by Iona Rose
“I shouldn’t,” I say. I nod to the notepad in my hand. “I have to get the minutes typed up and ...”
“Do it tomorrow Elena,” Ashton interrupts. “I don’t expect you to work late to type those up. Have a drink. Live a little.”
He smiles and I feel my clit tingle. I nod and Ashton’s smile widens. He goes to his drinks cabinet and pours us both a generous measure of scotch. He hands one of the glasses to me and raises his.
“To making new deals,” he smiles. “And new starts.”
He looks a little sheepish and the humble look on his face only makes me want him more. God what am I going to be like after this drink if I’m like this now.
“Cheers,” I smile.
We both take a sip of our drinks. I feel the heat from the scotch travel down my insides and sit warming my stomach. I move over to the couch and sit down. Ashton sits on the other end of it. My heart is racing.
“You know, I really think this is our year,” he says thoughtfully. “We’ve landed some big clients and this extension is only a small part of it. And Jess has some new software in the making. I think this might be the year that puts us on the map.”
I relax a little. This is safe ground. Ground I can talk about without butterflies in my stomach.
“I think it’s fair to say Wave is already on the map,” I smile.
“Oh sure locally,” Ashton says. “But I’m talking about globally here.”
I smile and raise my glass.
“To global domination,” I say.
Ashton clinks his glass against mine and drinks. He grins at me.
“I know you’re mocking me, but I’m still going to drink to that because I like the way it sounds,” he says.
I laugh softly.
“It does sound pretty good doesn’t it?”
“Yeah. Imagine the business trips. No more Travel Lodge in Birmingham. It would be the Four Seasons in Paris, the Plaza in New York, maybe even seven star luxury in Dubai.”
“Now that’s worth drinking to,” I say.
We clink our glasses together and again and I take a drink. I force myself to swallow the scotch normally, but my inside are churning and it’s nothing to do with the heat from the drink. I can’t help but wonder if Ashton is including me in those trips? I don’t even care that they’re imaginary. A pipe dream. I want in. And as much as I hate to admit it, it’s not about the fine dining, the elegant rooms and the cosmopolitan lifestyle. It’s about him. I want to be alone with him in a nice hotel. God this scotch is going to my head.
Suddenly I know I have to get out of here. If anything happens between Ashton and I, I’m afraid there will be no going back. And as much as I find him irresistible, I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready for any of this. I drain the last of my drink and stand up.
“Well if you don’t need me for anything, I think I’ll make tracks. Thanks for the drink,” I say.
“Anytime,” Ashton smiles. He downs the last of his scotch. “I’ll walk down with you. I rather like the idea of ending today on a high.”
I feel a stirring inside of myself. I know he’s talking about the deal, but for just a moment I wonder if maybe he’s talking about something else. I tell myself to get a grip. Even if he is, I’ve just told myself I’m not ready to forgive and forget and that means nothing can happen between us.
“I’ll just go and grab my stuff,” I say.
I go back to my own office and leave my notebook on my desk ready for tomorrow morning and then I grab my handbag and phone. I turn the lights off and leave the office. I realize I’ve left my jacket behind but I can get it tomorrow. It’s not like I’m going to be outside for long. I only have to walk from the front door of the building to the car park.
“Ready?” Ashton smiles, stepping out of his own office.
I nod and we start to walk towards the lifts.
“Any plans for tonight?” Ashton asks.
“Nothing exciting. Dinner and then bed most likely,” I say. “You?”
“Same,” he says. “But I might push the boat out and watch a movie in bed.”
I feel a tingling between my legs as I imagine Ashton in bed. We reach the lifts and he reaches out and presses the call button. I imagine his fingers on me pressing my buttons, making me come at his touch.
“Let me guess. The Notebook?” I say.
“I was thinking more like The Avengers,” he grins.
I laugh softly. The lift comes and we step inside, Ashton gesturing for me to go first. I press the button for the ground floor and we start going down. Ashton is standing beside me, ever so slightly behind me, and I can feel his eyes on me. My cheeks burn, but it’s not embarrassment this time, it’s desire.
I can’t wait to get out of here. My heart is racing and my pussy is dripping wet. It’s like my own body is betraying me. Suddenly, the lift lurches. I stumble and Ashton catches me. There’s a screeching sound of metal on metal and the lift car comes to a dead stop.
“What happened?” I ask.
“No idea,” Ashton says.
I reach out and press the button marked G again but nothing happens. My heart is racing again, but this time, desire has nothing to do with it. I can feel panic clawing at me. I hate small spaces and lifts aren’t a favorite thing of mine at the best of times. I’ve always had a fear of being trapped in one, and now it’s happening. Oh dear God it’s happening. I’m going to freak out, pass out or throw up or something. I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here right now. Except I can’t. We’re not going anywhere and my futile attempt to pry the doors open does nothing except break one of my nails.
My breath is coming in short gasps and I feel dizzy. I can feel my chest tightening and there’s a sharp pain in my stomach. I can hear my pulse in my head and my body is hot suddenly, sweat springing out all over me and a strange tingly warmth is spreading out over me. It’s not a nice tingling, it’s a horrible one, one that tells me I am seconds from passing out.
I’m going to die in here I think to myself. I know that’s irrational, but once the thought takes hold, it’s hard to shake it off. I can’t breathe and I am getting more dizzy by the second. I press one hand against my chest, trying to get my heart to stop convulsing. I reach out with the other hand and press my palm against the wall of the lift. The coolness on my hand helps a little but not enough. I put my head down and try to breathe slowly. I can’t. I’m not getting enough air. I revert to panicky gasping.
I am vaguely aware of Ashton talking on his phone, but I don’t hear what he’s saying. His presence barely even registers with me. I just have to concentrate on breathing. Oh my God, what if I’m having a heart attack? If I am, then I am as good as dead. The thought brings forth another fluttering palpitation. I imagine my brain starved of oxygen and I close my eyes, trying to force myself to calm down.
The more I try to calm down, the worse my panic becomes. I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. It’s too warm, burning me. Another hot rush of sweat rushes out of me and I suck in a strangled feeling breath.
“Elena? Elena listen to me,” Ashton says.
His voice penetrates the fog in my brain and I look up at him.
“It’s going to be ok,” he says calmly. “The repair man is on his way. It won’t be long and then we’ll be out of here.”
“I can’t breathe,” I manage to gasp. “I can’t get any air.”
“Yes you can. You’re having a panic attack. Nothing more. You’re safe Elena. I won’t let anything happen to you I swear. Now I need you to do as I say. Take a nice long breath in through your nose. Count to five as you do it.”
I do it but it doesn’t help.
“Now out through your mouth. Count to five again.”
I do it, tasting the copper of adrenaline coating my tongue.
“Again,” Ashton says.
I repeat the process and after a couple of deep breaths, I start to feel better. My heart is beating normally now and I feel like I can breathe again. I’m still a li
ttle dizzy though and when I take my hand off the wall, it feels as though the ground shifts beneath me. I stumble forwards and Ashton reaches out and catches me, stopping me from falling.
On some level, I am aware of his arm around my waist, my body pressed against his, but in the moment, I’m just trying to shake off the left over vertigo. Ashton was right. I had a panic attack. I haven’t had one of those for years and I definitely haven’t missed them.
I take a few more deep breaths and the dizziness starts to pass. In a couple of minutes, I feel reasonably normal again, if a little shaky. The whole thing can’t have lasted more than two or three minutes, but it felt like a lifetime when I was trapped in that bubble of panic.
“Better?” Ashton asks.
I nod slowly.
“Yes,” I say. “Thank you. God I felt like I was dying or something.”
“Have you had a panic attack before?” he asks.
“A long time ago,” I say. “I haven’t had one in years. But I’ve never been a big fan of small spaces and I haven’t been trapped in a lift before, so yeah.”
I’m babbling, trying to cover my embarrassment at Ashton seeing me at my most vulnerable. I realize with a start that his arm is still around my waist, although we’re not pressed together anymore. Perhaps we never were.
I take a half step backwards and Ashton starts to move his arm away. I don’t know what comes over me. Maybe it’s a little bit of adrenaline left in my system. All I know is I don’t want Ashton’s arm to go away. I don’t want to be anywhere but right here in his arms.
I look up at him and close the gap between us. I put my hand on his chest. He looks down at me, a look on his face that tells me he wants this as much as I do. I know he’s not going to make the first move now though. Who would after what I’ve just been through?
I smile at him slowly and then I move my hand from his chest and rub it gently across his cheek. I crane my neck and move my hand around to the back of his head, pulling his face down to meet mine.
“Elena ...” he starts.
I don’t let him finish. There are a hundred reasons why we shouldn’t do this and I don’t need to hear another one. I cut off his words by placing my lips firmly against his. I kiss him gently, barely a touch really. I pull back from his mouth and smile at him.
“Thank you,” I say.
Chapter Sixteen
Elena
The indecision has gone from Ashton’s face. All I can see now is pure lust. His eyes seem to have gotten darker and for a moment, he looks deep into my eyes. I feel my pussy clenching just looking at him.
He leans down and presses his lips to mine, and this time there’s nothing gentle about our kiss. Our mouths come together in an almost desperate kiss, our bodies hungry for each other.
His arm is still around my waist and he puts his palm on my lower back, pulling me in towards him. I can feel his chest pressing against mine, the taut muscle unyielding. He pushes his other hand into my hair as his tongue finds mine. I feel like I have been unleashed, and my hands roam over Ashton’s body, moving up and down his back and over his ass. All of the pent up desire, the need to feel Ashton’s hands on me, is coming to the surface and I have to have him. I have to feel him inside me.
His hands skim down my body and he rubs them over my ass. He bunches his hands into fists, balling my skirt up in his hands. He pulls on it, dragging it up around my waist. He moves his lips from mine, kissing down my neck as he slips his hands into my panties, kneading my bare ass. I moan as my body responds to his touch. My clit is screaming for attention, and my pussy is so wet I can feel liquid soaking into my panties.
I tug Ashton’s shirt out of his trousers, pushing my hands beneath it and running them over his bare skin. Electricity flies through my hands and up my arms, spurring me on, making me want him more.
I fumble his belt open and then his button and flies. He moves his hands from my ass. He keeps one hand on the small of my back and the other one comes around to the front of my body. He pushes his fingers into my panties and parts my lips, his fingers finding my clit. I gasp as a shock of pleasure floods me.
He kisses my mouth again, stifling the moan that escapes my lips as his fingers work their magic on my clit. He walks me backwards, slamming me against the wall. My breath catches in my throat as he ups the pace of his fingers on me. I pull my mouth away from his, needing to release the pent up moan that’s playing over my lips. I moan his name loudly in a voice so different to my normal voice.
I go back to his trousers, pushing them down. I lift one of my legs, hooking it over Ashton’s hip. He pulls his head away from my neck where his tongue was sending delicious floods of goose bumps through me. He looks at me with such longing that I almost come on the spot.
“Elena,” he purrs. “God Elena.”
He moves his fingers away from my clit. It’s too soon. I need the release of an orgasm. I moan in frustration and he smiles at me and kisses the tip of my nose. His hands move over my ass and slip beneath it. He lifts me and I wrap my legs tightly around his waist.
He reaches down and pushes his boxer shorts down, freeing his huge cock. I can feel it pressed against me. I know he’s as ready for this as I am. I put my head back, resting it on the wall behind me. Ashton reaches between our bodies and rubs his fingers through my lips, spreading my juices. He moans when he feels how wet I am. He grabs his cock and presses it against my pussy.
A loud clanging sound echoes through the lift as he’s about to penetrate me.
“No,” I whisper.
“Hold on Mr. Miller. I’ll have you out of there in a couple of minutes,” a muffled voice shouts.
I unwrap my legs from Ashton’s waist and once my feet are back on the ground, he takes a step back from me. We hurry to get our clothes back into some sort of normal state. I can’t believe the repair man is here, and I can’t believe what I was about to allow to happen if he hadn’t shown up when he did.
The moment between Ashton and I is well and truly over. We barely look at each other as I pull my skirt back down and run my fingers through my hair, trying to get it back into some sort of order. Ashton has already pulled his boxer shorts and trousers back up and now he’s fastening the trousers.
He looks at me and smiles.
“Bad timing huh?” he says.
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. I wanted him. I wanted this. But now I’m relieved the repair man is here. That he arrived in time to stop me making a huge mistake. I feel cheap and dirty. I practically threw myself at Ashton, and I’m so ashamed of myself.
I try to tell myself we’re both consenting adults. There was nothing dirty about what we did. We just got a little carried away that’s all. It’s hard to convince myself that’s true when all I can see in my head now is Beatrice on her knees beneath Ashton’s desk. I’m a fool. A fucking mug. Just the latest conquest of Ashton’s.
The lifts doors finally pop open and I step forward.
“Careful there love,” the repair man says. “The car is about a foot above the ground level.”
“I’ll go first and then help you out,” Ashton says. “And then maybe we can talk about ...”
“It’s fine,” I say cutting him off.
I know what he wants to talk about. It’s the last thing I want to talk about. I just want to forget it ever happened. As it stands, I can blame the panic I felt for letting my guard down. If I spend any more time with Ashton I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from finishing what we started, and then I’ll have nothing and no one to blame but myself.
I move to front of the lift and reach my hand out to the repair man. He takes it and holds me steady as I hop down onto solid ground. I release his hand and thank him. I hear Ashton stepping down behind me. I want to just run from him, but I know I’ll have to face him eventually. Tomorrow in fact. And it’ll be easier to just get it over with now.
I wait a couple of steps away from Ashton as he talks to the repair man about when the lift will b
e fixed. The repair man assures him it won’t take long and it will all be in working order again tomorrow. I make a mental note to take the stairs anyway.
“Thank you for calming me down,” I say, glancing at Ashton when he moves to join me.
“Of course,” he says. “Elena ...”
I cut him off quickly before he can go on. Anything we say about what we just did now is only going to make working together even more awkward. It’s hard to be so focused on getting away from Ashton when he’s left my clit begging for more. My body is tingling, urging me to go with him now and finish what we started, but I’ve already made the mistake of listening to my body once tonight, and now my head is firmly back in charge.
“Good night Ashton,” I say.
For a second, a hurt look crosses his face, but he covers it quickly with a smile, leaving me wondering if I imagined the look.
“See you tomorrow,” he says coolly and then he walks quickly across the lobby and out of the door, leaving me wondering what the bigger mistake was. Starting something or not finishing it.
I give him a minute, needing to make sure he’s definitely gone. If he’s hanging around the car park and he tries to kiss me, I know I won’t have the resolve to stop him. I’m just going to have to keep my distance from him and hope he takes the hint and doesn’t try anything with me.
The thought of us never finishing what we started bothers me a lot. I don’t know what’s happening to me. It’s like Ashton is making me crazy. One moment I hate him for everything he’s done to me in the past, and for being with Beatrice in the office when he was supposed to be waiting for me. But there’s another part of me, a larger part, that feels anything but hate towards him. It’s all a mess.
I debate calling Lottie as I walk to my car, but I already know what she’ll say. That he’s changed. That I’ve changed. That I’ve always had a thing for him and that I should just let go and give us a chance.
I want to do that. I really do. But I don’t think I can.
