by Cheree Alsop
She was still the same sweet Kalia he cared about as a best friend. Her icy blue eyes creased with her smile that was becoming more of a constant since she had been with Pack Jericho. Her honey and clover scent tickled his nose within the smells of the rest of his pack mates, but the aroma didn’t pull him in like before.
He knew by looking at her that his altered feelings were one-sided. She went out of her way to brush his hand when she took his plate, and when she returned, she sat near enough that their knees touched.
Alex remembered the feeling of Siale’s head resting on his knee and the way her hair had fallen across her cheek. He had brushed it back softly, careful not to cause her any more pain with unnecessary movements. His fingers tingled with the memory of touching her skin.
Cassie’s voice jolted him back to the present. “I think he needs to rest.”
Alex blinked and willed his eyes to focus on his sister. “Sorry. I wasn’t listening.”
She smiled and Kalia patted his knee. “It’s okay. I was just saying we should see if Professor Nikki needs help planning the decorations. Christmas is only a week away, and New Year’s Eve will be right after the break, so she might need all the help she can get.” Her eyes sparkled with excitement. “That’s something Cassie and I can check on. I don’t think boys like to deal with decorations anyway.”
“Nut-uh,” Marky said. He was licking frosting off his fingers. At Kalia’s look, he shrugged. “The frosting’s good at least.”
Kalia swatted at him. “Get cleaned up. You look like you’ve been playing in the mud.”
“But it tastes better,” Marky said with a chocolate smile.
Cassie rolled her eyes and turned back to Alex. “Why don’t you get some sleep? We’ll bring you up some food from dinner.”
Alex gave his sister a grateful smile. “Thanks, Cass.”
“And I’ll make sure you get some of those rolls you like,” Kalia said.
Alex’s chest tightened when he nodded. “Thank you.”
He watched the rest of the pack retreat through the door.
“You alright?”
Alex hadn’t realized Jericho stayed behind. It was a testament to his exhausted nerves that the Alpha could stand behind him long enough for the others to exit and Alex not notice.
With the others gone, Alex was able to let down his guard slightly. He sat back on the couch. “Not exactly,” he admitted.
Jericho nodded. “I figured as much,” he said simply. He leaned against the opposite arm of the couch and crossed his arms. The tall, lean Alpha studied Alex solemnly. After a few minutes, he said quietly, “I almost thought I wouldn’t see you again.”
Alex forced a smile. “Did I disappoint you?”
Jericho gave an answering smile. “You would have if you hadn’t shown up. I think Cassie would have torn this place apart, and Kalia would’ve helped her.”
At the mention of Kalia’s name, Alex couldn’t help the frustration that crossed his face.
“Problems in paradise?” Jericho asked, his tone understanding.
Alex leaned forward so that his elbows rested on his knees and his face was hidden in his hands. He shook his head without looking at the Alpha. “I don’t know how I feel about anything anymore.”
Jericho set a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Take your time, Alex. You don’t have to decide about anything. It’s just a dance.”
Alex glanced sideways to meet the Alpha’s gaze. “It’s not just a dance. You saw it on her face, and you know how werewolves are. She thinks I’m the one.”
“And what do you think?”
Alex sighed. “I don’t know anymore, and I think that’s my answer.”
“And you’re afraid to tell her.”
Alex nodded.
Jericho gave a half-smile. “Can’t say I blame you. She’s a bit touchy.”
Alex blew out a breath. “That’s an understatement.”
Jericho stood up. “Well, Alex, I don’t pretend to understand your girl problems. I’m two years older than you, but I’ve been lucky to avoid the sights of any girl.” His tone said he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. He shrugged. “A little sleep and some food will help. You look like you could use it.”
Alex gave a wry grin. “Thanks.”
Jericho slapped him on the shoulder. “Any time.” He winked. “But if I was you, I’d probably disappear before the girls return. It’ll probably just be Kalia who comes back with your food if I know anything about women.”
Alex stared at the door after the Alpha left. A few minutes later, he snapped out of the thoughtless daze at the sound of footsteps up the stairs. He hurried to the mantle and opened the hidden door to the tunnels. He stepped inside just before the door to Pack Jericho’s common room opened.
“I brought you...Alex?”
Alex’s heart ached at the sound of disappointment in Kalia’s voice. She had no doubt expected to find him still sitting on the couch waiting for her. After all the time he had been gone, he had no doubt she would want to talk. He just couldn’t muster up the energy to pretend to be fine and happy. He had already tried that and failed earlier with the rest of the pack.
He heard her walk to his room, then return. After a few minutes, the sound of her setting the plates on the table in the corner was followed by the door shutting again. Alex let out a slow breath. He eased the hidden panel aside slowly and peaked out. She was gone.
Alex looked at the bowl of stew and the plate laden with more rolls than one werewolf could or should eat in one sitting along with a very generous dollop of creamy butter. Alex looked around the room. It was bright and warm, the exact opposite of the feelings that pressed against his chest. He reached for the light switch, then paused. He didn’t want to have to explain to his pack mates why he was eating in the dark.
Alex picked up the bowl and plate and balanced them precariously in one hand while he opened the hidden panel again. He carried the food inside and shut the door. He slid down with his back against the wall and let out a slow breath. After a moment, he tore up a roll and set it in the stew. He took a bite and tried to ignore the darkness inside and out.
Chapter Nineteen
Alex stood with the rest of Pack Jericho eyeing the agility course. The snow stood ankle-deep and showed tracks of deer and rabbits that made it hard for several of their pack members to concentrate.
“Let’s chase a rabbit,” Marky offered.
“It’d be easier than this course,” Pip replied.
Neither of the small werewolves had made it even halfway up the course, and it was becoming much harder to rally the others with Christmas break so near.
Kalia hovered close to Cassie. She cast Alex another of her frequent smiles that had filled his first day back after the pit, but her gaze carried a touch of worry. Alex attempted a reassuring smile in return, but the half-expression only appeared to concern her even more.
“Did you ask her yet?” Trent asked quietly from his elbow.
Alex shook his head. The werewolf knew better than to press for an explanation.
“I’ll bet Kalia could do better than the rest of us.”
Everyone stared at Torin. Alex couldn’t decide if the Alpha was trying to be funny or was actually, beyond all belief, giving Kalia a compliment.
“Why is that?” Kalia asked dryly, picking the former.
Torin shrugged and gave a smile, a real smile. “You’re fast and slim. Maybe you have a better chance since you don’t have to worry about the wolf stuff.”
Kalia studied him as though debating whether or not he was being serious.
“It can’t hurt to try,” Torin urged.
Kalia glanced at Professor Colleen. She nodded toward the agility course with an expression that said she was glad someone was going to attempt it. “Go ahead.”
Kalia looked at Alex. “What do you think?”
Alex gave Torin a searching look. The Alpha’s lips lifted in another uncharacteristic smile. Alex didn’t want Kalia t
o feel like he doubted her abilities, but he was worried Torin was setting her up for failure. He finally went with, “Um. I guess why not?”
Kalia nodded. “Yeah, why not.” She walked uncertainly through the snow. Her white coat made her stand out among the werewolves. None of them wore such protection against the cold. A werewolf could always phase if it got too cold; Kalia didn’t have that option.
The werewolves from Pack Torin and Pack Jericho crowded around the bottom of the course as Kalia began to work her way carefully up the first ramp. Her feet slipped on the snowy incline, but she held onto the sides and pulled herself up. She reached the top with a huff of relief.
“Made it,” she said, more to herself than the waiting werewolves.”
“I told you,” Torin called. “You can do it!”
Alex studied the Alpha. He couldn’t tell if the brawny werewolf’s encouraging cheers were fake or real. The werewolf ran a hand through his brown hair as the rest of the Lifers grouped around him.
“What’s up?” Sid asked with cruel glee in his eyes. “Waiting to see her fall?”
To Alex’s surprise, Torin gave his Second a glare that shut his mouth. “She can make it, Sid,” Torin barked loud enough for Kalia to hear as she reached the rope net. “Give her a chance.”
Everyone fell completely silent. No one had seen Torin get so upset over a Termer. Alex couldn’t understand what he was up to.
Kalia stepped gingerly on the rope net. Snow coating the ropes knocked free and fell with a soft whoosh to the deeper snow below. Kalia gripped the net with both hands. Her knuckles showed white even from the distance as she worked slowly forward. She made sure her shoes were secure on the ropes behind her before she moved forward. Soon, the slide of her knees across the ropes and the huff of her breath clouding in the air were the only sounds in the clearing.
Alex felt an inkling of hope. Perhaps Kalia really could cross the agility course. Professor Colleen had told them that the course was supposed to hone their skills in wolf form, but if Kalia could do it as a human, it might give her a great boost of confidence.
“Do you think she can do it?” Pip whispered.
“I hope so,” Jericho answered quietly.
Alex followed below. He heard the crunch of footsteps that said the others were doing the same. Kalia was halfway across the net. She appeared to have figured out the best way to climb the thick ropes. Perhaps Torin was right. Alex found himself hoping so.
Kalia’s foot slipped. The rope net turned with the weight of her body shifting to one side. Kalia let out a little shriek as she spun to the left. Her hands failed to find a good grip on the icy ropes and she fell.
Alex was running forward to catch her when a shoulder shoved him and sent him sprawling in the snow. He looked up to see Torin catch Kalia before she could hit the ground. Cassie pulled Alex to his feet.
“What was that about?” she muttered.
Alex brushed the snow from his pants as he shook his head. “I have no idea.”
“You wanted me to fall,” Kalia accused the Lifer Alpha, pushing away from him the second he set her feet on the ground.
“I didn’t,” Torin replied. “I hoped you would make it, but I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
Kalia gave him a look that said she wasn’t sure whether to throttle him or thank him. She stomped back to where Pack Jericho waited.
“You couldn’t have caught me?” she spat at Alex when she stalked past.
Alex sputtered and gestured toward the impact his body had left in the snow when Torin shoved him. Rage filled him at her insult. He wanted to shout his frustration at her, but caught himself with the realization that he was blowing things out of proportion. He was frustrated with himself for letting the Alpha reach her first, but he wondered deep down if he had let Torin win.
“We’ll call it quits for today,” Colleen said. She rolled her violet eyes. “I don’t think any of you can concentrate enough to make it up the course safely with Christmas break so close anyways.”
Nobody contradicted the professor. Snow was falling more thickly, making it dangerous for anyone to attempt the upper levels of the course. Alex felt relieved at the chance to escape.
“Want to walk with us back to the Academy?” Torin asked Kalia where she waited by the tree line.
“You should tell her you tried,” Cassie encouraged quietly.
Alex shook his head. “It’s not worth it.”
“You’re going to let Torin win?” Tennison asked in surprise from Cassie’s side.
Alex rolled his eyes. “I’m not letting Torin win. I’m...” But he was at a loss as to exactly what he was doing.
A sharp slap sounded in front of them. Alex looked up to see Torin put a hand to his cheek and Kalia stomp back toward them, her eyes flashing and her lips set in a tight line.
“What happened?” little Caitlyn asked when they caught up to Kalia. Pack Torin burst out laughing and Sid shoved Torin’s shoulder. Torin grinned as though he had won something.
“He said I owed him a kiss for rescuing me,” Kalia exclaimed. “Can you believe that?” Alex caught sight of a hint of red in her cheeks before she turned to walk beside Cassie.
Alex followed them with surprising feelings of jealousy. When Kalia glanced behind her, their eyes met and held for a moment. Kalia smiled at him and slipped her arm through Cassie’s. The girls talked quietly and giggled on their way back to the Academy.
Alex let the rest of Pack Jericho pass him. He kicked the snow and lost himself watching the way it coated the land and trees, covering the bushes, game trails, and meadows in an expanse of powdery white that was unbroken except for the places where animals had left their mark.
Alex wondered if there was a way for him to be blanketed like the snow, if his internal scars and dark places could be covered and hidden so that they wouldn’t surface at the worst times. He wanted to laugh and joke like his friends and pack mates, carefree, guessing about what Christmas would bring. Yet Christmas reminded him of parents that had been slain in front of him, and of the terror of being pursued by Drogan. He remembered how it had been to gather around a tree with his mom and dad and Cassie. They had been innocent once, unaware of the truth of their heritage and the way their lives would come crashing down around them.
He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was surrounded by the ghosts of those he had lost. He hoped that he might one day be strong like Jet, but thoughts of the pit and Drogan’s mismatched eyes made his insides quake with a fear that left a bitter taste in his mouth. He knew Drogan was being dealt with by the GPA, but that didn’t help when the man’s face surfaced in his nightmares along with the General’s.
Alex had only seen the General in pictures posted on Brock’s surveillance boards. The fact that the bloodthirsty werewolf Extremist was his father made Alex feel as though the blood in his veins was tainted. He felt unworthy to be at the Academy, yet when those thoughts shifted to Cassie, he balked, knowing it was ridiculous that she could be judged for being related to someone so dark and twisted.
Alex believed it of himself, and he waged internal war over it. He felt as though darkness fought to overcome the happiness he held inside. The things he had seen and experienced left a hollow edge to his thoughts, as though he didn’t deserve joy. He didn’t know what to think anymore.
“I knew if I waited long enough you’d get here.”
Alex’s head jerked up at the sound of Kalia’s voice.
She smiled at him, completely oblivious to his dark thoughts. “You’re going to make us both late for lunch.”
“I’m not hungry,” Alex replied.
“You’ve got to eat,” Kalia told him. “You’re going to lose too much weight.” She squeezed his arm. “Don’t want to miss any of these muscles.”
Alex tried a smile and failed.
Kalia sighed and fell in beside him. “I don’t know what’s up with you, Alex, so I’m going to make it easy. I’ll go to the dance with you.”
&nbs
p; Kalia tried to peer at his ducked face. Alex couldn’t fake happiness, and he hated himself for the confusion that filled her eyes.
“Torin asked me to the dance,” Kalia said quickly as though searching for something to distract him. “That’s really why I slapped him. I told Cassie that he said I owed him a kiss, but he didn’t. I don’t know why I said that. I think it’s easier than telling her Torin wanted to go with me. I don’t know if he was joking or what his deal was today—”
“I think you should go with him.” The words were out before Alex could stop himself.
Kalia stopped in her tracks, stunned. “What did you say?” she asked, her breath fogging the air.
Alex knew he had gone too far to retreat. He shoved his hands in his pockets and met her gaze. “Go with him, Kalia.” His voice was harsher than he intended.
Kalia stared at him. “But I thought...and Cassie said...and we’ve always...” Tears appeared in her eyes. She blinked quickly, forbidding them to break free. In the place of hurt, anger filled her expression. “Alex Davies, I don’t know what’s wrong with you,” Kalia shouted. “But you can’t treat a girl like this. I deserve better.”
She stood there with her chest heaving and arms crossed, her icy blue eyes flashing in anger.
Alex knew she expected an apology, but he didn’t have it inside himself to give. Silence wrapped around them like thick cotton, sinking in to cover all the things he couldn’t explain. He felt for a moment like he was truly covered in snow. Alex said the only thing he could.
“I know you deserve better.” He spoke quietly, but the words still echoed in his ears, like they were the loudest shout instead of just a whisper.
Kalia’s lips were red. They stood out as she talked. Alex focused on them instead of the words that cut into him. “I hate you, Alex.” She spun on her heel and stomped through the gate.
