Panic flared up inside me. I hadn’t thought this would be easy, but I also still hadn’t quite realized the extent of the damage I’d caused to our relationship.
“There’s nothing I can say that will make you trust me again, but if you’ll let me, I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life proving it to you.”
“The rest of your life?” Her eyes flew wide open. “Are you—”
“No.” I laughed softly, closing my eyes as I wound a hand into her hair again. “I’m not proposing. I would if I thought it would help convince you of how serious I am, but I don’t think it would, and I’m not fucking up again, Lindsay.”
Her chest deflated against mine as she let out a relieved sigh. “Thank God.”
“I will tell you this, though. You’re the only woman I want. I am going to marry you one day if you’ll have me. I promise that by the time I ask, you’ll know with every fiber of your being how much I love you and I would rather die before I hurt you again.”
“Die? That’s a little dramatic.” The slight lightness in her tone sparked the kind of hope in my chest that I’d never felt before.
“It might be dramatic, but it’s also true. I might not be asking you to marry me, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not making promises I intend on keeping. I will love you for the rest of my life, even though I’m not putting a ring on your finger tonight. I’m yours, Linds. What you do with me is up to you, but it doesn’t make me any less yours.”
When she pulled away, I thought it was over. I thought she was about to tell me that my five minutes were up and to get the fuck out of her office. But then she looked up at me, and my knees damn near buckled in relief.
“It might only have been a week, Jaxon. I know some people will think that we’re crazy or infatuated or maybe even that we’re just plain stupid, but I love you too.”
My heart swelled to three times its normal size, but she wasn’t done yet. She planted her palms over my chest, one of them directly over the organ that felt like it was only beating for her now.
“I wasn’t ready to admit that was what I was feeling back on the island either, but I planned on talking to you that morning. I wanted to tell you that my feelings were real and to ask if you felt the same way.”
I groaned. “Fuck. I’m such an idiot. I could’ve saved us both so much fucking heartache if I’d stayed for that conversation.”
“Maybe, but like you said, the time apart really did put things in perspective. You are an idiot, though. I’m just thankful that you’re my idiot.”
“All yours, Linds. Forever. If people think that makes me crazy, they can all go fuck themselves.”
“Eloquently put, as always.” She trembled in my arms and I froze, again thinking that she was crying until I looked down and realized she was laughing. “This time, however, I agree with you completely. I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”
“The time we spent apart might have helped put things in perspective, but I’m pretty done with that now. I never want to be away from you ever again.”
“That might prove to be a little difficult, considering we’ve both got jobs to do and yours requires you being away all the time.”
“Yeah.” I lowered my head and nuzzled her neck. “I’ve been thinking about that, and I have a plan. I’m too young to retire as a pilot, but—”
“I’d never ask you to do that. I was just teasing.” She pressed a kiss to my chest. “I know this thing in here would wither up if you had to stop flying.”
“The only thing that would make it wither up would be losing you.” I said it without any hesitation whatsoever. “There’s a position available as a senior ground instructor. I’ve already discussed it with Steve, and he’s agreed to letting me split my time between flying and instructing. They’ve been on my ass about teaching for a while actually.”
“That’s funny. I thought my department was responsible for appointing people to available positions.” She smiled. “Luckily, you know someone in HR who knows you’ll be perfect for the job. I’ll be sure to put in a good word for you, even if I won’t be able to handle the appointment myself. Conflict of interest and all.”
“Why do you have a conflict?” I asked, my grin already spreading.
She shrugged, her eyes shining as she looked up into mine. “I can’t exactly appoint my boyfriend who swept me off my feet in every way imaginable, now can I?”
“Boyfriend?” I asked the question with my mouth so close to hers that our lips were brushing when they moved.
“Boyfriend,” she said decisively. “Possibly future husband if he plays his cards right.”
“I like the sound of that.” Realizing for the first time since the conversation started that we were still standing in the hallway outside her office, I curled my hands around hers on my chest and cocked my head. “Since we’ve established that I don’t want to be away from you for longer than strictly necessary for us to do our jobs, are we going to your place or mine?”
“Mine,” she whispered. “We can figure the rest out later.”
Chapter 39
LINDSAY
Jaxon’s lips found mine as soon as my front door closed behind us, and feeling them there again was the best thing I’d ever felt. I never wanted to stop kissing him again, even if I knew we’d have to stop at some point.
I couldn’t quite believe that he was here with me, that he’d come after me and flat out told me he was fighting for us. While I knew that everything between us wouldn’t just snap back to the way it had been, I had a feeling things would get even better from here on out.
My heart wasn’t ready to let all its guards down, and I still had to figure out how I would ever trust any man enough to say yes to marrying him, but if anyone was going to get me there, it was Jaxon.
Definitely not now but eventually.
In the meantime, I was going to enjoy having him back in my life and getting to know us the way that we would be together as a real couple. Sure, he’d made a mistake, and it’d hurt like nothing before it, but one mistake shouldn’t steal the chance from both of us to see what we could become.
I’d also realized while he’d been talking that I wasn’t blameless in what had happened. He’d left without saying goodbye, but I hadn’t exactly given him any reason to think that I wanted him to stay.
In hindsight and now that I’d heard his side of the story, I could understand why he’d done it. It actually kind of spoke to how deeply he cared about me that he was willing to put himself through all that for me.
On our way to my place, he’d told me how much it’d hurt him to leave like that. In the end, we could both have saved the other a lot of pain and heartbreak if we’d just communicated our feelings properly. So that was what we had agreed on doing from now on.
No more waiting, no more wondering, and no more making decisions about what was best for the other without talking about it. We were sealing those promises to one another with these kisses, but they were also slowly turning into something more.
I writhed against him, need ricocheting around inside me. He was as hard as steel against my stomach as he continued to kiss me like he’d never kissed me before.
Large, powerful hands kneaded my breasts over my shirt, his thumbs dragging over my stiff nipples. A shiver ran through me, settling into a throbbing ache between my legs.
“You okay?” Jaxon asked breathlessly between kisses.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just…”
He gave me a sexy smile. “Overwhelmed? Me too. This doesn’t have to lead anywhere tonight. Just so you know.”
I nodded but bunched the material of his shirt between my fingers. “Fair enough. It doesn’t have to, but I want it to. If you’d rather talk some more, we can—”
His lips slammed back into mine, his hands dropping to my butt before he lifted me up and held me against him. Shifting his hands to my thighs, he broke away to cock his head at me. “I’d love to talk some more, but I love you, and I fucking want you mor
e than anything. All I meant was that if you don’t want this tonight, it’d be okay. I needed to put it out there before we kept kissing like that.”
I crossed my ankles behind his firm butt and pointed down the hall. “My bedroom is that way, and thanks, but trust me when I tell you that I want this too.”
Barely aware of our surroundings, I was fixated on Jaxon’s gaze as he walked us toward the bedroom. There was raw, carnal need in his eyes, but that fierce possessiveness I’d noticed before was back.
What was new was how he looked at me with so much love that it made my breath catch. It also made my heart expand and my body ache for him.
When we finally reached my bedroom, he gently laid me down on my mattress. He smiled and unzipped the back of the pencil skirt I’d worn to work before dropping to his knees to remove my heels and my panties.
He planted a soft kiss on my lower belly that made me wish it’d been just a little lower, making a moan tear out of me. Glancing up, his eyes lingered on mine as he leaned forward to kiss me again. “I won’t drag it out, baby. I promise. Just bear with me for a minute, okay?”
I nodded as he pushed himself up to his feet and made quick work of the rest of my clothes. Once I was completely exposed to him, he crawled onto the bed with me and brought his mouth to mine.
There was such a connection between us that it ignited something deep in my soul but also stoked my need into something that was more than just physical. There was the physical need as well, but it was also so much more than that.
It was the need to be joined with him on a level that went deeper. I wanted to find the warm corner of his heart he claimed was mine and to crawl into it for the rest of time.
His fingers curled around the back of my neck, his tongue sliding into my mouth. He stroked it over mine. Gifted fingers caressed my bare breasts until I was gasping and trembling, moaning again.
Jaxon’s warm mouth moved down to my chest while his fingers started a slow journey down. I spread my legs wider, urging him to move faster. The air felt cool against my overheated center, but I knew it wouldn’t last long.
His gaze rose to mine as his fingers found their mark. I curled my hands into fists, feeling ready to explode while he seemed perfectly calm. On closer inspection, I could see that he wasn’t. His pupils were dilated and his movements almost jerky from how hard he was trying to restrain himself.
“Don’t, Jaxon. Just be in the moment with me. Don’t hold back because you’re trying to punish yourself for something.”
Exhaling slowly, he nodded and disappeared from the bed. He stood at the foot of it, the quiet rustle of his clothing the only sound in the room as I held my breath.
Beautiful, insanely sexy, and stupidly handsome didn’t begin to describe him naked. It didn’t matter how many times I’d seen him that way before, it would always make my heart race and my core clench with need. He was perfect with all those hard lines and smooth, inked skin.
When he climbed onto the bed again, he lay down beside me and stroked his fingers over me. “You are so fucking sexy. I can’t actually believe I’m getting to touch you again.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.” He molded his palm over my center, and the sudden pressure where I needed it so damn badly made me see stars.
My back arched when his fingers moved between my folds. Tingles erupted over my skin as he pushed a finger into me. “God, Jaxon. I wish I could tell you what you do to me.”
Groaning against my skin, he slowly worked another finger into me. “You don’t have to tell me, Linds. I already know because you do the same to me.”
“I’m two seconds away from exploding and you’ve barely touched me.” I shuddered when his mouth started traveling lower.
He chuckled, his warm breath fanning across my heated skin when he positioned himself between my legs. “I’m two seconds away from exploding, and I’ve barely touched you, but you haven’t touched me at all.”
“Because I can’t reach.”
“I’m keeping it that way for a reason.” Pushing his fingers deeper into me, he brought his tongue to my slit and licked me from top to bottom. “If you touch me right now, it’s game over and I can’t have that.”
Fireworks exploded behind my eyelids when his tongue circled my clit. I stopped arguing. Stopped even breathing.
My body was going to be blown to debris when this orgasm hit. I gripped the sheets harder, trying to anchor myself against the astonishing intensity of the sensations racing through me.
My hands flew to his hair, tugging the soft, golden-brown strands. Jaxon read me perfectly, knowing exactly what I needed to push me over the edge.
He brought his lips to my clit and sucked the little bud between them, flicking it with his tongue at the same time. It sent me skyrocketing, my body trembling as I cried out. All those sensations crashed into me, and I let them take me to that place where nothing existed but bliss.
I went limp after screaming his name.
When I finally came to again, Jaxon was wearing a satisfied smile. But it was tight and strained.
My limbs were still quivering from the force of my orgasm, but I managed to sit up. He watched me with heavily lidded eyes. “What are you doing?”
“Showing you that I want to worship and love you the same as you did me.” My voice came out raspy, but I meant every word.
He looked like he wanted to argue until I shook my head, put my hands on his broad chest, and pushed down lightly. He lay down on the mattress, his dark eyes fixed on mine.
I did the same things as he had done at the beginning, moving slowly to kiss his lips while my hands explored his unbelievable body. I traced the hard ridges of his torso and the toned muscles in his arms.
My fingertips trailed to his belly button, circling it once or twice before I found the smattering of hairs that formed the happiest of trails to his thick erection. He groaned into my mouth when I tangled my fingers into them.
I swallowed the sound, and Jaxon’s hands gripped my hips, his fingers digging into my skin. My hands gripped his thighs, my thumbs resting a hair’s breadth away from the apex of them. I brushed against him every so often as my mouth made its way down.
Only stopping when he was inches away from my lips, I brought a hand up to wrap it around his base. Blood throbbed in the veins under his skin, and he sucked in a sharp breath as I stroked him.
The muscles in his throat worked and he cursed when I closed my mouth over his tip, licking across the slit to taste the liquid that had gathered there. His hips bucked clear off the bed, and his stomach dipped on a deep breath.
His hands burrowed into my loose hair, gripping it tight. “Fuck, Linds.”
I felt his need as acutely as my own, my own stomach flipping at the thought that I was responsible for his pleasure. Maybe I needed some time to work my way back to trusting him, but he had placed his body and heart in my hands, and I intended on taking the very best care possible of everything he had entrusted to me.
Sliding my mouth down his length and hollowing my cheeks, I used my hands to massage him where I couldn’t reach him with my mouth. I swirled my tongue around his broad head and over the nerves bundled beneath it.
He released a loud moan and his hips bucked. Then he was tugging on my shoulders and pulling me off him. Jaxon’s eyes were wild, his breathing ragged. “Condom?”
“I don’t have any.”
He froze. “Neither do I.”
“I’m still on birth control,” I said. “Have you been with anyone else?”
“Fuck no.” He sounded almost offended before a pained expression contorted his face. “You?”
“Hell no.”
His answering grin was as relieved as it was damn hot. He rose over me, resting the bulk of his weight on his elbows.
As I lay underneath him, the feeling of his bare skin against mine was exquisite. He fit himself to me, took my mouth in a kiss that made my toes curl, and pushed in slowly. Rocking against me, his fingers wrap
ped around my thighs and he set a rhythm that soon started building that familiar pressure again.
He wound the tension tighter, stroked into me in a way that pushed me higher with every thrust. Our slick skin was plastered together, our hips moving fast as we climbed to our respective peaks. When he moaned my name and tensed against me, his whole body shuddered and mine erupted with pleasure at the same time.
Long waves of it rocked through me while Jaxon buried his face in my neck, his hot breath ghosting across my skin. Bringing his head up when our moans had eventually quieted, he pushed my hair off my damp forehead and smiled softly. “I love you, Lindsay.”
“You can’t leave me again,” I whispered against his lips. I would never tire of hearing him tell me that he loved me or telling him how much I loved him, but it’d been a long day and I was too afraid sleep would pull me under.
Having made the mistake of keeping quiet once about what was going on in my head before we fell asleep, I needed to get the words out right now. “I’m serious, Jaxon. I can’t go through that again. If I wake up tomorrow and you’re not here, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“You don’t have to worry about it, love. Maybe Big Mac was right, and some weird stars did align, but they’re aligned now. I’ll be here tomorrow morning and every morning after that until you kick me out.”
I propped myself up on my elbow and scooted up to kiss him, pouring every gushy emotion I never thought I’d feel into him. His arms circled around my waist, and without breaking the kiss, he rolled us over so he was hovering above me, his eyes burning with intensity as they locked on mine.
“I’m staying right here,” he murmured. “I’m not going anywhere. Go to sleep, snookums. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
My nose wrinkled. “Snookums? Really? We’re doing the nicknames thing again?”
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