by A. M. Arthur
He pulls Colt inside and into a hug, instinct telling him to comfort the man right the hell now. He kicks the door shut with one foot, and his alarm heightens when Colt starts weeping.
“Colt, what happened? Are you hurt?” Avery smooths his hands over Colt’s back, soothing him as well as feeling for injury. “Please, pet, you’re scaring me.”
Colt doesn’t respond, and Avery curses himself for not having a couch here. The dinette set won’t do. This is personal, and no way is Avery doing a scene with someone this upset, so he makes a decision.
“Come with me, okay?” Avery keeps one arm around Colt’s shoulders and leads him out of the studio and to the apartment door across the hall. Unlocks it and, for the first time, brings a client into his home.
Colt calms a bit in this new environment. “Where are we?”
“My place. As you can see, I have the easiest commute of anyone in the valley.”
Bitter laughter forces its way out. “I’m so sorry for showing up like this, but I was one of the guys at the bank robbery.”
Avery stares, not understanding. Colt robbed a bank? What? “What bank robbery?”
Colt blinks at him. “Don’t you watch the news?”
“Not during the day.” Shock jolts down Avery’s spine. “You were in a bank robbery?”
“My SWAT team. We got called down to go in and defuse the situation. Mack and I didn’t really agree with our supervisor’s plan, and when we got there it was Geoff’s branch, and everything got FUBAR, and Geoff was killed by friendly fucking fire.” Colt chokes on those final words, and they slam into Avery like bullets.
Mack is Colt’s best friend. Geoff is Mack’s boyfriend. Things Avery knows from their conversations before and after scenes. And then three words stand out even more clearly. Friendly fucking fire.
“Oh fuck.” Avery leads Colt to his sofa and pulls the man down to sit. Colt wraps his arms around Avery, and Avery holds him tight, unsure what to say. “I’m so sorry, Colt. I am so goddamn sorry this happened.”
“Shouldn’t have happened. We should have stood up to our supervisor, and now two people are dead.”
“Two?”
“One of the robbers was killed, the other wounded.”
“My God. But how do you know Geoff was killed by friendly fire?”
Colt shudders. “Bullet caliber. Three out of five of us fired rounds.”
Avery’s stomach twists. “Did you?”
“Yes.”
“Oh Colt.” Avery isn’t sure he can hold Colt any tighter, but he tries. “Odds are it wasn’t you, you know that.”
“Least I know it wasn’t Mack. He didn’t fire his gun. Don’t think he could handle it if he’d done it.”
“How is Mack?” Stupid question but he asks, anyway.
“When I left his place, he was a raging mess, but Reyes gave him a Valium so hopefully he’ll calm down a little. Let himself grieve. Fuck, I can’t imagine how he’s feeling.”
“Neither can I.” Avery taps Colt’s chin, urging him to look up. Those red-rimmed, bright blue eyes speak to a deep-down part of Avery that’s never paid attention before. There’s a vulnerability in Colt that Avery wants to protect, an innocence he wants to shield from the monsters in the world. “But right now, I’m more concerned with your feelings.”
“I’m a mess.” Colt chokes again.
Avery hazards leaving his side for a moment to get him a bottle of water and box of tissues. He sips the water, then blows his nose, while Avery waits, a supportive hand on Colt’s thigh. “I’m glad you came to me,” Avery says. “I was starting to worry I’d scared you off.”
“Never.” Colt’s single word response is fierce, and it trickles down Avery’s spine in a pleasant way. “I had a hard time leaving Mack’s place, but you mean too much to me for me to stop coming here.”
You mean too much to me.
Avery tries not to see too much into that statement. “I’m glad our sessions help you.”
“It’s more than just the sessions.” Colt angles toward Avery, so vulnerable it almost hurts to see. “I care about you, Avery. As a person. As my friend.” He puts his hand over Avery’s on his thigh. “While I was trying to comfort Mack today, I tried to imagine what it would feel like to lose someone I loved like that, and then I realized I didn’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
Avery blinks, stunned by the confession. “Really?”
“Yeah. And maybe me saying anything will make me lose you, anyway, because I don’t know if you’re gay, straight, or somewhere in between, but I have feelings for you, Avery. I think I’ve had them since the first day we met. I’ve never felt as safe or cared for as I do when I’m with you, in and out of our scenes. And after last week, when you were hard too…and now with Geoff…fuck, I had to tell you.”
Avery is rarely at a loss for words, but he’s at a loss now. All he really has is the truth. “I don’t really know where I am on the sexual spectrum, because I’ve never really dated. Never been in a relationship. But I have feelings for you, too, Colt. I’m not sure what they mean, but they’re there.”
Colt smiles, relief etching across his handsome face. “Yeah? That’s a place to start, though, right?”
“I suppose.” Avery studies Colt’s eyes, seeing only honesty and affection in their blue depths. His need to protect Colt tangles up with those feelings, and Avery begins to want. In his twenty-eight years on earth, he’s never wanted before, and certainly not another man. But Colt’s scent washes over him like a warm breeze, comforting and also…arousing.
“Will you call our appointments quits if I kiss you?” Colt asks.
“No, I won’t.” He can’t, because he’s is as curious about this as Colt seems to be, and he has to know what kissing Colt Woods feels like.
Colt curls one strong hand around the back of Avery’s neck and draws him closer. Warm breath gusts across his lips moments before heat presses down on them. With that first touch, Avery is lost to kissing Colt. They kiss and touch and exist in each other for a very long time. Colt never pushes for more, somehow sensing Avery isn’t ready to move past making out, and he adores Colt all the more for respecting his boundaries.
When Avery asks Colt to stay the night, they both know it isn’t about sex. It’s about the monumental shift in their world and in their relationship. It’s also about Colt still needing comfort for today’s shooting, and Avery is more than happy to help. They kiss in bed for a long time, and as Avery falls asleep, he marvels at the unique sensation of holding another man in his arms.
He also startles awake to the unusual scent of coffee already brewing, and it takes him a moment to remember why that’s possible.
Colt.
One of his clients spent the night, after they spent hours kissing each other. All because Colt saw a friend die.
What if last night is a mistake? What if all that was Colt’s grief? What if—?
His inner monologue is squashed by Colt appearing in his bedroom doorway with a small tray of food. Colt’s shy smile does funny things to Avery’s insides. He approaches and puts the tray on the night table. A bowl of oatmeal and fruit, coffee, and a single blue carnation.
“The flower is from the arrangement in your kitchen,” Colt says. “I thought it made a nice touch. And you didn’t have a sugar bowl or any kind of cream in the fridge, so I took a chance you like your coffee black.”
Avery grins. “I do, thank you. You didn’t have to do this.”
“Yes, I did.” Colt sits next to him and clasps one of Avery’s hands. “You didn’t have to be there for me last night, but you were. And the things I said about having feelings for you I meant. It wasn’t grief talking, I promise.”
“Same.” Avery relaxes a bit and reaches for the coffee. “Breakfast is very thoughtful.”
Colt blushes and ducks his head. “It was
my turn to take care of you.”
“I also meant what I said about our weekly sessions continuing, exactly as before. Sir and pet, no sex.”
“I understand. I guess, then, this is me asking you, Avery, if you want to go on a date with me?”
Avery can’t recall the last time he was asked out on a date. He spends so much time working, researching, and studying that he has no social life beyond his Dom appointments. And even those friendships are surface. Avery’s never been interested in dating, period, and he used to blame that on being bullied so frequently in his school for having a Domme as a fake mother.
He didn’t know how the other kids found out Violet was his aunt, and that she adopted him when he was nine, after his single mom died of breast cancer. But they did, and they teased him mercilessly. It got so bad that Avery turned to drugs and alcohol to soothe his pain, and a lot of his eleventh-grade year was a blur—until he was in a car with other dope heads when they hit a highway divider and one kid died. Avery scraped by with a broken arm, and he’s stayed away from recreational drugs and anything stronger than wine ever since. And he learned well how to keep people at arm’s length.
So no, not a lot of dating.
“Well, you haven’t said no yet,” Colt teases.
“I’m sorry, it isn’t that I’m not interested. I just…don’t date.”
Colt tilts his head in an assessing way. “I never took you for a hookup kind of guy.”
“I’m not that, either.” Avery’s cheeks flush.
“So you…wait, you’re not telling me you’re a virgin.”
Avery looks away, his face in flames, and he nearly spills coffee on the bedding. “So what if I am?” he snaps.
“Hey, not judging you.” Colt’s calloused hand slides across his arm. “I’m just surprised, considering how incredibly hot you are. Men and women should be knocking down your door.”
“I don’t really put myself out there to meet people.” He’ll let the hot comment slide for now. “I suppose I’m the very definition of an introverted workaholic.”
“I get that. SWAT keeps me pretty busy, because if we aren’t on call, we’re training a lot. It’s probably why hookups were easier than using emotional energy with a relationship.” Colt takes the coffee mug away so he can hold both of Avery’s hands. Avery dares look at him again, and his expression is genuine. Kind. Not judgmental at all. “So how about that date, Professor Hendrix?”
Avery laughs. “All right, fine. One date.”
“Trust me, one date won’t be nearly enough time to romance you the way you deserve.”
His heart thumps a little faster. “You’re planning to romance me?”
“Oh yes. You told me you don’t date, so I’m going to prove exactly why dating me is an incredibly great idea. And I’ll make you a promise right here and now.”
“Go on.”
“I will never pressure you for sex. You’re still a virgin for a reason, and they’re your reasons, and I won’t be that guy who pushes you before you’re ready. If you’re ever ready. But I really loved kissing you, so I hope you are one day.”
Avery’s belly quivers. “I mean, it’s not like my lifelong goal is to die a virgin. It’s just never come up before.”
“So to speak?” Colt wiggles his eyebrows, and Avery chuckles at the innuendo.
“Yes, so to speak. You’re right in that I’m not a hookup person. I don’t have some weird attachment to my virginity, either, but…yeah. I suppose I’ve been waiting for the right person.”
Colt grins. “I would love to be your right person, but like I said, no pressure.”
“And I appreciate that.” He lets out a long breath. “I do think that as I got older, I resisted going out and interacting because of the virginity issue. When you’re twenty it isn’t as big a deal as when you’re twenty-eight.”
“People can be judgmental assholes, but I’m not one of those people.”
“I know.” He eyeballs the plate of food. “So after breakfast in bed, what’s step two in your plan to romance me?”
“Eat your breakfast and find out.”
Challenge accepted.
* * *
Step two turns out to be flowers. Lots of flowers, some cut, some potted, delivered both to Avery’s home and his office at UCLA. They certainly got his coworkers talking, and in some ways, Avery hates the attention, because everyone wants to know who his admirer is. And then Colt surprises him with an incredibly romantic dinner at the Pacific Dining Car, followed by a back massage at Avery’s place.
Avery rewards that with a lot more kissing.
Two glorious months pass, and they fall into a wonderful sort of routine of texting, emailing, flirty phone calls, and frequent dinner dates. They also maintain Colt’s weekly scene schedule, both of them keeping it as professional as possible—with the exception of their obvious arousal. Avery feeds off Colt’s desire for him, but they never do anything about it during their sessions.
He’s also aware of how ragged Colt is getting, between being emotional support for Mack, who’s recently moved north to live with his grandfather, and for Reyes, who had a serious accident while fighting a fire. So Avery supports his boyfriend—yes, he’s finally using that word—while Colt supports his friends as best he can.
Avery takes it upon himself to plan their next date. Colt deserves the break, so Avery invites him over for a home-cooked dinner of seared chicken breasts, mushroom rice, and creamy cauliflower, plus a nice bottle of wine. Colt teases him about his healthy-eating lifestyle, but it’s how he grew up. Very rarely did Violet and Mike buy fast food or order pizza. Mike is an excellent cook, and Avery learned a lot from him.
“It’s delicious, as always,” Colt says, once he’s cleaned his plate. “You should open a restaurant.”
“I’m an historian, not a chef. Besides, LA has enough restaurants.”
“Hey, take the compliment.” Colt’s smiling, but it’s forced. He’s tired and stressed, so Avery decides to skip his plan to watch a romantic film and jump straight to the finale.
Over the last few weeks, their physical interactions have eased into hand jobs, and Colt occasionally blowing Avery—the idea of doing the same for Colt just…he isn’t sure about it yet—and they still haven’t been naked together. And Avery is ready to try a few new things. He even bought condoms and lube, in case. He’s falling for Colt, hard, and he doesn’t want to lose him by going too slow.
“Come on,” Avery says. “The dishes can wait.”
Colt tips his head, curious, and then takes Avery’s hand. Avery leads him right to his bedroom, which seems to surprise Colt. Usually they make out on the couch. And then Colt’s jaw drops when Avery whisks his shirt off, belly quivering with nerves over the bold gesture.
“Uh, wow.” Colt stares at his bare chest, which is pale and thin, and not much to speak of. But Colt seems entranced.
“I was hoping to, um, do more? Tonight?”
“Define more.”
“Um…sex?”
Colt meets his eyes, his own kind of amused. “Oh baby, we’ve been having sex. Are you talking about fucking?”
Avery gulps and steels himself, uncertain if he’s ready to be penetrated, but unwilling to lose Colt to someone less uptight. “Yes.”
“Avery.” Colt practically lifts him off his feet with the force of his hug. “You have no idea how long I’ve been fantasizing about you fucking me.”
His brain stutters to a halt.
Wait, me fucking him?
“You’re a bottom?” Avery blurts out.
“I’m vers, and I do prefer topping unless I’m in a certain kind of mood, but you’re my Dom. Whether we’re in the playroom or not, I will bend over for you any day, Sir.”
Avery’s heart nearly beats out of his chest at the naked declaration. “Really? I…I assumed you’d wan
t me to bottom.”
Colt’s smile doesn’t waver. “Do you want to? Like I said, I’m versatile.”
“I mean… I will if I have to.”
“Have to?” Colt tugs him down so they’re sitting side by side on the bed, his smile gone. Serious now. “Avery, you don’t have to do anything sexual that you aren’t comfortable with. I thought I’ve shown you that.”
“You did. Do. I don’t know why I’m so uptight about this.”
“Hey, you are not uptight. If you’re uptight, then I’m a slut.”
“You’re not a slut simply for having had sexual experiences.”
“Then you’re not uptight just because you’ve hardly had any. I love that I get to be your first, but I’m also nervous as hell.” A bit of his old Texas twang comes out when Colt’s nervous, and it’s endearing as fuck.
“Why are you nervous?” Avery asks. “You know what you’re doing. I mean, I’ve seen Queer As Folk, and I get the mechanics, but this is real life. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. I’ll coach you through it. Being the one taking it? A lot harder than being on top, but I want to give that to you. I’m falling in love with you, Avery. You’re kind, generous, sweet, but beneath that there’s this foundation of steel. You’re the strongest person I know, and I want to be your first.”
Avery soaks in the words and praise, especially I’m falling in love with you, Avery. No one has ever said that to him in his life, and to hear it from someone as beautiful, energetic and sweet as Colt? Mind blowing. “I think I’m falling for you, too, Colt. I’ve never felt like this with another person, and I don’t want to lose it.”
“Being with you is why I’m here. Your mind and your spirit, and yeah, your hot little body, but sex isn’t a deal breaker for me. Tonight or five years from now, I’ll wait.”
Avery wants to believe him, but what virile twenty-nine-year-old man will really wait five years to have intercourse? Besides, he doesn’t want to wait that long to be with Colt. Avery has waited his entire adult life, and he’s tired of waiting. He wants to know what it’s like. Colt is his person; Colt will make this special.
