by A. M. Arthur
“I’ve had worse,” Miles replied. “Trust me, Wes is way less subtle than his parents about fixing me up.”
“You think that was subtle?”
“You’ve spent time with Wes, right?”
Avery chuckled. “Point to you. I haven’t spent very much time with Wes, because whenever he’s around the ranch, he and Mack are, ah, enjoying their shared time together, usually in private. But he seems to be a very energetic, overly friendly fellow.”
“Overly friendly is a good word, but he really is a sweetheart. Genuine person, which is why I agreed to room with him.”
“You two get along well, then?”
“Oh yes, he’s one of my closest friends. He’s taking Mack and Colt’s falling out a little personally, even though Wes had absolutely nothing to do with it.”
No, that was all my stupid fault.
Except it wasn’t. Not really. Perhaps Avery’s slip of the tongue had prompted Mack to question Colt, but Colt was the one who’d chosen to lie for five years about a SWAT mission gone wrong. When Colt found out his friendly fire had killed Mack’s boyfriend Geoff during a bank hostage crisis, Colt had been beyond devastated. Avery had tried to help him through the grief, and he’d urged Colt over and over to come clean.
The bastard never did, and now Avery was still, even years later, witness to the fallout of that truth bomb.
“To be fair to Colt, he wasn’t the only one who knew the truth about their falling out,” Avery said. “I knew what Colt did, and I never told Mack.”
Miles shook his head. “Dude, whatever was between Colt and Mack was for them to figure out. Not your job. And I am totally not interested in Colt, by the way.”
The admission made Avery’s usually sharp mind stutter a moment. “I, ah, okay.”
“It’s just, when he and I were talking and you came over you seemed…annoyed? I promise I wasn’t flirting.”
Those words shouldn’t have cheered Avery up as much as they did. “Colt’s love life is not mine to police. We broke up years ago.”
“Are you sure?” Miles tilted his head a few degrees to the left. “Because he keeps looking over here, and it’s not at me.”
Avery snapped his head to the side; Colt looked sharply away. He squinted, irritation rippling down his spine. To Miles, he said, “He and I didn’t speak for a lot of years after we broke up, and it’s been very awkward since we reconnected here at the ranch. After he was shot, I offered friendship and he turned me down.” More irritation followed the first wave. “He doesn’t get to act territorial after blowing me off.”
“Did you ask him why he didn’t want to be friends?”
“I…no. I simply accepted his feelings on the matter.” Avery had always taken Colt at face value, expecting honesty and giving the same in all things, big and small. Colt had always been easy for him to read, until now. Because right now, Colt’s words and actions were in direct opposition.
“I’m pretty sure feelings are exactly what’s the matter,” Miles said.
Avery shook his head, unsettled at not completely understanding what they were discussing. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, neither of you is being subtle about watching the other.” Miles nibbled on his lower lip, seeming embarrassed at having Avery’s direct attention. “What if Colt still has feelings for you, and that’s why he didn’t want to be just friends? Maybe it was easier for him to shut you out, rather than to try being friends when he wants more.”
“That’s…huh.” Avery turned those thoughts over, trying to see everything from Colt’s point of view. Their breakup had been mutual, but they’d each brought baggage to the table. Avery had been leaving the city for six weeks for his very first film consultation job, and he’d wanted Colt to come. Colt had refused, citing lack of leave time, and they’d already been fighting over Colt telling Mack the truth.
Looking back, the entire thing had been messier than Avery wanted to remember. He had clung to the good memories and tucked the worst ones away, hoping the Colt he loved was out there somewhere, living a good, happy life. Running into him again at the ranch had stirred up all of Avery’s memories, especially the bad ones. They’d been so good together, until they weren’t. And the one thing not even the distance of time could change was that Colt still owned Avery’s heart. The question he couldn’t answer was: Did Avery still own Colt’s?
He sneaked a look at Colt, who was now chatting with the groom’s parents. The way Colt smiled and laughed stirred Avery’s blood, urging him to walk over there and stake his claim. To make sure Colt hadn’t forgotten who he belonged to. But he no longer had a claim on Colt.
And I don’t want one, either.
Avery wasn’t here permanently. His life was hundreds of miles away, and he’d return to it when this job was over. No sense in stirring anything up that would only hurt them both in the end. Their relationship had ended badly once; he couldn’t risk that happening a second time.
Except…
He touched the short ends of his hair, missing the way Colt would sit with him at night and brush Avery’s long hair out with a soft-bristled brush. Scalp to end, over and over, until Avery was practically asleep.
Stop it.
“You still love him, don’t you?” Miles asked softly. Almost reverently.
“I do.” Avery couldn’t lie about it. The truth would be all over his face. “But we still have the same issues between us. We can’t possibly work out.”
Avery’s career as a film consultant and historian was well established now, but back when he was first with Colt, he’d still been getting his feet wet. Finding his place not only as Colt’s partner, but also in his professional life—a career he’d worked damned hard to build and maintain. Going out of town for a six-week shoot shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but Colt had been jealous and territorial. And Avery had been disappointed in Colt’s inability to be honest about Geoff’s death.
Perhaps Colt had finally been honest, but Avery still traveled for months at a time for his work, and that wasn’t going to change.
“Look, I’m the last person on earth who should give out relationship advice, trust me,” Miles said. “But what if you guys weren’t ready back then, and you’re ready now? What if this is the second chance you’ve been waiting for?”
Avery released a long, slow breath. “I suppose that’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?” And in that moment, Avery had no answers.
Only doubts, questions, and a lot of feelings with nowhere to go.
CHAPTER TWO
Colt lingered outside on the guesthouse porch, needing a bit of solitude after the craziness of the wedding. The rest of the family had piled into Arthur’s living room to watch the press conference happening live up at the ghost town site. Arthur and Mack were finally releasing the details of ghost town vandalism to the public, as well as stating their intent to turn the place into a public attraction. Colt knew all that, so what was the point of watching it again?
The spicy scent of barbecue filled the dry, dusty air. Patrice and Judson were manning the big, brick barbecue in the yard, preparing for tonight’s celebration. Thankfully, they were far enough away that they didn’t bother engaging Colt with conversation.
The three-story guesthouse was quiet and dark for now, with that night’s wedding guests elsewhere, and it gave Colt space to think.
Avery lived in town and worked up at the site, so he was rarely down at the ranch, and they’d managed to avoid prolonged contact so far. But being around Avery so much today was fucking with Colt’s head, and not in a good way. In a tell-me-to-kneel-Sir-please kind of way. Colt had met other Doms in his early twenties, as he sought something he wasn’t even able to name. They’d all been his size, usually intimidating, with leathers and muscles and tattoos. Avery was nothing like those other men; his power was more subtle, in his eyes and his voi
ce, and often in the things he didn’t say.
He’d made Colt feel safe again, then he’d made Colt’s body sing in so many ways that he’d lost track. And his body wanted to sing again, to feel all those things. He needed a healthy way to deal with his stress and guilt, not just over Geoff’s accidental death, but over losing Mack and Colt’s own shooting.
He wanted Avery back, but his heart was still tender from the first time. He didn’t know if he’d survive losing Avery twice.
“You glare at the rail any harder and it’s going to set itself on fire.” A deep voice came from the yard.
Colt looked up into a pair of dark eyes. Groom’s brother. Derrick. “Lost in thought,” Colt replied.
“Figured.” Derrick walked up the steps to the porch, hands in his shorts pockets, a gentle smile on his face. “I’d ask why you’re not watching the press conference, but I guess you already know everything. Having lived through it and all.”
“Bingo.” He’d barely managed to spend a few hours up there at the site this afternoon for the wedding. No way did he need to see that place again anytime soon. Not that he was telling a relative stranger that.
Instead of heading into the guesthouse, Derrick leaned his hip against the rail near Colt’s chair. “Been a hectic day, with the wedding and all. You look as wound up as I am.”
Colt chuckled. “Socializing never used to be this exhausting.”
“Well, you did get shot, so there’s that.”
“True. Guess I’m overly frustrated with the new me.” The old him used to love to flirt and work a room. Now just the idea of socializing for more than ten minutes wore him out.
Derrick’s smile broadened and he blatantly cruised Colt. “Nothing wrong with the new you.”
Wait, what?
Colt studied the man, surprised by the open interest in Derrick’s expression. He never would have pegged him as gay. Bi, maybe? Then again, Colt didn’t know him well, and he didn’t usually spend a lot of time guessing random people’s sexuality. It wasn’t his business.
Derrick was handsome, with closely shorn black hair and eyes that twinkled with interest. Broad frame, muscular, his dark skin offset by his white, button-up shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Normally, all those things would appeal to Colt, and he’d start flirting up a storm, then invite Derrick back to his cabin for naked fun times.
But Colt wasn’t in the mood to fuck around; his dick didn’t even give a twitch for the hot guy standing less than two feet away.
Chatting he could do, though. “I’m going to guess you’re not watching the press conference,” Colt said, “because you’ve already heard everything via Wes.”
“Correct. Plus, I work with Sophie, so anything he tells her about the investigation into the ghost town fire, I eventually hear.”
“I didn’t know you worked with Sophie. Is that how she met your brother?”
“Yup.” Derrick’s grin widened. “Best job I ever took. She makes Conrad happy.”
“What about you? What makes you happy?”
“I’m a guy who’s very easy to please.” His gaze drifted to Colt’s lap briefly. “You?”
That’s a loaded question these days.
Colt’s happiness used to come from work and his friends. Now, his small moments of joy were tempered by back pain and nightmares.
Before he could drum up a suitable answer, people began spilling out of the main house and heading toward the picnic tables. “Looks like the press conference is over,” Colt said. “Everyone will be heading down to eat.”
“Good thing.” Derrick patted his flat stomach. “I’m starving. Need my protein.”
Colt couldn’t quite tell if he was talking about the barbecued ribs or liquid protein, so he let that comment slide. “No one beats Arthur’s barbecue sauce.”
Derrick’s lips twitched. “I remember. Can’t seem to find a joint in San Fran that compares. The food or the scenery.”
Okay, yeah, he was flirting, and while Colt enjoyed the attention—and he was flattered—he simply wasn’t in the mood to fuck around tonight. He hadn’t been in the mood since before the shooting.
Since Avery had walked back into his life, practically invited there by Colt himself. Colt had tried to tell himself he’d given Mack Avery’s contact information because Avery was the smartest person Colt knew, historian or otherwise. He had dual Bachelor degrees, a Masters, and the guy was working on his PhD. Mack deserved the best. It was absolutely not because Colt missed Avery, or wanted a chance to see him again, even from a distance.
And he’d seen Avery. From dozens of feet away, briefly, in the cab of Mack’s truck the day Avery interviewed for the historian job. And then later, he’d seen Avery again, right after telling Mack the truth about Geoff. He’d confessed to Avery he was going to resign and leave, because what other choice did he have?
Only Mack had challenged Colt the next day, telling him only cowards ran. Part of Colt always hoped that had been Mack’s subtle way of saying “don’t leave, we can fix this,” but as more time passed, Colt wasn’t sure if what he’d broken between them could ever be repaired.
“Colt? Dude?”
Fingers snapped in front of Colt’s face, jolting him back into reality. Derrick was watching him with open concern. “Sorry,” Colt said. “Lost in thought again.”
“If you don’t wanna talk, man, I can take a hint.”
“No, it’s not that. I ran into an ex recently, and it’s fucking with my head a little.”
“The historian?”
Colt opened his mouth to ask how he knew, then grunted. “Wes?”
“Yeah, he’s fond of gossip. Sorry.”
“It’s fine. To be honest, I’m surprised the entire ranch doesn’t know by now, but I guess Wes is more discreet here where Avery and I both work.”
Derrick laughed. “Yeah, Wes knows when to dial it back. Plus, he’s protecting Mack’s reputation, too. No one likes their business front and center to be picked at.”
A handful of cars and trucks rumbled up the driveway, bringing back the folks who’d gone to the press conference—Mack, Wes, Arthur, and the newlyweds—as well as strangers. Reporters, maybe. Arthur loved to show off his barbecue.
Folks seemed to be digging into the food, too. “What do you think, Derrick?” Colt asked. “Wanna go get some protein?”
Derrick wiggled his eyebrows. “You know it.”
* * *
Avery was not jealous. Nope. Not even a little bit.
Except he kind of was.
He was jealous of how happily in love Sophie and Conrad were, and of how happily in love Wes and Mack were, and his heart ached with the memory of being that fucking happy. And he’d been that happy with Colt.
Someone he was absolutely not jealous over right now. Not over the way Colt laughed and flirted with Derrick as they ate, or the way the pair got up to dance together when music began to play. They danced in a way that made Avery’s inner Dom sit up straight and watch, because Colt wasn’t Derrick’s to grind on like that.
Colt was Avery’s.
He doesn’t want you anymore.
Except Miles’s words flittered back to him and he wondered…maybe?
Didn’t matter. Maybe Avery’s body was betraying him because it still wanted Colt, but Avery’s heart and brain knew better. Getting involved with Colt again was a terrible idea. He’d happily lived these last five years as a single person, and he didn’t need a partner now.
Except, as he watched Colt roll his hips and drape his hands over Derrick’s shoulders, he couldn’t think of a single reason why pursuing Colt was a terrible idea.
Avery had sat down to eat with Miles, Wes, Mack, and the Bentleys, and while the food was amazing, it faded into the background as he watched his heart dance with someone else. Wes and Mack eventually got up to join the various
dancers, as did the Bentleys, but Miles hung back with Avery. For very different reasons, Avery was sure.
Miles leaned toward him. “You know that old saying ‘if looks could kill’?”
“I’ve heard it.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure Sophie would be sad to lose her new brother-in-law, so maybe ease back on the glaring. They’re just dancing.”
Avery didn’t bother denying who he was glaring at. “I should probably go before I embarrass myself.”
“If you need to get away from the ranch tonight, you can come into the city with me? Wes is staying here, so you can take his bed. Or the couch is a pullout?”
He blinked, surprised by the generous offer, but Miles had also posed it as a question, and his body language seemed uncertain. “I appreciate that, but it isn’t necessary. Besides, I’d have no way to get back in the morning.”
“Okay. I need to say goodbye to the newlyweds before I head out. Good luck with your Colt problem.”
Avery huffed. “I don’t have a Colt problem.”
Miles’s arched eyebrow silently disagreed with him. They shook hands as Miles left the table to say his goodbyes. The distraction had been enough, though. Colt and Derrick were no longer dancing. Avery scanned the picnic area and lingering barbecue guests.
Movement farther away caught his attention, and he spotted a flash of familiar blond hair bobbing in the distance. Along with a head of black hair.
Colt and Derrick were leaving the party and heading for the main barn. Together.
Avery stood, heart pounding, hands tight fists by his sides. He had no claim on Colt anymore, but the sight of him walking into a dark barn with another man filled Avery with a strange feeling.
A strange feeling he didn’t like and didn’t know what to do with. So he rose and started walking.
CHAPTER THREE
Dancing with Derrick had been stupidly fun, probably the most fun Colt had had since before the shooting. He could forget his mistakes, forget his broken friendship, forget that the only man he’d ever loved was somewhere at that barbecue. Colt danced like he used to in the clubs, and in other circumstances, Derrick was definitely a guy he might have gone off and fucked.
