nice wrap thing that held the baby close to you but your hands were free. I’d seen women wearing them before and the kid always seemed pretty happy in there all mushed up in its mums boobs. So I threw one of those in too.
When I found Stella my jaw dropped. We were supposed to meet back at the front of the store but she wasn’t there so I went looking for her. She had a whole trolley full of baby clothes and blankets and shoes and hats.
“I thought we were just getting basics? And neutral stuff? What the hell is all that?” I asked as I approached.
Stella looked in her trolley then back at me and shrugged her shoulders. “The neutral stuff is ugly. So I got things for a boy or a girl. I can return whatever she doesn’t need. Look at these shoes! Aren’t they the cutest things you’ve ever seen?”
She held up a pair of mini converse. I had to admit they were pretty cute. Stella was in her element. “You really like all this stuff huh. Don’t tell me you’re pregnant.” I joked.
Stella’s face dropped and she looked at the floor. Shit! “Are you pregnant Stella? It’s totally awesome if you are, I didn’t mean anything by that.”
When she looked back to me her eyes were glazed over. “No, I’m not pregnant. I can’t get pregnant Sloan.”
My stomach churned with the hurt in her broken voice. “Stella, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
Now I was crying. Stella would make a great mother. Me, not so much, but Stella, she was a born nurturer. I took her in my arms and we stood in the middle of all the baby clothes crying together.
When she stepped back she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s okay. Brayden and I are going to look into adoption. We want to start our family soon, and the adoption process takes a long time. We’re going to get signed up at the agency next week.”
My heart hurt for her, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You’ve had a lot on your plate lately, helping Dex find Isabella and dealing with your own problems. I didn’t want to burden you.” She said with a shrug.
I wanted to band my head on a wall, “You are never a burden to me Stella. We’re sisters, this is what we do, we rely on each other for the strength to get through these things.”
A different kind of sadness filled her eyes now, “No, you have never had to rely on me for strength, I’m the weak one. I know that. I wish you would rely on me, but it’s not who you are.”
She was right. I had never shared my problems with her, or anyone else for that matter. “I’m sorry.”
That’s all I could say because I knew I wouldn’t start sharing my problems with her. She smiled sadly at me knowing that things wouldn’t change between us. Then she picked up a pink frilly dress and swished it around in the air. “Anyway, isn’t this gorgeous! Look, it even has matching booties.”
I cringed, “It’s pink and frilly Stell, not really my style.”
We had a little time so I decided to look around at the clothes too. I found the cutest tiny pair of red skinny jeans with a little rock star logo patch on the back pocket and a grey t-shirt with a fake bandana around the neck. That would be my contribution to the clothes pile. A girl or boy could rock that outfit.
We paid for all the items and jammed them into Stella’s Prius. It only just fit. We loaded the boot and the back seats. I called Dex to tell him we were done and would meet him back at my place. I hadn’t even realised that we hadn’t talked about where Isabella would be staying. I thought hard about it on the drive home.
Bray and Dex were waiting for
us at the counter in the kitchen when we got back. Both Stella and I were loaded down with bags. The boys started laughing at our little shopping spree.
“There’s more in the car, off you two go, you can get the rest.” I directed.
Dex stopped laughing but Bray kept going. “There’s more? How much stuff does one baby need?”
“A lot apparently, now go.” I gestured towards the front door with a tilt of my chin.
They returned a few minutes later with the rest of the bags and boxes. Stella and I had put the first lot in my spare room down stairs, I told the boys to do the same. By the time everything was unloaded it was time to go to the air strip. Stella and Bray were going to wait here and I went with Dex.
Sloan
When we pulled out of my driveway I decided now was the best time to broach the topic of where Isabella would be staying. “So, have you thought about where Isabella and the baby will be staying?”
“I think it would be best if she stayed at your place, if that’s okay?” He said, glancing at me from the corner of his eye as he focused on the road.
“Of course it is. You stay at my place most nights anyway.” I smiled.
He squeezed my hand and pulled it into his lap. “I knew you’d be alright with it, but I didn’t want you to think I just expected it to be okay with you.”
“I know, so how are you feeling?”
His knee was bouncing, “Nervous as shit. I don’t know what to say to her. I failed her. I just hope she can forgive me.”
“She will,” I told him, “I’m sure she knows there was nothing you could have done. You have to stop blaming yourself. This is all on your psychotic father.”
He didn’t say anything, just stared into the night ahead of us. We arrived at the address Gabe had given him with ten minutes to spare. Dex may have sped a little in his eagerness to see Isabella. We got out and leaned against the back of Dex’s Camaro while we waited. I stood with my back pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around my middle.
