by A. M. Wilson
The two of us sit silently in Elias’s kitchen for God knows how long. When my heartbeat returns to normal, I realize I should let her go and get out of here. Instead, I nuzzle my beard along her arm, and when she doesn’t pull away, I bring our entwined hands to my lips.
She doesn’t flinch when I press my mouth to the back of her hand, but her soft intake of breath sounds in my ear. It’s breathy and whispery, and fuck it all, the sensation echoes right in my dick.
“Hey, you all right?” The moment splinters with Elias’s question, the sound of his footsteps confirming he’s joined us in the kitchen.
“Yeah,” I grunt. With one last squeeze, I release Shelby’s hand. She steps back to give me room to stand. I snag my bag of clothes that I dropped and hike it over my shoulder.
Elias’s eyes narrow, but he doesn’t question further. “Going somewhere?” He nods toward my bag of clothes.
“Gettin’ outta your space is all.”
“You’re welcome to stay.”
“I know. I’m good goin’ home.” I hold my voice steady. I keep my eyes locked on Elias’s even though they’re burning to see if Shelby has a reaction to that. I don’t know what it says about me that I want her to have a reaction. I do, though. I want her to ask me to stay.
He nods in understanding.
“Let me know if you two need anything, yeah?”
“Will do, brother.”
I walk to the door, and Elias steps aside to let me pass. I don’t know why, but I feel like Shelby should be coming with me. Like she belongs with me. We share something much bigger than anything Elias could share with her, and that bond is pulling me to her. But I have to leave her behind for her own safety and mine. So without even a backward glance, I walk into the hall and do just that.
I leave her behind.
Chapter Ten
Sin
“I need to know if you’re still in.”
“This isn’t about me. What I need to know is if you should even be doing this,” Richard replies.
I pace back across my living room. “If you really question that, I think it’s safe to say you’re out.”
“Sin.”
“Don’t. Don’t try to step into his shoes. He wasn’t much of a father while he was alive. I don’t need you trying either. You wouldn’t do much better.”
“You’re probably right about that, but I’m old as dirt, and I know what I’m talking about. I think it’s time for you to seriously consider putting Molly to rest. It’s time to move on with your life.” He’s right about one thing. I can hear the tiredness in his voice, and it isn’t from a long, hard day.
“You know that’s not possible,” I growl.
Richard sighs. “I know you think that, son. I also know you’re going to run yourself into the ground if you don’t stop with this path you’ve been going down for the past couple of years. Any cover we had was blown the day your dad was killed. We’re out of options, and you’re losing your purpose.”
“My purpose? My purpose is to find my sister. I haven’t lost anything besides the man who raised me, and the woman who meant everything to me.”
“You’ve lost yourself.”
I stop pacing behind the couch and grip the back so hard that my knuckles turn white. My head falls back between my shoulder blades. “I’m fine,” I snarl.
“That’s fine, son. Glad to hear you think so. I’m sorry, but unless we get a new lead or something changes, we can’t keep going in blind.”
“Fine. Then you’re out. Elias and I—ˮ
The old bastard cuts me off. “You and Elias have too much life left to live to spend it chasing after ghosts. Trust me when I say if you let him put his ass on the line for you and he dies, you’re going to spend the rest of your life regretting it.”
I swallow hard. He’s right, dammit. I can’t keep letting them do this for me.
“Right. Guess I’ll be in touch if something new surfaces.”
“Think about what I said, Sin. Think long and hard about where your life is going to go. You know I’m here for whatever you need, but we need to be rational. We need a plan.”
“Will do, Richard. Later.”
“Have a good night.”
I power off the call and toss my phone onto the couch, my mind a million miles away. I walk around to the front and take a seat, sinking into the old, worn-out cushions. My elbows hit my knees, and my head drops into my hands.
What am I doing here?
A knock sounds at the door. Shit. I look that way, wishing I had X-ray vision so I didn’t have to get up again.
Whoever’s there knocks again a little louder. It doesn’t sound like they’re going away.
I hoist myself up and prowl to the door. I grip the still crooked handle and yank it open.
“Yeah?”
Shelby stands in the hallway to my apartment, looking pale and terrified out of her mind. Before the door stops moving inward, she pushes past and lets herself inside.
“What the fuck?” I growl. I rake over her for five seconds to make sure she isn’t hurt, then step out into the hall. The place is silent. I jog over to the stairs and look down over the banister. I can see down several flights of stairs, all the way to the ground floor. Still, nobody is around.
Stalking back inside, I slam the door shut, walk up to Shelby, and cup the sides of her head so she can’t run away or go into some catatonic state again. Our faces are so close I can smell the spearmint on her breath from the gum she’s chewing, and I lower mine to her level. “What happened?”
“N-nothing happened.”
“Are you hurt?”
She shakes her head, but it doesn’t go far with my hands holding her still.
“Did Elias do something to you?” The words taste bitter in my mouth. I know that man would never hurt her, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t say something unintentionally that upset her. Even so, he’d never let her run off alone.
“No,” she murmurs.
“Then what the fuck is it?” The confirmation she hasn’t been hurt relaxes me some, but my heart still races at a hundred miles a minute.
Her fingers twist in front of her stomach. “I wanted to see you, so Elias dropped me off. I told him I’d be fine to walk myself up but …”
She starts to look away. Using my thumb and index finger, I capture her chin and bring her eyes back to mine.
“But what?”
Her eyes well with tears, and the words come spilling out. “But then I remembered how mean you were this morning and that the last thing you probably wanted to do was to see me, so I stood outside your door for I don’t know how long.” She dashes away a stray tear with the back of her hand, and my heart breaks for her. “I tried to use this stupid cell phone to call Elias back, but I don’t know how to work it.”
My stomach bottoms out at her distress. “Shelby.”
“A few men walked by, and I thought I was going to die I was so scared. I realized it was either you or them, so I finally knocked. I’m sorry,” she mutters in a defeated voice.
Without thinking, I slide my hands around her back and crush her against my chest. I nudge the hair away from her ear with my chin and put my lips there. “You’re so brave, blossom. So damn brave.”
It doesn’t pass my notice that her hands hang limply at her sides while mine are wrapped around her tight, but once I praise her for her courage, she slips hers around my waist, and she fists the shirt at my back. As the seconds pass, her grip gets tighter. She takes a shuddering breath, and as she releases it, her body starts to melt into mine and relax.
“Atta girl. You’re fine.” If I could stay clamped tight, I would, but I need to let her go. As I pull away, I can feel her reluctance to step back. Using my index finger, I swipe some hair away from her eye.
Shelby steps back and swallows hard.
“Gotta grab my keys and coat, then I’m takin’ you for a ride.”
“Where’re we going?”
“You’ll see.” I
snag her relaxed hand and tug her out the door.
Having her pressed against my back on the bike is no less thrilling than the first time. I just wish it lasted more than ten minutes. We pull into the alley behind the bar and park. As I move to dismount, it hits me. I look over at Shelby, but she doesn’t seem to recognize where we are. And I’m not about to point out the dumpster she was left beside just a handful of weeks ago.
I thread my fingers through hers again and unlock the back door. Music and conversation filter through to the stock area. Good. That means there are people here.
“What are we doing here?” she shouts above the music, but I just pull her along. She’ll see in about thirty seconds anyway.
We hit the main space, and fury hits me at the sight. The place is completely trashed. Garbage litters the floor, and empties cover the majority of the tables. People aren’t even sitting at them. Some are dancing, but the majority are crowding the bar where my newly hired manager, Christopher, is taking a body shot off some nearly naked bitch.
I want to wring his damn neck, but this is on me. This is what I get for hiring someone and disappearing for weeks without checking in.
Shelby chases after me as I nearly drag her through the crowd to the bar. I lift the partition and pull her through.
“Hey, you can’t be in-Oh.”
“Yeah,” I reply darkly. “Oh.”
Christopher takes a step back, and Shelby presses in behind me. She can probably feel the rage coming off me.
“Get your ass out there and clean up my fuckin’ bar, or you won’t see a dime.”
His face hardens, but he knows he has no ground to argue if he wants to get paid. “Sure. Okay.” He starts to edge past me, so I grab a serving tray and slam it into his chest. The breath leaves his lungs in a small poof.
“You’ll need that to collect the empties.”
He glares at me as he passes.
“Right. That’s done.” Craning my head over my shoulder, I see Shelby trying to merge with my back and catch her scared eyes. “Come here.”
A grin tugs at my lips when she slides around my body without letting go. She ducks under my arm and plasters her front to mine. “Yes?”
I grip her shoulders and pull her back a step. As good as she feels against me, we are here for a purpose.
“You ready to help me?”
“Help … you?”
“Look at this place. It’s clear that fucker can’t handle it himself, and I need to get my bar back in order. You up for that?”
She looks at her feet. “I don’t think I can be here.” Her eyes come back to mine, and she whispers, “There are so many men. What if one of them … knows me?”
Every single time, she eviscerates me with her fear. “Nobody is going to touch you. If one of them so much as looks at you funny, I’ll take ’em out.”
“I don’t know …” She trails off.
“Shelby.” I command her attention with my tone. “I swear to you, I will take down anyone who so much as looks at you funny. Trust me.”
Her eyes flit back and forth between mine. Indecision is written all over her face, so I make the decision for her.
As gently as I can, I move her to the inside corner of the bar. “You’ll be safe here. Help me get drinks, yeah?”
Then I step up to the bar. “Everyone, listen up.” The few regulars let out a couple of whistles and cheers while Christopher’s frat boys look confused as fuck. Wouldn’t be surprised if he told them he owned the place. “I’m back in town so business as usual. That said, this girl right here is mine, and if any of you fuckers so much as look at her the wrong way, I’ll snap your neck.” I trail my gaze slowly through the crowd, trying to make eye contact with as many of those pricks as I can. I know they receive my message when a few of them look away and turn pale.
“First round’s on the bar since you’ve had to put up with my new manager for the past couple of weeks, and I can see he’s done a piss-poor job at keepin’ up with the place.” His crowd laughs while my regulars glare at where Christopher is trying to balance a full tray of empties.
“You drop those, I’m takin’ the money out of your check,” I bark over the noise. He glares at me but somehow manages to carry the tray into the back without making a mess.
After my announcement, the pace picks up, and I’m busy filling drinks. Shelby helps grab bottles from the coolers. It isn’t long before she starts to relax and even smiles once in a while. I like that she seems to be enjoying herself. The atmosphere of my bar is pretty friendly when I don’t have douchebags trying to turn it into a frat house.
Once the initial round of free drinks goes out, we have a few minutes to clean up. I keep her in the inside corner but test her by walking farther away. The first time, I fill a new sanitizer bucket for wiping down the bar top. She tenses the farther away I go. I can see the indecision in her eyes, warring with herself to follow or stay put. When I return, she busies herself with cleaning up any spills.
The second time, I refill the ice from behind the bar. I grin to myself when I come back around the corner and find her pretending to clean the very back corner of the bar. As soon as she sees I’ve come back, she relaxes.
The thing is, I’m a dick, and I wouldn’t be Sin if I wasn’t, so I push her. I push her because it needs to be done. I don’t know what Elias has been doing with her while I was out tearing my life to shreds, but I’d guess it wasn’t much. He treats her like glass while I want to show her she isn’t going to break.
Bill, one of my regulars, calls me over, and an idea forms in my head. I give Shelby a reassuring glance and walk over to the other side of the bar.
“You feel like doin’ me a favor?” I ask before he can order another drink.
His buddy Earl leans into the conversation. “Whatchya need? I’d do anything to have you back instead of that moron you hired. Woulda called you back myself, but figured you needed some time to grieve for your old man.”
My jaw clenches.
“Shut up, Earl. The man’s doing the best he can without you bringing that up on his first day back,” Bill grumbles.
“It’s fine,” I interject before it gets out of hand, and those two start tearing into each other. They’ve both had their asses on a stool in this bar since the place opened, it seems like. I remember coming in here as a young teen with my dad, and they were always here. As much a fixture of the bar as the neon signs and liquor ads.
“I need you to go order a drink from the pretty girl I came in here with. She’s shy, and I’m trying to help her out.”
“I’ve seen a lot of women in my life, and that girl ain’t shy. She’s damaged,” Earl observes.
I glare at him. He holds up a hand to me while he takes a sip of his vodka soda. “Hey, I’m not trying to insult the girl.”
“I’ll do it,” Bill replies and starts to get off his stool.
“Make sure you don’t make her uncomfortable. No jokes. And don’t stare. I swear to God, I’ll rip your fuckin’ eyeballs out and shove ’em down your throat.”
The old man laughs. “You have my word.”
I grip the edge of the bar so tight that my knuckles blanch. I know why I’m doing this, why I’m pushing her, but that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier on me. If this goes wrong in any way, it’s going to gut me.
“Hey, loosen up. Bill will be a gentleman.”
“It’s not Bill I’m worried about,” I respond through gritted teeth.
“How long?” Earl asks cryptically.
“What?”
“How long have you had it this bad?”
I straighten and push away from the bar top. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”
He takes a drink while eyeing me knowingly. “Never pegged you for a liar. Been a straight shooter for as long as I’ve known ya.”
“How ’bout you mind your own business and go back to drinking your vodka. You do that, and the next one’s on me.” Leaning a hip against the bar, I look
toward Shelby. Bill’s just arrived, and he’s trying to gently get her attention.
“I’m not keen on taking your money, boy.”
I’d respond, but I’m too engrossed in watching the scenario with Shelby play out.
She’s gripping the rag tightly between her fingers as she turns to Bill. He’s leaning on the bar, but his body language isn’t threatening. The old man has a kind smile on his craggy face as he asks her for a drink. Her eyes grow wide, and she starts to look for me, so I turn back to Earl and busy myself with making another vodka.
“Bad,” he says on a grin.
“Shut the fuck up.”
After setting his drink in front of him, I turn back to Shelby.
My heart picks up in my chest as he says something else to her, and then she smiles. A genuine smile. She looks down at her fingers and finally drops the rag back into the bucket of water. Without looking at me, she walks to the chill chest, grabs a tall beer glass, and pours Bill a Sam Adams on tap.
There isn’t a word to describe the relief I feel. And the pride. An hour ago, this girl nearly had a panic attack because she was alone in the hallway to my apartment. Now, she’s standing behind a bar serving drinks and smiling while doing it.
Bill retakes his seat and slams the glass down. “This tastes like piss water. Grab me a bourbon, will you?”
For the second time tonight, I crack a smile. “Thank you,” I mutter as I place the drink in front of him.
“She’s something special there. Hang on tight to that one.”
“It isn’t like that.”
Bill just hums in response.
I walk away, back to Shelby, and before I get there, she steps up to the bar to help another man who’s ordering a drink. I let her do her thing, watching closely for any sign she’s uncomfortable. She says hi, asks if he’s having a good evening, and hands him a bottle of IPA. She freezes when he asks her to open a tab.
“I got it,” I step up next to her and murmur in her ear.
