by Misty Evans
This was a dream. Had to be. A beautiful but dangerous dream. He needed to wake himself up.
He shook his head and blinked his eyes a couple of times. Liam and Jen didn’t disappear. “You can’t fire me.”
“I’m on the board of directors, and because I’m a McIntyre, technically I can fire anyone I want if I have just cause.” She squeezed his hand. “You’re acting irrational and your current state of poor health and unstable emotional well-being is jeopardizing those around you. I’m sorry, Alex. I know you’ve never been fired before—hell, you’ve never failed at anything before—but your services are no longer required by 3 Wishes. Liam will escort you out. I’ll pack up your belongings this weekend after the retreat and deliver them to your doorstep.”
Alex fumbled for something to say. She was joking like always. Wasn’t she? He tried to laugh it off. “Good one, Jen. Nice try.”
Jen and Liam exchanged a look, she squeezed Alex’s hand again, and then took a seat in his office chair. “Like I said, I’ll deliver your personal belongings to your doorstep after the retreat.”
She started typing on his computer. “I’ll send an official letter out Monday morning to let everyone in-house know as well as the volunteers. Your severance pay will, of course, be generous, and if you need references for future job prospects, I’ll make sure you get glowing ones.”
She glanced over at him and gave him a cheery smile. “Good luck with the race!”
“Wait, I—”
Liam hustled him out the door before Alex could process what was happening. “Your sister just handed you a Get Out of Jail Free card, Alex. Don’t be an ass. Take it and run.”
Liam drove, Alex sitting like the zombie Jen had accused him of being in the passenger seat. “What the hell just happened back there?”
“Jen McIntyre.” Liam passed a car on the interstate and checked out a sign for several drive-thru options and gas stations coming up on their right. “A force to be reckoned with.”
On the way to Alex’s duplex, they picked up fast food and Alex ate like a starved man as Liam bitched at him. “You’re lucky you can still walk. In fact, you’re lucky I can still walk. Becca is on the warpath.”
Alex didn’t want to talk about it. Honest Alex made an appearance. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I don’t give a shit. Your screw up is messing with my life. You know that saying, ‘happy wife, happy life’? Well, my wife ain’t happy right now and it’s your fault, so don’t talk, just listen.”
Liam never got mad at anyone but his old man, and these days, he was even getting along with him. Alex was too tired to fight anyway. He munched on his burger and closed his eyes, sinking down in the seat. He’d tune out Liam and eat his greasy food in peace.
“I told you not to mess with Van and you did it anyway.”
Alex didn’t disagree. He chewed and thought of what he would do tomorrow if he really was fired instead of letting images of Van flood his mind. The burger was good. Maybe he’d get a job at the burger place.
The car made a left along a tree-lined subdivision. “I try to stay out of your love life, but dude, how could you be so heartless?”
Him, heartless? He tried to stay focused on his jobless situation. An errant thought about tomorrow’s race snuck in. Armenta wanted to see him race, even after he hadn’t called him to set up a meeting.
And then his mind and heart rebelled and Honest Alex came roaring back. “Van is the only woman I’ve ever been exclusive with, Liam. We made a promise to each other to commit to this relationship. She broke that promise.”
Liam’s voice held surprise. “She cheated on you?”
Think about the race. His brain cells wouldn’t cooperate. “She refused to introduce me to her father. She claims she was embarrassed by him, not me, but I’ve gone over and over that scene in my mind. She was freaked for him to see her with me. She couldn’t get rid of me fast enough. I get it—I’m not good enough for the Major’s daughter, and she’s not truly committed to a relationship with me. She doesn’t do relationships, just ask her. I’m the first serious one she’s had since college. You think I have issues? Why don’t you look at her?”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
Fine. Change of subject. What would he do if he didn’t work at 3 Wishes?
Drive for Armenta, the little voice inside him whispered. A spurt of adrenaline shot through his veins.
Formula 2 racing took place in Europe. He’d have to leave his family. He’d have to leave Va…
He took another bite of hamburger and shoved fries in with it.
Liam continued blabbing. Alex turned his head toward the window and looked out. Instead of Liam’s voice, he heard Van’s.
You’re so terrified of succeeding at your dream, you won’t even go for it.
Night had fallen hours ago and it was raining. Was it raining in L.A.? Would the track be slick tomorrow?
…it’s time you did something for yourself. This time it was his sister’s voice.
No. Going to L.A. was selfish. Signing up for Armenta’s team was selfish.
Mom will take me back. I’ll sleep in tomorrow, pull myself together. Monday, I’ll go back to 3 Wishes like nothing ever happened.
“…she loves you, man,” Liam’s voice cut into Alex’s reverie once more. “Suck it up and go talk to her.”
Alex’s head snapped around. His lack of sleep was screwing with him. “What did you say?”
Liam took the turn headed to Alex’s place. “I said, suck it up. You don’t have experience with real, long-term relationships, but this is how it works. You fight, and then, if you really love each other, you forgive and make up.”
“She loves me?”
“God, now who’s the dumbass?”
They pulled into the duplex’s parking lot. Van’s place was dark. Alex had a weird squishy feeling in his stomach. Was it the burger? “I don’t know anything about love.”
Liam parked. “You know more than you think.”
“I can’t go talk to her like this. I just got fired. She’s all about the corporate life and being a manager. There’s no way she’d hook up with an unemployed loser.”
“Do not approach tonight. You’re a fucking disaster and she’s been drinking heavily for days. One big sign that she does love you, but Van and tequila are a dangerous combination, trust me, I’ve seen it. Go inside, clean up, and get some sleep. You owe it to yourself and everyone else in your life, including your sister, to go to L.A. tomorrow and race. Jen fired you so you can be free this weekend. Find out if you’ve got what it takes. I’ll pick you up at 5 a.m. Be ready.”
Alex exited the car, legs weak and stomach roiling. Had to be the burger.
The car lights bounced as Liam backed out and drove away.
Voices—Liam’s, Van’s, and his sister’s—jumbled together in his head.
You’re the only one holding yourself back.
…she loves you, man.
You’ve been so committed to 3 Wishes all these years, you’ve never allowed yourself to commit to anything—or anyone—else. You blew the best—and maybe only—serious relationship you’ve ever had…
To race or not to race. Alex staggered to his front door and hung his head. If only he could go over and see his best friend, steal her tequila, and ask her what he should do.
One thing at a time. He needed to get his head on straight. Liam was right, tonight wasn’t the night to approach Van, and tomorrow might be a new starting point.
The last leg of the West Coast leg. Competition was slotted to be fierce. Odds were he wouldn’t win. Would Armenta pull his invite?
You’re so terrified of succeeding at your dream, you won’t even go for it.
He let himself in the door and went to take a shower.
Tomorrow he was going for it.
Go big or go home.
Chapter Twenty
Alex stood in the empty stands of the speedway and looked down at the trac
k. He’d left Liam at the only snack stand open at this time of the morning so he could be up here alone for a minute.
The early morning air was crisp, the six-thousand-seat open arena quiet. The twin paved oval tracks weren’t far from the freeway but it seemed like they were a world removed from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles.
A bird flew overhead, its loud caws echoing around the arena. The tracks banked at a half and a third mile. Alex leaned on the guard rail and did a visual lap with his eyes, carefully scanning every inch and making mental notes. Then he closed his eyes and imagined racing around those beautiful tracks from inside his car.
The roar of the engines, the smell of petrol, the cage seat, and the narrow steering wheel. The blur of the track under him.
His life had felt out of control in his younger years. Racing had given it back to him. Now here he stood, debating whether to give up his career and find a new one. To give up his fear of commitment and try again with a woman who scared him more than losing control of his car during a race.
He wished he could talk to her. Van would tell him the truth, whether he wanted to hear it or not. Was he doing the right thing?
The rains had cleared out overnight, although a touch of fog hung in the air. He and Liam had hit the interstate early, arriving in time for Alex to get his track-Zen on. Liam and Jen had been right…a few hours of sleep and a decent breakfast and he felt like a new man.
With that came clarity. Alex had called Wes to make sure he was still on the race roster. Westin had told him that Armenta would be in one of the sky box suites watching today’s race.
Since Alex hadn’t called him back, however, Armenta was now scouting for another driver. He’d told Westin, like he’d told Jen, that he wanted to see Alex race today, but he’d expressed concern to Westin about Alex’s commitment.
That makes two of us.
Arena staff and a few pit crew members came and went around the track. This was the last competition in the three-race Western swing of the National Winged Sprint Car series. MAVTV was televising the event. Time trials to determine pole position would start late morning. Practice runs would be held after lunch.
The track would open to the public at 4 p.m. Autographs would start at 5. The race at 7.
Alex tapped the rail with a thumb. In his pocket, his phone rang.
Caller ID showed it was his mother. He nearly dropped the phone back into his pocket, then decided it was time to man up and confront her.
“Hello, Mother.”
“Where are you?” Her voice was higher than usual. “Everyone is here and the van is ready to leave.”
“I’m in L.A. at the speedway. I’m not attending the team building event.”
“You’re where?”
What if he committed to racing but lost this one? “Jen fired me, and she was right to do it. I’ve lost my focus, I’ve been distracted, and I’ve been making everyone around me miserable.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Your sister can’t fire you.”
What if Armenta chose another driver? “She can and she did. Besides, I quit.”
Silence. The long pause that was supposed to make him feel uncomfortable. “Alex, I don’t know what is going on with you, but you have to come home. Now. This racing silliness has to stop.”
At the bottom of the stands, Liam appeared. He spotted Alex and held up two Styrofoam cups. Alex gave him a thumbs-up and Liam started climbing.
Alex braced his feet and stared down at the track. It was easier denying his mother what she wanted when he was a hundred-plus miles away. “I’m racing today, Mother. Seven p.m. If you get done with the team building exercises early enough, why don’t you come to the speedway and watch?”
Another long silence.
He waited her out.
In the background he heard his sister say something. Heard his mom sniffle. Was she crying?
Aw, jeez.
“I don’t know who you are anymore, Alex,” she said.
He started to tell her, but the line went dead. His mom had hung up on him.
He called her back. When she answered, he said, “You and Dad still love each other so quit screwing around with other people. Of course you’re worried about me racing, but what you’re really fighting is the fear of losing someone else you love because you lost each other along the way. You’ll never be happy with anyone else but him, Mom. Marry him, again. He’s the right man for you. And whether or not you come to the track today, I’ll always be your son. You won’t lose me to racing.”
He hung up as Liam staggered up the final set of stairs. “Did you have to pick the seats farthest from the track?”
Alex put his phone away. “Outside of the cockpit, this is the best view of the track.”
Liam handed him a coffee and sat. For a few minutes, neither of them spoke, just enjoying a quiet morning, friendship, and lousy coffee.
Alex took the seat next to Liam and watched another bird fly over. “Thanks, man.”
Liam blew on his coffee before he took a sip. “For what?”
“For getting me here. For staying.”
“Becca’s coming up later this afternoon to cheer you on too. Think you can win?”
Winning was everything. “Competition is stiff. Most of the drivers today were at the last two legs of the Open, so I have a feel for them, but I’m not in top form today. Westin had the mechanics make a couple of tweaks and I haven’t driven all week to test them out. Could go either way.”
Another comfortable silence fell. Liam put his feet on the rail, crossing his ankles. “Was that Van on the phone?”
“My mom. Jen apparently didn’t tell her she fired me.”
“Jen’s smart.”
Alex cut his gaze to Liam. “She’s manipulative and bails on me when I need her.”
“She’s trying to force you to stand up to your parents. On your own.”
“Ha. Like she’s ever done that.”
“Your parents are a formidable pair, like mine. They love you and have the best of intentions, but you have to cut the cord eventually. Jen wants to do it, but she wants you to go first. She feels like you deserve to be free of them and after all the things you’ve done for her, this is her way of helping you.”
He loved his sister, but she sure could be a pain. “She has a funny way of showing it.”
“What did Mom say?”
What if his parents disowned him? “I invited her to the race.”
“Nice.” Liam clinked his cup against Alex’s as if congratulating him. “And?”
“She hung up on me.”
He laughed. “She’ll get over it.”
Would she? He hoped so. Martha McIntyre didn’t forget and forgive easily.
“So what about Van? Going to invite her to the race too?”
What if Van never wanted to speak to him again? “She won’t come, but I do owe her an apology. As long as I’m going down in flames today, I might as well throw myself on my sword and go out in style.”
Liam sat up and slapped him on the back. “The snack stand had breakfast pizza. I’ll grab us a couple slices.”
His friend left and Alex pulled out his phone. He scrolled through his contacts and found Sex Kitten. His thumb hovered over the call button, a slight shake to his fingers. He set the phone down.
Sipping his coffee, he stared at the track again. His mother wasn’t wrong. Racing was a dangerous business. Kind of like falling in love.
Setting down the cup, he grabbed his phone and hit Van’s button.
The call went straight to voicemail. No surprise. Van would probably send his calls straight to hell if she could.
Her well-modulated, business voice told him to leave his name and number and she would get back to him.
Alex cleared his throat. “Hey, it’s me. Your racing boy toy”—he caught himself—“um, friend. At least I hope I’m still your friend. I’m in L.A. for the last race of the West Coast season. Maybe the last of my life. My grid girl is missing. She
’s my lucky token, you know.”
He took a deep breath and plunged on. “If I race today, I’m out of a job and will probably be banned from future family Christmases. If I race, and I don’t win, I’m out of a career options. I don’t know what to do and I wish you were here to give me some advice.”
He braced his feet again and saw Westin and his pit crew enter the grounds. Westin scanned the arena and spotted him. Waved.
Alex waved back, a spike of adrenaline shooting through him. This was where he belonged. “You were right, Van. I’ve buried myself in family and work and forgot who I was. I never had a chance to figure out who I was growing up, quite honestly. I had to be there for everyone else. Today, that’s going to change. But first I need to tell you something.
“I’ve never been in a real relationship until you. That’s why I made you promise to commit to me. I was scared. Scared you’d pull out and end it once I let myself fall for you. So I used your reaction to your dad and your broken promise to end things first. I thought it wouldn’t hurt as much if I broke up with you before you could break up with me. I was wrong…and stupid.”
Liam appeared at the base of the stands carrying two white bags and some napkins. He saw Alex on the phone and acted like he’d forgotten something, disappearing once again.
“Anyway, the race is at seven tonight. It’s going to be televised, and if you do come, I promise not to swoop you up and kiss you in front of everyone.” He chuckled but it sounded nervous and forced. “If you don’t come, no problem. I’ll assume you want to leave things as they stand and I respect that. I’ll look for a new place to move to as soon as I get back so you won’t have to see me all the t—”
Her voicemail kicked him off. His message had been too long.
He called her back, waited for the beep, and added, “Me, again. I hope your presentation went okay and you got the promotion. So, yeah…that’s it, I guess. Take care, Van. I…I love you.”
The phone felt heavy in his hand as he slipped it into his pocket. His knees were weak. He picked up his coffee and went to talk to his crew.
