by Vicki Beeby
Jess grabbed Evie’s arm in her right hand and May’s in her left and dragged them into an impromptu dance. Other women were hugging, cheering and dancing.
‘I can’t believe it’s over at last.’ Evie pulled Jess and May into a hug when the music came to an end.
‘I know. It’s…’ Jess searched for words. She should be happy. She was happy. But she couldn’t feel the same euphoria the other women displayed.
‘I don’t suppose Leonard Steele wants to join the party?’ one of the girls asked Jess, looking hopeful.
Jess managed a smile and shook her head. She had tried explaining to the other WAAFs that Leo had overstepped the mark with his public announcement, but no one believed her.
‘She’s just being coy,’ Laura Morgan cried. ‘Promise you’ll remember us when you’re rich and famous, drinking champagne every day.’
Through the cheers and laughter, the sound of a horn tooting outside provided a welcome relief. She crossed to the window and was about to carefully peer out without letting any light escape when she suddenly realised there was no need for the blackout any more. She flung back the curtains and saw Peter in his car.
‘Come here, May. It’s Peter.’
May gave a cry and ran out. A moment later, she was in Peter’s arms.
Jess turned away, although before she could rejoin the dancing, Evie grabbed her arm with a cry and pointed out of the window. ‘Look! He’s proposing!’
Jess spun round and saw Peter now on one knee in front of May who had pressed her hand to her mouth. The couple were bathed in golden light shining from the windows, although the light couldn’t compete with the glow of happiness on May’s face.
Despite her happiness for May, she couldn’t help a twinge of envy. While the end of the war meant her friends could finally marry, it brought only separation for her and Milan. She supposed he would be leaving soon, although the reports she’d received said that there was still fighting in Prague. The weight that had lifted with the news of victory settled back over her heart. He would go, and she knew he wouldn’t be back. He would return to his former life and forget about Jess. After all, who would want to be mixed up with a woman who had a child that was not his?
Then May turned and must have seen them looking through the window, for she beckoned them to join her and Peter.
There were tears in May’s eyes as she pulled Evie and Jess into a three-way hug. ‘I’m so happy,’ she said. ‘Peter’s asked me to set a date for the wedding.’
‘That’s wonderful!’ Jess did her best to push aside her sadness over Milan. No one deserved happiness more than May, and Jess didn’t want anything to cloud the celebrations.
‘Have you decided when?’ Evie asked.
‘Not yet. As soon as we can, though.’ May shot Peter a glance and blushed. ‘We’ve waited five years. I don’t want to wait any longer.’
It was impossible to begrudge May her joy, and Jess joined the merrymaking as enthusiastically as the others.
However, the next afternoon, when they came off watch, Jess felt the need to lift her spirits. ‘Let’s go into London,’ she said. ‘I want to join the party.’
Her hopes of celebrating with just the girls were scuppered when she saw Peter and Alex waiting for them outside Bentley Manor. ‘You didna think we were going to miss the fun?’ Alex said. ‘Come on. I’ll give us all a lift into town.’
The streets were crowded, and Alex was hardly able to drive faster than walking pace in places, as the pavements were thronged with revellers, all waving at every passing vehicle. It was impossible to remain gloomy while watching such an explosion of joy, and Jess waved back with exuberance, leaning out of the car window. While the car was stopped to let some people cross the road, a girl of about ten ran up and handed Jess a flag through the window. Jess cheered, waving the Union Jack at all the passers-by.
Finally, Alex announced that the crowds were too thick to get much further by car. By this time they were driving down the Edgware Road. He turned off and parked on Seymour Place. ‘We can walk from here,’ he said.
‘Where are we going?’ May asked as she clambered out of the back seat and took Peter’s arm.
‘Buckingham Palace,’ Jess said. ‘It’s the only place to be at a time like this. Come on. We’ll walk through Hyde Park.’
They walked back onto the Edgware Road. They had paused to cross when Jess caught sight of a tall man in RAF uniform approaching them.
‘Isn’t that Milan?’ Evie asked, pointing.
Jess’s heart gave an odd thump. It didn’t seem possible, but there was no mistaking Milan’s dark good looks. She felt pinned to the spot, and it was up to Evie to wave and beckon him over.
‘What are you doing here?’ Evie asked.
Milan pointed up the road. ‘Visiting the Czechoslovakian bookshop.’ Jess was convinced that wasn’t the whole truth. For starters, he wasn’t carrying any books. This wasn’t the place to ask, however.
She was struck that this could be her last chance to see him before he returned home. Feeling as though her throat was being tightly squeezed, she invited him to join them. She felt a flutter of joy when he agreed and walked by her side. Her hand on his arm, Jess was able to forget they would soon be parted.
They strolled through the crowds, all of whom seemed to be heading in the same direction. They walked to Marble Arch then into Hyde Park.
‘At least we’ve got space to move in here,’ May said.
‘You’d better brace yourself then,’ Jess told her with a grin. ‘People will be packed like sardines in front of the palace.’
They soon found Jess was right. They cut first through Hyde Park then Green Park and came out on The Mall. The large space in front of the palace gates was a sea of people. Some waved flags and streamers, others wore red, white and blue hats.
Evie stood on tiptoe, gazing towards the palace. ‘I can’t see a thing,’ she said. Jess, too, found herself unable to see over the sea of heads and soon gave up because it was impossible to stand on tiptoe when being jostled by so many people.
‘What about you, May? What can you see? There are times I wish I was as tall as you.’ She had to raise her voice to be heard over the cheering crowd.
‘You wouldn’t when it comes to making clothes.’ May leaned on Peter’s arm to steady herself. ‘I can’t see anyone on the balcony,’ she said at last. ‘I thought the king would be there.’ She sounded disappointed. ‘Oh, look!’
‘What at? The only thing I can see is the back of this bloke’s jacket. I—’ Jess broke off with a little scream as strong arms hoisted her into the air. All she could do was clutch her hat to stop it falling off as the crowds and the sky spun in front of her eyes. Then she was sitting on Milan’s shoulders, her skirt rucked up, his hands on her thighs to steady her. In the moment it took her to catch her breath, she congratulated herself for wearing her best silk stockings. Imagine if he’d put his hands on her legs only to encounter thick lisle!
From her perch she could see clear across the heads and waving flags to Buckingham Palace. As May had said, the balcony was empty. ‘None of the royals are outside yet but they’re bound to come out soon,’ she called down.
‘But how will we see anything when they do?’ Evie craned her neck to peer up at Jess.
Jess pointed across to the tall monument, topped, appropriately enough, by the bronze Winged Victory. ‘Let’s climb up there.’ She tapped Milan’s hand. ‘You can put me down now.’
Once back on the ground, she slipped her hand into Milan’s feeling slightly woozy. She could still feel the warm imprint of his hands on her legs.
Although there were others upon the memorial, there was plenty of space. The six of them climbed the steps and managed to find a spot that afforded them a clear view to the palace. Milan managed to wedge himself up on a plinth beside a bronze statue of a woman and a lion. Jess climbed up beside him and reckoned that standing in the secure circle of Milan’s arms, she had the best view of the palace
.
The crowd were chanting, ‘We want the king!’ over and over. Evie and Alex, May and Peter, standing on the steps below them, took up the chant. Then Jess joined in. Only Milan remained silent. Jess supposed that seeing the royals couldn’t be the same for him.
All of a sudden, cheering broke out in the parts of the crowd closest to the palace gates. People were pointing at the balcony, and those holding flags waved them furiously; streaking the air with a red, white and blue blur. Jess leaned forward, holding Milan’s arms for support. Then she saw it: movement as the balcony door swung open. Figures stepped out. Jess counted four. Although it was too far away to see their features, Jess knew she was seeing King George, the queen and the two princesses.
Watching the royal family waving at the crowd, and the scenes of jubilation all around her, Jess became more and more aware of Milan’s stillness. She tightened her grip on his arms, and he hugged her in return. This was no place for any conversation, however much she might want to ask him why he didn’t seem to be joining in with the celebrations. Although on reflection, she supposed it wasn’t a surprise. All around them people were expressing their joy that the war was over and they had survived. But Jess couldn’t help thinking of those who didn’t have much to celebrate. Those whose loved ones weren’t there to celebrate with them, those who had suffered life-changing injuries, those who had lost their homes. And elsewhere in the world, the war was still raging. Even in Europe, the war wasn’t completely over. For people like Milan, who had been away from their homeland for years, there was the uncertainty of going home, not knowing if their loved ones would still be alive to celebrate with them. Funny that Milan had wanted to join the celebrations at all, now she came to think about it.
After the royal family left the balcony, Jess had the urge to move on. ‘Come on. Let’s walk up to Trafalgar Square. I want to see what’s happening up there.’ By this time the sun was setting. Although Trafalgar Square was only a little over half a mile from Buckingham Palace, it took them over an hour to get there. All the way up The Mall, people would drag them into impromptu dances. Complete strangers would dash up to Alex, Peter and Milan, seize their hands and shake them vigorously, thanking the ‘brave lads’ for their courage in the skies. No one thanked her, Evie or May, Jess thought a little sourly. It was as though people really did believe the WAAFs were just stationed at RAF bases for decoration, just as in the first version of Knights of the Skies.
The base of Nelson’s Column was clad in fresh hoardings. It was growing dark now, and searchlights had been directed onto the square and played up and down the column. ‘Victory over Germany 1945,’ read one side of the hoardings. Another urged revellers to: ‘Give thanks by saving.’ Hardly had they arrived when a conga line straggled past. Jess found herself grasped around the waist and carried into the line. Immediately she reached for Milan and pulled him with her. She leaned forward and shouted into his ear, ‘I don’t want us to get separated.’ Looking around she saw Evie, Alex, May and Peter also being drawn into the dance. The roaring of the revellers battered her ears, she blinked each time a searchlight flashed across her face. With each pass of the lights across the crowd she saw people frozen in a moment in time. There were faces wreathed in smiles, raised arms waving flags and couples entwined. She was in a crowd of strangers, yet no one felt like a stranger. They had all suffered through the same privations, faced danger together. At that moment she would have said they were all one family. Tired as she was after a full day on duty, she wouldn’t have missed this for the world.
Eventually her throbbing feet wouldn’t allow her to dance another step. They were passing St Martin in the Fields church, so Jess broke free from the line and, keeping hold of Milan’s hand, made a dash for the portico. She sank onto the steps; Milan sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Where they were positioned, beside one of the tall pillars, they were in complete darkness. For a while they sat watching the celebrations without speaking. It looked as though the party would be going on at least until dawn.
Now they were not in the thick of the revelry, the noise wasn’t so overpowering. She leaned her head against Milan’s shoulder. ‘Funny. I hadn’t expected to see you today.’ Her voice was a little hoarse after all the shouting and singing. It was a relief to speak at a more normal volume. ‘How come you were on the Edgware Road? The real reason. Don’t give me that line about buying books.’
Milan sighed. ‘I was not going to tell you today.’
Suddenly she felt cold. She had unbuttoned her tunic but now she pulled it around her. ‘Tell me what?’
‘I went to Fursecroft.’
Fursecroft. It took a moment for Jess to make the connection. When she did, it felt as though a lead weight had hit her stomach. Fursecroft was the house where the Czech government-in-exile had set up their main offices. She remembered now that it was located on one of the side streets just off Edgware Road. She licked dry lips. ‘Why?’
‘I told you I promised Jiří I would go back with him as soon as possible. I went to see if there was a transport that would take us to Prague.’
‘And is there?’
‘No. They told me I must wait.’
The surge of relief was followed by guilt. Milan was desperate to find his family. It was selfish of her to want him to stay.
‘I will find a way, though. Soon. I promised Jiří.’
It sounded so final. Was his promise to Jiří more important than staying with her? Tears pricked her eyelids. She was glad of the darkness. It meant he would not see her cry.
No. She wouldn’t cry, even though no one could see. She had brought this on herself. There was no point in letting him know she wished he would stay when he had made up his mind to go. To put distance between himself and the young woman he’d got involved with before he’d discovered she was unworthy of his love. While he might have told her he didn’t blame her, that his sister’s experience made him understanding of her plight, Jess knew he couldn’t really want to get involved with her. She was the fun one. The one men flirted with before going on to marry good girls like Evie and May.
Sparkle. Don’t let him see how much she was hurting.
She rose, ignoring her aching feet and back. She grasped his hand and pulled him to his feet. ‘Come on, then. If this is the last time I see you, we have to make this a night to remember.’
‘Jess, I—’
But she gave him a swift kiss then dragged him back into the crowd of rowdy merrymakers. She didn’t want to hear him say goodbye. On this night of victory, she wanted to pretend they would be together forever.
Chapter Twenty-Five
‘Jess!’ Milan wanted to ask what she meant, but the noise of the crowd made conversation impossible. Did she think he wouldn’t return for her?
A couple of people in the crowd sang the opening lines of ‘We’ll Meet Again’, and everyone else picked it up, belting out the song with tears in their eyes. Tonight, the lyrics held less of a feel of imminent parting and instead were full of triumphant promise.
Milan pulled Jess into his arms. In the crush, there wasn’t room to dance, but they swayed on the spot in time with the music. Putting his lips close to her ear, he said, ‘I will return.’
She shook her head with a sad smile that made his breath catch. Pulling his head down so she could speak into his ear, she said, ‘You don’t have to pretend.’
‘I’m not, I—’
‘Please. Let’s just enjoy tonight. I know you’re leaving. You don’t have to explain.’ Then she kissed him. He breathed in the familiar floral scent he always associated with her and tasted salt on her lips. He didn’t care that they were in the middle of a cheering crowd. Holding her close, so close he could feel her rapid heartbeat against his chest, he poured all the words he was unable to speak into the kiss.
When they finally separated, he saw Evie and May pushing towards them. They were beckoning, so they forced their way to the edge of the crowd, where it was possible to hear th
em.
‘Alex says it’s time to leave,’ Evie said in a hoarse voice. She and May immediately moved away.
Milan took Jess’s hand, intending to walk with her, but Jess put a hand on his chest. ‘No. We need to say goodbye.’
‘I will phone tomorrow to—’
‘No.’ One of the searchlights briefly caught Jess’s face, and Milan saw the glint of tears.
His confusion changed to cold dread. ‘Jess, you cannot mean this.’ Once before she had broken off their relationship; he couldn’t bear to lose her again. ‘I don’t understand. I love you. I thought you loved me.’
‘I do. I—’ Her voice cracked. For the briefest moment, her face crumpled. But then she drew a breath, straightened her shoulders and looked him in the eye. ‘You need to find your family, and we both know what we have isn’t strong enough to bring you back.’ Her mouth trembled, and she pressed her lips together tightly.
Milan seized his chance to say, ‘I will return. I promise. I love you.’
Jess recovered and shook her head. ‘Don’t give me false hope. It’s been fun, but I know it can’t last. Let’s finish on a high note.’
She leaned towards him as though about to kiss him. Then she stopped. ‘Goodbye.’ Her voice was husky, as though her throat was too tight to force out more than that single, heartbreaking word. An instant later she turned and moved to follow Evie and May.
‘Jess, wait. Please.’ Milan reached for her hand, but it slid through his grasp and she was gone.
* * *
The days passed with Milan too heavy-hearted to join in the celebrations of his comrades. He had tried several times to phone Jess, but she had not taken any of his calls. He briefly considered speaking to Evie or May, then decided Jess wouldn’t welcome them discussing her behind her back. The final blow came when he sent a letter and it was returned unopened. He had to accept that she truly meant her goodbye. He couldn’t understand it. He had believed her when she said she loved him. The only conclusion he could reach was that the lure of a career in films had proved too powerful and she had decided to go ahead with the sham marriage after all.
