by A. M. Wilson
More wetness gathers in the corners of my eyes.
“I don’t even need you to love me back,” he mumbles a little lost.
“Shut up.”
His head jerks back.
“Of course, I love you back.” The words come out garbled and watery. I plant a palm in his chest, step across the threshold, and shove.
He falls back a step, his strong fingers wrapping loosely around my wrist as he regards me warily and with confusion etched on his beautiful face.
“I think I’ve loved you since the second I woke up.”
“Blossom—”
I take another step, push him again, and launch myself into his arms. My legs secure me tightly around his hips, his hands cradle my ass, and I cup his face in my hands.
“And it’s time you get it through your thick skull that I am never going to leave you,” I whisper vehemently. I don’t wait to seal my mouth against his, taking a kiss that is mine to take. And I don’t want to wait to be with him any longer.
Sparks trill my spine as he clutches my ass in his hands and attacks my mouth with fervor. He groans my name like a holy prayer in mass on Good Friday when I stroke his bottom lip with my tongue.
I reach behind us where we still stand in his entryway and slam the door shut. Alex takes two steps forward and pins me against it, one hand releasing my backside to grip my hair and angle my head. He dives back in deeper, his tongue pressing against mine, stroking it.
I wrench away to catch my breath, and Alex presses his forehead against my temple.
“Are you done being an idiot?” I mumble and caress his hair. I feel his grin against my cheek.
“I s’pose.”
“Good.” I take a deep breath. “Are you ready to make love to me now?”
Alex jerks his head back to inspect me closely. “Now?”
“Yes, now. Here on the floor would do, or against this wall—ah!” I squeal as Alex spins with me in his arms and marches across the room.
“Not against the wall,” he mumbles between short kisses. “Gonna fuck you good and proper.”
He reaches the bedroom, boots the door shut, and throws me down on his bed. I bounce once and lean up on my elbows to take him in. My mouth waters the instant he reaches behind his head, grabbing his tee by the neck and yanking it up and over. The bunch and flex of his muscles make me wet.
He grips my jeans, tugging the fabric open and sliding them off with my panties as if it were a sport. He follows me down, my body lowering beneath his until I’m flat on my back, and he hovers shirtless above me. He takes my mouth again in a slow, tantalizing kiss. My hands roam his back and press into his flesh, desperate to speed things up, to finally feel all of him inside me.
“Alex,” I beg, arching my neck and thrusting my chest upward. I want to cry in sweet relief when he takes the hint and peels my shirt over my head, tossing it somewhere in the abyss beside the bed. He slips a hand around me and unhooks my bra, unwrapping me and sending it with the shirt.
“Yes,” I whimper, then groan when only a single-digit circles my nipple.
“What’s the rush?” His voice is husky with lust and want.
“I want to feel you.” To emphasize my point, I slip a hand between us and cup the bulge in his jeans. His eyes nearly roll back in his head. He drops his face to nuzzle my chest, the strands of his shaggy beard friction against my sensitive skin.
“So feel me.” He thrusts his pelvis against my hand. Empowerment hits like a lightning bolt, and my nimble fingers make quick work of the button and fly on his jeans. Parting the fabric blindly, I dive inside and immediately encounter the silky skin of his hard cock. I circle the width of him, just shy of making my fingers touch, and give a tentative stroke.
“Fuck,” he growls. “That feels good.” He thrusts rhythmically in my hand while letting me explore.
“You know I’ve done this before. You don’t have to take it slow.”
Everything stops as Alex’s thrusts cease. He lifts his head from my chest and opens his eyes to look down at me. He plants an elbow in the bed beside my chest and brushes a strand of hair from my lips.
“You ever make love to a man before? Before all the bad shit happened, did you lose your virginity to a bumbling teenager?”
Embarrassment blazes my cheeks. “No”
A muscle in his jaw clenches.
“Right. S’far as I’m concerned then, this is your first time, and I’m not going to take your virginity like some inconsiderate jackass who gets his while not makin’ sure you get yours.”
He dips closer, his nose nearly touching mine.
“That means, baby, we get to play.”
His smirk is devilish as he uses his elbow in the bed to roll, his other arm latching around to take me with him, and flips us so his back is to the bed and I’m straddling his thighs. He pistons his hips with his heels planted in the mattress, taking us both to the head of the bed. Resting against the pillows, he smirks again, his eyes all bedroom soft before reaching up, palming the back of my head, and pulling me down for a searing kiss. “Play,” he growls against my lips.
I take his hard length in my fist, testing the weight of him before slowly rolling my palm down and back up. I increase my pace, jacking him fast and then slow, twisting my wrist and watching the head take on a deep red hue before loosening my grip.
“Goddamn,” he groans and tips his head into the pillows. His tongue lashes out to lick his bottom lip, leaving a glistening dew.
The ache between my thighs spreads as I watch his growing pleasure, in his face, and the tension in his biceps bunched next to his ears. I bear down to relieve my mounting desire and come up empty in the space between his spread thighs. A moan of frustration slips free.
“Crawl up here, blossom.”
I look up from his hard cock to his face, the burning need stark and demanding, while continuing to stroke.
“Now,” he demands.
I go, mostly because I want to kiss him again, but also because the ache between my thighs is nearing unbearable.
Releasing him, I lower my body until I’m flush against his chest and slide higher to reach his mouth. His hand tightly fists my loose hair, using it to control me as he crushes his lips against mine.
“Up you go.”
I’m momentarily thrown off-kilter as his hands grip beneath my armpits and haul me up and over until I’m straddling his chest. A twinge of embarrassment hits as I realize I’m leaking onto him.
He must notice the look on my face because he rescues me. “Don’t. I like it there. Sex isn’t good if it’s not a little messy. Besides, where you’re going, it’s going to get a whole lot more so.”
Huh?
“Sit on my face, baby. I’ve been dying for a taste.”
Oh.
My heart pounds as I contemplate. Without more than a handful of seconds passing, I slowly make the ascent to his request. If he’s asking for it, it must be okay. This is Alex I’m with, and I’d do just about anything he asked me to do.
But even more than that, I want to. I’m desperate for this connection to him. I’ve experienced once before the pleasurable things he can do to my body, and I know he wouldn’t do anything that didn’t have my satisfaction in mind.
It’s slightly awkward taking to my knees and crawling up and over. His chin tips back, and his eyes track mine as I settle above him. Peering down, I watch the moment all of me comes into his full view. His eyes heat, nostrils flare, and he lets out a puff of warm breath that I feel on my pussy.
“Christ, baby. Don’t hold back now.”
So I don’t. I spread my knees, arch up, and give my man what he wants.
His tongue lashes out before I’ve made full contact. I gasp at the sensation, unlike anything I’ve experienced. A warm, velvety stroke of his tongue along my slit releases any last reservations, and I seat myself the remainder of the way. His hands grip my ass, palms up, holding me to him like a feast as he spears his tongue inside.
“Oh, yes,�
� I breathe. My hands scramble for purchase as I rock against his wet mouth.
His lips and teeth join the action, nibbling and sucking on my flesh as he brings me higher than I’ve ever been. A hand reaches around my thigh. He presses his thumb tight against my clit and fucks me with his tongue, quickening my pace as I ride him furiously. He shoves it deep inside me, letting out a groan at the same time. The vibrations, coupled with him buried deep, send me careening into orgasmic bliss.
He waits until I float back down, caressing my skin and placing kisses up my thigh.
“Are you ready for me?”
“I’ve been ready,” I reply dreamily and scoot down his hard body, dropping kisses in my wake. When I reach his pectorals, I spend some time feeling the hard bumps of his nipples with my tongue. Alex demonstrates he’s had enough playing by flipping me onto my back and settling between my spread legs.
There’s never been a hotter sight than this big, burly, tattooed man, mostly naked between my thighs, fisting his own thick cock. It brings me back to that day after his shower, watching him do the same in the mirror. This time the action is infinitely hotter, knowing I’m mere moments away from him entering me for the very first time.
This is it. I won’t get this moment back ever again, but I will remember it for the rest of my life.
He leans over me, a forearm to the bed as he lines himself up. We both groan at the first inch. Alex slowly pulls back before plowing forward a bit more, not enough and everything all at once.
“Kiss me,” I plead as he fills me up. I wrap my legs around his hips to pull him closer.
He obliges, his tongue pressing skillfully into my mouth at the exact moment he drives himself home.
“Fuck you feel good,” he growls against my lips. He pulls out and pushes back in before setting up a steady rhythm.
“Faster, please.”
“Baby, no,” he grunts through clenched teeth, and I can tell he’s barely maintaining control.
Fuck control. I want him to let go.
“Harder, Alex,” I beg again, pumping my hips and squeezing my calves around his waist.
“Don’t wanna hurt you,” he grunts between thrusts.
“Sin,” I snap, and his head jerks up. I gentle my tone. “Fuck. Me. Harder.”
His groan is animalistic in nature as his pace becomes frenzied.
God.
“Yes,” I cry, doing my best to hang on and match his pace. “Just like that.” My body chases ecstasy. Everything below the waist tightens in response to his thrust. I can feel it building again.
“Want you to come.” He slips his hand between us and touches my clit, rolling it beneath his index finger. “Need you to come.”
His words and finger do exactly as he intended as I come harder than any of the other times before. I pulsate around him, and a cry tears up my throat.
“Shelby,” he groans my name, cutting off my noises by sealing his lips to mine and grinds deep inside me, holding there as he finds his own release. The feeling of him shooting deep triggers another mini shiver. He wrenches his mouth from mine, his whiskers tickling as he buries his face in my neck.
Naked and sated, my eyes droop. My soul is comforted in what we just shared and his earlier declaration while my body is held tightly in his warm cocoon.
Thoughts rise to the surface vividly, warring my need for rest. I meant what I said before this whirlwind of an evening. I want to find my mom. I want her to know I’m okay. More than that, I want to show her I’m being taken care of in a way I have a feeling it’ll last for a long, long time.
I stroke my hand through his hair and hold him close, cherishing all he’s become to me and what the future holds.
“What are you thinking about?” he mumbles drowsily by my ear.
“Hmm? Oh, nothing.”
He lifts his head and runs the pad of his thumb over my lip. “I love you. And I’m sorry about earlier. I’ll take you to see your mom whenever you want.”
“I love you, too. How about tomorrow? Right now, I’m too cozy to leave.”
Alex grips the messy comforter surrounding us and tugs it over our naked bodies.
“Sounds perfect to me.”
Chapter Nineteen
Shelby
The neighborhood looks exactly as I left it. As if time stood still the day I disappeared. The grassy field with tall brush, ranch-style houses painted in blues and browns and grays, the white railing along my old front porch.
Then the differences start creeping in.
A new swing sits where my mom used to keep lounge chairs for us where we’d lie out in the summer evenings and sip sweet drinks in sweat lined glasses. A car I don’t recognize in the driveway. Planters and Pinterest projects as landscaping where mom previously had none.
Nerves kick up a notch as Alex pulls up to the curb in front of the two-bedroom house I grew up in. I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans and blow out a harsh breath. This was all my idea and ready or not…
“It won’t get any easier.” Alex takes my hand. “Waiting. It’s not going to change much, if anything, it’ll just make it harder.”
I nod. “I’m ready.”
He gives me one last squeeze before getting out, and I do the same. We meet at the hood and step hand in hand on the same worn and cracked sidewalk I learned to ride a tricycle.
“Clara”
I can almost hear the wind calling to me, welcoming me back home. Alex stops abruptly beside me, halting me. I study his face and open my mouth to ask what the holdup is when I hear it again much louder this time.
“Clara!”
I snap my head around, looking for the source, and I see her barreling toward me. Auntie Bea slams into me and wraps her arms around me in a suffocating hug.
She pulls back and holds me at arm’s length, studying me as I study her. Her dirty blond hair is longer than the chin-length bob she used to wear, a soft maroon beanie perched atop her head. She lifts the dark round sunglasses from her eyes. New lines and wrinkles missing from my memory crinkle at the corners of her eyes.
“Is it really you?”
“It’s really me, Auntie.” My voice cracks like static over the words.
She notices Alex, whose hands now rest in the pockets of his jeans since she dislodged us with her hug, and pulls me protectively beside her.
“Who are you?” She squints at him, not for one second fazed by his size or tattoos.
“Alex. I’m with her.” He jerks his head at me.
I can’t deny my heart swoons a little at his statement. I decide to wade in before Auntie gives him a beatdown. Or at least tries to. I don’t think she’d be very successful at it. A tug on her shoulder returns her attention to me.
“He’s the man who saved me.”
Her eyes go wide.
“So it is true? It was a kidnapping? I always knew you didn’t run away.” Tears line her eyes.
My back straightens defensively. “Run away? Why on earth would you think that?”
Bea brushes a lock of hair off my face and twirls it around her finger before resting it on my shoulder.
“I never believed it. The police did. Your mother …” She trails off, her expression sad. After a headshake and a sniffle, she continues.
“Anyway, with your mother raising you alone but working two jobs, she was away most of the time. The police weren’t convinced you didn’t decide to take off, and she didn’t have evidence to prove otherwise. Nobody saw you go missing,” she chokes the words. “You were with your friend, who gave a statement that you left when you were called, and you just never made it home. Your mother was on her way to her job at the group home when she called you and didn’t wait to see if you made it. You were sixteen,” she emphasizes, and I have to agree. My mother didn’t usually wait around for me. At that age, I just listened.
“She didn’t report you missing until she got home from work after midnight. She never forgave herself for it.”
Tension rises in my back with ever
y world, but at the last mention of my mother, my whole world stops.
“Why’d you say it like that?” I whisper
“Oh, honey.” The dam finally breaks, and Bea starts to cry, silent tears tracking down her cheeks between stifled sniffles. “We lost your mom about a year ago.”
“How?” My own eyes feel wet with unshed tears.
“Pancreatic cancer. It hit her hard after you were gone and took her within six months. She looked for you every single day that she could.”
My eyes flick to the house I grew up in, to the window where my old bedroom used to be, and to that stupid swing on the front porch that didn’t belong to us. Why is the universe so fucking cruel?
“Where is she?” Alex’s deep voice startles me. I release Bea and move into his open arms. The tears I’m fighting to keep at bay recede a little with his comfort.
“The church cemetery in town.”
He looks at me, and I tilt my chin up, feeling the warm sun on my face. Something I want to believe is my mom looking down at this moment.
“I want to visit her,” I mumble quietly.
“Would you like to stay? Have a cup of coffee and catch up?” Bea asks with a hopeful note to her voice.
“Not this time. One day soon, okay?” I let her down as gently as I can, but right now, my thoughts are on Mom. I don’t think I can make pleasant conversation without seeing her.
She clutches my shoulder. “I understand. Don’t be a stranger now.” She pulls me into a long embrace before letting go, a serene smile present.
***
The drive to the cemetery only takes a couple of minutes. A few blocks and two roads over from where I grew up sits a plot of land owned by the town’s Lutheran church. Even though we were nondenominational, Mom tried to take me to church here every Christmas. It doesn’t surprise me that she’s laid to rest here. Bea gave me instructions on how to find my mother’s plot in the large space, so Alex approaches the section and parks along the grass. The engine idols as our silence stretches, my mind lost to this unanticipated turn of events.
“Would you mind waiting in the car? I’ll just be a few minutes.”
“I’ll be here when you get back.” He lifts my limp hand from my lap and brushes my knuckles against his lips.
