by Karen Deen
Our messaging went on for a while. I try to keep it light and funny for both her and me. I didn’t want to have a problem that I wouldn’t be able to sleep with, having to get up and take a shower to get rid of it. I see the time is now past eleven pm. I need to be up at four thirty am, so again I need to shut the conversation down. I don’t want to but need to. For her sake and mine. She has to work tomorrow, too. I imagine for her job she needs to concentrate, which is hard to do on limited sleep.
Xavier: I know you could read my totally amazing, scintillating messages all night, however I think we both need to get some sleep. I have an early start tomorrow.
Alesha: Oh, wow I didn’t realize how late it is. Yeah, we need sleep. I have this important meeting tomorrow I need to be alert for.
Xavier: Yes, you do. Coffee with me should be number one on your priority list for tomorrow.
Alesha: Umm, okay, keep dreaming funny guy. I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night.
Xavier: Night Ally. Get plenty of sleep for that very important meeting. I’ve heard the guy you’re meeting is hard work. You will need to bring your ‘A’ game. See you at eleven.
I waited for a reply. The little dots to say she’s writing. Nothing is appearing, so I know she’s gone. I set my alarm, strip off and settle in for the night. What a crazy day. It ended up better than I expected after all that happened. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.
13
Alesha
THIS TIME LAST WEEK I was sound asleep. Clothes for work tomorrow, all ironed and laid out, ready for the morning. Agenda for the day in my diary, and laptop on the charger so it will be ready the moment I walk in the office. Same routine, every work day.
Tonight, I’m lying staring at my phone. I should be trying to go to sleep but part of me is hoping just one more message will pop up. Then I get to reply just one more time, that will hopefully then create another message from Xavier. How can your life change so much in just a few days, where now I can’t sleep waiting for my phone to ping?
The last few hours I learned more about Xavier than I know about any man I’ve ever met, besides my family. The discussion was not what you would expect, or, knowing Xavier, maybe you would. Most of it was full of useless trivial facts, which strangely I find so appealing. Not sure I needed to know, though, what his favourite socks look like or that every time you lick a stamp you consume one tenth of a calorie. I mean, really, who knows this crap and what relevance does it have for life? Me, on the other hand, I was trying to give him random spurts of knowledge that could be useful. Just in case he was planning on snoring tonight, it would be useful for him to know that you cannot snore and dream at the same time. Now, to me, that’s far more useful to know than about a stupid stamp.
Who am I kidding? Nothing we talked about made any sense and would be no use to anyone. Yet it was the funniest conversation I’ve had in years. He doesn’t take life too seriously. Every time the conversation started to head towards anything too heavy, he quickly turned it on its head, to the point I was laughing out loud or struggling to type my reply because of the tears in my eyes. He brings out the humour in me, more than I ever knew I had, or maybe it’s just been hiding.
What is it about Xavier that I connect with? Is it maybe his humour, or his softness, his insanely good looks? Or perhaps, it’s his patience with me. More likely, it is the fact that he sees the real me. The fact that he calls me Ally makes me feel special. He doesn’t treat me like everyone else does. I’ve always been either in Lilly’s shadow, or just Alesha the quiet, dorky one. He calls me beautiful. I don’t believe him, but it is nice to hear it. He talks to me like there is no one else around. Most men, when I’m standing next to Lilly, only see her. I could be stripping naked and their eyes still won’t leave her. Xavier doesn’t even see Lilly when I’m in the room.
Please, Universe, don’t take this away from me. Don’t let Xavier get bored with me. I think he is someone I can easily get to like and attached to. So, don’t let me down this time. I never ask for much but for once, can I just have my turn at finding my happy?
***
My morning is chaos. See what happens when I’m not prepared and not in my routine?
Trying to get dressed this morning, standing in front of the closet, I must have picked five outfits before choosing one I think might make me look a little sexier than my normal boring self. That’s where the morning starts to go downhill, I should have stuck to boring. Rushing, the iron was too hot and put a burn mark right on top of where my right boob would sit in the shirt. What a sexy look that would be. Back to plan-B outfit.
Then eating breakfast in a hurry because I am now behind time, of course I spilt yoghurt on my skirt when I dropped the tub. Can you believe I am now at plan-C outfit, and not even left the apartment yet? This never happens to me. I mean, like, never ever! My morning routine is as boring as I am. Pulling myself together I somehow make it into work only a few minutes late, which to me is like an eternity. In my world, being on time is being late. One thing I inherited from Dad is my punctuality. Lilly, on the other hand, is like Mom. Five minutes before she walks out the door, she needs to do thirty minutes’ worth of trivial things. Mind you, they are already twenty minutes late leaving when they decide to try to solve the problems of the world before closing the front door. We all know to tell them both the time they need to be somewhere is an hour before the real time. That way we are a chance of them making it on time, or as close to on time as they will ever get.
I need a coffee and it better be strong. The one from home I guzzled down in the car hasn’t even registered in my body yet. The office is still quiet this time in the morning. One of the reasons I love to be here early. Sets your mind into a calm, productive work mode. Except today, I’m far from calm. This coffee better do the trick, otherwise the day is just going to get worse.
“Alesha, morning.” Grant’s voice from behind me has me jumping, spilling my coffee across the bench.
“For fuck’s sake!” I let out as hot coffee splatters my hand, spilling on the floor.
“Are you okay? You never swear, Alesha.” He walks up behind me, hesitating seeing the mess I’ve made. “Did it burn you? Come and run your hand under the cold water.” I want to say ‘no, leave me, I can manage this myself’, but I was bordering on tears from the hot scald of the coffee and everything else that had gone wrong this morning. I just follow and do what he suggests. I don’t want to admit but it’s making it feel better. Grant starts cleaning up my mess. He’ll whinge about this later, that it was yet another mess he had to clean up, even if it was a stupid coffee.
“Coffee is sorted, I made you another one. Now how is your hand? Do I need to take you to a doctor?”
“No, thank you, I’m fine now. It was just a little splash. What did you want me for?”
“I didn’t. I was just saying hello to my sister. Didn’t realize it would cause such a drama. Sorry I startled you. Normally you have that sixth sense that someone is around and have acknowledged them even before you see them. What happened this morning? Your spidery senses out of order this week?” This is Grant’s attempt at humor. He’s bad at it. He’s trying to make me feel better, though, so I do appreciate it, even if it’s lame. He has been cranky all week and we are trying to stay clear of him with the whole Zara situation wrapping him in knots. For him to go out of his way to help me and try to be nice and make me laugh, it’s pretty special from my big brother. He tries to hide his tender side, but I know it’s there. Just tucked under the surface.
“No, I must have been still half-asleep and too busy concentrating. How’s things with you?” I watch his face get that pained look when something is giving you grief.
“Fine. Busy day, I’ll talk to you later.” I have been dismissed. He doesn’t want to talk about it, so he is just avoiding his worries and going strictly into work-mode. I totally understand that.
Somehow, good fortune starts to come to me with my morning mishaps all behind me now. The coffee hit t
he spot, my emails weren’t too insane this morning. Lilly was late, nothing unusual, which gave me a bit of peace and quiet to catch up. The only bonus to everything going wrong is that it has taken my mind off the friend date with Xavier this morning. The time is ten forty-five and coffee is in fifteen minutes. No time to panic now. Surprisingly, though, I don’t actually feel scared. After last night, we know so much about each other that conversation will be easier. I never thought I would ever be saying that about an upcoming date with a guy. Previous ones have just been a disaster from the beginning with no way of saving them after the first five minutes.
Xavier is different. He makes me feel so at ease. Talking to him flows easily now. Well, over text messages anyway. Let’s see if in person it’s the same relaxed atmosphere.
Today will be the test. I purposely chose coffee for our next date, so I can cut it short if needed. If it is heading down the drain, I can hit the escape button of work to stop me from completely embarrassing myself. I’m trying so hard to avoid the disasters of the past.
The sound of my phone alert has me jumping in my seat. I was so deep in thought I hadn’t noticed another ten minutes has slipped past.
Xavier: This text is to alert you I just saw a very important person entering the elevator in your building. I heard him tell Larry the security guard he has an eleven am meeting with you. Said it was a big deal, so he doesn’t want to be late. He looks mighty fine too. Be prepared for him, he will be there very soon. Right on time.
Alesha: Who’s judging his looks? What criteria are we rating him on?
He hasn’t even arrived and already he’s making me feel comfortable. Right on cue that warm smile appears in my doorway.
“Excuse me, madam, I’m here for an eleven o’clock meeting with Alesha Stevenson, if you could point me in the right direction. I hear she is a big deal around here and I want to make a good impression. Any tips before my meeting?” Xavier’s voice does funny things to me. It’s smooth but light. It’s not deep and domineering like Grant’s or Dad’s. More light-hearted like Luke but with the gentleness of Zach.
“Well, I hear she is hard to work out, so you need to be a little patient. Communication is her specialty. She loves people who are punctual to meetings, so you may have ticked a box there. Other than that, she likes you to just be yourself. She’s not really into macho men, so I hear. Does that help?” I let out a little giggle.
“Yes, thank you so much for the insight. I’ll take it on board for the meeting.” Stepping forward, he closes the door and turns back to face me.
“Good morning, Miss Stevenson, so lovely to meet you. I’m here for my friend date appointment that is scheduled in for eleven o’clock this morning. May I escort you to the coffee shop, for the delicacy of the dark brown liquid that is filled with caffeine to keep you going? It at times can be mixed with sugar and milk to your tasting. Shall we proceed there?” My hand is in his by now, and he bends to kiss it ever so gently on the top.
I’m not sure if I should laugh at his stupidity or gush at his sweetness. Lilly comes bursting through the door, so I never have to get to the point of a decision.
“Oh, what’s going on in here, huh? It’s only been a couple of days and already we are having little office hook-ups behind closed doors. You know you should lock the door if you don’t want annoying family members gate crashing your party.”
“Hmm like you?” I whisper to myself, but obviously loud enough Xavier heard me, his little chuckle giving it away.
“Lilly, I’m not even going to warrant that with an answer. Xavier and I are going for coffee, would you like me to bring you back anything?”
“I’ll just come with you.”
“No!” Xavier and I snap loudly at her at the same time.
“Ok, I get it, the two love birds want to be alone. Sorry I’m cramping your style.” Lilly looked a little put out. It’s not like we are dating but for the first time in my life, I want to do this on my own. I need to prove to myself I can live a social life without relying on Lilly.
“Don’t be stupid. We are just two friends going for coffee. No big deal.” I’m not admitting to that anyway. In my head it’s a very big deal. Everything with Xavier is.
“I think we need to get going, Ally, before you two girls get your claws out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for jelly wrestling with two girls, just not you two.”
“Excuse me?” Lilly and I both pin him with our stares.
“Girls, it was a joke. You know, to break the moment. Seriously, lighten up, you two. You will get used to my jokes quick enough.” He might have thought that was funny but we both thought it was just a little stupid.
Suddenly, I have the thought of the run of disasters this morning and fear they are coming back right when I’ve shaken them off. Just breathe, it will be okay.
“Okay, let’s go then. See you when I get back, Lil. I’ll bring you back a coffee.” She just rolls her eyes at me. She’s such a child when she doesn’t get her own way.
We step into the elevator with doors closing behind us. Xavier speaks straight away.
“You surprised me saying no to Lilly coming with us.”
I surprised myself, but I can’t tell him that.
“Why did you say no then?” Turning the question back onto him so I don’t have to answer.
“I don’t want to take Lilly for coffee, I want to take you. It’s that simple.” With that, he leans over and kisses me on the cheek. Just a little peck but enough to bring me to my knees. I feel on a high because I think this is the first time ever in my life a guy has chosen to spend time with me rather than with Lilly.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“For what, the kiss or choosing you?”
“Both,” is all I need to say. The doors open and Xavier takes my hand and leads me out the front doors of the building.
“Where’s the coffee good? You lead the way.” Walking along holding Xavier’s hand, I feel like I’m in heaven. As we sit down at one of the tables, he needs to leave to get the coffee. Slowly he slides his hand away from mine and he has that same sad face just like I am feeling.
Watching him stand at the counter, I stare at his back. You can see the shape of his body through his shirt. Just like his arms that are pumped and solid muscle, I can see the shape of his back and the ridges that are formed. I don’t think I can even imagine how hot he would look with his shirt off. I’ve never been one to visit porn sites or have a tumbler account. I love my Pinterest boards, but not like Lilly who just has all her boards on shirtless hot men. Maybe I should take more notice.
Where Lilly is a visual person, my inspiration is all in my head. The pictures are created by my imagination from reading the words. Yet nothing in my imagination could have conjured up the man chatting to the barista. My eyes slide down his back now, stopping to check out his ass. You can tell he works out a lot. His ass is tight and almost too hot to be looking at. Just then he spins around to head to the table and I have been caught checking out his ass. If I don’t lift my head this second, I will be accused of then staring at his dick, which will be worse.
The stupid grin on his face lets me know I’ve been caught anyway.
“You know you don’t have to sneak looks. I’m happy to share with you any time.” His cheeky smile lets me know he is more than happy to be perved on. Oh God, I can’t even answer that. I just hang my head and start drinking my coffee. I need to get better at my perving skills obviously.
I need to think of something to say to hide my embarrassment and change the topic of conversation away from me and my wandering eyes.
“How was your morning at work?” I expect him to start telling me about his clients, but that’s not quite what he starts with.
“Grey and dull. I didn’t get to see my girl. Missed you this morning.” How am I supposed to answer that? “Why do you look confused? I am looking forward to tomorrow morning, that I can tell you. I hope you are, too.”
“Oh yeah, I’m looking
forward to being flogged and worked over. Will be the highlight of my day, I’m sure.”
The colour in his eyes darkens and his whole face changes. He is looking at me like he wants to devour me. My mind is trying to work out what has brought on the change in him.
“If that is ever going to happen, it won’t be in the gym and it’ll be the highlight of my day too, beautiful.” His hands are clenched tightly around his coffee. White knuckles showing.
Oh, shit. I realize what I said and how it could be taken. Is he into that? I’m not even very good at normal sex. There’s no way I’d be able to go there. My mind is now racing. This is not something I can do. Sex has been a part of dating that I have just participated in because that was the next step. It never really did much for me.
“Stop.” Xavier’s voice breaks my crazy thoughts. “Don’t get off-track. I didn’t mean literally flogged, but the working over, I’m aching for that. You have to know what you do to me, Ally.” How does he do that? Read my mind. I want to say that he is doing the same to my body, but no way can I do that. Silence is the only thing that is happening.
His hand slides across the table to mine, taking it and intertwining our fingers.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get that serious. But you just stirred the inner beast I’m struggling to keep in the friend zone,” he says as his thumb slowly strokes my hand. “I am trying so hard not to scare you off. Don’t take any of that the wrong way. This is far more than just sex, Ally, I think you know that. Well, at least I hope you do.”
I thought I had this friend thing under control. Suddenly I actually want so much more than the friends I pushed for. I just don’t know how to tell him now. What do I say to let him know I want to take it all back? This day is still throwing crazy things at me. My shy awkwardness is trying to take hold of me and take my words again, but I need to get past this. I need to be strong enough to fight and conquer.
