“If I promised I’d stay here forever,” Ayden begins.
I nearly throw down my empty plate and get up on my knees to face him. “Don’t, Ayd. Don’t ever promise that.”
“But if I did, would it change things between us? I don’t know what I even mean, but you and I aren’t telling each other everything, Bella. You know that as well as I do. And that song…”
I inhale. “Yes, that song says a lot of important things. About us. But you taking this job, taking a risk like that, is a good thing. Not just for you but for me too. It’s the reason I pulled out my guitar again.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
My hands go to his chest, and I feel it rise and fall.
“Bella.” He puts one hand over mine. “Sleep here tonight.”
I bite my lip.
“I’ll fix up two sleeping bags, and we’ll sleep out here.”
Against my better judgment—okay, against all my judgment—I agree.
I slide into one of the sleeping bags while I wait for Ayden to come out of his bedroom. Just as I’m settling onto my side, he appears in the doorway.
Sweet Lord in Heaven.
He’s stripped down to track shorts and no shirt, and he slips off the shorts, revealing black boxer briefs, before climbing into the sleeping bag next to me. I inhale, wondering if I just made a huge mistake. But he scoots closer to me in his bag and drops his arm over my waist, pulling me against him, my back to his chest.
I go rigid.
“Is this not okay?” he says, concern in his voice.
The thing is, it is okay. It’s more than okay. The feeling of Ayden surrounding me, holding me, is everything I want.
“No, it…it is okay,” I whisper. “Just don’t let go of me.”
“Never.”
My heart is pounding as he snuggles closer.
“Last week, I told Jenny I couldn’t see her again.” His tone is low.
I can’t restrain my noise of surprise. “I thought you usually just kind of let things take their course and fizzle out.”
“I do. But it didn’t feel right anymore to do that. So I told her we could only be friends. She was pissed.”
“You were honest with her. That’s all you can do.”
He buries his face in my neck and inhales. “You always smell so good, B.”
“I do?” My traitorous voice comes out squeaky.
“Uh-huh. Like flowers and ocean and mangoes.”
I laugh. “The mango is my shampoo.”
He runs the tip of his nose up to my earlobe. “It suits you.”
I let out a shaky breath and fidget with my hands underneath the sleeping bag. “Good night, Ayd.”
“Good night, B.”
Within five minutes, I hear his breathing even out and get deeper, and I know he’s asleep.
That makes one of us. I lie awake on the floor of his living room with just the sounds of the refrigerator for company for hours. My hormones are all over the place, and my thoughts are no better. Ayden is the best part of my life. But I can no longer deny how much I want him. And that scares me. Eventually, I drift to sleep.
When I wake up in the morning, Ayden’s no longer in his sleeping bag, but he left me a note on his pillow.
Had an early job at a work site. Stay as long as you want. A
I throw on my shorts from last night, but I wear Ayden’s football jersey home with me. A smile pulls at my mouth, and I can’t stop remembering the feel of Ayden’s arm wrapped around my body all night long.
I call Mom to check in with her. My call goes straight to voicemail, but that’s nothing unusual with my mother in the mornings. Ellie would have called me if there were a problem, but I still feel unsettled. I decide I’ll stop by unannounced tomorrow on my day off, and then I go home to shower before work.
I’ve just finished with a customer when Ayden walks up to my booth.
“I’m on a quick work break,” he says as he leans his elbows on the counter. His fitted shirt hugs his biceps so perfectly my mouth waters.
He hands me the bag he’s carrying.
“What’s this?” I say, wondering if he bought me something.
“It’s your bra and…” He glances over at Preston, who’s cleaning a table a few feet away.
“And your panties.”
Oh, no. I bite my lip, wishing I could disappear into the booth.
“You left them in my car,” he explains. “I brought them into my house with us.”
I curse the tequila again.
“I washed them last night,” he says. “They were all salty from being in the ocean.”
“Oh, God.”
“What?” His gaze feels hot on my face. “I didn’t mind.”
“Well, that makes one of us.” I toss the bag as hard as I can underneath my desk.
“Bella. About last night.” His words come out choppy. “How drunk were you?”
I pick up my head and look at him.
His jaw tightens. “You did the shot, and you…”
“I know what you meant. And sure, I wasn’t exactly sober, but…” I hesitate, but whatever’s in my expression causes him to relax.
His gaze searches mine. “Let’s talk tonight.”
I widen my eyes. “Okay.”
“See you soon,” he says with a wave.
Holy crap.
I reach for the phone to call Tari.
“Oh. My. God. Yes.” Tari is leaning so far into the window of the booth that I’m half-convinced she’s going to fall on top of me. “Words cannot express how psyched up I am about this development, Bella. You and Ayden. Together at last.”
“Tar, Ayden and I are not together. I got drunk, and then I licked him.” I pull my hair up into a bun. “I’m mortified, and I have no idea what he’s thinking.”
“Hopefully you’ll find out tonight.” Her eyes are bright and eager. “And you have to promise to call me first. Not second or third but first!”
“Who else would I call?” I laugh. “You don’t have a lot of competition. But, of course I’ll call you first,” I promise when she glares at me.
“Okay, well I have to get to the Clam Shack for the dinner crowd. Good luck!”
My shift is nearly over when my phone rings. I don’t recognize the number, but something tells me to pick it up.
“Hello?”
“Bella Wesley please.”
“Yes, this is she.”
“Bella, this is Dr. Thibbs.”
“Oh, hello. Thank you for returning my call.”
“You’re welcome. I would have called back sooner, but I was in the middle of an emergency all day yesterday. However, I’m afraid I can’t give you any information on your mother…”
“I’m aware that your sessions with her are confidential, of course,” I say. “I’m just worried about her.”
“I understand. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been to see me for over three months.”
Dread fills my stomach. “What? But she’s told me she’s going every week.”
“This can happen with patients. They cancel but don’t want their loved ones to know. Your mother has made a couple of appointments, but then she’s called and said she’ll need to reschedule. I would like to see her to discuss her medication; if you can persuade her to come to a session, that would be good.”
“Yes, of course.” I’m already standing up. “I’ll most definitely do that. Thank you again for calling.”
I call out to Preston that I need to leave early, and then I rush out the door of the pool hall. I jog to my car, and I’ve just settled into the front seat when my phone rings again.
I glance at the caller ID and nearly drop the phone in my hurry to answer it. “Mom?” I say. “Are you okay?”
“Mirabella.” Her voice sounds sluggish and far away.
I press the phone tightly to my ear. “Mom? What’s going on?”
“I think I need some help. Call 911. Okay?”
“Mom!” I sa
y frantically. “I will, but can you tell me what’s wrong?”
“Took…” Her voice fades, “a few too many…pills.”
My hand that’s gripping the phone is suddenly sweaty, and my stomach clenches with terror.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’m calling for help. I’ll be right there.”
I hang up and call emergency services as I turn on the car and race for my parents’ house.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Ayden
I’ve just stepped out of the shower and am drying off when I hear knocking at my door. I throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and leave the bathroom.
Michael’s standing on my top step.
“Hey.” I open the door wide. “Come on in.”
He steps inside and takes a look around. “You need to get rid of any other furniture?” he says with a bare grin.
“I’ll let you know.” I cross my arms over my chest. “So, what do you want?”
We stand and face each other. Except for his dark eyes and my blue ones, it could be like looking in the mirror. We both got our father’s height and our mother’s dark hair.
“I came by to hopefully fix this shit between us.” Michael shakes his head. “Before the damn memorial party. Ma hates that we’re fighting.”
“I know.” I look at him. “Are you thinking of accepting my offer?”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Michael growls. “You and Mom and everyone else want me to quit fishing because it’s dangerous.”
“I never asked you to quit. I said my extra money will help to lessen the pressure on you so that if there’s a fucking storm outside, you can stay home and not worry about the loss of income. All I suggested was you be more careful—on stormy days or when the waves are brutally rough…”
“That’s like asking a football player to always throw the ball away when he’s being rushed,” Michael says. “A quarterback tries to make the best pass. And sometimes that means he’s going to put himself in danger of being hit. And sometimes he’ll be hit. Right?”
“Except I don’t play football anymore,” I tell him.
“Because you didn’t love it the way I love to fish.” He narrows his eyes at me. “And I know you enjoy landscaping and it’s a passion of yours. But the truth is, Ayd, there’s only one thing you love the way I love the boat. Are you smart enough to know what it is?”
Immediately, Bella flashes through my head. Her long blond, sun-kissed hair that she loves to pull into a messy ponytail or a bun. Her pretty hazel eyes that hold the wisdom of a woman three times her age. Her body that I’ve fantasized about stripping naked all summer. The way she makes me laugh when no one else can. The thousands of times that she’s been there for me when I needed her and only her.
Michael smirks, his dark eyes brightening with stark humor. “That feeling right there? The one that just rushed across your damn mug about a certain little girl who was always your best friend but who’s now a beautiful woman? That, my little brother, is how I feel about fishing.”
I stare at him.
“I don’t have a Bella in my life,” he says. “Most of us aren’t that lucky. So you better hold onto her, and don’t fucking let her go.” He claps my back. “And I’m going to do the same with my boat. Okay? Even if it’s dangerous, even if it’s the biggest risk I’ll ever take, I can’t give it up.”
Feeling like my world is suddenly spinning, I suck in air.
Michael gives me a look. “Just like you need Bella to breathe, I need to fish.”
I pull him into a hug. “Just be careful. And take the money I send home and put it toward the mortgage. Deal?”
He punches me in the shoulder. “Deal.”
My phone rings as I’m seeing him out the door. I smile when I see Bella’s face light up the screen. As Michael climbs into his car, I swipe the screen.
“Hey, B. How are you?”
“Ayd.” Her voice is shaky, and fear cuts through my chest. “Are you busy?”
I grab my wallet and keys off the kitchen counter. “No. Bella, what’s going on?”
“It’s my mom.” She’s talking calmly, but I can tell she’s trying not to lose it. “She overdosed. I’m at the hospital in Portland.”
“I’m leaving now.” I pick up my sneakers by the door and slip them on. “I’ll be right there, Bella. Promise.”
Bella
I’m fighting with the doctor on call when Ayden arrives. I hear him talking with the nurse at the main desk, and then he’s walking toward me down the hall.
“Hey.” He rushes over to me and wraps me in his arms.
And I cling to him. I hold onto his familiar t-shirt that smells like pine and ocean and him, and I inhale him. I never want to let him go.
But I have to finish dealing with the reality in front of me.
I pull away from him and return my attention to the doctor, who I’ve decided I hate.
“My mother is not a subject for you to test out your protocol on,” I say firmly. “She’s a person who’s having a hard time. So no, I do not give you permission to enroll her in your clinical trial and give her drugs you just want to test.”
“Ms. Wesley.” Dr. Whatever-Her-Face speaks to me in slow tones like she would to someone who doesn’t understand anything that she’s saying. “A clinical trial can be of great advantage to some patients. We wouldn’t give your mother anything that would put her at risk.”
“She’s not a rat you can experiment with,” I say with feeling. “And I already said no. I’m waiting for my father to arrive. I know he’ll agree with me.”
“Ms. Wesley, please be rational here…”
Ayden gives the doctor a hard look as he cuts her off. “I think she was pretty clear in her answer, Doctor. The answer was no. It’s still no. So if you could please give us a few minutes alone?”
After the psychiatrist has stalked off in frustration, I turn to Ayden gratefully. “Thank you. She’s been really pushy about this new round of drugs. What my mother really needs is to see her own doctor, not some stranger who doesn’t understand her case at all.”
“You’re right,” Ayden says, and I could kiss him for always having my back. “How is your mom doing?”
“She’s awake,” I say. “I managed to get to her house at the same time the ambulance did. So I rode with her in the back. She was conscious the entire time, and the good news is that she didn’t take that many pills. They made sure to get them out of her body, just to be safe, but she’s okay. Physically, she’s going to be fine.”
Ayden pulls me into his chest again. “That’s good,” he says into my hair. “That’s really good.”
“I called my dad, and of course, he’s out of town. He said he would get on the next flight out, but he probably won’t get here until the morning. I’m going to spend the night here to make sure that doctor leaves my mother alone. The nurse said she could set up a cot for me in my mom’s room so I can be with her. And I’m going to wait to tell Grandpa. I don’t want to scare him in the middle of the night. I’ll go see him in the morning after my dad gets here.”
“Have you called your mom’s own doctor?”
“Yes, and she’s supposed to come in to check on her. If things look good, she says she’ll sign her out of here and have Mom stay at her ward overnight, and she’ll evaluate her in the morning.” I lower my voice. “I hate this unit. It’s an inpatient ward. She doesn’t need to be in a locked ward. She’s not a danger to anyone.”
He eyes me carefully. “Even to herself?”
I flinch, and Ayden takes both my hands in his. “Bella. I just want her to be safe. If she needs to stay somewhere until they can find the right combination of meds…”
“No,” I say firmly, trying to keep that calm place inside of me I locked into the moment my mother’s frail and terrified voice met me on the other end of the phone line when I left work. “My mother is not sick like that. She just needs a little help. She told me…”
My voice nearly cracks, but I keep i
t steady somehow. “She told me that my father was supposed to be home this week. He promised her he’d be home every day until after his party. But he took a meeting in Chicago last minute, and she was so upset with him. When I saw her yesterday, she had been crying. My mother never cries.”
“You saw her? Where?”
“At the grocery store. I called her doctor to check in, but she didn’t call me back until today. And that’s when I found out my mom’s been skipping her sessions.”
Ayden frowns. “Shit, Bella. I’m sorry.”
“But I want to…” Kill my father with my bare hands. “My father’s always been so selfish. And I thought he was changing. I don’t even trust he’s going to show up here.”
Ayden kisses the top of my head. “I’ll wait with you.”
Hours later, as the sun’s coming up, Ayden and I walk my mother to a transfer car that will take her to Dr. Thibbs’s psychiatric care unit.
“It’s not a locked ward,” I say to Mom as she walks between us, one of her hands holding onto each of our arms. “And you’ll most likely be discharged tomorrow, provided you pass the set of tests in the morning. Dr. Thibbs said she thinks your medication was actually causing you to be more imbalanced rather than less. So getting that out of your system should help.”
“I think that’s true,” Mom says slowly. “I should have gone to my sessions.” She turns to me as we reach the waiting car. “Mirabella…” She chokes up. “I shouldn’t have lied to you about skipping them.”
Tears clog my throat, and I take my mother’s hand in mine. “It’s okay. The important thing is to pay attention to how you feel. Okay? You can feel better again, Mom. I swear that’s what everyone wants for you.” I pause. “Even Dad.”
“Especially Dad,” a familiar voice says from behind me.
I turn toward the voice. With gray hair stylishly cut and dressed impeccably in a three-piece suit, my father’s only signs of distress are his red-rimmed eyes and his taut mouth.
He bends down to kiss my cheek. “Thank you,” he whispers to me.
We help my mother into the car, and I promise to talk to her tomorrow. My father tells her he’s going to follow in his town car, and we shut her car door.
Ayden Page 14
