“After we exercise,” he said. “We need to still keep up appearances until we are extracted.”
“Of course,” she said, and couldn’t control herself in letting out a sigh. So much of her just wanted to get this over with. She had just gotten her emotions controlled enough to feel confident, and now another stall.
“Don’t look so disappointed.” He smiled. “I can’t do anything with the information tonight anyway. Let’s go and have a good workout, and then tell me everything.”
Freya nodded, and got off the bed. They headed out and got right on the running track. As much as she normally loved to run, it wasn’t clearing her head like it normally did. Her nerves started to creep up on her again, and so she pushed harder. Lewis kept her pace, but when she tried to speed up again, he told her to slow down. Luckily Lewis did push her really hard in the strength training part of their workout. It could have been exhaustion, but Freya’s nerves finally settled down again. They headed back to the apartment, grabbed their meals and went inside the bedroom.
“So what did she say?” Lewis asked as he took a bite of food.
“It is not what she said—it is what she did,” Freya replied, and took a bite herself. “She brought me down to the common room. She had arranged a meeting with someone.”
Lewis dropped his fork and stared at her, slack-jawed.
“He wanted to recruit me, told me about their plans and such,” she added.
“Are you messing with me right now?”
“No. Why would I do that?”
“Ursa just introduced you to someone in the rebellion, just like that,” he said.
“Just like what? How did you expect this to happen?” Lewis looked away; she could almost see the wheels turning in his mind. A moment of panic came over her. Was this story too convenient? Would he see right through it?
“Well, I kind of expected Ursa to tell you more before just arranging a meeting,” Lewis said. “I don’t get how she could skip from a few snide comments about the State to recruiting you for the rebellion.”
His statement didn’t sound as if he were accusing Freya of anything, but she knew there was a fine line here. If she said one wrong thing, it was game over.
“I did too, honestly,” she said after a pause. “I mean, she has said little things against the State here and there for a while, but nothing about the rebellion. Of course, every time she said anything negative, I always jumped in with how much I hated Victor for taking Colin away. I think maybe she just thought I was ready to hear it, or that she trusted me enough now. Maybe she asked for him to meet me a long time ago, and it just took this long to arrange it.” She shrugged.
“So, the words rebellion never left her lips, and then bam, she introduces you to their leader?” He still sounded as if he were more thinking out loud than accusing her.
She took a deep breath to try to remain calm. “I don’t know that he was the leader. It kind of made sense to me at the time, hearing what he had to say. I think that is just how they do it—at least, that is what he made it sound like.”
“What did he say? How did he make it sound like this is the normal way they do things?”
Freya proceeded to explain to Lewis everything Pollux had said to her—from their plan of forming a democratic State when the colony world opens, to the charge of spreading the message he had left her with. Lewis remained silent for a moment after she finished explaining. Her stomach felt as though she were about to be sick—acid rose up her throat. Was this it? Was this the end? He didn’t buy it; she could tell just looking at him.
“There was no talk about assassinations, or attacks on the dome or anything like that?” he finally asked.
“No,” she answered. So much of her wanted to say there must be more than one rebellion, that Ursa wasn’t a radical terrorist type, but she knew if she said a single word, it would just look as if she were trying to protect Ursa.
“I’m surprised, and I’m not surprised often,” he said. “I wonder if we have targeted the wrong group. I hate to think our intel was bad.” Lewis got up off the bed and looked out the bedroom window.
Was his remark an accusation against me? Does he think I am lying? Or does he think they gave me false information?
“I just can’t believe it. There are people out there trying to kill us all, and we just wasted all that time to track down a bunch of people who want to peacefully enlighten our society.” Lewis ran his hands through his hair. There was so much tension in his gesture. He kicked the wall and cursed.
Freya had completely lost her control. She was so scared he didn’t believe her, that he was only playing along until he could have her arrested. It was over; she had failed, and there were two people who were going down with her, for nothing. It was impossible to keep herself together any longer. Now fearing for her own life, all she could do was start to cry.
“Oh Freya, no.” He rushed over to her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get mad.” He squatted down on the floor so he was eye level with her. “This isn’t your fault—you did amazing. Most people fail at their first mission. You got the information. It’s not your fault it wasn’t the information we were after.” Lewis reached out and gently put a hand on her face, and then slid it down to her neck.
She wondered whether he was tricking her, and he was positioning himself to break her neck; he did have both a history and ability to take a life with his bare hands. He leaned in and kissed her gently. “Let’s go to bed. We will sort this out in the morning.”
She nodded, and then kissed him. It was so unclear to her whether he really believed her or if he just pretended to. The only thing she could do now was to go along with the assumption he believed her. If she did anything to try to convince him further, it would be as good as an admission of her own guilt. One thing she was certain of: if she couldn’t convince Lewis, then she couldn’t convince James or Victor. With Lewis, she at least had the power of seduction, or at least she thought she did. Could his judgment be influenced by his feelings for me? Did he really even have feelings for me? She was in so far over her head. Lewis crawled into bed beside her and she tucked in next to him.
“What do we do tomorrow?” she asked, her voice still showing a little emotion.
“I will report in and wait for further instruction,” he said. “I am not the one who makes the call. They may decide that we need to probe deeper. This is not the threat we were in search of, but we may need more information. Or they could decide this is a waste of time, and they could extract us.”
“What happens if we are extracted? What comes next?”
“I can’t say for sure. We will probably have a time of debriefing, living in the underground tunnels. Then we will be assessed and sent on our next mission.”
“Would they extract us immediately? You don’t think this could be our last night here?” Freya looked sad. It was not the thought of leaving Lewis that made her sad—quite the opposite, actually—but leaving Ursa was heartbreaking.
“I don’t know. It might be. I will still see you. I can’t guarantee they will send us on another mission together, but we will be together until then.” Lewis started to kiss her.
He obviously thought she was sad about the thought of leaving him, or perhaps he just wanted to take advantage of their situation one last time. Freya knew she had no choice but to reciprocate his affections. Her mind drifted back to the time when she was first coupled with Colin. When the psychologist tried to force intimacy between them. Colin had implied she might be imprisoned if she didn’t comply, and she had to think about whether it was worth it.
It really wasn’t that long ago, and it astounded her how much she had changed. She had gone from no interest in sex, to enjoying it, and now to using it as a form of manipulation for her own survival. Sleep with Lewis or face the possibility of being caught? She didn’t have to think about it now, not when so many lives were at stake, especially hers.
***
When the alarm sounded in the mor
ning, Freya was startled to see Lewis was already gone. With this realization, she was struck with a cold fear. Did he go without me because he didn’t really believe my story? What if he did believe my story, but the State didn’t? Nausea rippled through her; sweat instantly burst out of every pore on her body. She tried to take deep breaths to calm herself. One day at a time, one action at a time. If Lewis was not there, she should get ready to go to the greenhouse. Lewis said they had to keep up appearances until they were extracted. She couldn’t lose her nerve now; she was in too deep.
Freya got ready to go to the greenhouse. Lewis did not return to the apartment with news before she was ready to leave, and so her next step was to continue on as normal—not that anything felt normal to her right now. She did her best to smile at everyone when she saw them, even though she still felt as if she could lose the contents of her stomach at any moment. Ursa hardly looked at her, and she in turn didn’t feel as though she could bear to look at her either. It was her evening to spend with Ursa, and she was wondering whether she would make it. If they were supposed to be keeping up appearances, then it would make sense for Freya to head straight over to Ursa’s apartment directly from the greenhouse. Would it look suspicious if I went to my own apartment first?
Once she finished with her work, Freya couldn’t stand it any longer. She had to go back to her own apartment to see whether Lewis was there, or whether he had somehow sent a message to her. Freya quickly changed into free time wear, and then looked around the apartment for any sign of Lewis. There was nothing: no Lewis, no message, no mail in her inbox. She couldn’t very well sit and wait to see whether he came home. It was already the time he normally returned from his civil duty, yet he wasn’t there. Freya made the decision, and headed to Ursa’s apartment. Ursa was in her bedroom as per usual, and Freya shut the door and sat on the bed beside her.
“So how did it go?” Ursa asked.
“I’m not sure,” Freya said with a heavy sigh. “He was angry when I told him the information. He said we were sent to spy on the wrong people.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Ursa said simply. “Lewis is brainwashed by the State. He has been told we are a bunch of nut jobs who want to kill everyone, like you once believed. The fact is, no one has ever tried to take down the dome, not to my knowledge at least. I know that some people believe that we could live outside, that the environment has had enough time to re-balance and heal, but it has been covered up by the State. I know some people have even fled to the surface, and I would do it myself if the right opportunity came along, but we don’t want to destroy the dome for the same reason we don’t want to kill the head of State: it won’t accomplish anything—the State has prepared for such and event. I even knew a woman once who claimed she lived on the surface for a short period, and not even she wanted to destroy it.”
“I don’t know what to believe,” Freya said. “I saw people attack the dome on the grounds of the State house, but I also wondered later if that was staged just for me to see, to persuade me to be their spy. I guess the part that makes no sense is that those men weren’t wearing any protection from the environment.”
“That is interesting, indeed. I think if it was staged, which is the opinion I am leaning toward, they either could have been wearing a special kind of mask or bodysuit you couldn’t see, or something much worse. They could have forced people to do it, people they were planning on killing.”
“You really think they could have been in protective suits that I couldn’t see?” Freya asked.
She really didn’t want to dwell on the concept that those men could have been in line for a death sentence. It could be her turn, or Ursa’s turn next. She wanted to believe if they were to die, it would be quick and painless, not to be used and tortured in a ploy for the State.
“It is possible. How close were you to them? How well could you see?”
“I guess I wasn’t that close,” Freya answered. She needed to believe that those men were part of the military; it was all just an act put on for her benefit. “I am also leaning more toward the State staging it. I mean, how can they show up there and try to break into the dome and fail? They should have been able to break the glass, should they not? I know there was gunfire, but I never actually saw one of the men get shot.”
“I am glad to hear you say that. You can never underestimate the State, Freya. They will do incomprehensible things just to get what they want. If you sit back and think they would never do something like that, they will always be a step ahead,” Ursa said. “A major part of their propaganda is how they saved us, trying to make us believe that they are acting in the people’s best interest. I don’t think they saved us. I think they just found the perfect opportunity to take power.”
“I know we need some of their laws—some of their ways are correct. But I have changed my mind about their intentions. I do have to agree with you now. I think their methods could be different. I think there could be a middle ground.”
“And that, Freya, that right there, is why we believe in you. That is why we are all willing to go down if there is a chance it could lift you up.”
“I know; I get it now. I will never like it, or feel right about it, but I get it.”
“Change is never easy, Freya. Neither is doing the right thing. It is so much simpler, so much safer to just keep up with the status quo, but we have been doing that for too long. If we can’t be brave enough to take action for change, then it won’t matter how many colony worlds open up.”
Chapter 19
Freya hardly slept that night. It was partly because she was thinking too much, and partly because she was terrified. This was going to be her last night with Ursa; she knew it deep in her core. Either Ursa was going to be arrested tomorrow, or Freya would be extracted. She really hoped Ursa would be spared. Once they were given the information that she was just part of a peaceful non-aggressive group, how could they really want to hurt her? She had not broken any laws; she had not put anyone’s life in danger; there was no real risk posed.
Lewis had been so angry when she shared the information with him, so upset their time had been wasted. It would all happen the next day. It just had to. Lewis had gone to report their mission a failure.
He had told her that an accident could be faked—a medical emergency—something could happen to create a diversion to remove the two of them. She kept trying to imagine what kind of scheme they would come up with, but she knew it was in vain. As hard as she was trying to distract herself, she couldn’t stop thinking about Ursa. What were they going to do to Ursa? If they really believed their story, Ursa was no threat. Someone who planned to wait dormant, see whether things improved in twenty years—that’s no threat. What if Ursa was wrong? What if the State wasn’t intoxicated with power, just survival? Maybe Freya wouldn’t even be needed. Perhaps they had already planned a more moderate State once it was possible.
Freya didn’t know what to anticipate, or what was motivating the State. Her mind just simply couldn’t settle on a side, or understand what was truth and what was fabrication. Both sides would contain a piece of both; neither could be totally right or completely wrong. The only truth she could be sure of was everything was going to change when the colony world opened. Whether that change came through a form of revolution or enlightenment, change was coming. If only she knew what side to be on—if there was even a side to take. If the State was as corrupted as the rebellion said it was, then saving her own life was not worth anything if it meant the State staying in power. If the State really was concerned with the common good, it would evolve on its own, without her influence.
The sun started to rise, yet Freya had not slept. She simply laid there and waited for the alarm to sound. It was important to wait for the alarm; she wanted to say good-bye to Ursa. In the meantime, she wrapped her arm around Ursa and snuggled up closer to her. She was going to miss sleeping next to Ursa; she was going to miss everything about her. If the State was to spare her, she was certain Ursa wou
ld be moved into independent living after Freya was gone.
The alarm finally sounded after a very long night, and Ursa simply rolled over, kissed Freya on the forehead and told her how much she loved her. Everything else had already been said between them; it was now time for action. Freya went back to her own apartment, and Lewis was still not there. She got ready for the greenhouse and headed up.
As per her usual, Freya was a few minutes early and met Cady at the door. Once Cady opened the greenhouse up, Freya quickly began to work. It was going to be difficult to get through this day. The combination of lack of sleep and anxiously waiting for something to happen made her really jumpy. She tried her best to stay focused on the work at hand, barely even looking around at any of the other workers.
Around mid-morning, Cady approached Freya to inquire as to why Ursa wasn’t there. Freya looked around the room in a panic. She had been so focused, she had not even realized Ursa was absent. Icy-cold shivers ran down her spine. Ursa has been taken.
Cady, realizing Freya’s shock to her absence, led Freya over to the tables and made her sit down. Cady called into Security to inquire about Ursa’s whereabouts. Everyone started to gather around, but not a single one of them spoke. They all just sat down at the tables and waited for news. Their meals came, and everyone ate in silence. Freya wondered what they were so worried about. They don’t know about the rebellion. They don’t know I am a spy. What could they possibly think could have happened to her? How could Cady justify letting everyone just sit around and wait to hear news about Ursa? A Security officer finally walked into the room. Everyone stood in anticipation.
Conflicted: Book Two of the State Series Page 23
