Not the Marrying Kind

by Jae

  “Jesus,” Ashley called through the closed door, “those were some potent Cuddles. I actually feel a little buzzed.”

  Sasha chuckled. “Lightweight.”

  Ashley hadn’t drunk that much, but since one beer at Johnny’s was usually her limit, she probably felt the alcohol more. Another reason not to start anything tonight—not that Sasha had planned to.

  The bathroom door opened, and Ashley stepped out, wearing a gray sleep shirt that reached her knees.

  Sasha tried not to stare at her bare legs as Ashley walked toward the bed and climbed in on her side. She turned off the lamp on her bedside table, throwing the room into near darkness.

  The light from the pool below provided a faint glow that still allowed Sasha to make out Ashley’s shape beneath the covers next to her.

  “Good night,” Ashley said.

  “Night,” Sasha answered. “Sweet dreams.” She had a feeling she wouldn’t sleep anytime soon. Despite the long day at the beach, with plenty of fresh air and activity, she was wide-awake. Her body buzzed with the awareness of having Ashley so close.

  Ashley lay without moving, but Sasha sensed that she was also awake.

  In the stillness of the room, she could almost hear the gears in Ashley’s head turning.

  “You know,” Ashley whispered so quietly that Sasha had to lift her head off the pillow to hear her, “I’ve been thinking about what I said earlier. About liking it here. I really do, but being here also makes me kind of sad.”

  Sasha longed to see the expression on Ashley’s face, but she knew Ashley would stop talking if she turned on the light. “I think I sensed that. Want to talk about it? I won’t judge, no matter what it is.”

  “I know.” Sheets rustled as Ashley rolled over to face Sasha. “I guess it makes me realize how much I’m missing out on in life. I’ve never seen the ocean before, never built a sandcastle, never—”

  “Never what?” Sasha asked in a whisper when Ashley didn’t finish.

  Ashley sighed. “Never been held all night. Never…done a lot of things.”

  Sasha ached for her. Ashley might be the darling of town, popular with pretty much everyone, but in a way, she was still lonely. Hiding a big part of herself cut her off from people. She reached out across the empty space between them and stroked Ashley’s arm, hoping like hell that it really was her arm and not some other body part that she’d mistaken it for in the near darkness. “It’s never too late to experience new things, Ash. Just because you haven’t had them so far doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. You deserve to have it all. You just need to have the courage to reach for what you want.”

  Ashley said nothing for what felt like several minutes. She breathed as if she was in the middle of a fierce struggle—and maybe she was. Finally, she cleared her throat. “Would you…?”

  Sasha held her breath. What was she asking? But she already knew the answer would be yes, no matter what Ashley wanted.

  Ashley slid a little closer. “W-would you…?” Again, she seemed unable to get it out.

  “This?” Praying that she hadn’t misinterpreted things, Sasha bridged the remaining space between them and pulled Ashley into her arms.

  Ashley went very still, but only for a heartbeat. Then she melted into Sasha with a sigh that nearly sounded like a sob and buried her face against her chest, exactly the way Sasha had imagined earlier.

  No, she corrected herself, better. Much, much better than she’d imagined. Ashley’s body was soft and warm against her own, and they fit together as if they had done this a thousand times before.

  “Is this okay?” Ashley asked, still whispering. “I don’t want you to think I’m being a tease or playing with your emotions or—”

  Sasha lightly touched Ashley’s cheek with the back of her fingers. “It’s okay. Better than okay, actually.” All day, she’d been a bit worried about not being able to control her libido with Ashley so close, but right now, it wasn’t that hard. While she was still aware of the pull between them, it was much more of a struggle not to bend her head and press a tender kiss to the top of her head.

  Ashley let out a long breath and cuddled even closer, if that was at all possible. Her arm went around Sasha’s waist, and she fisted her hand into the material of her T-shirt as if she wanted to hold on forever.

  Sasha rested one hand on Ashley’s shoulder. She fanned out her fingers to soak up as much of this experience as she possibly could, knowing it might be the only time she got to hold Ashley like this. She trailed her other hand up and down her back in long, soothing strokes, careful not to venture too far down. This was about comfort, nothing else.

  Finally, Ashley gave a little sigh. “Thank you. That was nice.”

  When she started to pull away, Sasha put her hand on Ashley’s hip and held on. “All night. That’s what you said you wanted: to be held all night. Right?”

  Ashley sniffed as if she was fighting back tears. “Y-you don’t have to.”

  “I want to.”

  “Really?” Longing vibrated in Ashley’s voice.

  God, what had made her so insecure about this kind of human contact? “Of course.” Sasha trailed her hand along Ashley’s back. “I like holding you.”

  Ashley exhaled shakily and put her arm back around Sasha’s waist. “I like it too,” she whispered. “It feels wonderful. But can you sleep with me so close?”

  “Sure.” It didn’t matter. Who needed sleep if they could hold Ashley? Maybe she was torturing herself with things she could never have, things she had always told herself she didn’t want, but right now, Sasha didn’t care. She gently guided Ashley’s head back to that perfect spot on her shoulder. “Sleep.”

  Ashley settled back down. “Thank you, Sasha.” She softly squeezed her hip. “Sweet dreams.” Within minutes, her deep, rhythmic breathing indicated that she’d fallen asleep.

  Sasha tucked the light duvet more tightly around Ashley to protect her from the ocean breeze coming in from the open French doors.

  Ashley made a contented, little sound.

  Getting to hold her while she slept felt like a wonderful privilege, yet at the same time a little voice in the back of her head screamed a warning. Letting herself get close to Ashley, physically and emotionally, would only lead to heartbreak. What on earth are you doing?

  The darkness held no answers.

  She draped her arm over Ashley’s back and closed her eyes.

  Chapter 16

  Ash woke from the most pleasant dream she’d had in years—only to find that it wasn’t a dream at all. She was lying in Sasha’s arms, where she’d slept all night. If anything, she had moved even closer and was now half on top of her. Her head rested on Sasha’s muscular shoulder, her arm was around Sasha’s waist, and her hair spilled over Sasha’s chest like a blanket.

  Sasha was sprawled on her back, her body completely open to her, with no defenses up at all. She might come across as confident and strong to everyone else—and she certainly was both, but Ash knew that she also had a heart as soft as her buttercream frosting.

  You shouldn’t have asked her to hold you. You’re leading her on. She knew this couldn’t go anywhere, no matter how much she wished things were different. Having to live in the closet would kill someone like Sasha, and it would certainly kill whatever affection Sasha had for her. Ash had seen what a life of hiding had done to Holly, and she didn’t have the energy to live through that again. Sasha deserved so much more.

  Slowly, Ash eased out of Sasha’s arms. Her body protested, wanting that warm contact back, but she forced herself to keep moving and tiptoed to the bathroom. When she reached the door, she couldn’t resist one last glance back.

  Sasha slept on peacefully. The first rays of sunlight touched her face, giving it a golden glow. Ash clutched the doorframe and drank in the sight of her—Sasha’s broad forehead, her strong nose, her expres
sive lips. God, she was beautiful. She had gotten a little color yesterday, and Ash longed to smooth her fingers over the hint of red on her cheeks.

  A low noise came from downstairs, and Ash finally tore herself away and ducked into the bathroom.

  When she returned, dressed in shorts, a T-shirt, and flip-flops, Sasha was still sleeping, her arms now wrapped around Ash’s pillow as if she was searching for her.

  An almost physical pull tugged on Ash. She wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and into Sasha’s embrace, but she firmly told herself that she’d had the one night of being held she had wanted. Now it was time to face reality.

  Not allowing herself to look back again, she tiptoed to the door, opened it, and stepped into the hall.

  Her senses were still focused on how it had felt to be in Sasha’s arms, so it took her until she reached the bottom of the stairs to realize she wasn’t just imagining the scent of cinnamon wafting through the house.

  In the kitchen, someone was making cinnamon pancakes.

  The aroma immediately catapulted her back to where she had burrowed her nose into Sasha’s soft T-shirt.

  She had expected to find Holly or maybe Jenny behind the stove, but instead, it was Grace who was expertly flipping a pancake. She was wearing a Boston University T-shirt that was too big for her, constantly sliding down one shoulder. It was wrinkled as if she’d slept in it.

  Wow. Grace Durand was making breakfast in her sleep attire.

  This weekend was proving to be miraculous in many ways.

  Ash had always assumed that it was mostly film makeup and carefully calculated camera angles that made actresses look so good in movies, and maybe that was true for some of them, but Grace was beautiful in her wrinkled sleep shirt and without a hint of makeup.

  She couldn’t help comparing her to Sasha, though. While she appreciated the actress’s graceful beauty, it was Sasha’s sturdy body and the strong planes of her face that stirred her more deeply.

  Stop thinking of her. You’re only torturing yourself. Ash walked up to the counter separating the kitchen from the living area.

  Grace looked up from the pan. “Good morning. I thought I’d let our hostesses sleep a little longer and make breakfast for everyone who wants it. Did the scent lure you downstairs?”

  “No. I’m just not used to sleeping in.” A glance at the clock on the wall showed that it was a quarter to eight; that was almost considered sleeping in for a florist—and certainly for a baker.

  “I know what you mean. I just wrapped up shooting in New York, and I’m so used to early call times that I was wide-awake by five.” Grace pointed at the stairs with her spatula. “Sasha still asleep?”

  Ash nodded and hoped she wasn’t blushing. Grace couldn’t know she had spent the night using Sasha as her personal pillow, so there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

  Footfalls sounded on the stairs.

  Ash held her breath, not sure how to face Sasha after last night.

  But luckily, it was Lauren who appeared at the bottom of the stairs. She strode into the kitchen as if she had an innate sense that told her where her wife had disappeared to. She stepped up behind her and slid her arms around Grace, who was still making pancakes. “Morning.” She whispered a kiss on the rim of Grace’s ear that made a visible shiver run through her wife.

  Grace leaned back into her and let go of the spatula to cover Lauren’s arms around her with her own.

  Ash knew she should politely look away, but her gaze was drawn to them like a magnet to an anvil. God, she wanted what they had so much that it was almost like a physical ache. After sleeping cuddled up to Sasha all night, she’d had a taste of what she had been missing all her life, and that was almost worse than never having had it at all.

  Lauren finally let go of Grace and turned toward Ash as if only now becoming aware of her presence. “Oh, hi. Sorry I didn’t see you there.” She gave an embarrassed laugh and climbed onto a barstool at the counter to watch her wife cook. “With Grace being on location so much, I get tunnel vision when she’s around.”

  “Oh, you don’t have to apologize.” Ash sent them a warm smile. “I understand completely. If I had a girlfriend, I’d…” Then she realized her slip and hastily added, “Not that I would ever…” But the lie that usually came so smoothly didn’t cross her lips so easily anymore. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t tell them that she was straight and would, of course, never have—or want—a girlfriend.

  Oh God. This was scary. What had happened to her usual smoothness when it came to lies like that? Why was she suddenly unable to say the words?

  “Good morning.” Of course, Sasha chose that moment to make an appearance downstairs. She was dressed in the typical Florida uniform of shorts and a T-shirt but still looked adorably rumpled, her hair unbraided and sleep-mussed, as if she hadn’t taken the time to do more than run her fingers through it. Her gaze brushed Lauren, paused on Grace for a second, and then zeroed in on Ash. “Sleep well?” She searched Ash’s face with an intensity that belied the casual question.

  Her mouth dry, Ash nodded. “Very. You?” Was Sasha feeling okay with what had happened between them, or did she feel weird this morning?

  A soft smile played around Sasha’s lips. “Me too. Best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

  Ash reined in the beaming smile that wanted to spread across her face. Just because Sasha seemed okay with her practically sleeping on top of her didn’t mean it would ever be repeated.

  “It’s the ocean air,” Lauren said, oblivious to the subtext of their conversation.

  Yeah, sure. Just the ocean air. Ash wished she could believe it. She hoped things would go back to normal once she got back home, or she would be in deep, deep trouble.

  Grace Durand looked smoking hot in a bikini. But to Sasha’s surprise, she hadn’t thrown more than a fleeting glance in Grace’s direction all afternoon.

  She was much too busy watching Ashley float in the pool and dip her head beneath the spray of the artificial mini-waterfall. In a blue one-piece bathing suit, she looked every bit as hot as Grace in Sasha’s opinion. But that wasn’t why she was watching her.

  She would have paid good money to know what was going on in Ashley’s head.

  Last night, she had revealed her needs to Sasha and made herself vulnerable, but now, in broad daylight, she had withdrawn, swimming and talking flowers with Jo—who, as it turned out, was a landscape designer—instead of searching Sasha out to talk about last night.

  Maybe she shouldn’t have been surprised to wake up alone, but after the intimacy of holding Ashley all night, it had felt like a bucket of ice-cold water being dumped over her head. This was what she had to look forward to if she didn’t pull away.

  Holly knelt next to Sasha’s lounge chair and touched her shoulder. “You okay?”

  Sasha slid up her sunglasses, which had provided a convenient cover so no one would notice she was watching Ashley. She pasted on her most convincing grin and pointed at where she was stretched out by the pool, enjoying a tamer version of last night’s Cuddles on the Beach. “Does this look like I’m suffering?”

  “No, but you’ve been a little quiet all day…and so has Ash.” Holly glanced toward the pool. “You two aren’t fighting, are you?”

  “Definitely not.” She squeezed Holly’s hand, which lay on her shoulder. Despite Holly’s touch, she could still feel Ashley’s head resting there. “Don’t worry. We’re both having a marvelous time.”

  “Will you tell me later, when we’re at home?” Holly asked.

  Sasha sighed. She should have known Holly would see right through her. Unlike Ashley, she’d never been a good liar—but then again, if Holly had noticed something off with Ashley too, maybe she wasn’t so good at lying after all. “I could use someone to talk to, but I’m not sure I can—or should.” No way would she betray Ashle
y’s trust by telling anyone, even Holly, about the vulnerability in Ashley’s voice as she had asked to be held. “And just for the record, we really are having a marvelous time.”

  Holly rubbed Sasha’s shoulder. “Good. Then I hope you’ll enjoy what we have planned for tonight too. We’re going to have a picnic and a bonfire on the beach.”

  Sasha’s stomach rumbled, making Holly laugh.

  “Guess you’d better get your mermaid out of the pool before you starve.” Holly got up. “If you change your mind about wanting to talk…”

  “I know where to find you.” Sasha gave her a nod. “Thanks, Holly.”

  When Holly walked away and told the rest of the group about the picnic, Sasha’s gaze returned to Ashley—then snapped back to Holly. Wait a minute! Had Holly just called Ashley her mermaid?

  Ashley let out a long moan—a sound that went straight to Sasha’s core. She shifted on the blanket she and Ashley sat on.

  “Oh God,” Ashley said. “Someone please take those conch fritters away from me.”

  “With pleasure.” Sasha reached over to take the last fritter, but Ashley playfully batted her hand away, popped it into her mouth, and proceeded to lick bits of the spicy dipping sauce off her fingers.

  Jesus. This woman would be the death of her. Now Sasha was the one who moaned. She quickly clutched her stomach and pretended it was because of the two hogfish sandwiches she had devoured.

  “Oh, does that mean you two don’t want any of the key lime cupcakes I’ve got?” Leo held up the basket of treats with a devilish grin.

  “Well…” Ashley looked over at Sasha. “Want to share one?”

  “What? Ashley Gaines wants to try a cupcake other than vanilla, and it’s not one of mine? Should I be insulted?” Beneath the joking, she sent Ashley an imploring gaze. Was Ashley ready to leave her well-trodden paths when it came to things other than cupcakes too?

  “No,” Ashley said quickly. “Your cupcakes are the best ever. But key lime is a Florida thing, and when in Rome…”