by Iona Rose
That stings, but it’s the truth and she has a right to say it.
“I knew by the end of that day that you were completely out of my league. Not just because you were gorgeous and already popular, but because we were from different worlds. You came from money. I didn’t. I knew you would never notice me. I told myself it didn’t matter, that I could live with that. But as the days went by, I found myself craving your attention. I was the class clown, and you laughed along with the rest of the class when I played up. I figured that was my way in. Do you remember that day in the cafeteria? The day I called you a teacher’s pet?”
“You mean the day you started a rumor that I was into a man old enough to be my father?” Elena says.
I nod sheepishly.
“It was the first time you ever spoke to me. And you used that opportunity to make me look stupid. I guess I just wanted to repay the favor.”
“I didn’t try to make you look stupid,” Elena says. “I ... I liked you Ashton. But you were funny and popular and guys like that didn’t notice the quiet academic kid. You were talking about your assignment being almost done, but then you got the wrong day for the deadline, and I thought that was my chance. That maybe you would notice me if I helped you out.”
“So let me get this straight,” I say. “We both liked each other, but we were both so convinced that it would never happen between us that neither of us ever just came out and said it?”
“Pretty much. But I didn’t then go on to torment you for the next three years,” Elena says.
“I know,” I reply. “That moment in the cafeteria, I knew I could have gone two ways after that. I could have apologized to you, or I could have continued to use you for cheap laughs. I wanted to apologise. I really did. But I knew if I did, I would fade back into obscurity and you would just forget I ever existed once more. I figured if I kept making people laugh at your expense, that at least I would be on your radar in some ways.”
I sigh and shake my head.
“Now I’m saying this out loud, it sounds so twisted, so pathetic. But to teenage me, it made perfect sense.”
“Did you really think making me feel bad every day would ever make me want to date you?” Elena asks.
I shake my head.
“No. But I figured that would never happen no matter what I did. Not unless my mom suddenly won the lottery. Maybe not even then. And I thought your hatred and disdain was better than nothing.”
“I can’t believe you assumed I would be so shallow,” Elena says quietly. “You judged me so completely before you even knew anything about me.”
“No,” I say quickly. “That’s the thing Elena. I wasn’t judging you. I didn’t blame you for not wanting anything to do with the poor kid. That’s how I became the class clown you know. On my first day at Franklin School, I looked around at all of these rich kids, and I knew I would never be anything but an outsider unless I could get their attention for something other than the uniform that was a little bit too small, the shoes that were a little bit scuffed on the toes. I made them laugh and they liked me. It took me a long time to see it, but none of those kids were judging me. I was the one doing that. I judged myself, found myself lacking, and projected all of that onto everyone around me.”
“It must have been hard feeling like the odd one out,” Elena relents.
“It was,” I say. “But that doesn’t excuse my behavior. There’s nothing I can say to condone the way I treated you. All I can do is tell you that from the bottom of my heart I’m sorry. And that I wish every day I had a time machine so I could go back and do it all differently.”
We enter the office car park as I say it. Our cars are the only ones left in there. I head towards my car with Elena still in tow. That’s a good sign surely. She hasn’t bolted straight to the sanctuary of her own car.
“If you could go back, would you ask me out?” Elena asks me.
“God no,” I laugh. “It’s a time machine not a confidence machine. I never would have dared even speak to you, let alone ask you out. I just wouldn’t have made your life hell. And we would have gone off to college and then university, you still not knowing my name, and me still obsessed with you.”
“The irony of that is I would have still known your name. I would have just assumed you didn’t know mine,” Elena says.
Chapter Twenty-two
Ashton
We reach my car. I go to get my keys out, but Elena makes no move to go to the passenger door. Instead, she rests her ass against the bonnet of my car and stands looking at me. The moonlight makes her hair shine, her eyes sparkle. I want to take her right here on the bonnet of my car, but I know better than to come on too strong now. Instead, I stand a couple of paces back from her. I look her in the eye.
“Elena, I know it’s a big ask and it is way more than I deserve, but do you think you can ever forgive me?” I ask.
She doesn’t respond immediately and the question hangs in the air between us, a tangible barrier. We’re only a couple of feet apart, but it’s like school all over again. I feel like we’re worlds apart, that I can never reach out and touch her even though she’s so close to me.
She studies my face for a moment, her eyes piercing and intense. I wish I could just disappear. I wish I hadn’t asked her the question. It’s obvious she’s going to say no, and then all of my hopes of making her see I’m a different person now will evaporate and I’ll be left with nothing but emptiness and regret.
“I want to,” she says.
It’s not a yes, but it’s not a no, and it’s way more than I was hoping for. I was so sure she was going to say no, to laugh in my face and demand to know how she thought it would be that easy.
“I really do want to. I always had a crush on you Ashton, and that’s never really gone away. But I don’t know if I can trust you,” she adds. “I’ll be honest. I’ve seen a different side to you and a big part of me thinks you’ve changed. But there’s a small part of me that’s just waiting for your true colors to come out. For you to laugh at me for being naïve enough to believe you are different now. Do you understand that?”
I try to find the right words. The magic combination of sounds that will convince Elena I have changed. That I’m not that horrible boy anymore. I can’t find them. Instead, the florist’s words come back to me. Actions speak louder than words. It’s no use me telling Elena I’ve changed and she can trust me. I have to show her that’s the case.
“I do understand it,” I say finally. “And I know I can’t just wave a magic wand and make you forgive me. But I promise that I’ll be right here showing you every day that I’m not the same person anymore for as long as you want me to be. For every day you’re willing to try to forgive me, I’ll be right here giving you a reason to. How does that sound?”
“Good,” she smiles. But then her smile fades and she shakes her head. “But I can’t let you do that. What if I can never quite let go of all of the old resentments and you’ve wasted so much time on me?”
“Time spent with you could never be time wasted Elena,” I say. “Please, just give me a chance. Give us a chance. And if you decide you can’t forgive me, then just say the world and I’ll walk away, no hard feelings.”
She studies me again and then she nods her head once.
“Ok,” she says.
“Ok you’re willing to give us a shot?” I press her.
She nods again and this time, her face breaks into a full on smile. She pushes herself up off the bonnet of my car. She comes to me, but she doesn’t tilt her face up, doesn’t go for a kiss. Instead, she wraps her arms around my waist and presses herself against my chest. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and hold her, smelling the coconut scent of her hair and the sweeter scent just beneath it.
We stand that way for a long time, and then finally, Elena steps back from me, pulling herself out of arms. I feel cold where her warmth leaves me. She smiles at me again.
“We should probably head home,” she says.
I
nod and dig my car keys out of my pocket. Elena starts to walk away from me.
“Where are you going?” I say.
She glances back.
“You thought I was going to sleep with you tonight?” she asks.
“No,” I say. “We’ll take this as slowly as you want to. But I thought I would be dropping you off. You’ve had a fair bit to drink.”
“I had half a bottle of wine. The same as you,” she says.
“And three cocktails,” I remind her.
“Shit. I forgot about those,” she says. She starts to come back. “A ride home would be great if you really don’t mind.”
“Of course, I don’t mind,” I tell her.
We get into the car and Elena gives me her address. I head out that way. At first we drive in silence, but then Elena turns to me.
“You and Beatrice. Is that over?” she asks.
“Huh? There is no me and Beatrice. There never was,” I say.
“Ashton, I saw her on her knees underneath your desk,” Elena says.
Oh great. This again.
“I know you did. And if you’d have given me a chance to explain, you would know that it really wasn’t what it must have looked like from where you were standing.”
I glance at her and she nods for me to go on.
“I did think Beatrice had a bit of a crush on me. She’s always been flirty. And to be honest, I thought at the time she was coming onto me. She sat on the edge of my desk and she was flirting with me, and then she said I looked tense and offered me a shoulder rub. I was tense because she was too damned close. Anyway, she had some files in her hand and when she stood up, she dropped them. She scrambled to pick them up and that’s what you saw.”
“You think she wanted more though?” Elena asks.
“I did at the time,” I say. “But now I’m not so sure.”
“Why?” Elena asks.
“I called through for Sandra to make our restaurant reservation for tonight, but Beatrice took the call. She came to see me to tell me the reservation was made and she didn’t seem subdued or pissed off or anything. In fact, she teased me when I wouldn’t tell her who I was coming here with, saying I should gossip more. I’m starting to think she’s just a natural flirt and I read too much into it. It doesn’t really matter either way because I wouldn’t go there with Beatrice.”
“Because she works for you? So do I,” Elena points out.
“No. No because she works for me,” I say. I look away from the road long enough to catch Elena’s eye. “Because she’s not you.”
Elena swallows audibly and the atmosphere in the car changes just like that. It’s gone from what felt like two friends chatting to a charged feeling that hangs in the air. It’s like a promise of what’s to come and I can feel my cock hardening at the look in Elena’s eye. It takes everything I have to look back at the road, but even as I do, all I can see in front of me is Elena’s eyes, the way her pupils dilated as she looked at me. The way they displayed her lust so clearly.
God I want her so badly. I meant what I said – I’ll take this as slowly as she wants to – but it’s going to be hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. I already feel like I’m losing control.
We drive the rest of the way to Elena’s place in silence. I try to think of something to say, but I can’t think of anything that won’t risk ruining the mood between us and I don’t want that. Still, it’s not an uncomfortable silence. It’s a silence filled with the promise of something delicious to come.
I know Elena feels the electricity in the air every bit as much as I do. She shuffles in her seat and I’d like to think it’s because she’s turned on and the seat rubbing against her pussy is driving her as wild as my trousers confining my cock is driving me.
“It’s this one coming up on your right,” Elena says, breaking the silence and nodding towards a modest but neat looking two bedroomed house that’s coming up.
I pull up outside of the wooden gate and cut the engine. I look over the small front garden. There’s a neatly mown lawn and a border filled with flowers and tiny shrubs. I turn back to Elena as she unbuckles her seat belt and smiles at me.
“Thank you for a lovely night Ashton,” she says. “I really did have a good time. And thank you for being honest with me.”
I nod at her.
“Good night Elena,” I say with a smile.
She turns from me and puts her hand on the door handle, ready to get out of the car, and I know I can’t let her go without kissing her. Surely a kiss isn’t moving too fast. I reach out and grab her wrist and she turns back to me.
I lean closer to her. For half a second, she resists me and I think she’s going to shut me down. I can see the indecision in her eyes, but then they clear and her hand falls away from the door handle and her fingers trails over my neck and into my hair as she leans in and our lips meet.
I brush my lips gently over hers. My cock is going wild, screaming to be freed from its prison of clothes. Heat floods my body and makes me crazy. My mind races, showing me all the things I want to do to Elena, all of the things I want her to do to me. I don’t know how I manage to pull back from her, how I manage to tear my lips away from hers. I only know that it’s the right thing to do. I don’t want to come on too strong now and undo the bit of progress I think I’ve made with Elena tonight.
“Good night,” I say again with a smile, my face a half inch from Elena’s.
She makes no move to leave the car. She doesn’t even try to pull further back from me. Her hand is still in my hair. My hand is still on her shoulder. She smiles at me. A smile full of sex and orgasms and I hear myself moaning. My moan is cut short when Elena pulls my head back down to hers and our lips meet again, her mouth swallowing my moan.
She brings her other hand up and runs it down my chest, sending shivers through my body. I move my hand from her shoulder, wrapping it around her and pulling her closer to me. My whole body tingles, and I feel ecstasy flooding through my veins.
I push my tongue into her mouth, tasting wine and chocolate. Her tongue comes to meet mine and they massage each other, both of us desperate to taste the other, to claim each other’s mouths as our own. I want to taste every part of Elena. To claim every part of her body with my tongue, my fingers, my cock. I want to make her mine in every way conceivable.
My heart is racing and my breath is coming in short, ragged pants. It’s taking everything I have not to push my hand beneath Elena’s skirt and feel the sweet wetness I know I would feel between her legs. She has no such qualms. Her hand moves from my chest, getting lower. She rubs it over my stomach and then the back of her hand brushes against my swollen cock. I gasp in a breath and moan into her mouth again.
She moves her hand away from me and for a horrible moment, I think I’ve scared her off, but her hand comes back as quickly as it left. It’s not on my cock though. She pulls my shirt out of my trousers and pushes her hand up inside of it, running her nails over the bare skin of my stomach.
My cock pulses, urging me to get some release. Heat floods me. I have never wanted anyone like I want her. I pull back from our kiss and look into her eyes for a second.
“God Elena, you drive me crazy,” I say, my voice husky with lust for her.
She smiles, a half-smile that sends another pulse of desire through me. Her lips glisten, damp from our kiss. She leaves her hand inside of my shirt, rubbing her fingers over my nipples and making me suck in a sharp breath. Her other hand comes out of my hair and moves over my cheek. She runs her fingers over my lips and I suck them into my mouth.
I massage them with my tongue, licking and sucking on them. The whole time, she looks me in the eye, her lips parted slightly and her chest heaving. Just when I think I can’t take the way she’s looking at me like she wants to devour me for another second, she pulls her fingers away from my lips. She rests her hand on my shoulder, teasing at the sensitive skin of my neck with her fingertips and then she leans in and mashes her lips against mine again.
I lose myself completely in her kiss, in her. I have to have this woman. I have to make her mine, whatever it takes. My whole body is on fire. I feel like a giant nerve ending, one that is being teased and teased to within an inch of its life.
If this is what she can do to me with just a kiss, I can only imagine what she’s going to do me if she ever lets us go any further.
Chapter Twenty-three
Elena
My whole body is on fire as Ashton kisses me. His kiss is deep and tender, the sort of kiss that makes me imagine not only having sex with him, but also building a life with him. It’s not the sort of kiss you share with someone if you only want to fuck them and then move on. But it still awakens my nerve endings, makes my body tingle. It makes me want to take Ashton inside, take him upstairs to my bedroom and fuck the living daylights out of him if I’m being totally honest with myself.
Something still holds me back though. I know we’ve had a great time tonight, and Ashton has been nothing but charming, but I’m still not ready to throw myself at him physically, and consequently, throw myself at his mercy mentally. I’m hugely attracted to him, there’s no denying this. And the more I get to know him, the more I realize it’s not just physical. But it doesn’t mean I’m ready to let my guard down and let myself be vulnerable with him. Not yet. I hope to get to that point, I really do, but I’m not quite there yet. It’s going to take more than one good date to undo years of pain and despite everything, there’s still a small part of me that’s waiting for the other shoe to drop; waiting for the old Ashton to come out, to make comments about my looks, my figure. To laugh at me and make me feel small.
Despite myself and my reservations, I still can’t stop the way Ashton’s touch, his kiss, makes me feel deep inside of myself. He makes me feel alive, sexually powerful — attractive. It’s dangerous to let myself acknowledge this, to leave myself open to being hurt, but it feels so damned good that I just can’t help myself. I feel like I am powerless to resist Ashton, and I think in part, it’s because a large part of me really doesn’t want to resist him anymore.
