“I thought you love being my wife and also the Duchess of Cumberland.”
“No, I love being your wife only but I’m sorry that I can’t do this,” tears filled her eyes. “I’m not nobility and I’ve tried so hard to fit in for the past four years but it’s not going as I expected. You need a woman who was brought up to fulfil this role. I’m a mere servant, I was your mother’s chambermaid…”
“No Sammy, you’re not a mere servant or chambermaid,” Allan said forcefully, holding his wife by the shoulders. “When you married me your status changed forever. Even if I should die today, and may God forbid that, you’ll forever remain the Duchess of Cumberland until another takes your place. Then you, like my mother, will become the Dowager Duchess too.”
“Allan please.”
“Sammy, I still don’t understand what is going on here. You love me and I’ve been in love with you since the first moment I set my eyes on you as you knelt in the corridor upstairs, polishing the floor. It didn’t matter to me that you were a chambermaid, all I felt for you was love, deep abiding love. Nothing has changed and I promise you that I will never love another woman for as long as I live.”
“Allan you’re making this so hard for me. Please understand what I’m trying to tell you.”
“Make me understand this,” his hands dropped from her shoulders and he moved away, clearly agitated. She felt his confusion and wanted to rush into his arms and hold him close. But this needed to be said and done. She just couldn’t pretend any longer. She felt like she was a different person, living outside her own skin and it was a thought that bothered her a lot.
“I haven’t been happy for a while now,” she whispered and he stopped pacing and glared at her. “Please don’t look at me like that, as if I’ve taken leave of my senses.”
“This isn’t the right place for us to be having this conversation,” he said and walked to her and took her hand. She tried to pull away because his controlled anger was frightening. She’d never seen her husband looking this way. By the time he had led her to the study, she was visibly shaking and quite pale.
“Sit,” he waved a hand and she flinched. He saw her reaction and paled in turn. “Sammy, I would never hit you nor hurt you,” he was so shocked at her reaction to him. “Have I ever given you any reason or cause to be afraid of me?”
She shook her head. It was true that he’d never even as much as raised his voice to her. But that was because she’d always been so humble and submissive. She’d never once questioned him on anything and went along with all the decisions he made on her behalf, always agreeing with him. But she couldn’t go on living in fear of provoking her husband. It was as though she was always walking on eggshells all the time, afraid of disagreeing with him on any matter. She’d been afraid that if Allan became displeased with her then he would send her away and her heart would break because she loved him so much. But that was no way to live and she needed him to understand that.
“Allan…” She stopped when he raised his hand.
“Sammy, why did you flinch when I raised my hand? I was only waving you toward the chair. Am I such a frightful person?”
“It’s nothing,” her lower lip trembled as she sank onto the large couch. Her throat felt quite dry and she longed for a drink, something strong to calm her nerves. But she was a teetotaller as was her husband. That was one of the reasons she’d quickly fallen in love with him and agreed to be his wife. The fact that he never touched any liquor, not even wine. All that was served at their table was the mildest rose sherbet prepared in their own winery. Any strong drinks they stored in the house were exclusively for those who visited them or to be served during dinners, luncheons and other functions.
Allan observed his wife and was shocked to realise that there were shadows under her eyes. And she seemed to have lost weight, making her look very fragile. How hadn’t he noticed all these changes in his wife and yet he was with her every day except during those times that he travelled to London to the Regent’s Court?
2
On a Collision Course
A servant had lit the fire in the study and Allan drew closer to it, suddenly feeling very chilly. But it wasn’t physical, the coldness was in his heart which was filled with dread. Only this morning he’d woken up feeling that his world was alright. Everything was going his way; he was in good health, had a lovely and loving wife, his coffers were filled to overflowing and his world all around him was at peace. And now just hours later his world felt like it was a pack of cards tottering on the brink of collapse.
He’d believed that his marriage would last forever because of his humble and gentle wife. Sammy never argued or raised her voice, no matter how much she was provoked. She was the perfect wife, according to his grandmother had she lived. She was quiet and obedient, never speaking unless spoken to.
Then he felt anger welling up within him. How could his wife turn out to be such an ingrate? Had she been pretending to love him all these years and was now about to unsheathe the claws hidden behind her gentle nature? He shook his head refusing to believe that his Sammy could have a single dishonest bone in her body. No, something had happened that had made his meek wife turn against him, for that was how it felt. Sammy had turned against him and was now talking about leaving him. Never in the history of his family up to the tenth generation before him had there ever been a divorce. There had never even been a whisper of a separation. No Callahan bride ever abandoned her husband and home for whatever reason. That thought had never risen in any of the former duchess’s minds. What was going on with his wife?
“I’ve been a faithful husband and will continue to be for the rest of my life, Sammy,” he said in a quiet voice. “You have heard rumours and gossip about many of my peers who keep mistresses on the side. But I have no intention of ever letting that vice take over my life and our home,” he turned to look at her. “I love you with my last breath, Sammy. Hurting you would be like sticking a dagger right into my own heart. And I have given you everything, so why are you doing this to me, to us?”
“I never married you for what you own and possess, Allan,” Sammy responded passionately, willing him to understand.
“Sammy when everyone said that a marriage between a nobleman and a chambermaid would never work, I fought for us. That made me lose many of my friends and people looked down on me. But I stood by your side and refused to listen to anything they were saying because I loved you so much and strongly believed that you were made by God for me and I still believe that. It will never change.”
“Maybe you should have listened to your mother and your friends, Allan. I’m not the right wife for you and I’m so sorry it has taken me this long to speak out.”
“Don’t say that, my love,” he was immediately on his knees before her, reaching for her hands which felt cold to the touch even though the room was very warm. “We belong together, or haven’t I showed you enough love these past four years?”
“You have and done even more,” Sammy admitted reluctantly.
“You know that I will give you anything you want and need as long as it is in my power to do so.”
“I know that.”
"And I will always keep you and our children safe," and he placed a hand over her stomach looking deep into her eyes. "Or do you want my son to grow up without a father as I did for a good part of my life? Would you deny our son his heritage?"
"How...?" she whispered.
"I may not know too many things about you and especially those you choose to conceal from me but we are one. I have heard you being violently sick every morning for the past few weeks when you thought I was still fast asleep. I have noticed that you carry many handkerchiefs and that's something you never used to do before. Your meal preferences are different even though you've tried to be very subtle. Need I go on?" She shook her head. "How can you want to leave me when you carrying our first born child? Or was it your intention to conceal this from me as well?"
"I didn't want to raise your
hopes like the other three times when it turned out to be nothing. Your disappointment always broke my heart and I didn't want to see you suffering."
“Have you considered that by leaving me you'll be breaking my heart completely? And you clearly intend to take my son away from me. Do you think I will let you take my heir elsewhere and probably get married to another man? Do you think I will let another man raise my son?"
“Allan, I can never marry another man because I love you too much. Also I would never allow another man who isn't you to bring up our son. Even after I leave you, I will raise our son to know who his father is so please don’t think ill of me. I would never betray our love.”
"Then why are you doing this to us? Why are you so determined to break up our family?"
"Because," she cried out, "I will only make you unhappy with my discontentment. You don't deserve that at all."
Alan listened to his wife’s soft breathing as he lay in the semi darkness next to her. Only one candle was still burning because Sammy never liked a room to be very dark even as she slept. His mind raced back in time as if seeking answers to the current situation they were in.
Sammy was determined to leave but he too was stubborn. Never would he have imagined that his sweet and thoughtful wife had such a stubborn streak in her. Letting her leave him was not an option he even wanted to consider. And now that she was enceinte, it made him the more determined to hold on to their marriage. That she loved him deeply was very obvious and there was no doubt that she was hurting deeply and she was also very unhappy.
It was ten days before Christmas Day and Sammy had told him that she would be leaving in two days’ time.
"Sammy," he turned and gently shook her. He hated to interrupt her peaceful sleep but this was very important and there was no time to lose. Too much was at stake here. "Please wake up we have to talk."
"Mmh?" she murmured sleepily.
"Let me light a few more candles," and he got out of bed returning when the room was brightly lit once again "Sammy!"
"I'm awake," she mumbled but burrowed deeper under the bedding.
"Please my darling."
Sammy tried not to show how irritated she was at being woken up. But Allan sounded so serious so she struggled to sit up and as he looked at her he became even more determined not to let her go. She was his life.
"You said you would be leaving in two days’ time," it was more of a comment than a question.
"Yes I said that."
"Where will you go?"
Sammy bowed her head. "Do you remember the cottage that you bought for my governess when we got married?” He nodded. “She died three months ago and left it to me. And thank you for keeping it well maintained because it’s an ideal place for me to live and raise our child. Also, it isn’t far from the estate so you will be able to see the child at any time you want."
Allan was shocked at this new information. “Why didn't you tell me that Mrs. Covers had died?"
Sammy frowned slightly," I did and even asked you to go to the funeral with me..." she let her voice trail away and Alan felt guilt tearing at him. He recalled that three months ago he'd been on his way to see the Regent in London when his wife told him that she was going to a funeral. He had then allocated two guards to go with her but all the while his mind had been on the upcoming journey to London. He hadn't once considered that the person who was dead was important to his wife and it made him feel very ashamed of himself.
"Why didn't you make me listen to you?"
"Do I have to force you to listen to me each time I have something important to say?" Her voice wobbled. "You've been so busy and barely spare time to listen to me anymore."
Alan felt the need to defend himself. "Unless I'm in London which is just three times a year I'm always with you here at home."
Sammy shrugged. "You may have been physically present but your mind is always on the estate and the farm. Business always comes first with you. How much money should a man make before he feels that it is enough?"
"I've never heard you complaining about the luxuries that my money has afforded you," he lashed out and then was immediately contrite. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that."
"And yet here I am ready to go and live in a three-roomed cottage for the rest of my life and leave all these luxuries behind," was her dry retort.
"What is it you want of me," Alan sounded frustrated. What did his wife want that he hadn't already provided for her? He couldn't understand why all this was happening.
"All I want is for you to slow down and take a good look at our life together," she answered in a soft voice. "I refuse to bring up my son in a household where his father is too busy making money to make quality time for him. Our son deserves better and so do I." Alan was silent for a long while that Sammy thought he might have fallen asleep. "May I go back to sleep now?"
"No," he said with a deep sigh. "Sammy, I'm sorry that I have neglected you so that you felt abandoned. It was never my intention to make you feel that way."
"You haven't abandoned me it's just that you haven't been sensitive to what I need. You don't listen to me anymore and even when you try to it's just to provide the solutions that you think are best for me, for us. But how about the solutions that I may have, don't I get a chance to talk about them too?"
Alan didn’t want to argue with Sammy because she looked exhausted and fragile. In her condition she needed a lot of sleep and rest.
"Sammy?"
"Yes Allan?"
"Do you love me?"
"You know that I do."
"Enough to forgive me?"
She nodded, "Yes I forgive you
"Do you love me enough to give me another chance?"
"Allan..."
"Please listen to me. I know that I haven't been the best husband to you but I'm making you a promise. From here and now I will try my best to change."
"That's not what I'm saying Alan." "I don't want you to change into someone that you're not."
"Christmas Day is in ten days’ time. Please give me just ten days to find the solution to what has gone wrong with our marriage."
"But Allan..."
"Ten days is all I'm asking for. And I promise you that if things don't work out to your satisfaction in these ten days then I'll personally escort you to Mrs. Covers cottage and leave you alone to get on with your life. But you have to give me these ten days Sammy."
Sammy twisted her lips. She was doubtful about her husband finding the solution to what had gone wrong in their marriage in such a short time. But she loved him deeply and could see the plea in his eyes and that was something she couldn't shut her heart to.
"Ten days you say?"
"Yes just ten days."
"Very well then," she agreed. "You have until Christmas Day in the morning."
“That's all the time I'm asking for; that's all I need."
3
Grab the Bull by its Horns
Ten days was all he had to prove to his wife that he was the husband she needed, the spouse she deserved. And he had absolutely no idea how he was going to achieve that. It seemed impossible but then he shook himself out of his pessimism. He had overcome greater obstacles in the past and this too was going to be one of those that he got victory over.
Sammy wasn’t a materialistic person like the women he’d known before her. Else a diamond necklace or pearls and rubies would have done it. Neither was she the kind of woman who was dazzled by clothes, hats and shoes; else he would have taken her shopping to the fashion city of the world. Paris would no doubt have dazzled her if that was what she liked, but she didn’t.
No, he was quickly finding out that the meek and innocent girl he’d married four years ago was more complex than he’d ever imagined.
They took breakfast together the next morning before she disappeared somewhere in the large manor. Then it struck him that he really had no idea how his wife spent her days when he was out working or travelling. She’d never complained about his absences unti
l last night, but she’d also never shared about her own life. So he’d always assumed that she visited her friends or invited them over to the manor for tea and to gossip as women were wont to do. Or that maybe she spent her days with his mother. Now he wasn’t so sure that he knew his Sammy at all.
As he was pondering on what to do, a thought crossed his mind. There was only one woman, besides Sammy, who he trusted with his whole life. And she was very wise, seeing as she’d fought for his inheritance and protected his destiny when his father had died fifteen years ago.
He’d only been nine years old when his father complained of a headache then suddenly collapsed and died before the doctor could be summoned. His paternal uncle who was his father’s older half-brother and a hopeless drunkard had showed up demanding to be named the next duke. But Lord Ainsworth Callahan who only held the title of baron had never been recognized as his father’s son seeing as his mother was never married to the old duke. Allan’s grandfather had bought him an army commission and sent him to the colonies abroad so he wouldn’t interfere with his true son’s inheritance. But once Allan’s father had died, his uncle had showed up and caused quite a stir.
But the gentleman had never reckoned with Lady Irene Callahan who was the duke’s widow and Allan’s mother. She had proved to everyone that she was a force to be reckoned with and as soon as Allan had turned eighteen, he’d come into his title and inheritance which she had guarded jealously for him. Yes, his mother was the wisest woman he knew because she had outsmarted his uncle and sent him back to the colonies. Two years ago, Allan had received a letter from the British Consul in Brazil that his uncle had died in his sleep. It was to his mother that he decided to recourse a few minutes later.
Amazing Love This Christmas: Historical Holiday Romance Page 2
