“In a giant palace with strict rules and clipped gardens, you mean.”
“Yes. I have always felt that I had to be perfect—clipped and manicured—and perhaps that’s why I am uncomfortable in a setting like this. I want to go back to the way it was before we had money and became so concerned with manners and appearances. As strange as it sounds, I long for a more natural chaos.”
“But what if the home you could have was a smaller country manor? A house covered in ivy that no one has been able to control for years. A house with an overgrown garden and a collection of dusty books that is hideously disorganized? What if that house had an impressive stable with horses, and fields and meadows with fences to jump when you go riding? And what if the servants were simple country people, who had always been encouraged to laugh with their master?”
Adele’s stomach began to flutter with a strange mixture of excitement and consternation. “What are you asking, Damien?”
“In my own roundabout way,” he explained, “I suppose I am asking very carefully about possibilities, and I want to know if the reason you changed your mind about marrying Harold has anything to do with me.”
She turned her face away from him and stared across the still water. “Oh, Damien. Surely you know…it has everything to do with you. I would never have known what I was missing if I hadn’t met you. You introduced me to the person I truly am, deep down. You helped me discover my passions, and you taught me that I have a soul of my own, and that I can follow my heart and change the path of my life.”
“I am glad. I would hate to think of you like a bird in a cage—a bird who never knew what it felt like to spread her wings and fly.”
Adele looked up at the clouds. “I’m still not quite sure I know what that will feel like, but I am going to find out.”
She felt Damien’s eyes on her profile. “I admire you, Adele, for your spirit and your goodness.”
“My ‘goodness’? I thought you believed I was not as good as everyone presumed me to be.”
“You are as good as anyone can possibly be, because no one is perfect. Perfection is not real, but you, Adele, are very real.”
They were quiet for a moment while they watched a duck fly in and land on the water’s surface with an audible swish.
“Adele,” Damien said, “would you ever consider marrying me?”
Nothing could have prepared Adele for the shock of hearing the question she had longed for so desperately. But even while excitement and joy exploded in her heart, she continued to cling to her good sense. Though she had decided to be free, she could never completely let go of “sensible Adele.” She would not make any rash decisions.
“I promise I would never put you in a cage,” he added.
Adele managed somehow to find her voice. “Damien, you know I am attracted to you, but that doesn’t mean we should marry. Think of how we have argued.”
“But what if I’ve decided that you are the only woman for me? Is there no chance I could win you?”
Adele stared out at the lake. She had to consider that question very carefully. “A few days ago, Lily was the one you wanted. Not long before that, you were making love to Frances Fairbanks.”
“I was with Frances before I met you, not after. That’s over now. And I was only considering Lily because I believed you were going to marry Harold.”
She sighed. “I know you are in need of money. You told me so yourself, so you must understand my reservations and my need for caution. How could I be sure that you aren’t simply seizing an opportunity that has suddenly presented itself because your cousin is no longer in the picture?”
“That is not the case.”
“But how can I be sure? You’ve had nothing but casual mistresses your entire life, and the world seems to think you will return to that way of living as soon as you find a wealthy bride. You have never been inclined to settle down until now, when you are forced to because of your financial problems. I admit we have much in common, but marriage is more than a sharing of similar interests. It is a sharing of values, and that is where we differ.”
An intensity filled his voice. “Perhaps we don’t differ as much as you think. All my life I have grieved over my parents’ failure as a married couple, and I vowed I would never let that happen to me. I want a real marriage to a woman with honor—a woman I can love and trust. I have not been able to find that woman before now.”
She could not believe this was happening. Whether his motives were pure or tainted, he was fighting for her, like the conquering hero that she’d always imagined him to be.
Adele squeezed her hands together on her lap, searching for control. Though she loved that fairy tale quality about him at this time, she could not let herself be blinded by it. She could not close her eyes to other things—the qualities that had real importance in the world.
“But you don’t trust me,” she said. “You have questioned my integrity on numerous occasions, and if I were to run off with you, I would be doing the very thing you believe all women do—betray their husbands. Or fiancé, in this case.”
His eyes brimmed with gentle understanding. “I feel differently about that now. I believe I am beginning to forgive my mother for what she did. Just now, when I was riding down here, I remembered certain things about her—the way she smiled and the way she used to kiss the top of my head when I was small. For the first time, I felt hopeful. I know now that what my mother did was more complicated than it appeared on the surface, as is everything in life, I suppose.”
Adele gazed down at the mossy ground. “I’m happy to hear that, Damien. Truly I am. But what about Harold? I thought you were forever loyal to him. He does not even know that I wish to end our engagement, yet here you are, ready to swoop down like a vulture and steal me away before it is even done.” Her voice had gained fervor on the last few words.
“I am not indifferent about that,” he said. “I will have a difficult time explaining myself to him.”
“I should think so. I can’t imagine my own dilemma if I wanted a man my sister loved and planned to marry.” She stopped what she was saying and kicked at the grass with the toe of her shoe. “But to be fair, I don’t think Harold truly loves me.”
“He believes he does, because he has not experienced much of life. He spends all his time in a room with glass walls, looking out, but never venturing out. He makes choices based on duty and intellect, rather than emotion. Intellectually, you were a good choice.”
“Because I am wealthy,” Adele said.
“Not just that, Adele. You are charming and lovely and decent. He recognized those qualities in you, as I have, and he admires them. So, he will be disappointed, even if it is not a passionate love he expresses.”
Adele shifted on the rough log. “But I know your propensity for guilt. Would you be able to live with yourself if you hurt Harold, when the strongest dynamic of your relationship has always been your desire to protect him?”
Damien spoke with conviction. “Today my grandmother suggested that I have spent my life trying to protect Harold because he is so much like my father, and I’ve been trying to make up for what happened. She insisted that I recognize that Harold is a grown man, and that it is not my responsibility to ensure he is always happy. She even suggested it might do him good to suffer a little, because we have all treated him like something breakable, fearing he would turn out like my father. She was guilty of it herself, she said, and I am sure you’ve noticed that Eustacia is always doting on him, telling him he can do no wrong.”
Adele considered that as she stood. “But must you hurt him in order to help him escape his sheltered life? What a convenient time to change your perspective, when there is an heiress to be had.”
She walked away from him and stopped at a large oak where she rested her hand on the rough bark. She heard Damien rise and follow to where she stood, but she kept her back to him.
/>
“No,” he said firmly. “I will not allow you to say that, or even think it. I am in love with you, Adele, and your wealth has nothing to do with it. I would marry you with or without your settlement.”
Adele stiffened. Her heart had not stopped pounding this entire time. She struggled for a clear comprehension of her thoughts and feelings. A part of her reveled in hearing him say he was in love with her. In love with her! And he would marry her without her settlement?
Though she kept her back to him, she could feel his presence behind her. How she longed to turn around and touch him, but another part of her could not ignore all the reasons why she must be careful.
When she did not respond, he did not retreat. He strengthened his position. “Whether I am making excuses for my lack of loyalty to Harold or not,” Damien said, “I don’t know, and I don’t care. In the end it doesn’t matter. The fact is, I want you, and my desire for you has eclipsed my loyalty to my cousin. If I must choose, I will be disloyal to him, and I will choose you. There, I have said it.”
I will choose you.
Adele was breathing hard now. His words had hit their mark. Her defenses began to collapse and surrender. At long last, she turned.
Damien—tall and dark before her—gazed down at her with the look of a warrior who was exhausted after battle but still every inch the conqueror.
She did not know what to do. She loved him, she knew she did. She had felt connected to him from the first day they met, and she had been denying it all this time because she did not feel he could be faithful to one woman for the rest of his life.
But he had tried to convince her that he could. She had seen him weeping over his grandmother’s bed. He had fought this attraction from the very first day, and fought it hard, because he had not wanted to hurt or betray a member of his family.
Perhaps there was more to him than what she had let herself see. Perhaps she had focused on the wrong things.
He moved a little closer. “Please don’t say no, Adele. Think about it at least. Promise that you will consider it. Even if you are not ready now, perhaps in time….”
An almost tangible, tension-filled need settled in the air between them as Adele gazed up at Damien’s lips. She wanted him. Certainly, her body wanted him, and she wanted to be held by him, but she could not allow herself to become a slave to her physical passions. She must think more intelligently than that.
Nevertheless, when he cupped her chin in his hand—his brilliant gaze holding her captive—and lowered his mouth to hers, she was lost. His kiss was tentative at first, as if he were testing the waters of her consent. The sensual pull of his allure was unstoppable, and Adele stepped into his arms with tremendous urgency and deepened the kiss.
His response was immediate. He swept her up off her feet, as if she weighed no more than a feather, and carried her along the mossy bank of the lake, farther away from the rotunda and into the greenery. Adele kissed him while he carried her through a grove of poplars, then he bent low to enter the private, quiet shelter of a weeping willow, whose graceful branches touched the ground.
He knelt on one knee and laid her on the soft grass, then came down to lie upon her. Again, she slid her hands around his neck and pulled him close for what felt like a soul-reaching kiss.
Her body began to burn, and any lingering resistance toward this forbidden pleasure crumbled, for she was no longer bound by her sense of commitment to Harold. She wanted Damien selfishly and wantonly, and she wanted out of the cage.
His lips moved across her cheeks and down her neck, and she arched her back on the grass. She slid her hands under his jacket collar and over his shoulders, squirming as she tried to push his jacket off. She wanted to feel his skin.
Damien sat back on his heels and ripped the garment off, tossing it to the ground beside them, then he tugged at his neckcloth and came down upon her again. This time, she welcomed him fully with her body, sliding her hands up under his shirt and wrapping her legs around him.
“If you tell me to stop, I will,” he whispered huskily. “All you have to do is say it.”
She nodded to let him know she understood, but she had no intention of stopping him. Not this time. She was tired of resisting what she wanted for herself. Leaning to the side on one elbow, Damien began to unbutton her bodice. Seconds later he was pressing it open and rubbing his hand over the top of her stiff corset.
“May I have your permission to remove this?” he asked.
“Yes, please, Damien.”
He worked the fastenings and the corset came loose beneath his masterful hands, and the cool air touched Adele’s skin, hot and damp beneath her light, cotton chemise. She closed her eyes and marveled in awe. She was outdoors with Damien and finally able to breathe. She became lost in the moment, drowning in her desires, and cared nothing about consequences.
Soon, her body relaxed as he stroked her and loved her, and she felt wondrously free and wanton. The last of her inhibitions fell away as he whispered in her ear, “You have my heart, Adele.”
It was not like her to act without careful consideration, but she was no longer the old Adele. She now knew the meaning of impetuousness, of fevered, out-of-control acts of passion.
“And you have mine,” she replied.
It was all he had been waiting for. She was dimly aware of his hand working the buttons of his trousers. A breeze blew the willow branches all around them, and the leaves whispered. Adele opened her eyes to look up at Damien in the dim, afternoon light, and he was never more handsome than he was in the moment when he entered her.
The pressure caused some discomfort, but it also caused a need. Despite the pain of the penetration, Adele pushed back in response and soon felt the rupture of her maidenhead. Almost instantly, the pain diminished with the realization that Damien was inside of her. She was able to lie back and revel in the fulfillment of her dreams as pleasure coursed through her body like an electric current. She whispered words of delight in Damien’s ear.
She had longed for a sense of freedom in her soul, and this was it. This was what it felt like to soar.
Rolling to her side on the grass, Adele snuggled close to Damien as they wallowed in the lingering joys of their lovemaking.
“When will you tell Harold?” Damien asked.
Adele’s mind went blank. She had not wanted to think about that yet. She was enjoying this freedom too much. She wanted to exist only in the moment, without concern for the future or difficult decisions.
“I’m not sure,” she replied, “but it must be my decision, and mine alone. I do not want to be guided, yet again, by what others tell me I should or must do.”
He wet his lips. “I don’t mean to tell you what to do. I only want you to know that I am here for you, Adele, not to lead you, but to stand beside you.”
How was it possible that he always knew the right things to say? Sometimes he filled her with such bliss, she could barely believe she wasn’t dreaming.
“What about Harold?” she asked. “I don’t relish the thought of destroying your relationship with him. He’s like a brother to you.”
“I hope that he will want me to be happy, the way I have always wanted him to be happy.”
“Perhaps he will forgive you,” she replied, “but I suspect he will hate me forever.”
Damien stroked her cheek. “It wouldn’t matter. What I said before still stands. If I must choose, I choose you, no matter the cost. You are my future. I hope you will choose me over all else as well.”
She snuggled closer, happy to be in his arms, even though she was still in turmoil. She was not yet sure she should leap so quickly from one man to another. A few days ago, when she had decided to end her engagement to Harold, she had imagined living on her own, even embarking on a career of some sort. But now, was she being too quick to throw all that aside? To rush into a marriage with a man whose integrity she
had always questioned?
She knew she adored him; that wasn’t the problem. She only wished to do what was right and what was wise—for her. Unfortunately, at the moment, she wasn’t sure of the wisest course of action. She was afraid she had been carried away by her passions.
Just then, a twig snapped and there was a rustling in the woods. They both went silent and turned toward the sound.
“What was that?” Adele whispered, reaching for her drawers.
“I don’t know. Get dressed,” he whispered, rising to his feet.
He fastened his breeches and pulled on his jacket. He was still buttoning it when he pushed through the curtain of willow leaves and disappeared.
Chapter 25
Adele watched Damien through the branches as he moved about the woods in silence, like a panther searching for prey.
She frantically pulled on her corset and bodice and got to her feet. The willow leaves separated again, and Damien reappeared.
“Well?” she asked.
“I didn’t see anyone. It could have been an animal.”
“Your horse?”
“Perhaps.” He gazed over his shoulder. “Though it seemed to come from the other direction.”
He bent to pick up his neckcloth. “We should head back to the house.”
Adele agreed and they left the shelter of the willow tree and walked along the path, hand in hand. When they reached the teahouse, Adele said, “I should try to find Harold right away and speak to him.”
Damien nodded. “I’ll wait here for a while, so we don’t return at the same time. We don’t want to raise any suspicions before you’ve had a chance to explain everything.”
She rose up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll find you when it’s done. We still have a great deal to talk about, Damien. I fear this may be happening too fast.”
“Not for me,” he replied. “I have never been more certain about anything. I know that I want to spend my life with you.”
In Love with the Viscount (American Heiress Trilogy Book 3) Page 20
