by Marie Landry
“Should we check on Hadley?” I ask.
“The fact she hasn’t surfaced makes me think she fell straight to sleep,” Jasper says. “Although there is a faint glow coming from under her door…”
“That’s my night light,” I tell him. “It has battery backup in case the power goes out. Sure would be handy for us to have right now, wouldn’t it? Then I wouldn’t be clinging to you like a monkey.”
Jasper makes a sound like a laugh under his breath as we continue moving. “Here we are.” I have no idea where ‘here’ is until he’s guiding me to turn and the backs of my knees hit the bed. I collapse onto the mattress, holding my breath as Jasper’s warm presence moves away. He rustles around somewhere nearby and then a soft click is followed by the glow from a flashlight. He hands it to me before rummaging in the drawer of his bedside table and pulling out two battery-operated tea light candles.
“Better?” he asks.
“Much.” The word is carried on a sigh of relief.
“So.” Jasper moves to stand in front of me. “I’m not sure—”
“Can I sleep with you?” I blurt. “Even if I took the flashlight with me and kept it on, I know I’d be jumping at every little noise all night.” As if to prove my point, thunder rumbles, making me jolt.
Jasper is quiet for several beats, watching me. Finally he says, “Scoot over. This is my side of the bed.”
I hand him the flashlight wordlessly and scurry to the other side of the bed. I don’t say anything as I slip under the sheets and get settled. I think part of me is afraid he’ll change his mind or tell me I can stay in his bed and he’ll sleep on the couch. Even though we’re becoming good friends, I don’t imagine he shares his bed with many people.
Jasper arranges the flashlight and tea lights on the bedside table before crawling into bed. There are a few inches of space between us and yet he fills my senses—the warmth of his body, the subtle scent of his soap, the sound of his even breathing. My eyes are open, staring at the ceiling. Jasper’s quiet breaths make me think he’s fallen asleep until movement catches the corner of my eye and I feel him looking at me.
“It’s the dark that frightens you, isn’t it? That, and…something more.” He shifts the tiniest bit, not quite facing me although now I can feel his body almost touching mine. “All the locks on your apartment door. The fact you travel with your own night light.”
My fear of the dark isn’t a secret to those who know me well. Gwen and Marisol are the only two people besides my mom who know the full story, though. Whenever it came up with anyone else—sleepovers at friends’ houses, guys I’ve spent the night with, even my three-year relationship with TJ—I’d make light of it and tell them my fear of the dark is a byproduct of an overactive imagination.
Everyone has something they’re afraid of, right? Sometimes it’s irrational. And other times it’s rooted in trauma.
“When I was thirteen, someone broke into our house one night.” I continue staring at the ceiling rather than look at Jasper. “My mom woke me up and told me someone was in the house. She made me hide in the closet, and I had to promise I’d stay put until she came to get me. This was in the days before cell phones and our portable phone was broken, so Mom had to run back to her room to call 9-1-1 from the landline. Luckily, there were police officers nearby. They arrived quickly and caught the guy as he was running out of our house. It didn’t feel quick to me, though, sitting alone in my pitch-dark closet, face buried in my clothes to stifle my sobs.”
Jasper makes a soft sound of dismay, inching closer to me. Without thinking, I roll to face him. His arm goes around me and I nestle my head into the space under his chin, tucking my arms against his chest.
“We got an alarm system the next day,” I say. “I slept with my mom for a solid year after that. Even when I started out in my own bed, I’d wake up from a nightmare and end up in her bed. I was already in therapy to help me deal with my parents’ divorce, so my doctor had to do double duty. I eventually became less afraid and less paranoid, but the general anxiety never left me, and I can’t stand to be in complete darkness.”
Jasper’s arms tighten around me. He doesn’t say anything, and I’m oddly relieved. I’m suddenly so exhausted, my eyelids feel like they’re made of lead. My heart gives a little squeeze when Jasper’s lips brush against my forehead, lingering for a moment before moving away.
I never expected this was how I’d end up in Jasper’s arms. Or in his bed. I could have done without the adrenaline-pumping fear tonight, but Jasper was right there when I needed him, comforting, compassionate, and patient. I snuggle into him, taking advantage of the warmth of his body, the safety I feel in his arms. And as I drift to sleep, I find myself thinking it’s no use trying to stop the inevitable: I’m going to fall head over heels in love with Jasper Perry.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Jasper is gone when I wake up the next morning. I have no recollection of waking up at all the rest of the night. I wonder if I slept in Jasper’s arms all night. I wonder if he had to free himself from my clinging, grasping fingers this morning. I wonder if my morning breath and rat’s nest hair sent him running. Ugh.
When I emerge from Jasper’s room, Hadley is coming out of hers and we nearly collide in the hall. We both freeze, staring at each other. She must have changed into pajamas at some point because I’m fairly certain she was wearing jeans and a sweater when she scared me half to death last night. The dark circles under her bloodshot eyes stand out in stark contrast to her pale skin. Despite the low lighting in the hallway, her eyes are squinty as they sweep over me.
Finally, she cracks a smile. Her voice is raspy when she says, “Good for you. It’s about damn time you and Jasper got together. You’re all he talks about.” Before I can say anything—not that I have a clue how to respond—Hadley adds, “Sorry about last night. Although maybe I shouldn’t be sorry since you two—” She gestures toward Jasper’s bedroom door.
“It’s not like that—” I start, but she cuts me off with another wave of her hand.
“You don’t owe me any explanations. But I owe my brother an explanation, and I need to drink about a gallon of water, so…” She pats my shoulder as she passes me on her way to the kitchen. I duck into the bathroom to make myself more presentable and give the siblings some time alone.
By the time I make my way to the kitchen, Hadley is sitting at the small kitchen table with a glass of water and a cup of coffee in front of her. Jasper is at the counter whisking a bowl of eggs. He’s already dressed in jeans and a lightweight sweater with a Thanksgiving themed apron covering his clothes. His stubble from yesterday has been shaved, leaving his handsome face smooth once more.
Despite hoping Hadley would leave for the bathroom when I arrived so I could talk to Jasper alone, it’s probably good to have her here as a buffer. I’m kind of raw after last night, like all my nerve endings are exposed and my feelings are painted across my face for the whole world to see. If I was alone with Jasper, who knows what would come out of my mouth? If I blurted out a confession about my feelings and he rejected me or simply didn’t know how to respond, it could be seriously awkward since we’re going to have an apartment full of people in a short time.
Hadley clears her throat, drawing Jasper’s attention. He gives me a warm smile when he sees me, then looks away quickly. Not quickly enough for me to miss the adorable pink tinge rising in his cheeks, though. If the smirk Hadley is hiding behind her coffee cup is any indication, she saw her brother’s blush too. I’m sure that’ll cement her suspicions that we slept together last night. Oh well. We’re all adults.
“Good morning,” Jasper says. “I’m making scrambled eggs for breakfast. Have a seat, they won’t be long.”
Knowing Jasper would turn me down if I offered to help, I take the seat across from Hadley. Jasper brings me a cup of coffee, smiling almost shyly as he sets it in front of me. For some unfathomable reason, now I’m the one who’s blushing.
“I already told Jasp
er why I’m here, but I’m going to tell you too,” Hadley says. “Everyone else is going to get the story that I came home early from my trip to spend Thanksgiving with the family. I already feel like shit, and I don’t want to have to answer six million questions and feel even shittier for being the girl who ditched her family for a stupid reason on a national holiday.”
I remain silent, giving a nod for her to go on when she’s ready.
“About two months ago, I was on a flight to London, and I was seated next to a woman from Toronto. We spent the entire flight talking, discovering all these things we had in common. It was an overnight flight too, so neither of us slept. We just had this instant connection, you know?” There’s a bittersweet twist to her lips as she pauses to take a sip of water.
“Anyway, I was staying in London, but it was just a layover for her. We agreed to meet up when we got home the next week, which we did. We’re both really busy with work and didn’t get to spend much time together, so we came up with a plan to bail on Thanksgiving and go away together for the weekend.” Her gaze shifts to Jasper, guilt flickering over her features. “Long story short, I went to pick her up yesterday morning, and being ten minutes early meant I saw her kissing a woman goodbye at her front door. Let’s just say it wasn’t the sort of kiss you give a friend or a sister.”
I wince. “I’m sorry, Hadley.” I catch Jasper’s eye for a second before he turns back to the stove. “But wait, where were you the rest of the day?”
“I had the taxi drop me off downtown and I spent the day wandering around aimlessly, trying to figure out what to do. I ended up in a bar where some of my friends were, and suddenly getting drunk seemed like the best idea ever.”
I stifle a laugh. I remember feeling that way after I found out TJ was cheating on me. A lot of booze and fatty foods were consumed in those first few days.
“I was going to stay in a hotel, but decided I might as well come home,” Hadley says. “I waited ’til I figured Jasper would be asleep. My plan was to surprise him this morning and tell him I came home early for Thanksgiving. I completely forgot you were spending the night.”
“Sorry to throw a wrench into your plans,” I say, drawing a dry laugh from her.
“It’s actually better this way.” Her eyes are on her brother now rather than me. “I’ve kept enough secrets from Jasper in my life. The guilt would have eaten at me anyway.”
Jasper brings two plates to the table and sets one in front of me. After putting down Hadley’s, he pauses to kiss the top of her head. He returns a minute later with his own plate and takes the remaining seat at the tiny table. “I’m sorry for the circumstances of your unexpected return,” he says to Hadley as he places his napkin in his lap, “but I’m glad to have you home for Thanksgiving. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Hadley says, raising her coffee cup. We all lift our cups and clink them together. Jasper holds my gaze for a long moment, his expression unreadable, and then he turns his attention to his breakfast.
*****
Hadley disappears into her room after we’ve finished eating. Her muffled voice tells me she’s on the phone, and her occasional yelling mixed with cursing tells me she’s talking to her cheating ex.
After showering and dressing, I tell Jasper to put me to work. I think he’s been waiting for this because he hands me a loaf of bread and a giant mixing bowl, and tells me to tear the bread up for stuffing. He’s likely chosen this task because it’s simple and means I’m out of the way while still feeling useful. I chuckle to myself as I think of our conversation last night about perfectionism and the need for control. At least he’s trying.
The companionable silence in the kitchen is broken a short time later by Hadley. Her agitated energy precedes her into the room, seeming to fill the small space.
“Why is it so quiet in here?” she asks, her nose scrunching up as if she smells something foul. “You need some music or something.”
Jasper glances at me and I shrug. “I usually have music on while I work, but the quiet has been nice.”
Hadley’s gaze swings between Jasper and me before settling on her brother. “Put me to work. I need a distraction.”
“Oh, well, I…” Jasper’s deer-in-the-headlights expression makes laughter bubble up inside me. He pauses in his vegetable chopping, knife held aloft. “You can…why don’t you…rest might be what you need, don’t you think? After a night of heavy drinking? It’s going to be busy and noisy this afternoon, so why don’t you take this opportunity to enjoy a bubble bath or watch some television or—”
“Just give me something to do Jasper!” Hadley snaps.
“Okay! You can…clean the mushrooms.”
She stares at him, unblinking. Finally, she says, “Clean the mushrooms. Fine. I’ll clean the mushrooms.” She mutters something about ‘the cleanest damn mushrooms you’ve ever seen’ as she bangs around in a cupboard and emerges with a large metal colander. She doesn’t miss Jasper’s quiet sound of distress, and she wheels on him. “What?”
“You’re not supposed to wash mushrooms,” he says hesitantly.
“Not supposed to wash them? Why? How do you get them clean then?”
“Mushrooms absorb whatever they’re exposed to. It’s handy for flavoring them, but it means if they're washed in water, they soak up the water. You need to use a dry cloth to wipe any dirt off them.”
Hadley sighs. I bet she’s wishing she’d gone for that bubble bath after all. “Fine. What cloth?”
Jasper sets down his knife and opens a drawer, pulling out a red-checkered cloth. “This one.”
“Of course you have a special mushroom-cleaning cloth.” She laughs, gripping his shoulders and rising up on her toes to kiss his cheek. “I’m sorry for being a bitch. It’s not fair of me to take my shitty mood out on you.”
From my spot at the table, I watch the siblings with a mixture of amusement and affection. Jasper murmurs something I don’t catch and kisses Hadley’s cheek before handing her the cloth and going back to his chopping.
Hadley pulls her phone from the pocket of her dress. “Music?”
*****
Everyone arrives at the same time. The apartment, which already felt on the small side with the three of us, seems to shrink by half. Now I understand why the Perrys always rent a house for their Christmas vacation; Jasper’s apartment serves its purpose for today, but I can’t imagine fitting everyone in here with a Christmas tree and what I’m sure is a mountain of presents, especially this year with a new baby in the family.
When Hadley left the kitchen after cleaning the mushrooms, Jasper asked me if I’d mind helping with the hosting duties today. I gladly accepted, appreciating his trust, along with his obvious attempt to loosen the control freak reins. I take everyone’s coats and cram them into the front closet and then help Jasper set up the folding tables and chairs that will serve as the dining table. He even relinquishes table setting duty when I offer to take over so he can spend time with the others.
I’ve just set the last decorative gourd on the table when Sherée’s laughter draws my attention across the room to where Jasper is easing Elizabeth from her mother’s arms. He cradles her close, bouncing gently from side to side when the baby fusses. His lips are moving so I know he’s talking to Elizabeth, even though I can’t hear the words. When he presses his nose into her dark curls, followed by his lips, I swear my uterus clenches along with my heart.
Since our makeshift dining table is only big enough for our plates and glasses, Jasper sets up the food buffet-style in the kitchen. Another folding table is crammed in near the window, and every available surface in the room is covered in dishes of delicious-smelling food.
“I’d like to propose a toast,” Jasper says when we’re all crowded around the tables. His eyes land on Gwen, Sherée, and me; we’ve been giggling about what a tight squeeze it is at the table and how we’ll likely end up bruised from elbowing each other through dinner.
&n
bsp; “Are you going to make us go around the table and say what we’re thankful for?” Malcolm asks as Jasper gets to his feet and raises his glass.
“I actually like that when I see it on TV,” Hadley says.
“Well I like to eat my food when it’s hot,” Malcolm replies, picking up his fork and poking at the gravy-smothered pile of mashed potatoes on his plate.
Jasper clears his throat. “Perhaps we can do that before dessert,” he suggests. “And in the interest of eating while the food is hot, I’ll keep this brief. It’s been years since the Perry clan spent Thanksgiving together, and I’m grateful we’re all together now. I’m also grateful for the new additions.” He pauses, inclining his glass toward Gwen and me and then across the room to where Elizabeth is napping in her swing. “Out of the many blessings in my life, the people assembled here are at the top of the list. Here’s to many more years of gathering together to celebrate life and family.”
With a chorus of “cheers” we all clink our glasses with whoever is within reach. I watch Jasper as he sits back down, waiting for him to meet my eyes. When he does, I incline my glass toward him. He smiles, raising his own glass again and nodding in my direction.
Conversation resumes as we all dig in. I swear I eat more at this one dinner than I’ve eaten in the last month. Jasper has outdone himself with the meatless dishes—mushroom and artichoke stuffing, homemade macaroni and cheese, a plethora of roasted seasonal veggies—and I eat until I’m full to bursting.
Everyone disperses between dinner and dessert. Sherée insists Jasper spend some quality time with his siblings while she starts to clean up. I jump in to help her, afraid if I sit down on one of the comfy couches now I’ll never get up again. We clear the tables and wash a few of the dishes by hand while the dishwasher runs through its first load. When Sherée tells me she’s ready for a break, I get out the desserts so they’ll be ready for people whenever they want.
