by L A Cotton
“Okay, well, I’m glad we cleared that up.” Alistair loosened his tie. I didn’t quite know why he always wore the damn things given the amount that he tugged and pulled at them.
I went to walk, but he wasn’t done. “You know, Phoebe,” he said. “I’ve worked with these guys since the beginning and if I’ve learned anything about them, it’s they’re careful about who they let into their inner circle. After Riley, I felt responsible for forcing someone onto them who didn’t have their best interests at heart. Letty has nothing but good things to say about you; same goes for Eva and the guys. You’ve been given the seal of approval. I’d hate to see you do anything to mess it up.”
With that veiled warning, he gave me a thin smile and left me standing there, with guilt in my stomach and a bad taste in my mouth.
The mood after the show was tense. It had gone off without a hitch, but the guys were exhausted, a sign of four back-to-back shows. And now they had to perform to a bunch of industry people to launch their new endorsement with Masterpiece, one of the biggest sound equipment manufacturers in the world.
Levi sat beside me, clutching my hand in the dark space between us.
“You good?” I asked him, noticing the way his leg bounced up and down. He was nervous. He didn’t need to say the words. I felt it.
We all did.
“You’ve got this,” I said, keeping my voice a low whisper meant only for his ears. “We’re all right here.”
Eva watched us with hope in her eyes. If I’d learned anything about the sweetheart of Country, it was that she had a big heart and only saw the good in people. She wanted Levi to find healing and happiness. She wanted me to be the one to help him find it.
But for as good as things were now, I wasn’t foolish enough to ignore the fact we were only ever one incident away from everything coming crashing down around us.
“So we all know the plan,” Letty said, breaking the thick silence as the SUV arrived in downtown Portland. “It’s an eight-song set. We’ll end with Eva coming onstage and an acoustic performance of Drown. Any questions?”
“Will there be food?” Hudson grumbled. “I’m fucking starving.
“Yes, there’ll be food. The event has been sponsored by Masterpiece; no expense has been spared.”
The car came to a stop and security climbed out first. The entrance to the club was swarmed with paparazzi and fans. But it was expected. The label and Masterpiece had made no attempt to conceal the location of the intimate performance. They wanted the attention, they wanted to create a media frenzy.
They wanted all eyes on Black Hearts.
Trepidation flowed through my body like a warm current. We’d all changed after the show. The guys were in cleaner, crisper versions of their usual jeans, but were all wearing black dress shirts in various stages of undress. Damon had his fully buttoned, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Rafe’s was open at the collar revealing the tip of the impressive tattoo running down his shoulder. Hudson had his shirt completely open, a gray and black skull tank underneath, and Levi had gone for shirt open with nothing underneath, displaying his inches upon inches of taut inked skin.
The second he’d stepped out of the band’s suite, the air had been sucked clean from my lungs at the sight of him.
He smoothed his thumb over the curve of my hand as he looked at his feet. This was a big night for him. The pressure and expectation. I wanted to support him, but I couldn’t help but feel like my presence was only going to aggravate him. It was an industry party. There would be liquor and dancing and lots of conversation.
It was my job as Letty’s intern to work the room and network. I’d dressed for the occasion in a fitted black dress that hit my knee but scooped low in the front and even lower in the back. I’d paired it with ankle boots with a thin chain and a matching clutch bag. My hair was braided off one side of my face and left loose and wavy over the opposite shoulder. Big black lightning bolt earrings hung from my ears and my lips were the shade of Black Hearts red.
Levi’s reaction was something I would never forget. The way his eyes lit up, slowly trailing down my body and back up, and the possessive hungry smirk he gave me. The silent promise in his dark gaze to do dirty things to me at the first opportunity he got.
Whenever that would be.
I let out a little sigh, and Levi instantly went rigid. “What is it? What’s wrong?” He gazed down at me, his brows furrowed.
“Just thinking it might be a while until we can be alone.”
He leaned in close, brushing his lips over the corner of my mouth, sending shivers sparking through me. “I’ll be inside you before sunrise.”
God, his voice was so rough and full of wicked intent.
Someone cleared their throat and we both looked up to find Rafe watching us.
“What?” Levi hissed.
“Didn’t think you’d appreciate all of them seeing you like that.” He shrugged right as the door opened and the flashes started going off.
“Rafe, Rafe, over here.”
“Levi, we love you.”
“Ohmigod, ohmigod, I see them. I see them.”
“Fuck me, Hudson.”
The wail of fans hit me like a freight train. Levi had already released my hand. He waited for Eva and his brother to climb out before he followed, being swallowed by the frenzy.
“Showtime,” Letty said as she ushered Hudson and Damon out. “Ready?” Her attention was solely fixed on me now.
“Honestly, I’m not sure.” This felt different. Like I was stepping onto that small red carpet and living a lie.
Every night, I got to be with their rock star, their idol. There wasn’t an inch of skin on my body that Levi hadn’t touched with his fingers or tasted with his tongue. He’d fucked me more times than I could count in the last few days, made love to me almost as many times—not that he would ever admit it. But when it was just the two of us, and his walls came down, it was a wonderful thing.
The brooding damaged lead singer of Black Hearts Still Beat was whip smart and funny, not to mention a lyrical freakin’ genius. He was so much more than the guy they knew and worshipped. But I couldn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t stand and shout it from the rooftops because this... this was our reality.
A whirlwind of fangirls and a sea of paparazzi.
“Come on.” Letty nudged me forward and I spilled out onto the sidewalk. But no one was there waiting for me. There were no flashes or screams of my name.
Because I was no one.
I was the girl in the shadows, and right now, watching as Levi and the guys were swamped by security and a rabid horde of fans and press, I was the girl falling in love with a guy from afar. Except, he wasn’t just any guy. He didn’t only belong to me. Levi Hunter belonged to the entire world.
No matter how much I loved him—and I did, I was in love with him—no matter how much I wanted him, part of him would always be theirs.
It was the price of being with a rock star.
A price until this moment, I’d told myself I could pay.
Levi
I couldn’t focus. As I stood on the small stage, the lights beating down on me, the steady beat of Hudson’s drum vibrating inside me, and my brother’s riff running through my veins, all I could see was her.
Phoebe looked sensational. The black dress molded to her curves like a second skin. Her boots, her hair, those sinful red lips... I was rock hard the second my eyes had landed on her in the hall earlier.
And I was still hard now.
Thankfully, lack of focus didn’t affect my ability to regurgitate lyrics I knew better than I knew myself. Song after song we seduced the crowd until I had them eating out of the palm of my hand.
My eyes tracked Phoebe as she worked the room. I knew it was part of her job, to mingle and chat. But every time I saw some overweight Suit put his hand on her, my mood grew darker.
She was mine.
Etched onto my bones, woven into my soul. The more time we spent together—and it
wasn’t nearly enough lately—the more I wanted. Her smiles and laughs, her kisses, and her pouty lips wrapped around my dick, sucking me the way no one else could. Fuck. I needed her.
But I was on a strict warning from Alistair and the label not to put a single foot out of line tonight. This was launch event for our endorsement with Masterpiece. It was everything we’d ever wanted.
Somehow, I didn’t think finding me balls deep in Phoebe in the bathroom or some darkened corner of the club was exactly the kind of press they had in mind.
It was going to be a long fucking night until we got back to the suite and I could finally find peace inside her.
She was fast becoming my favorite place to be. And it wasn’t just the sex either. I loved lying with her, listening to her talk about anything and nothing. I’d never wanted to open up to a girl before, except Eva. But I didn’t feel even an ounce for Eva what I did for Phoebe.
I wanted to tell her my truths, to slowly shed my armor and give her my black ruined heart.
But that terrified the shit out of me.
What if she decided she didn’t want it?
What if she decided I was too much to handle?
What if she decided I wasn’t worth it?
Every day, I tried to stave off the little voice inside my head whispering evil twisted things. And every day, the only thing that could quiet it was her. The second Phoebe looked at me, or touched me, or kissed me, it all went away. She was both my curse and my cure. And I didn’t know if she knew it, but she held the power to both save me…
And completely ruin me.
It was a scary fucking place to be.
“We’re going to take a quick break,” I drawled into the mic. “But we’ll be back soon with some more of our favorite songs, and we might even have a little surprise guest for you.” I winked at Eva and the whole room seemed to find her in the crowd, applauding.
Letty greeted us at the side of the stage, handing me a bottle of water. “That was perfect. Dowager loved it.”
“He’s here?”
She grinned. “Flew in specially to see you in action. He’s just meeting with Alistair and a couple of his PR guys. But he’ll want to see you later.”
I nodded, my eyes sweeping the room for Phoebe.
“You can’t,” Letty said quietly, touching my arm. “Not here, not tonight.”
“I’m not a fucking idiot,” I snapped. “I know the score.”
“You’re tense.” Concern glittered in her eyes as she pulled me to one side, letting the rest of the guys go find a drink. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine.” I scrubbed my jaw.
“Levi, talk to me. I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.”
“I don’t like her out there being groped by fat old men thinking they can touch what’s mine. There, better?”
Her lips twisted into a knowing smile. “You’re jealous.”
“No shit,” I muttered, feeling it snake through me, coiling around my heart like barbed wire.
“You know she’s crazy about you, right?”
“She’s talked to you about me?” My brow went up.
“Not really, but I’m a woman. We know these things. But you need to be careful, Levi, especially with so many eyes on you tonight. I don’t think either of you are ready to have this out in the open.”
I wasn’t.
The idea of sharing Phoebe with the public freaked me out. I didn’t want them to take her from me, to make her run.
But I hated being sidelined. I fucking hated not being able to storm over there and claim her as mine.
“I need a drink,” I said.
“Levi, I’m not sure—”
“Just something to take the edge off, unless you want me to drag Phoebe to the nearest bathroom and get her to help me unwind?”
Letty let out an exasperated breath. “I know you care about her, but don’t let her become your crutch, Levi. She deserves more than that.”
I didn’t appreciate the hard look she gave me. Letty was supposed to be on our side.
“I’ll be at the bar.” I brushed past her and avoided making eye contact with anyone. If I didn’t look at them, maybe they would leave me alone.
I managed to make it to the bar un-accosted. A bartender rushed straight over. “Nice set, man,” he said.
“Thanks, can I get a Jack and Coke on the rocks?”
“Sure. Coming right up.”
I felt Rafe before I saw him. “Come to bitch me out?” I drawled.
“Actually, I came to ask if there’s anything I can do.”
I leaned back against the bar, lifting my eyes to his. “You care now?”
“Shit, Levi. I always care. I’m just worried. Getting close to Phoebe is—”
“Don’t, just don’t.”
A couple of people approached but I caught Stalter’s eye and he intercepted them, giving me and Rafe privacy. This conversation, although I’d been hoping to avoid it, was long overdue.
“Talk to me, Levi. You never talk to me anymore.”
“I like her. Is that what you want to hear?”
“You think I don’t know that.” He ran a hand through his hair as he exhaled a long breath. “But getting closer to her... if things don’t work out—”
“Because I’ll screw it up? That’s what you mean, right?” Disappointment swelled in my chest. I knew I’d given him every right to think so poorly of me. Time and time again, I’d let him down. Let myself down. But Rafe was my brother. The one person who knew me better than anyone else in the world. Wasn’t that supposed to count for something?
“That’s not...” A heavy sigh escaped his lips. “There are a hundred reasons why it could go wrong.”
“Jeez, thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Did you know her ex was an addict?” His expression softened.
“Yeah, I know.” My jaw clenched, and I reached for my drink, downing it in one. I held the empty up to the bartender and he started making me another one.
Rafe eyed my fresh drink the second I picked it up. “You’re drinking, why?”
My gaze darted from his scrutiny, immediately finding Phoebe in the crowd. She was in a small group of men and women, talking and laughing. But there was a guy standing a little too closely, his eyes flicking repeatedly to her tits.
Rafe noticed and gave me a sad smile. “It drives you crazy, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, I want to rip his fucking arm off.” If he touched her one more time, there was every chance I would.
“Now you know how I felt.” He pinned me with a hard look. Guilt flashed through me. I’d been a dick when Eva had first joined the tour. I hadn’t exactly made a play for her, but I had made her a pawn in some twisted game to punish my brother.
To punish myself.
“I was an asshole.”
“Yeah,” he said. “You were. But it all worked out in the end. I got my girl.”
“I’m happy for you both, ya know?” I didn’t always show it, but I was. If anyone deserved a girl like Eva, it was Rafe.
“I know.” His expression softened. “So, you really like her, huh? Do you think it could be... more?”
“Do you think I’m capable of more?” Because I sure as fuck wasn’t… but I wanted it.
Damn, I wanted her.
In any and every way I could get her.
“It isn’t for me to tell you what you’re capable of, Levi.”
“Could have fooled me,” I grumbled, the burn of liquor in my veins not nearly enough to take the edge off. Flagging the bartender down again, I ordered a double.
“I’m just worried. We all are. When things are good, they’re really good. But when things go bad—”
“If... if they go bad.” Oh, who the fuck was I kidding? They would go bad.
They would go bad and it would be all my fault. Just like it always was. A flashback flickered through my mind.
“What the hell happened in here?” Mama yelled as she entered our small l
iving room.
Rafe had found a marker pen and decided to decorate one of the walls. His dark swirls and circles looked were better than the peeling paper and black moldy patches, but Mom didn’t look impressed. In fact, she looked livid.
“I…” He trembled, the pen hanging between his fingers.
“Levi! Explain yourself now.” She scowled at me.
“Me? But I didn’t—”
“He’s just a child. He wouldn’t do something so naughty if he didn’t have you whispering in his ear all the time, would you, Raphael?”
“I- it was me, Mama,” Rafe cried. “I did it. The walls look so tatty and I just thought—”
“Enough!” She grabbed my arm and yanked hard, so hard I was surprised my shoulder was still in its socket. “There’ll be no tea for you tonight, Leviathan. Go to your room and think about your actions. Raphael is such a good boy, do you really want to infect him, ruin him with your evil ways?”
Rafe caught my eye and his bottom lip wobbled. I shook my head gently. Don’t say anything else. There’s no use in arguing with her. She could have caught him red-handed and it would still be my fault.
“Straight to your room and don’t come out again until I tell you, do you understand?”
“Yes, Ma’am.” I moved to the door, glancing back at the last second, wishing I hadn’t when I found her consoling Rafe. Hugging him. Doting on him.
Loving him.
“Levi?” my brother’s voice pulled me from the memory. It was one of many. My childhood was steeped in memories of her favoring Rafe, loving him when she so vehemently hated me.
“I’m okay.”
“You sure?” His eyes narrowed, searching mine for answers.
I managed a small nod.
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said. “But I’ll always be your brother, Levi, your blood. And I’ll always want to protect you. It’s just who I am.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s why I love you so fucking—motherfucker.” I shouldered past Rafe, storming toward Phoebe and the sleazy fucker touching her as if he had a God given right to put his hands on her.
