by Lisa De Jong
While he stands with his back to me, watching over the crowd, doubt creeps back up again. His life is late nights and parties, while mine is rescuing women who have nothing to their name because of the men who’ve beaten them down. We’re too different.
Cole and I both made mistakes in our marriage, and it didn’t work out. We lied. We cheated. The more I think about it, the more I don’t see how this can end any differently. Or, maybe I’m scared of being happy again because I think it will only lead to another broken heart. River is a risk, and I’m not sure I’m ready to take him on.
We could be so good, or we could tear each other apart.
Quietly, I set my glass on the side table and make my way toward the stairs. A lonely heart is better than a broken one. I should’ve known better than to come here. We’d never work.
“Marley!” he yells from behind me.
I keep going until a strong hand wraps around my arm, pulling me back against his chest. “Why did you come if all you were going to do is run away from me?”
“Honestly, I don’t know … I don’t know.” It’s the truth. My heart and head are in continuous conflict.
“Did you get my note?” he says it so close to my ear his lips brush my skin.
I nod.
“I meant it. Every single word of it.”
My invitation came in the bouquet of white roses, but there was also another note tucked inside. I only read it about a hundred times. “Is there somewhere quiet we can talk?”
Without a word, his hand is wrapped tightly around mine, pulling me back through the VIP area. Many sets of eyes watch us cross the room. They’re probably making up stories in their heads about what’s going on between us. Reading our expressions. Watching our body language.
“People are watching,” I say, pulling my hand away.
“I don’t care.” River catches my hand again, leading us behind a large wooden door into an office that’s bigger than my apartment. All it’s missing is the bed.
My whole body aligns with the door as he paces across the room. “I can’t get you out of my head, and now that I finally have you, I’m not just going to let you walk away.”
“What makes you think we’d work after everything that happened?” I ask, watching him intently.
“Because when I want something, I do everything I can to get it. Because you changed the way I think.” He stalks toward me. “Because you changed my idea of a perfect life.”
My breath catches when his chest brushes mine. I briefly close my eyes before staring into his again. “And what’s your new idea of a perfect life?”
“You.”
“What is it about me that makes you want to change?” I ask, still not convinced.
He cradles my face in his hands. “We fit together. You’re nothing like me, and I’m nothing like you, but something about the way we are together just fits. I’d go without everything else just to be with you.”
I lick my lips, doing my best not to lean in and kiss him. He’s right, and he just perfectly defined love when he said he’d go without everything else to be with me.
“And I’m glad you didn’t have babies with him,” he adds, taking a small step back to look in my eyes.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I want you to have babies with me.”
I smile inwardly, thinking about the last time we talked about kids. River really is serious. I use the little bit of space left between us to open my clutch and pull out the note he wrote. I wasn’t sure if I was going to give it to him or not, but I hand it to him, watching his face as he reads it.
I added:
Be here. Consider making Miami your home.
Be faithful. I told myself no more second chances. Please don’t let me down.
Be you. Don’t change a thing about who you are.
His eyes light up. “Is this it?”
“I can add more if you want me to,” I tease. “I want babies, too, but I was saving that for what you’d have to do to make me your wife.”
A cocky grin highlights his face. “So, you think you might actually marry me some day?”
“You have a long way to go, but I’m more of a traditional babies-after-marriage girl.”
The smile on his face doesn’t fade. “Can I ask you something?”
“I suppose I can allow one question.”
“Even if I make Miami my home, I’m going to have to travel to New York from time to time. Not every week, and not for more than a day or two. Can you handle that?”
I nod, inhaling a deep breath. I can’t let what Cole did hold me back forever.
“And are you sure you like me the way I am? I’m moody, I have a hard time thinking about anyone but myself, and I’m going to need sex at least twice a day.” He skims my sides with his fingertips, keeping his eyes on mine. “And if you keep wearing dresses like this one, there may be days when twice isn’t enough.”
I bite down on my lower lip, leaning into him. “River Holtz, I think you care way more than you let on, and sex won’t be a problem if you can hold my interest,” I tease.
He shakes his head. “Beautiful, you haven’t experienced the best of me yet, and the sad part is, I’m already the best you’ve ever had. I bet you fall asleep every night thinking about me.” He leans in closer.
He’s not even touching me, and I’m already aroused. How does he do that?
“Maybe once or twice,” I answer, attempting to catch my breath.
“Can I tell you something?” His lips are a whisper above mine.
I nod, hoping he’ll tell me he wants to kiss me. I’ve been dying to kiss him since I first laid eyes on him in his tux.
“I love you. I may be crazy, but I really do fucking love you.”
My breath catches because even though there’s a burn in my heart, I’m not quite ready to say the words. Instead, I wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. It lingers, our bodies pressed together perfectly, then he rests his forehead on mine, whispering, “I fucking love you.”
RIVER AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER for exactly twenty-two hours. After we made out like a couple of love-crazed teenagers last night, he gave me one last sweet kiss goodbye and made sure I got home safely. He’d already texted me asking if I wanted to do dinner by the time I woke up this morning.
And you know that feeling you get when you miss someone? When you count down the hours and then minutes before you get to see him again? I had that the moment I woke up and saw his text. I’m starting to remember what it feels like to fall for someone. I know it started a few days after I met River. I went from loathing him to kind of liking him to having a genuine attraction, and somewhere along the way, my heart slowly made a tiny space for him to climb in. It took me until recently to realize it because guilt and anger overshadowed everything else.
My mind screams at me that this is all happening too soon, but my heart wins as it silently sings. Peace trumps war every time.
Tonight is our first official date, and instead of going out, I invited him over for dinner. I’ll never cook chicken cordon bleu again, but I make a mean piece of baked salmon. Though, dessert is really what I have in mind.
My cell phone rings, and I punch in the code to let him in. After taking one last look in the mirror, I stand behind the door, anxiously waiting for him to knock. It seems like ages before I hear the tell tale sign, and without a seconds hesitation, I open it to him.
He wraps his arms tightly around me, pulling me in for a kiss. “Did you miss me?” he whispers, pressing his forehead to mine.
“Would I sound foolish if I said I’ve been watching the clock since I woke up?”
He smiles, touching his lips to mine again. “I was kind of hoping you’d call and ask me to come over sooner.”
“You should have called and told me.”
“Beautiful, you should know by now I don’t beg for anything. If you want something, all you have to do is tell me, and it’s yours.”
/> Will he always feel that way?
I pull back enough to look into his ice blue eyes. They captivate me, but offer comfort at the same time. “Are you ready for dinner?”
His hands slide down my back, circling my ass and hoisting me up so I have no option but to wrap my legs around him. “I missed this,” he murmurs against my neck.
“Screw supper,” I say, brushing my tongue along his neck, right below his ear.
“I didn’t come to fuck you. I don’t want you to think that’s all I want from you.”
“I don’t,” I say, squeezing his body tighter.
He kisses me, tugging on my lower lip. “Where’s your bed?”
“Door to the right,” I breathe.
With one arm wrapped around me, he opens the door and walks us to the bed. He could have easily had me in the kitchen, but he didn’t. He knows what I don’t like, and what I need.
“I’m going to go fast because it’s been too damn long since I’ve been inside you. And when I’m done, I’m going to make love to you the way I wanted to every day for the last couple of months. Not one single inch of this body is going to feel neglected by the time I’m done.”
My whole body aches for him as I bathe in his words. Apart, we were far from perfect, but together, we’re pretty damn close. He sets one knee on the bed, carefully lowering me. If there were ever a moment I wished I’d answered the door naked, this would be it. Clothes are in the way of everything I want, and my patience is lacking.
He works the button on my shorts like an expert, tugging them down my legs with my panties. “Now. Please,” I beg, rubbing my legs together as I watch him strip off his jeans and quickly roll on a condom.
“I hate wearing these things with you,” he admits as he crawls back on the bed.
I hate them too. “I’ll call the doctor Monday.”
“You’re every fucking dream I never knew I had come true.”
With one thrust, he’s buried all the way inside me. I moan at the feel of him—the way he stretches me. He whispers my name over and over as he pulls out and then quickly pushes back in.
He keeps a steady pace.
He fucks me.
He widens the opening in my heart, crawling further in.
He has this way about him; even when he thinks he’s just fucking me, there’s a passage of feelings. Protective. Passionate.
“Let go. I’m not going to stop until you do, beautiful.”
I close my eyes tightly, tangling my fingers in his hair as he pushes my tank up and tugs the cup down from my breast. He sucks my nipple, intensifying the tension that creates desirous waves from head to toe. Arching my back, I let the first orgasm rip through my body. It’s been too damn long, and it feels so damn good.
“River!” I scream, tugging at his hair.
“One more time,” he says between kisses before I’ve even climbed down from my high.
He thrusts harder—faster. The tingle starts again, and I’m clenching around him. He groans, his body shaking against mine as he finds his own release. We stay like that, his body on mine as we both catch our breath.
If things were always like this … just River and I in bed, I would never want for anything else. This is my ideal, and nothing else matters.
“You have no idea what you’ve done to me,” he says, sliding down to circle my belly button with his lips.
“I could say the same of you.”
He kisses his way down between my legs. It’s electrifying—the way his mouth works my clit, continuously hitting just the right spot.
“River,” I moan. “I need you inside me.”
His lips curve against my skin then his tongue is back, alternating between licking and sucking—lapping my skin until I can’t take anymore. My hips buckle, lifting from the bed as I orgasm for the third time until I feel as if I can’t take anymore. Yet, I know in a matter of minutes, he could have me begging for him again.
It’s what he does, and he does it so effortlessly.
When my body is settled, he kisses his way back up, letting me taste myself on his lips. In one smooth motion, he enters me again. Slow and controlled. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I take him as deep as I can, while his mouth trails along my throat.
Closing my eyes, I just feel. I forget everything else to stay in the moment, and then I realize something. My eyes shoot open as I hold his face in my hands, giving him no choice but to look down at me. I don’t remember it being quite this way with Cole—not with this much clarity.
“I love you,” I whisper, brushing my thumb across his lower lip.
“I can’t promise you’ll never be angry with me, but I won’t hurt you. Not like you’ve been hurt in the past. I love you too damn much.” His lips move against my fingers.
He continues his slow rhythm as he stares down into my eyes. It’s moments like these that I feel as if we’re bound together with something stronger than love. No one can change what we have or come between us. Trust is a beautiful thing.
“What are you thinking?” he asks, one side of his lips curling up. He still moves inside me. His words and actions create an intimacy I’ve never felt before.
I smile, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I wish I would have met you sooner. Like twelve years ago.”
He pushes all the way in, holding there. “You wouldn’t have liked me then.”
He kisses me tenderly.
“I was selfish, and I didn’t know even a tenth of what I know now about how to treat a woman, in the bedroom or otherwise. I’ve had a lot of wrongs that have turned into rights,” he adds.
He moves in and out of me again. Slowly. Nothing else exists. “I love you,” he whispers.
I moan. The beautiful tension between our joined bodies draws me closer to my fourth climax. “I love you, River,” I breathe just as I fall from the edge again. He follows, staring down into my eyes. There’s a passage of words not spoken. I’d do just about anything for him. He’d do the same for me.
We’ve been through so much as individuals, but there’s nothing we can’t overcome together. As bad as it sounds, I’ll thank God every night that Cole ran into River at the bar. And that he was the one who Cole propositioned. Fate works wonders sometimes.
I’m not sure how much time passes as we lay naked, side-by-side, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve waited so long for something or someone like this to come along, and now that I have it, I never want to let it go.
Loving River is like counting backward. It’s not easy, but the fullness I have in my heart from doing it is worth it. We’re bound to screw up along the way, but as long as we’re willing to go back to where we went wrong and start over, our love will never fail. We’re stronger than our mistakes.
I PACE BACK AND FORTH in the kitchen, waiting for River to get back from an emergency call from the club. I guess a fight broke out between two guys who had too much to drink, and the cops had to be called. He’s been good about being home at night, but occasionally these things happen. My schedule is just as hectic, but we make it work.
Over the last couple weeks, we’ve spent every night together at his place or mine. Things are moving quickly—almost too quickly—but being with him feels right. Even when it’s not easy, I’ve never second-guessed my decision to give us a chance.
But today, everything is about to be thrown off course. For almost two hours, I’ve written script after script, plotting what I’d say to him when he walked through the door. Every single line was erased to make room for a new one, but none of them stuck.
Nothing is ever easy … not when you love River Holtz.
The elevator door that leads to his oceanfront condo opens, and it doesn’t take him long to find me. He drops his keys on the counter and walks toward me. His strong arms wrap around my waist. “I missed you,” he says, pressing his lips to my forehead.
My body is stiff, a sick feeling deep in my stomach. Usually, after we spend time apart—and he greets me like this—I fold my arms around hi
m and lure him into the bedroom. Even a couple hours spent apart makes me crave him. Tonight … tonight is different.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, leaning back to look into my eyes. “Did I miss dinner? I tried to get back as soon as I could.”
“It’s not that,” I say as he holds my face in his hands.
“Are you feeling okay?”
I shake my head. My stomach rolls yet again. “Can I show you something?”
“You’re starting to worry me, Marley. What’s wrong?”
I pull his hands from my face and grab them in mine to walk him to the other end of the condo. We’ve officially been together for just over a month, and while we’ve had a few struggles that come with most new relationships, my life has never been better. Everything is about to be thrown off course, though.
As we walk through the bedroom to the master bathroom, I’m pretty sure I’m squeezing the hell out of his hand. I’ve waited a long time for this.
“Do I need to sit down?” he asks me.
Glancing down at the marble floors, I trace the familiar pattern with my toe. Things are about to change between us—good or bad—forever.
“Look at me.” He pulls me to him, his arms wrapping tightly around me until we’re pressed chest to chest.
I hesitate, closing my eyes for a second to regroup before staring up into his light blues.
