Ethan and I had a lot of ground to cover, and I didn’t want him feeling like he’d come to see me only so I could interrogate him. My brother was almost a foot taller than I was, coming in at six-two, and he might be a badass in the Air Force now, but he was still my little brother. I didn’t want to make him regret coming to see me.
God forbid he takes off and doesn’t come back for another half decade.
Pulling out of our hug, I waved him into my house. “Come on in. I’m sure you could use a drink. Can I make you something to eat?”
“Nah. I’m all good.” His eyes were several shades lighter than mine, making it much easier to pick up the sparkle in them even when he only glanced at me. “I didn’t come here just so you could feed me.”
“Really?” I slapped a hand over my heart. “Is that your way of saying you don’t like my cooking?”
“It’s my way of saying I ate before I came so you wouldn’t have to cook for me, but you’ve always been a bit heavy handed on the salt.” He winked before his eyes lost some of their shine when he looked around the house. “Husband not home? I thought I’d finally get to meet him. On the other hand, is he the cause of the French music? Are you two lovebirds fighting already?”
A shadow crossed his face, and he wound his fingers around mine, giving them a gentle squeeze before releasing them. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the wedding. I tried to fix it so I got home in time, but I only got in yesterday.”
“You didn’t miss much,” I said. “Will didn’t show up either. It’s difficult to have a wedding when the bride is the only one who makes the effort to stick around.”
“He stood you up?” he said after opening and closing his mouth a few times. Then he shoved his hands repeatedly into his auburn hair.
Ethan and I had similarly shaped faces, and we both had blue eyes, but I’d gotten Mom’s pitch-black hair while he had Dad’s rich, reddish-brown color. He’d also gotten the height, the muscles, and the willingness to exercise them.
We didn’t look much alike, but he was my soul’s twin. I could see the guilt he looked at me with now and the torment twisting him up inside. “Fuck, Linds. You should’ve called me! Are you okay?”
“I’m fine about Will and the wedding.” I averted my gaze, keeping it glued to the orange ball of the sun dipping beyond the treetops outside. “I’ve realized I should never have said yes. It felt like the right thing to do at the time, but honestly? He did me a favor by leaving.”
“Why the French music? If you’re really okay, you’d have been listening to rock. I know you, big sis. Don’t try to bullshit me.”
“I’m not.” I planted my hands on my hips and stuck my finger out so close to his chest I almost jabbed it. “What about you, Mr. I Enlisted Never To Be Heard From Again? If you got my letters, why haven’t I gotten any from you? I thought I was sending them to the wrong address or something.”
“You weren’t.” He took a step back from me, holding up his hands to show me his palms. “How about we get something to drink and sit down? It seems we have a lot more to talk about than I thought we did.”
I studied his face, my eyes roaming over every inch of the familiar features but also the unfamiliar ones. A healed cut above his eyebrow, the dark stubble he hadn’t had before, and the beginnings of creases in his skin.
He still looked like my brother, but he was also right. We did have a lot to talk about, starting with why I hadn’t seen him in so long that I hadn’t even known about his scar even though it looked like it’d been there for years.
Ethan opted for a beer, so I took out the entire six pack I’d stored in the fridge for Will for after we got back from our honeymoon. Grabbing an ice bucket from the cabinet under the sink, I filled it with the cubes I had in the freezer, stuck the beers in it, and led my brother out onto the patio.
My backyard wasn’t big, but the lawn was green. My herb and vegetable garden was coming along nicely thanks to Ember watering it while I was away, and the two deck chairs on the grass had a small plastic table between them.
Light emanated from inside the house, so I left the outside lights off. I had a feeling we’d both want a little privacy during the conversation we were about to have.
“Take turns?” my brother suggested after we sat down.
I nodded. “Me first.”
“I can agree to that,” he grumbled. “As long as you promise to let me say what I need to without interrupting.”
“I’ll do my best,” I promised. “You know my first question already, so out with it. Why haven’t I heard from you?”
He blew out a breath, his eyes on the horizon as he answered. “You’ve always had everything so together. I’m not blaming you at all. I admire you for it actually. It just wasn’t always easy to measure up.”
“I never meant to make you feel that way,” I said, my voice soft. I didn’t argue with him, though. He was finally telling me how he felt and giving me a reason for the distance between us. Nothing I could say could change the way I’d made him feel—whether it’d been my intention or not.
“I know.” His hand reached across the chasm between us to squeeze my arm. “It was never about you. You didn’t do anything wrong. You ate up a lot more shit from me than I ever should’ve given you.”
I didn’t say anything, silently willing him to continue. When he did, I let out a small sound of relief. “I needed time to figure out who I was without you always defending me, or fixing it for me, or trying to help. Like I said. I needed to get my shit together so I could stop being a burden.”
“You were never a burden,” I said fiercely. “Never. If I made you feel like you were—”
“No. You never made me feel like I was. I just knew that I was. Deep down, every time I fucked up, I felt like I’d let you down. I believe our deal was taking turns, though. It’s your turn.”
The words reminded me of Jaxon saying the exact same thing not too long ago, and the whole sad story came spilling out of me in one long rush of words. Ethan didn’t interrupt, chuckling when I came to what had happened with him in my office.
“That’s quite the fucking story. I assume this fake husband of yours is the reason for the music?”
“Yep.” If nothing else, I was a creature of habit. I’d discovered the classics like Edith Piaf years ago, and I’d never stopped listening to the woman who was my personal goddess. “I’m so screwed. If I fire him, I’ll be carrying out a personal vendetta, but if I don’t, I’ll have to live with the knowledge that we work for the same company. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to concentrate again.”
“You’ve always had a bleeding heart, Linds. Even when people have upset you. It’s what makes you you. It’s one of the qualities I love most about you. If it wasn’t for that, you’d have shut the door in my face when I showed up out of the blue after so many years.”
“It makes me weak.” I ground my teeth. “Not with you, obviously. You’re my blood and my best friend, but with him? It’s a weakness.”
He sat up and swung his legs to my side of my chair, his face serious when he lifted his gaze to mine. “Weak? No, Linds. You’ve got it all wrong. It’s what makes you strong. The capacity for forgiveness over petty vengeance? The ability to do the right thing even if it’s the most difficult thing to do? Resilience so remarkable you can overcome anything? There aren’t many people who can truly say they’ve got any of that, and you, my dear sister, have it in spades.”
If he kept it up, I was going to start crying again. Not because he was complimenting me, but because after all these years, my little brother still believed in me. And if he could do it, so could I.
Chapter 34
JAXON
Mom sat in stunned silence for at least five whole minutes after I told her about my meeting with Lindsay. Eventually, a wide smile broke out across her face and she leaned back in the armchair she’d favored since I was born.
“You, my dear, are up shit’s creek without a paddle in sight.” Mi
rth laced her tone, and I stared her down.
“Have you been talking to Kavan?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Because I’ve already heard that, and you said it in almost the exact same way.”
“Maybe I had another son I never knew about,” she mused, her eyes still turned up at the corners. “That boy certainly seems to share a brain with me. His wife too. They’re lovely people. Dinner once a week isn’t nearly enough time with them.”
“You see them once a week?” It was my turn to swallow my surprise. “Since when?”
“Since three years ago when I ran into Shira at the post office. We got to talking, and things happened.”
“Three years?” I asked slowly, my jaw nearly coming off. “Why haven’t I been invited?”
“You’re away so much.” She flicked her wrist. “Why? Are you jealous? If you are, you should start being home more often.”
“Not jealous. Just surprised.” But there was a little flicker of jealousy. Not because they’d all been spending time together or even that I hadn’t known about it but because I’d always longed for big family dinners.
Being an only child, that was the one thing I’d never had. I would never complain about not having any siblings, but every only child got that occasional pang to know what it was like. Kavan was the closest thing I’d ever had to a brother, and his wife had wormed her way into my idea of family just as fast.
If I stayed in my current job, I might get to experience it. Chances of staying in my current job, however, were slim to none.
Mom regarded me with sorrow in her eyes. “Surprised but not so much that you’d like to join us next time?”
“I’d love to join you.” I braced myself for what I had to say next. One of the main reasons I’d come to see her today was that I had to talk to her frankly about the logistics of what it would mean if I got fired. “I won’t be able to if I’m going to be based in Dallas, though.”
Her entire body stilled, and for the first time, I really saw the toll the years of my absence had taken on her. “Excuse me? Why on earth would you be based in Dallas?”
“If I get fired.” I started when the chiming of an incoming email on my phone interrupted me. “Let me check this. It might be work.”
Mom harrumphed but glared at my phone. “Go ahead.”
My gaze flitted across the screen. Anna, who I now knew was Lindsay’s assistant, asked me to come into the office to discuss what was happening. I sighed, shoving my phone back into my pocket.
“I have to go. I’m being summoned by the powers that be.” I got up and kissed her cheek. “I’ll let you know what’s going on as soon as I do.”
“Pick up an application for some other local airlines while you’re near the airport, darling. This girl isn’t going to help you and I’m not having you move to Dallas.”
I gave her a blank stare, but she just shrugged and giggled. “Let me put it to you this way. If she helps you despite what you did, you drop down on one knee and ask her to marry you right then and there.”
“She’d say no, Mom.” Worse yet, I’d deserve it. “We haven’t even known each other a month. Even if she wasn’t pissed off as all hell with me, she still wouldn’t say yes.”
All my mother did was to shrug and let out another giggle. For a woman who had looked so serious not even a minute ago, she sure was cheerful all of a sudden.
I didn’t question her, though. Her mind worked in mysterious ways. For all I knew, she was taking this communication from Lindsay as a good sign.
I was a little more pessimistic about it. There was no way she’d have let go of her grudge so fast, and the last I’d heard was an email from Anna addressed to both myself and my manager that they were investigating and would update us in due course.
A day hardly felt like due course, but so be it. Leaving my mother’s house, I mentally prepared myself for receiving my marching orders. She was right, though. Just because I was being let go from one airline and had had another opportunity in Dallas didn’t mean I had to take it. There were plenty of other local players. I just had to keep my chin up and start over.
Again.
When I got to the office, I struggled to get out of my car. No one looked forward to facing certain termination, but it made it that much worse that I was about to be sent to hell by a woman I genuinely cared about. A woman I could picture myself sitting beside on the porch when we were old and gray, watching our great-grandchildren frolicking in our backyard.
Lowering my head to the steering wheel, I banged my forehead against the leather a few times, my fingers gripping it like the answer would be different if I choked the life out of it. From the corner of my eye, I saw a plain rectangular piece of cardboard in my cupholder.
Big Mac’s card.
I’d never believed in signs from the heavens or the universe or the fucking stars, but this sure seemed to be one. Okay, so it’d also been me sticking it in there when I got off my flight, but I hadn’t even noticed it again until now.
As if someone outside of myself was making my decisions, I reached into my pocket and extracted my phone. Typing in the numbers on the card, I was halfway to convincing myself he wasn’t going to answer when he did.
I hadn’t even stopped to calculate the time difference, but he sounded as awake and jovial as ever when he picked up. “This is Mackleroy. How can I be of service today?”
“Mackleroy?” I echoed, trying to stifle a laugh. Just the sound of his voice made me feel like a ten-ton weight had been lifted off my chest. “This is Jaxon, man. Is your name really Mackleroy?”
He laughed, the sound booming and carefree. “Jaxon! I was wondering how long it was going to take you to get in touch. Mackleroy is better than Mackerel, which was my mother’s other option, but why do you think I call myself Big Mac?”
“Good call.” For just a second, I was transported back to the island and how easy it’d been to strike up a friendship with this man. He was the only one who knew both of us. The only one who had seen us together and, therefore, had any real idea of what we’d had together. “You got a second?”
“For you? Always. What’s going on?”
“I didn’t check the time before calling. Did I wake you up?”
“Nah. I’m getting ready for the breakfast service, but the minions can handle it for now.” He chuckled evilly. “It’ll be a good test of how well they listen. Hit me. What’s happening over there? You and Lindsay work it out?”
“Not yet.” I highlighted our current situation to him, but not surprisingly, he didn’t sound distraught or even shocked.
“This is it, my friend,” he said. “The planets are aligning. This is your moment. It’s your chance to kiss and make up, so to speak. Don’t let the moment pass you by, Jaxon. Not many people in your shoes get one chance to get the girl back. You might not get another.”
Well, that was heartening. He had a point, though. Once again, Lindsay and I had been pushed into each other’s paths. Who knew how many bites we had at the cherry before it was all a distant memory?
Before I become the old guy in the nursing home harping on about how I’d missed my one shot. Obviously, I’d respect her wishes. I wouldn’t push too hard and I definitely wouldn’t try to insert myself—unwanted—into her life again.
But I sure as hell was going to at least give redemption a try. Who knows? Maybe the planets and the stars and whatever the fuck else really are rooting for us.
Chapter 35
LINDSAY
My palms had been sweating since I’d told Anna to contact Jaxon. I never thought he’d reply saying he’d be right over.
Maybe I really hadn’t known him at all. If I was being completely honest with myself, I’d admit that this prompt side of him made him even hotter. He’d told me he was punctual and structured professionally, but I hadn’t really believed him.
The happy-go-lucky side I’d seen on the island hadn’t correlated with a man who took his job seriously, showed up when he was supposed to, an
d replied within minutes of receiving a request from the company that employed him.
Of course, I wasn’t currently being completely honest with myself, so I refused to admit it. He had more than enough qualities that made him endearing to me as it was. I didn’t need to be adding any more.
Before I’d gotten to grips with seeing him again, Anna’s voice came over the speaker in my phone. “Mr. Scott is here for you. Can I send him in?”
“Yes. I’m ready for him.” I wasn’t. Not by a long shot.
I’d known I was going to be calling him in today, though. So I was as ready as I was ever going to be.
Ethan and I had stayed up so late talking that he’d slept over. Early this morning, he’d even helped me choose my outfit. He didn’t know what I was going to do, but I’d been going back and forth about it myself until five minutes ago.
There wasn’t really a choice, though. I had to be true to myself. I didn’t really know much about what was going on in my life or even who I was anymore, but the parts that I did know, I had to stick to. If I didn’t, there was no telling where I’d end up.
That was until Jaxon appeared in my doorway. He paused when he came into view, his golden-brown hair mussed like he hadn’t been planning on doing anything today and his matching eyes darker than usual with determination.
A small and yet not insignificant part of me wished he’d looked at me with that gleam on the morning we left Fiji. Wished that he’d stayed and had looked at me that way while telling me that he wasn’t ready to say goodbye either.
I stuffed a mental pillow over that part of my brain and smothered the romantic piece of crap. No matter how much I wished things would’ve been different, they weren’t.
Jaxon let out a small sigh. As if he’d seen that secret hopeful part of me being snuffed out and was disappointed about it.
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