Until Us

by Cristin Cooper

  The weight of grief pushed on her chest, forcing out a heavy breath. She wiped at her eyes with her free hand and leaned her head back and closed her eyes. How could someone be here one moment and gone the next?

  The past week, she had counted down the days and then the hours until she would see him again. Even though she was terrified to tell him about her pregnancy, the joy she felt knowing she would be in his arms again outweighed her apprehension.

  Every single time she was near him, her stomach felt like butterflies had taken flight just like the first time they met. She was madly in love with him and knew one day she would marry him.

  “Oh God,” she whispered to herself. As much as she loved the McHenrys and wanted to be there for them, all she wanted was to be in her old room cuddled up with her mom. Katie needed her loving arms and comforting words.

  She took in a shaky breath and concentrated on getting through minute by minute until her mother and Billy would be here.

  As they pulled into the McHenrys’ driveway, Jeff asked, “Is that Phillip?” The McHenrys knew about her history, but they had yet to meet her parents. Katie looked up and saw her father sitting on the front porch with his head down and elbows braced on his legs. His suit jacket lay next to him, his tie was askew, and the first few buttons of his dress shirt unbuttoned. His normally styled and gelled hair stuck out in all directions as he ran a hand through it

  Before the car was in park, Katie jumped out and ran up the sidewalk into his arms. “Dad…” she cried. He sucked in a breath and tears pooled in his eyes. She had never called him dad, but at the moment it felt right. He was here. He was keeping his promise to always be there for her when she needed him.

  “I know, sweetheart.” He braced her head against his chest with his large hand. “I know, and I’m very sorry.” She held onto him with a death grip, needing his comfort and support.

  So much had changed between them in the past year. Her mother had introduced them the day of her going away party. At first she thought it was strange to be introduced to someone her mother had never talk about before. When her mother mentioned he lived only an hour away from where Katie was moving, she thought that was the reason. But when they met, she noticed that he had the same distinctive light blue eyes as her, and she couldn’t help wonder if he was her father.

  A week after their introduction, he called her and asked her to lunch. It turned into a weekly lunch date he never missed. Each meeting, her initial suspicions grew, but it wasn’t until last December her parents finally confirmed it.

  * * *

  It was the last day of her winter break before she was to head back to school. Since Phillip, his wife Jenny, and his kids were in Flagstaff visiting his parents, they asked her out to dinner. She had met Jenny and the kids before when Phillip invited her to his house for a Sunday dinner.

  Tonight the kids were with their grandparents, giving Katie the perfect opportunity to ask Phillip the big question.

  She chewed on her lower lip as she sat across from Phillip and Jenny, pretending to read the menu. Her leg bounced under the table and her pulse quickened. She wasn’t sure if this was the best time, but the not knowing was killing her.

  She placed the menu on the corner of the table and fisted her hands in her lap. Phillip readjusted his glasses and smiled at her. “You know what you want?”

  “Are you my dad?” she blurted out. The words came out as one long word, but by the way the blood drained from his face, she knew he understood her question.

  His mouth moved but no words came out. Jenny stared at her with her jaw hanging open then it slowly turned into a smile as she took his hand. Katie figured Jenny’s shock wasn’t because Katie figured it out but because of the timing. “Maybe we should call Bridget,” she said.

  He blew out a deep breath and looked at Jenny and blinked. He still wasn’t speaking, and Katie was growing nervous. “You are, aren’t you?”

  “I…um.” His breaths became heavier and sweat dripped down his cheek just like the first time they met.

  Just then, the waitress came to take their order. “We won’t be having dinner after all. Can I get the check for the drinks?” His voice shook and by the time he finished speaking, he was out of breath.

  “Of course. I’ll be right back.” The waitress gave a forced smile and huffed as she walked away.

  “I’ll call Bridget and see if we can meet her and Billy,” Jenny said. She seemed to be the only one unaffected by Katie’s question. Katie’s leg bounced so hard she could barely stay seated and her fingers fidgeted with her water glass

  He wasn’t answering, and she wasn’t sure what that meant. Maybe he wasn’t her dad or maybe he didn’t want to be.

  She took her eyes off of him long enough to mumble, “okay” to Jenny.

  What felt like hours later, but was close to five of the longest minutes of Katie’s life, they were back in the car driving to the diner where Billy and Bridget were working.

  When they pulled into the parking lot, a few cars were pulling out. It was late enough they already had the dinner rush but early enough to still have a few customers.

  Billy turned off the outside lights and put the closed sign in the door. They were supposed to be open for a few more hours. The meaning of what he was doing hit her hard. It was worse than she thought.

  Phillip and Jenny followed Katie into the diner. Bridget waited in the corner booth where Katie had first met Phillip. She was chewing on her lower lip looking back and forth between Katie and Phillip.

  “My Sweets,” Billy said as he held her in his arms.

  “My Billy,” she cried. He had always been there for her, loving her, caring for her and supporting her in everything she did. Even after Billy and her mother had married, she still didn’t call him ‘dad’ even though that was what he was to her. The word ‘dad’ never felt big enough to describe who he was to her. Any man could be a father or a dad but there was only one her Billy.

  He kept his arm around her as they walked towards the booth. When she sat, she scooted closer to her mother and Billy took the seat next to her.

  Jenny sat then scooted next to Bridget and introduced herself. They exchanged an awkward hello and said, “Nice to meet you,” but Katie’s question hung over them like a rain cloud.

  Since nobody was speaking, Katie repeated her question. “You’re my dad?”

  “Yes, I am.” His chest expanded with a heavy breath. “I’m your dad.”

  “I’m not sure if I should be happy, sad, angry, or hurt,” Katie muttered.

  “Probably all of them,” Bridget said, taking Katie’s hand in hers.

  “You knew about me, but you didn’t want me?” Katie wanted to close her eyes, so she didn’t have to look in his eyes when he answered. Even though she had Billy, who was an amazing man and loved her like a daughter, being rejected by her father still stung.

  “It’s not like that Katie.”

  “Then what is it like?” Her voice sounded small, but she needed to know. It was the not knowing that kept her up at nights and made her think the reason her father stayed away was because of her.

  “I don’t want to lie to you. I was scared and your mother... It doesn’t matter.”

  Bridget reached across the table to place her hand on Phillips. “You don’t need to sugar-coat my part in this.” She turned to Katie and said, “I lied to him about my age. He thought I was eighteen when we met. When I got pregnant, I had just turned sixteen. What we did was illegal. If my father had found out how old Phillip was, he could have ended up with a record,” Bridget explained, attempting to emphasize the seriousness of the situation.

  “Bridget… I should have…” He looked Katie in the eyes and said, “I made really bad choices because I didn’t know how to handle it. I made a couple of weak attempts to see you, but in the end, I didn’t try hard enough, and I have regretted it every single day.”

  “You came to see me?” Katie whimpered as tears streaked down her cheeks. Billy t
ook a tissue and wiped her nose like he did when she was little. “I didn’t know.” She turned to face her mother. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “There is no good excuse, Katie. I was afraid he would take you away from me or would reject me again. It was all me, Katie. He did try.”

  She looked back at Phillip and asked, “When?”

  He stared at his fisted hands on the table and his shoulders slumped. “When you were three and thirteen.”

  “Only twice?” she whispered.

  “Yes, but I thought about you every single day. By the time I finally realized what a huge mistake I had made, your mother didn’t want me in her life…or yours. I was unforgivingly horrible to her. The things I said…the things I did and didn’t do…”

  “Phillip, don’t.” Bridget whispered. “This is on both of us.”

  All the years she had wanted a dad, every birthday wish spent hoping he would find her came out in one long sob. Billy pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “My Sweets,” he sighed.

  She had waited so long to finally meet her dad, but she had never thought of how it would feel to find out why he wasn’t around. She now realized that no matter what he said, nothing would have made her feel better.

  “I’ll never forgive myself for what I did, but I hope you can, and I hope you will still let me be in your life. I promise I’ll be there for you from now on. No matter what. I love you, Katie.”

  * * *

  That was almost nine months ago. She had cautiously begun to trust him, but today he kept his promise. “Sweetheart, let’s get you inside.” They followed the McHenrys into the house.

  Jeff gave him directions to the guest room where she was staying, and Phillip carried her bags for her. She followed behind, and when they reached the bedroom, she dropped to the bed in an emotional heap. “What can I do? Do you need a drink? Tea maybe? Or are you hungry? I can go out and get you anything.” Her heart warmed at his earnest desire to help.

  She sat up and looked at him with tears in her eyes. “Can you hold me for a while.”

  He released a heavy breath. “Yes. Of course.” The bed dipped when he sat next to her, and she leaned against him as he put his arm around her.

  “Thank you for being here,” she whispered.

  With a strained voice he said, “Thank you for calling.”

  Chapter Four

  September 2015

  Tyler

  Tyler pulled into the McHenrys’ driveway just after midnight. The motion sensor light turned on over the garage casting a yellow glow over Eric’s old pickup.

  He had been with his friend when he handed over all his savings to the old man who sold him the truck. Eric had been so proud to finally have his own wheels. That weekend they went on their first camping trip, just the two of them. The first of many.

  Visions of him and Eric sitting on the tailgate under a starry sky, drinking beer, and talking about their future plans left an ache in his chest.

  Tyler stepped out of his car and stretched to relieve the tired ache of hours of non-stop driving. After grabbing his bag from the back seat, he made his way up the steps to the front door. He didn’t bother knocking. The McHenrys’ house had always been his home away from home. The moment he stepped over the threshold another wave of memories flooded him. The house felt…emptier. It didn’t seem possible that he would never see his friend again.

  He dropped his bag next to the front door and stepped into the living room to find Jeff asleep on the couch. Even though he had seen him a few months ago, a deep down weariness marked the lines of his face, making him appear older.

  Tyler walked around the main floor checking to see if anyone else might have been up, but the house was completely silent.

  He went back to the front door to pick up his bag. When he turned around, Katie was mid-way down the stairs. “Tyler?”. He dropped his bag as she hurried down the last few steps where they met. She buried her head against his chest, muffling her cry as his arms tightened around her.

  “How are you?” She shook her head against his chest, gripping the back of his shirt with her fists. He pinched his eyes closed and sighed. “That was a stupid question. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. I’m glad you’re here.” She stepped back and looked up at him. She pushed her glasses up her nose and, for a split second, he wanted to smile at how cute she was. But grief was written all over her face with bloodshot eyes and pink nose. It reminded him of why he was there. “I should be asking you the same question.”

  He shrugged and shook his head. He didn’t have the words to express how he was doing. “What are you doing up?” He itched to push the dark wavy strands of hair out of her face so he could get a better look at her. He wanted to see how she was really doing. Before he could, she took a rubber band from around her wrist and pulled her hair into a messy ponytail.

  “I was thirsty and—” Her stomach rumbled loudly. She looked down at her stomach and her eyes welled up with tears. “My stomach is queasy, but I need to eat something.” When their eyes met again, he could’ve sworn he saw fear in her expression.

  He ran one hand down her arm until their hands met. “Get some shoes on and we’ll get some food. I didn’t have dinner either.”

  She let go and walked into the living room, seeming to search for something. “Is Phillip still here?”

  “Not unless he’s upstairs. I think the only one down here is Jeff and he’s asleep on the couch.” She nodded her head and walked to the front door where shoes lined the wall. She slipped her feet into some flip-flops and mumbled, “I’m ready.”

  The drive to the diner was quiet. Halfway there, he took her hand in his and held it. She looked up at him with pain in her eyes and squeezed his hand but didn’t let go. She leaned her head against the headrest and kept her eyes on him. “Phillip came.” Her voice wavered slightly. “I called and he came,” she repeated.

  “You didn’t think he would?”

  She shrugged. “I hoped, but I think a part of me will always question if he’ll be there even when it’s hard. But he was waiting for me when I arrived at the McHenrys’ and he took care of me until I fell asleep.” She faced away from him and whispered, “I called him ‘dad’.”

  He knew what that meant to her. It was at this very diner just after Christmas that they spent half the night talking about their lives. He’d been in town, visiting the McHenrys, when he got a call from Eric asking him to check on Katie because she had sounded upset over the phone. Eric didn’t know why and he was worried about her.

  After stopping by her condo and having his knock go unanswered, he drove to the local diner. Everyone knew Katie went there when she was stressed or felt homesick.

  When he pulled into the parking lot, he saw her through the window, sitting alone. Her frown was made worse by the tears running down her cheeks as she slurped a chocolate shake through a straw.

  That night was the first time they really talked, just the two of them. She told him about finding out who her father was. She’d been reeling and mumbled something about masking her pain with a chocolate shake. “It’s a Larson girl thing,” she said with a tearful laugh.

  It had to be bad when the usually upbeat girl he’d become friends with was to the point of tears. She was the most genuine, kind-hearted person he had ever met.

  Even though she had started the evening in tears, by the time they said goodnight, they were both smiling and laughing. He hated to admit it, but that night he found himself developing a bit of a friendly crush on her. Nothing he would ever act on; he didn’t look at her romantically. He just hoped to meet a girl like her someday.

  Since that night, they texted a few times a week. She would usually send him funny anecdotes about customers who came into the coffee shop and he would tell her the crazy things that happened in the emergency room. Their friendship had always been easy and that’s what he loved most about her.

  He walked behind Katie, keeping a hand on her lower
back as they entered the diner. The place was empty except for a waitress sitting at the bar reading a novel. “I’ll be right there,” she said, never taking her eyes off the pages of her book.

  Tyler guided Katie to a booth where they sat silently waiting for the waitress to come by to take their order. Katie flipped through the list on the table’s mini jukebox, never settling for a song.

  When the waitress finally set down her book, she took her time making her way to them and yawned when she asked if they wanted anything to drink. He didn’t waste any time. He knew exactly what Katie would want and ordered for both of them. “Two orders of cheeseburgers with onion rings. A coke for me and chocolate shake for her.”

  Katie gave him a soft smile before she slumped back against the bench.

  He leaned over the table and took her hands in his. “Katie, I’m here for you whenever you need me. Whatever you need.”

  She chewed on her lower lip and turned her head to stare out the window. “I should be saying that to you. You knew him longer. Plus, you might regret that offer.” She mumbled the last sentence. “I’m giving you permission to rescind it at any time.”

  He wanted to reassure her that her offer wasn’t needed, in fact, he hated that he lived so far away and wouldn’t be there for her if or when she needed him. He knew how painful it was to lose someone you loved. It had been fifteen years since his father died and he still missed him every day.

  Losing his best friend wasn’t any less painful. Experience didn’t make it easier, but he hoped being there for the people Eric loved would help him ease the ache.

  “I can’t believe he’s gone,” she whispered. Her big sad eyes about ended him. She pulled off her glasses and wiped away her tears. “We only spent fifty-one days together in the thirteen months since we met, but I loved him, Tyler. I really did. And now with…” She shook her head and pinched her eyes closed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”