Now, there are those who might be wondering whether having our partner saying they can be ridden at any time by a deity just a cheap excuse for bad behavior? Can’t they just blame it on the spirit of their dead grandmother? The questions to ask in the cases or concerns of fraud are as follow.
Is it getting in the way of functionality of the individual or the relationship?
Is it appropriate to the situation? (Why in the world is Hephaestus showing up to make proclamations in the middle of doing dishes, having sex, or during a ritual dedicated to the Archangel Gabriel?)
Are they asking for money, sexual interactions that are inappropriate, or in general trying to garner personal gain?
Do they tell you to treat the Horse a specific way when they are not around, potentially referring to the Horse by name?
Are they a pain in the ass?
The issue of fraud is a concern for many people in the Path of the Horse. There is a longing to know that we really saw the spirit, that what we had mattered, that we were touched by the divine in some way. I think this is valid. I think it is also valid to ask, was it helpful? Was something learned? Was anyone harmed by it? Have lines been drawn between what emotional part belongs to the spirit and what belongs to the Horse? If we were given full transparency at all times, is there be a need for faith?
There are however those that can be ill-affected by the Path of the Horse, or use this path as an excuse for their own maladaptive behaviors. Individuals who are affected by Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, formerly Multiple Personality Disorder or MPD) have been known to have it be easier for Shards or Braids to take place. Other dissociative individuals concoct tales of being ridden as a way to forgive their fragmentation of self—it wasn’t their fault, the manifestation of Ramses II did it. Other people with dissociative disorders (or just a good imagination, or who are prone to wanting to be the center of attention) make up their horsing experiences – it never happened, they just want to think it did. DID can be a blessing for some spirit workers who have been trained and have a good ground crew: they can slip into the background of themselves and make space for the spirit to enter in a much gentler manner than others who do possession work. However, note the words “trained” and “ground crew.” If it is uncontrolled, disabling, or otherwise problematic, it does not matter if it is “real” or not. It is an issue that needs to be addressed, either by a shaman, counselor, psychiatrist, or some other form of assistance. Remember that you will likely get different takes on any given issue from someone who is kink-friendly, or who believes that what you are doing is “real.”
There is so much potential gain from working with spirits and deities, but there are also risks and concerns. What could we gain by having the insight of the essence of bliss? How much patience could we learn from spending some time as Mountain? The possibilities abound.
Objectification for Animists
In a society that thinks it is easier to buy a new toaster and throw out the old one instead of trying to get it fixed, it is not surprising that erotic objectification is so often associated with humiliation, degradation, embarrassment and worthlessness. However, for those of us who believe objects have souls, things have value, and the earth itself is not something to be thrown away when we are done with it, the dynamic between human and human-object can take on more depth. Humiliation has little place in the language of objectification if we cherish the objects in our life.
Some objects in our life are less cherished than others. Our toaster will likely have different levels of attachment than our grandfather’s pocket watch, our earned leathers, or our favorite dildo. Though we could be given a new watch, a different leather vest, or an identical dildo from the same company, it’s not the same. These items have power because they have been imbued with meaning. The new item would not “feel” the same.
For some people, this adding of value comes with the word MY. That is my watch, my vest, or my dildo. This applies to the power we give to play partners and lovers. There is a different energetic charge to “we were lovers” and “they were my lover.” The first is dispassionate, factual; it was a watch, it is gone. The second holds power, has possession implied; it was my watch, and there is loss in it being gone.
Objects can also change value when we name them. An example of this is “Rock” as compared to “Pet Rock.” Anytime we give someone or something a pet name, we grant it emotional value in our lives. Each time we name, rationalize, or label, we objectify. We simplify information about the item or the person. When we go from being a multifaceted human being with a thousand passions, skills and interests, to being “one of our programmers,” bosses have the ability to categorize us, think of us as a commodity instead of a human being. We become the other, and so vulnerable to power exerted over us.
The same thing happens in our erotic lives. We simplify our partners, project an image onto them, with the terms we use to describe them. When my lover calls me Daddy, I can see how they think of me in that moment, what my role is to them. When they call me Master, they invoke another side of me. By declaring their label for me, I am being asked to conform to that label. I become a segment of myself, an objectified version of myself, instead of my whole self.
This is incredibly useful. If we had to be all of ourselves all the time, it would be an awful lot of work. It can be comforting to know that to this person I am Artist, to this person Lover, to another I am Trouble-maker. It tells me I have a place. I have a role. I have meaning in their life because they have taken the time and energy to label me. Even when called “negative” terms, I know that that label is something they had to invest energy into. I have a choice as to whether or not I accept that label and role, or whether it is just a projection I can walk out from behind.
Daddy or Chair, applied on erotic scale, are both roles. When I am being a Chair, I know what my job is. I know what my place is. And not just that, Chair has a purpose! I am useful, helpful, and I have value.
As an artist and art collector, when I declare someone to be artwork for an evening, bound in layers of rope and commanded to stand there or wander around for amusement, my words have additional meaning. I would never throw away art. I cherish it, believing that art adds color and meaning to our lives. We would be nowhere without color, texture, and message. Instead of declaring someone to be artwork, I might decorate them, paint them, mold them, and shape them. They become my art, and my ego and pride as their Artist is engaged with them on another level. Any time they are praised, I am praised. Art to Artist, we become two objects in orbit with one another.
The original context of the word “objectification” in our society is the destruction of spirit. This idea comes from the idea that humans have souls, but that animals have less of a soul, and rocks, tables, trees, and glassware have none. Animism (from the Latin anima meaning soul or life) argues otherwise. Animists believe that stones, objects, plants, thunder, and all things have a spirit. Thus, if every table has a soul, if every drum has a spirit, then how can transforming a human into a table or a drum destroy that spirit?
Even in traditions that do not believe that everything has a soul, there is sometimes belief in sacred or holy objects that are ensouled. Examples include fetish objects, talismans, altars, sacred goblets, holy sites, objects, or body parts, once possessed by a saint or holy person. Thus, when groups such as LaVeyan Satanists engage in the Black Mass using a nude woman as an altar, they are purposefully calling upon a tradition of using a powerful or cherished ensouled object as the place one makes offering.
When engaging in erotic objectification with someone, pay attention to how the person treats objects in their life. Do they have prized possessions, or is everything equally “trashable?” What about their day-to-day objects? Do they fold their jeans and put them away, or keep a heap of clothes in a corner, ignored? There are often parallels to be drawn.
One of the powerful acts of objectification is to focus on only one part of the body. We get narrowed down from man to cock, woman
to cunt, resulting in what is considered sexual objectification. We might be called “whore,” “Slave,” “pet,” informing us of what we are in that moment. We no longer get to choose how we are to be seen in that moment. We have been told how we are seen. It is not about who you are, it is about what your partner, Master, Mistress, lover or mate has said YOU ARE.
We always have choice. If what you are told YOU ARE does not conform to your experience of what you perceive yourself to be, you can leave. You can safeword, ending the scene, get up and remove yourself from the situation, or mentally check out and let your attachment to what they said or did wash away. We can re-frame the meaning of their word, transforming “slut” into a term of power, or “animal” into a term of strength. Whether we buy into what we are told our label is, or spend the energy to create our own newly enforced concept of I AM, we are creating new neural pathways. We are expanding and exploring what it means to be us for a time.
Different words, roles, or objects carry different baggage for each person. For one person, being declared a drum and beat upon for musical enjoyment is a thing of joy and bliss, adding music to the world. For another, the same scene could evoke emotions of being used, taken for granted, or fears of abandonment once you are “done” with them. This is why discussing these concerns and leaving space for compassion is so valuable when first exploring this territory.
In this sort of erotic exploration, core identity concepts often come into play. If someone feels the need to be unique and special, they may love being your table—but only if they are your only table at that time. Those that need to know they are not forgotten may still enjoy being transformed into a lamp—but only if you come over and show off your lamp and how it looks when you turn it on and off at regular intervals. To those for whom intelligence is a core identity, reaffirming that they are such a “clever dog” in the midst of them eating out of a bowl can be hugely empowering. Oftentimes we do not know what our core identity issues are until they have endured some form of challenge or even damage. Discussing it helps, but being willing to roll with the punches of what might come up is also important.
In our culture all people have been objectified negatively, or made less by stripping their soul and meaning from how we see each other. Relationships are declared to have been a “waste” of time. We “get rid” of people from our lives. We say they are nothing but trash, and throw them “away.” But the reality is, there is no “away.”
There is trash settling on the ocean floor, and floating on top, damaging marine and avian life alike. Each person in the United States discarded an average of four-fifths of a ton of trash per year in 2006 according to the EPA, and fifty-five percent got buried in landfills. The same happens in our spirit. When we “throw away” a friendship or “get rid” of a part of ourselves, much of it goes into the landfill of our subconscious. We carry around the pain, sadness, regret, anger and the rest until we deal with it. Until we dig through the heap and find value in the foulest parts of our past.
For animists, objectification can provide a catalyst for this work. If we still realize we have true worth and value when we are something other than our full selves, we can start shedding light on the trash we carry. We can begin transforming waste into fertilizer, and recycling dreams into memories. We grant ourselves the power to forgive our past mistakes and learn from them, instead of having them hold us down, hold us back. By being objects in our lives and loving objects in our lives, we can come to see the value that all of the world has to offer us.
I-Ching Inspirations
The I-Ching is a divination system from China. Featured in the Book of Changes from 50 B.C.E. and with earlier references, each hexagram (guà) features 6 stacked horizontal lines (yáo). Each yáo is either yin (broken line, receptive, feminine) or yang (solid line, creative/active, masculine). There are 64 possible hexagrams, each with its own oracular interpretation.
Every hexagram can be broken down for examination into trigrams. The top three lines of a hexagram are referred to as the “lower trigram” and examine the inner aspects of or influences on an issue, those things that are internal or personal. The bottom three lines are referred to as the “upper trigram” and examine the outer aspects or influences on an issue, those things that are external, communal, societal, or from without. There are eight trigrams (two possibilities for each yáo, with three yáo to a trigram), and each has its own meanings for interpretation.
Kūn
The Receptive. Elemental nature: Earth. Direction: Southwest. Body region: Belly. Animal: Cow. Traits: devoted, yielding, receptive.
Gèn
Keeping Still or Bound. Elemental nature: Mountain. Direction: Northeast. Body region: Hand. Animal: Wolf or dog. Traits: resting, standing still, completion.
Kăn
The Abysmal or Gorge. Elemental nature: Water. Direction: North. Body Region: Ear. Animal: Pig. Traits: dangerous, in motion.
Xùn
The Gentle or Ground. Elemental nature: Wind. Direction: Southeast. Body region: Thigh. Animal: Fowl or chicken. Traits: penetrating, gentle entrance stage.
Zhèn
The Arousing or Shake. Elemental nature: Thunder. Direction: East. Body region: Foot. Animal: Horse. Traits: inciting and movement, initiative.
Lí
The Clinging or Radiance. Elemental nature: Fire. Direction: South. Body region: Eye. Animal: Pheasant. Traits: light giving and dependence, clinging, clarity, adaptable.
Duì
The Joyous or Open. Elemental nature: Swamp or Marsh. Direction: West. Body region: Mouth. Animal: Sheep. Traits: pleasure, tranquil, complete devotion.
Qián
The Creative. Elemental nature: Heaven or Sky. Direction: Northwest. Body region: Head. Animal: Dragon. Traits: strong, creative.
Trigrams are a fascinating system for examining role-playing, shapeshifting, and emotional evocation. In working with Kūn we take on our fullest Yin aspects of self, yielding and receptive, showing our devotion, but carrying inside our service or bottoming the strength of the earth. With Zhèn we might shake or shock our partners, rousing them from the slumber of their lives in the same way that thunder shakes us from bed, or we may take it more literally, engaging in bastinado (foot caning) or other erotic foot torment.
In this way, trigrams are another 8-part tool that we can use to examine Sacred Kink. Similar in many ways to African Ifa divination or Western geomancy, it can be used metaphorically, symbolically, or interpreted literally. We can ask ourselves the same question in any of our Sacred Kink workings: are we literally engaging in an activity, or are we symbolically doing the work, allowing our unconscious mind to find inspiration to do the work internally at its own pace?
Back From the Abyss
I come back and SHE is gone. The man on the ground, the rest of his clothes in shreds, is still balled up. I look at the open welts across his back, and go to grab the medical supplies from behind the massage table.
With loving hands, I pull each key off my neck and unlock him, one step at a time. He’s still sobbing. Wrists free and undone from the altar, I unlock his hood and unlace him. His eyes are wet with tears, and yet a smile is painted across his lips. He takes me in, and I remove Her mask. He sees me, the priestess, the dominatrix, and breaks down in tears again, smile still on his lips. I open up my arms, and he embraces me in the tightest embrace I have ever known.
Finally, he lets go, and I strip off the shreds of his clothes. I lay him down on the velvet-covered massage table and treat his wounds. I go to the door and knock three times. My sister opens the door and seeing my bare face, asks if I need any help.
A few minutes later she comes back with ice-cold lemonade, sliced meats, cheeses, dates and cherries on a serving tray. I invite him to sit with me on the floor and eat. Finally, Her handmaiden comes back with a black shirt and trousers for him. As he dresses, I notice for the first time the necklace around his neck, Her symbol emblazoned on the pendant. He catches my eye, and tells me we ea
ch serve in our own way, we each show our love in our own way.
Chapter 9
The Path of Asceticism
The Call to Erotic Monasticism
In bed one night he had half-jokingly, but firmly, told me to be quiet. Eyes wide, my cunt had tightened down and my lips had locked shut, staring up at my love. His eyes found mine and the electricity flew as he nodded, smiled ever so faintly and ordered me to stand before him. With his eyes locked with mine, he ordered me to kiss him. There, in the bedroom, I felt the call and knew my life would never be the same.
It began with those bedroom games, but soon I found that when I handed myself over to his will I found comfort. Found bliss. Soon we added more layers. As part of my devotion I would clean the house and wear what he required. We talked it through after engaging in each step at first, as I was uncertain and he was nervous. He did not believe he deserved so much focus from me, such a gift to receive every moment of my free energy. I feared what others might say, wondering if I might have gone mad.
But in the devotion, I started to find myself. Removed from the business of my own mind, removed from not knowing what to do with my life, I realized I had been going mad before. In detoxifying my spirit, I found myself in the calm. Universal truths slipped out as I washed the dishes or licked his boots. Sleeping on a pallet at the end of his bed—I became his nun.
I have chosen to take a vow, engaging in play, kink and sex only with him, my lord and Master. And yet, I say “chosen” as if it were truly a choice. Perhaps it was at first. But that electric moment in our bedroom makes me wonder if it is true. Was I programmed by the world to be suited for this work? Just as there are nuns who say they do it because they were desperate or fell into it, there are others who said they knew from an early age that this was their calling or felt a soul recognition when they experienced it the first time.
The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond Page 31
