Another way that breath transforms sensation is by taking the energy stored there to fuel mental focus. This may be focusing on duty, the relationship dynamic, or the fact that there is an audience watching. Spiritual or emotional foci, such as breathing through the reminder that we are enduring this pain for a patron deity, are also useful. It is possible, using focus, to move or transmute pain into another sensation. Seeing the pain as a white light, for example, allows us to push the light around our body with each breath. I have seen individuals especially skilled at this shifting, guided by their partner’s voice, take pain from clips on their arms and chest and push the energy into desire which was moved to their genitals, which lead to an orgasm.
Instead of focus, others use un-focusing. Trance, relaxation, disassociation, leaving the body and astral working while the body is experiencing extreme sensation. Fantasies are useful too: imaging ourselves somewhere else, someone else. There are also individuals who find invocation and evocation useful (discussed more in Path of the Horse) to have someone other than just them take the pain. I encourage awareness abound the use of un-focusing, though; there are those who end up relying on it, either as constant disconnect from their experience with no memory of their scenes, or engaging in activities that they don’t really want to do just because they know they can “leave.”
If you are just getting to know your partner, it is important to discuss your standard tools for pain processing. If you start screaming your lungs out, some people might think something is wrong and stop, when you just were screaming to work through the pain in a positive way. Others might not understand that you need the noise element, and might gag you. If this does not work for you, don’t get mad, just inform them what is going on. For Tops, it is also useful to know what the baseline of behavior is, so that we know when something is off. If someone is usually noisy and goes silent, we may want to check in. If we are told that there is a chance they will go astral journeying during the working, we will know we need to monitor their breathing but not be concerned about the quiet.
If one technique does not work for you, that does not mean others may not. There is no failure, only feedback. What works for one kind of pain may not work for another. What worked with one partner may not work with another. Just because talking it through worked in your normal kink scenes does not mean it will necessarily work for your Sacred Kink encounters. Listen to the feedback that your body and your partner give you to grow and learn for next time.
There are times when outside circumstances get in the way of experiencing the sensations we might want. Chronic body pain (such as fibromyalgia and lupus) take different levels of focus than acute pain (such as single tailing or stubbing a toe). There are some individuals with chronic pain who cannot engage in extreme sensation play, some for whom soft massage is an extreme sensation, and others still who long for hooks and blades as a distraction from the day-to-day pain they live with.
There may also be emotional blockages in the way of processing pain. If we are worried about our taxes, concerned about the kids, or debating if we will break up with our lover after this scene, our energy circuits are clogged and unable to move our breath through the system effectively. Nervousness about a scene is likely to amplify the sensations we feel. Panic, fear, longing, uncertainty, obsession and any other strong emotion can amplify pain.
Stop. Breathe. Try a new technique. Work through it, or don’t. In many cases, you have the choice of stopping the sensations. This is what safewords and communication are for, to let people know when you really can’t cope. If for some reason there is no “out” of the scenario (part of magical working, ordeal, you are completely mummified), consider giving yourself permission to trust. Trust your partner to know how much you can take. Trust the world not to give you anything you can’t handle. Trust yourself in your greatness. If you are not ready to trust on some level, perhaps you are not ready to play at this time.
Sensory Meditation
In meditation and trance, within the Path of Breath, some find walking meditation useful. Labyrinths, contemplation while hiking the woods, and lines of monks in a state of no-mind leaving their monastery to collect their alms, come to mind. What does that have to do with Sacred Kink? Yes, classical walking meditation can be done by anyone, but alternative sex practitioners have access to another tool in the family of walking meditation: sensory meditation.
Just as a labyrinth is not a maze, sensory meditation is not your classical scene. There is no formal end point plotted in advance. You do not need to get anything done. Orgasm is not the point, nor is suffering or being ecstatic. There is no left brain analysis needed. The choice is whether to engage or not, whether you will experience or not.
Sensory meditation could be solitary, in partnership, or in a group experience. The concepts are similar for each. The following are techniques for creating a sensory meditation experience:
Set the space—if there is music, it should not contain words or a beat that will suck you out of your trance. If you do have a time limit, you may want to mix a music collection that ends when you have 10 minutes to come back to yourself, but I recommend giving yourself time to fully engage in this work. Lower lights so that they are not jarring, and make sure that anything that displeases the senses are not in view or mind.
Next, select sensory tools that you can use with your eyes closed, literally. Scented oils, feathers, fur, leather, lingerie, floggers, paraffin wax or bare hands are fantastic for many of us, but for those who enjoy harsher sensations, any tool you know that cannot easily do harm is good, such as clothespins or scrub brushes. Lay them out within reach of where you will be doing your work. This can be in a circle around you on your bed, on a table next to the chair you will be seated in, or on the floor next to your bathtub. Whatever calls to you. Listen to your inner voice.
Once your phone is put on silent and your props are ready, ground and center yourself. Find a comfortable starting position, such as laying down flat in bed, or sitting cross-legged for those of us who have the flexibility to do so. Whatever it is, become comfortable. Be aware of your posture, then let that awareness fall away. Breathe into your body.
Become aware of the weight of your body on your bed. Be aware of its subtle movements and shifts as you breathe in and out. Notice the fact that you are laying still, then let this awareness fall away. Keep breathing into your body.
Feel the sensation of your feet and legs. Wiggle them along the sheets. How do they feel? What are you thinking about? Watch those thoughts and bear witness to them, but do not let them carry you away from your body. Let them drift away as you breathe out. Your breath is here to remind you, with every breath, to let your thoughts drift away, and your experience be fully in your body.
Feel the sensation of your ass and hips. Move them along the bed, or feel them stir ever so little with each breath. Be mindful of your experience, but let it fall away. Feel this body as yours, and let the feeling fly away. Breathe into your body.
Move your awareness up into your core, into your back. How does it feel against the bed? What aches, what changes tension with each breath? How do you feel about your body? Bear witness, but let it wash away. Breathe into your body.
Move your awareness up to your head. How do your neck and head feel? Your hair along the sheets? How does your face change with each breath? Are you breathing with your nose, your mouth? Does it matter? Bear witness to any emotions of any sort that arise in this journey, then let them fall away. Breathe into your body.
Finally, move your awareness out to your arms and hands. Begin to move them along your sheets, then along your body. How does your body feel as it begins to be touched? What emotions rise up? How do you feel about those emotions? Bear witness, then let them fall away. Breathe into your body.
Once aware of our body, we can move on to the tools we have prepared, or continue to work with our own skin. What is important is when emotions, thoughts, ideas, or concepts arise, to not get attached to them a
nd go off on a long side journey. Oh, the thoughts will be there, but what matters is the breath, the body, and regaining our wholeness by bearing the experience of ourselves fully.
At the end, whenever that happens to feel right, come back to your comfortable position. Thank your breath and your body for taking you on this journey. Come back to yourself, grounded and centered, and know you can return to this work at any time.
By learning to bear witness to our experiences, we come to bear witness to our soul’s journey. We let go of the distractions of our ego, and open up ourselves to the universe in a state of “yes.” We become aware, through our breath, of how we have been avoiding the present moment with all of the tangents and roadblocks we set in our own way.
This can also be done in partnership, with one person providing experiences for the other, or in a group, with one center and a thousand hands. It is also possible to do partnered tandem journeys, but things can get…muddy. Not bad, just sometimes hedonistic and confusing. The same is true for group tandem work. This work can be like taking ecstasy without the chemicals involved, which for some is a good thing, but for others, lowers shields leading to poor decisions. Know your own limits when energetically sober, and maintain them even in these sorts of workings. If there is even a possibility that sexual activity could arise, make sure safer sex supplies are readily available so no excuses can be sought out because of “energy in the moment.” Though working towards self-knowledge, awareness and universal connection can take place at the same time as a hot play date, mismatched purposes can lead to misunderstandings.
Meditation with a kink lens takes many forms. Receive sensation while continuing to focus on your “sitting” practice. Have a power exchange partner order you to go and meditate, or require it as part of your relationship systems. Do paired meditation before playing or as part of your aftercare practice. Energy is part of kink and kink is part of energy. Life is part of kink and kink is part of life for those who pursue it. So it is for meditation and any other spiritual or self-exploration pursuits.
Eight Limbs of Raja Yoga
There are a variety of different systems of Yoga, including Karma Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Jnana Yoga and others. One of the major paths of Yoga was codified by Sage Patanjali Maharishi in the Yoga Sutra around 200 C.E. At the core of this text is an 8-part, or eight-limbed spiritual framework within which the practitioner can find a balance between mind, body and spirit and thus the breath that ties all three together.
Each of these limbs, like each of the Eightfold Paths, can be a tool or a core center for a life’s journey. They can be used progressively, with each step leading to the next, until enlightenment is achieved.
Yamas
There are five Yamas or “wise characteristics,” often seen as morals or restraints. They help an individual realize that their fundamental nature is compassionate, generous, honest and peaceful. They are Ahimsa (compassion, non-violence and non-cruelty for all living things), Satyam (truthfulness, awareness of what our words do, honest communication), Brahmacharya (sense control, responsible behavior, abstaining from wasteful sex or connections), Asteya (non-stealing, non-using of others, taking only what is given freely) and Aparigraha (taking only what is necessary, avoiding greed, neutralizing desire for attachments). Yamas are to be followed not just in word, but action and thought as well.
Niyamas
There are five Nimayas or “laws” for personal observance. More individually intimate than the Yamas, they help create a code for personal spiritual journeying. They are Saucha (internal and external purity, avoiding and cleansing away physical and emotional toxins), Santosha (contentment, even while experiencing life’s difficulties), Tapas (keeping a fit body to have a fit soul, burning away desires that stand in the way of our goals, body posture, breathing and eating habits), Swadhyaya (self-examination, self-reflection, studying sacred texts, becoming aware of limits), and Ishwarapranidhana (“to lay all your actions at the feet of God,” setting aside time each day to acknowledge something greater than us and knowing we have a place in that plan).
Asanas
This limb is the most practiced part of Yoga in the Western world. As Donna Farhi says in Yoga Mind, Body & Spirit, “In reattaching ourselves to our bodies we reattach ourselves to the responsibility of living a life guided by the undeniable wisdom of our body.” Thus, as the practice of stillness in specific postures, Asanas (or Yoga Asanas when using more variety of positions) are powerful tools for connecting to our bodies, and are to be done in a way that rejuvenates, energizes, heightens awareness, and maintains harmony within the body. By shaping the movement of our body, we shape the movement of our mind and our spirit.
Pranayama
By controlling, directing and measuring the breath, Pranyama affects the flow of prana through the body. Breathing techniques are of the utmost importance in yoga, and together with the postures, form the sub-division of Raja Yoga referred to as Hatha Yoga.
Pratyahara
In many of our lives, instead of our senses being a tool for knowing the world, we are pulled around in the world and only know it through the cravings of our senses. In Prayyahara we “draw back” or “retreat” from sensory distractions, still our mind, and become detached.
Dharana
The work of Dharana is pure concentration, focusing the mind down to a single point. None of the rest of the world, dreams, fantasies, or thoughts inside our mind matter. We gain the ability to put all of our energy in one place, and in doing so, open up potential for healing and enlightenment.
Dhyana
Worship and meditation on the divine make up Dhyana. By refining focus and concentrating on any one thing, we can strip apart our thoughts on the thing, the material part of the thing, and the thing’s true nature. This can be applied to words, thoughts, individuals, the world, and finally, to the divine. By stripping away Maya (illusion) from what is real, our mind becomes clearer and able to move beyond our projections of what we think something “should” be to seeing what it truly is.
Samadhi
Meaning “to bring together” or “to merge,” Samadhi is the state of realization when we apply our refining focus to ourselves, there is only pure identity. There is no distinction between self and other, between contemplating and being contemplated. Some define this as transcendence or knowing God, but it is just as fair to say that God descends, we are Divine, or that all are one.
The concepts of the Eight Limbs are present in a variety of world traditions. They also apply well for many with the idea of having a simultaneously body-based experience and emotional or spiritual experience within Sacred Kink. Though many kinksters may not think of them as such, slave positions and standing against a cross are forms of Asanas, while the meditative state we reach when laying out our tools or doing a decorative cutting might be an example of Dharana. How many of us have our own Nimayas in the form of protocols? And within Pranayama, how often do we use breath as a tool for connecting to all it is that we do?
Sweeping Out the Depths
Ze won’t let it end there. After holding me for a long time, breathing with me, ze locks eyes with me again. I nod, hand myself over to the truths in their teachings. I hand myself over to wisdom.
I am laid face down and feel ze/s fingers upon my back. The loving touch works my awareness up from my feet to my legs, thighs to hips, waist to back, neck to crown. Each finger movement, coaches me through my breathing. Ze helps me find the last pieces of the pain from the work we did, and sweep it from my flesh into a small leather pouch.
Once I am strong and ready, I roll over and look up at them. Zir face is solemn but loving. Ze do the work once more, sweeping fingers down my face, neck to chest, waist to sex, thighs to calves, back to my feet. Pulling the last fragments out of me with a swift in-breath, holding the open bag the toxins I have been carrying.
Ze seals the bag, and slowly sits me up to hand it over. This bag is what I have been carrying. It is what I have been holding onto.
>
I still have processing to do before I can get rid of this pain. But at least now it is out of me and is something I can look at, something I can examine. Ze nods and smiles, and we find a space in another room to sit, talk, work our way through the depths of my past.
Chapter 8
The Path of the Horse
Riding Into the Storm
When I first met my Goddess, SHE was a beautiful vision at the other end of a dream I had. SHE stood graceful and solemn, eyes burning like coals wrapped in ash and flame. I swore SHE could see through me, and in the vision SHE called me forward. I was tempted to crawl, tempted to humble myself, but my intuition told me to walk forward with my head held high. Her blank face broke into the faintest smile, and I knew I could do nothing but love all that SHE is.
After the first few visions, I pored over the lore, learned everything I could about her. Lady of the underworld, Mistress of the dark, Sister of the light. The texts called Her cruel, but I knew Her ways to never be harsh without merit, never a challenge given without a lesson attached. I had been dabbling in my kink before SHE came into my life, but now I know it is a gift, a way I can serve her, as priestess and dominatrix in Her name.
Most of my sessions are not sacred work in Her name. I enjoy my career, helping individuals explore their sensuality and the sensations of life. There is so much joy for me in seeing people find fragments of themselves in the shadows of my dungeon. But then there are days when SHE informs me that the work I do will be something more. It will be my work for her. I hear Her voice, sweet honey in the back of my mind, when the phone rings.
The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond Page 26
