by Guerin Zand
“Ok, I’ll call off my flying monkeys. Let’s go. I can’t wait to spend some time with your new wife. I have so much to tell her.”
The smile on Julie’s face was unbearable. I just shook my head and tried to ignore her as we made our way to the transport tubes. I was starting to regret all this being nice shit. It didn’t seem to be making my life any better. Maybe I’d strand Julie on some half-dead planet after dinner. You know, the one with the sex-crazed monkeys that would ravage her for an eternity. I smiled at the thought. I mean, maybe she’d end up liking it there and she’d stop bothering me. There was always hope.
We made our way to the closest tube access and entered a car to bring us to the spaceport. Unfortunately, the car was empty, except for us. That meant I was going to have to endure Julie for quite a while all by myself. For some reason, I started to feel homesick for the time I had spent at Gitmo. Julie sat down next to me and took one of my hands in hers.
“You know, Guerin. You actually do worry the Collective more than you can imagine. They consider you far more dangerous than Heesa ever was.”
I looked at Julie and asked, “You mean little ol’ me? Why?”
“We can’t quite figure you out. We would understand if you did start acting like Heesa. Hell, that would at least make sense. We have given you power, wealth, and knowledge, but what do you do with it? It doesn’t appear to have really changed you. Sure, your life is different now, but you’re not. You act foolish and frivolous. You use the starship we gave you to go out for dinner, do some grocery shopping, a little sightseeing maybe? Then, out of the blue, you go to Taes and take it upon yourself to fix what you perceive as an injustice. When we try to come up with a reason for your actions, for an insight into what motivates you, the only thing we can find that all of your actions have in common is that they appear to be testing us, the Collective.”
“Well, you’re one to talk. Isn’t that the one thing all of your actions towards me have in common? Aren’t you always testing me? Isn’t the thing about my going to the Taes system that really has you miffed is the fact that I did it, not that what I did was wrong?”
“Maybe you’re right. I don’t want to get into a debate over the merits of your actions. You could have come to me, or any other Collective member, and discussed the situation in the Taes system first though. If we had disagreed with you, then I’d find it easier to understand why you broke the rules. I can understand you doing what you think is the right thing, but you went behind our backs on purpose to provoke a confrontation with the Collective, didn’t you?”
“Ok. I’ll admit, I do get some enjoyment from seeing you folks get your knickers in a twist, and maybe I am testing you. Why shouldn’t I test you? You expect us to trust you blindly while at the same time you hide things from us, even when I ask you directly. Admit it, you knew I was going to screw up with the immobilization field on Ganymede, but you still let it happen.” Julie gave me one of her looks that pretty much said it all. “See, you seem to think it’s fun hiding things from me for your own amusement. How is what I did so different?”
“So, that’s it? You were just trying to get even?”
“No, but if you want to play, I’m game. It seems no matter how much I talk, you never listen. We have to do things on our own to really learn. Sure, maybe I made a little mistake on Taes and somehow ended up with a second wife, but that was all on me. I’m not blaming you for that. But at the same time, you have to admit that you probably learned more about me from my visit to Taes than from any of your tests.”
“So where do we go from here, Guerin?”
“I already told you, we’re going to Earth for some Chinese food. Why do I always have to repeat myself?”
“That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it. You just can’t help yourself, can you? You’re a prankster, yet you somehow end up doing some good in the end. It wouldn’t surprise any of us at this point if you did play a game of bocce ball with a few dead planets just to get a rise out of us. It’s hard for us to predict what you’ll do next. Well, except maybe for Nancy."
That confused me. “What about Nancy? What does she have to do with any of this?”
“Her game, The Rebellion. It started out as just a little girl’s game, but she’s not a little girl anymore, Guerin. Haven’t you ever wondered why she continues to ‘play’ this game?”
“No, I mean maybe. I just figured she enjoyed it for some weird reason.”
“You know that Stella is, how do you say it, a behavioral specialist. A psychologist, or as you like to call her, a counselor.” I simply nodded. “Nancy has pursued a similar career path, but her specialty is modeling behavior patterns using very sophisticated statistical analysis. That is what she is doing with what you think is her simple game. She’s quite well respected in her field and her predictions of your behavior have been fairly accurate.”
“What predictions?”
“Why do you think we sent Cindy to bring you back?” I shrugged. “She ran that scenario through her model and predicted you would be more likely to agree to return if Cindy was the one to ask. She was also the one that told Cindy you were most probably behind your crewmate Sestan sending us your location.”
“Anyone could have made an educated guess and come to the same conclusion.”
“She also predicted you would run off to some primitive planet and get involved in their affairs. I know she suggested you should do something like that. You know how we aliens like to cheat. She was just hedging her bet, so to speak.”
“What is it with all of you space babes, Julie? Why do you all find dicking me around to be so much fun? It’s like I’m the only source of entertainment in this universe. I’d bet anything that my little beat down on Erandi was all Gladys’ doing.”
“What if it was? Why do you think she’d do that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe she’s a bit of a prankster as well.”
“Maybe she didn’t like the effect you were having on her husband; did you ever consider that?”
“What’s wrong with me having a few drinking buddies? Maybe if I were allowed to have a few more male friends I might not be, I don’t know, such an asshole?”
“None of the Collective women want you hanging around their men. You’re a bit of a bad influence, and quite frankly, a threat to our current status quo. As I said, we think you’re actually more dangerous than Heesa. If our men started to think and act like you, it would truly be a threat to our way of life.” Julie was laughing as she said that.
“Real funny, Julie.”
“Oh come on, Guerin. Aren’t you always bragging about how easily you figure us out? How you know what’s really going on. But the most obvious of things seems to have eluded your clever little mind.”
“What’s that? The women are really the ones in control of the universe?”
“Would that be so hard to imagine?”
“Yes. Especially based on the Collective women I’ve met so far. Sure, you’re all cunning, conniving, and manipulative, but so are most women. The women on Earth are the same, and still, most of the leaders are men. It’s the men who are the adventurers, explorers, and discoverers. If what you’re suggesting were true, why did you select me as your emissary?”
“You said it yourself earlier. Because you’re so easily manipulated using sex.” At that point, the little smile on her face was getting downright annoying.
“Ha, ha, Julie, but I’m not buying it. I’ve seen that Star Trek episode, and in the end, the men still end up on top.”
“Did they really?”
We finally arrived at the spaceport and I rushed to get out of the car. Julie liked messing with me just like all the other space babes, but I wasn’t going to fall for that bullshit. She took my arm as we walked across the room to where the Ryvius was parked. The whole time she was giving me this sick little look. She was just trying to rattle me. I wasn’t that easily manipulated.
We boarded the Ryvius and entered the loun
ge where most of the crew was already assembled. They had obviously started happy hour without me. I made a beeline for the bar and fixed Julie and me a couple of drinks. I was just about to fix my second drink when my family entered the lounge. Gamma came running up to me and I grabbed her up in my arms and gave her a big hug and a kiss.
“Papa, we’re all out of ice cream.” The universe, as she knew it, was in peril. You could tell by her expression. If this situation wasn’t remedied fast, all hell was going to break loose.
“How can we be out of ice cream?” I asked as I took a sip of my drink. I tried to look as concerned as my poor daughter did. “We should have a lot more in the stasis chamber in the galley.”
“Sorry, Dad. We’re all out,” Maria said as she walked behind the bar to fix herself a drink.
“Who’s been eating all the ice cream?” I looked around, and the women of my family all acted like they had no idea, but I could smell the ice cream on their breath. “Well, talk to Meiling. She’s in charge of the supplies.”
“We did, and she says we're almost out of pizza supplies as well. We’re going to have to do some shopping while we’re on Earth.”
“Oh, so that’s what this is all about? You girls want to go shopping, right, Maria?”
“As long as were there, why not? Maybe we could hang out at the ranch for a few days too.”
“Can we get a puppy too, Papa? Maria said we could go shopping for a puppy while we were on Earth.”
I looked at my oldest daughter with one of my more common fatherly looks. “Oh, did she?”
“You always said every little girl needs a puppy, Dad.” Maria fired back with one of her favorite looks. As long as we were going shopping I’d better have Meiling restock the liquor supply. I was getting the feeling we’d be running low real soon.
Prima came over and put her arm around me. “Come on, Guerin. We have a few seconds to spare. What do you say we head down to your quarters and I’ll see if I can’t help you relax?”
“That’s really funny, Prima.” It was obvious that Julie had contacted my family over the comm network to arrange this little show of female force. I still wasn’t falling for it. Nonetheless, Prima was looking rather hot with that bad girl smile of hers. I shook it off and looked over at Scirla.
“Would you like to take a shot, Scirla, while you’re all at it?”
She just smiled back at me. That was probably even worse than if she had said something.
I contacted Senri over the comm network to take the Ryvius out of port and get us headed to Earth. Ok, we were going to go shopping, find Gamma a puppy, spend a few days at the ranch, and I’d most probably end up spending some private time with my wives. That doesn’t mean Julie was right. It was just a lot easier to go along with their schemes than argue about it.
I had just saved another world, put the Collective in their place, and I was expecting a little bit of respect from my crew and family. Was that too much to ask for? Instead, I was just being taken for granted. Like anybody could pull off the shit I did, and I should just get over myself and tend to their needs. Well, that didn’t work for me. I was going to have to come up with something to really make them all take notice. I’d always wanted to blow up a star, but that was a little too cliché for me. I had a few ideas, but I needed to take some time to work out the details. A few drinks and some time at the ranch would probably help. Whatever I decided, I can guarantee you that I was planning on having a lot of fun doing it. I’d probably piss off most of the universe while I was at it. That’s what I did best!
Acknowledgments
I have to thank Keith at Keith Draws for all of his excellent work on the covers for this series of eBooks. This last one cost me a kidney, but it was well worth it. (It was a small kidney.) Somehow he was able to sum up the overall feeling of this book without any input from me. He said he got the idea from reading the book. I’m convinced he had help from some aliens, if he himself isn’t actually one of them, in reading my mind. The highlight of writing each book is seeing what Keith will come up with next.
Thanks, Keith!
I also have to thank my friends and readers who have encouraged me to continue writing. I know there are some rough spots in these books and I am continuously trying to improve the quality of the final product. Hopefully I’ve been successful.
Author Notes
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