Nat lets her sweat for two more minutes before moving to me with a smile and undoing my restraints.
“I couldn’t risk you hurting yourself when you attacked me,” he winks. “Which you would have.”
I nod. I would have.
I yawn while I nod, then cock an eyebrow at him. “How did you know I’d go that way?” I ask thinking about my escape route.
Nathan rolls eyes “Please, I knew you’d do a runner so when I went out, I thought... hmmm which way will she try to lead me. For future reference, ‘Gynecology’ makes you uncomfortable not me.” He winks.
“I refute that claim!” May taps him with the neck of her bottle.
“You look tired, go to sleep, so you’re ready to play.” He waggles his eyebrows. “I’ve thought of words already.”
the hat
Avalon
It isn’t the lack of body contact that rouses me from my deep slumber, it’s there and I know it’s been constant because I was in a deep sleep, it’s the tone of Nathan’s voice. He’s getting pissed, to everyone else he probably sounds more congenial but believe me, this is the calm before the storm. My brain drags me out of my subconscious depths so that I can get a handle on what is happening.
I know instantly I’m still in the hospital, the scratch of the sheets and that sterile smell assault me. The only thing not alien is Nathan’s smell and the low hum of Def Leppard’s Hysteria playing from his side of the bed.
I bet to myself that it’s someone trying to remove him from my side again that’s stirring his ire.
“You are... I don’t even have words for it! You cannot, and I stress, can NOT, bring that into a hospital!” A female voice berates and instantly I recognise the voice of the young redhead nurse from before.
“Well, sorry to burst your bubble but it’s in here, so obviously your argument and every other argument you dredge up from your life of mission killjoy are void. Bye, bye now,” the smile in Nat’s voice is a definite warning. Normally, Nat is okay with females, but his patience wears thin if they nag him.
“I will call the police if you put that on! I’m telling you now,” she’s not leaving, in fact, I hear her voice get closer. My eyes just don’t want to open. I desperately want to know what he has that is freaking her out.
“That would be a fun phone call, ‘Yeah hi. I’d like to report a man in a dress’,” I can tell Nathan is rolling his eyes. “The police would hang up thinking your gender biased or something equally appalling for someone working in the health industry.”
A dress?
“I think I would describe that thing a little bit more macabre than a dress,” she snaps.
I decide that rubbing my eyes is the best option to get them open.
Nathan pounces on my movement, “You’re disturbing the patients.” He drawls. “Be gone! Yeah who shalt not be named.”
Nat is so not good at Harry Potter quotes. After a good rub, the grit that cemented my lids together budges enough for me to see the redhead nurse practically steaming. Nathan, after checking I’m okay with a quick glance, stands up to his full height which is considerable as she is about my size. She wants to hold her ground as he advances on her, but she slowly retreats and he slams the door behind her.
“About bloody time, Av...” He throws his hat on the table.
“Is it tomorrow?” I ask confused. The hospital blinds are shut, so I have no idea what time it is.
“No, it’s still today,” he smiles. “I half wish it was because we’d be out of here. I just saw the dinner trolley coming so let’s prepare ‘The Hat’ while you eat.” I can hear the eagerness in his voice. Nat is as used to sitting around as me. I feel terrible that he’s being tortured.
“What about you?” I ask, knowing that he wouldn’t have left me to eat.
“I’ll go grab something now and fill my hat stuff out while you eat and do yours,” he rubs his hands like a villain.
“So, what’s with this dress thing she was raving about?” I ask a bit anxious that it could be for The Hat. I hate dresses more than I hate streaking - which with Nathan- will definitely be on the cards.
“You are going to freak if that gets pulled,” he laughs like a little kid. “It is like the best bloody idea to do in a hospital for The Hat. We are never going to forget tonight.”
I’m sorry to say, I can’t muster anywhere near the amount of enthusiasm that he is displaying. Nathan’s ideas are sometimes out there and as I said before... what comes out of The Hat MUST be done.
And that is the crux of The Hat. You see, you have to write what you want the other person to do in short sentences like SING to ONE DIRECTION making GOOEY EYES at the MATRON, but those words (generally 5 words that include the action, how, to who etc ) get colour coded and cut up and put into the hat in sections, so depending on what Nathan writes you could pull out... just something plain, old dreadful because the words are mixed up.
It gets worse if someone slips in time requirements.
I start writing on my piece of paper, but I do it without much focus because my mind has wandered off to what Noah might be doing. Musing if he is celebrating his freedom, I place a few words in each section of Nat’s hat. A second later I can’t even remember what I come up with. Not good. But those green eyes are making my heart hurt a little because they aren’t here too.
As the lady, hair covered by a blue net that reminds me of the jellyfish Seth warned me about, pushes the trolley in, I wish I were home. Home home. The smell reminds me so much of Daryl’s cooking that if I close my eyes, I can literally pretend I’m there in the hall. If there were a dog pushed against my thigh, waiting, the sensation would almost be complete. I wish Frank was allowed in the hospital. It must be horrible for him to be somewhere new, without me there. Least Amber will be.
“Thank you,” I grimace at the trolley lady wanting nothing more than to get out of here. Ha! Hold the phone that would be a cool and usually nice thing to put in the hat! I could make Nathan be like the Hogwart’s train trolley lady and give out yummy stuff not... I lift the lid on the grey Tupperware thingy... slushy lamb mince. Gross.
I giggle at what those words mixed with Nat’s might transfer to... the kids would be horrified and bolt when they see the trolley.
I hope Noah has forgiven himself for kicking me. I wonder if the first job we should get him to do is a rain dance. I love doing them and so does Nathan and Pop. Harry and Flea would join in for sure. It wouldn’t be a bad thing seeing him shirtless again. Nathan could see my tatt and realise Noah is cool.
Ew, the lamb mince is hideous. I try some custard and find that it’s tolerable. Daryl is a much better cook compared to this. Finally, I’ve found the silver lining to his cooking. I wish I could ring home and tell Dad that Daryl has finally beaten someone in cooking. Daryl has tried on numerous occasions to join the CWA, but when they test his things at the show, they mysteriously seem to cause bouts of vomiting and diarrhoea.
Both thanks to Nathan’s secret additives.
Daryl is banned from some food pavilions due to the belief he is trying to kill off to top CWA cooks. I told Nathan that he should stop doing it because Daryl takes it with no grains of salt and creates disgusting concoctions that Dad makes us both eat. I try to tell them it wasn’t me, but Dad says Nathan wouldn’t do it without a look out.
I miss Dad and the way he just knows us.
“I’ve been waiting for you to be alone,” I jump at the voice directed my way. I turn to find a lady looking very happy with herself.
“Err G’day,” I fumble with the foil lid on the juice tub as her eyebrows bob up and down like they are attached to an oscillating elastic band.
“See this,” she gestures to a bag filled with... urine. “You don’t want this.”
I nod, “Yup, pretty convinced I’ll be right without that in my life.”
“But do you know how you get it?”
“No,” I hesitate, I really want to go back to thinking about Noah - a much better topic
. “If I know, I might accidentally get one, so thanks but I’ll leave it.”
I don’t know why my patience is thin at the moment, maybe it’s because I’m alone with no knife, horse, bull or brother.
“You don’t do your pelvic floor exercises,” she leans over her face serious as a gravestone. “You must tighten them. Puts dots around your house and do ten every time you see one.”
“That’s good advice.” I smile at her. “Thank you.”
“Young girls they don’t do anything for themselves these days,” she fobs me off. “But I know how to hit you where it hurts. Your boyfriend will love it.”
I frown in confusion. Her face seems rather evil as she grins salaciously.
“See?” She rubs her hands together. “Girls only do what think boys will like these days. I can see I got you thinking now, bet you’re tensing them muscles up as we speak.”
“Fricken hell!” Thankfully Nat storms in and dumps a packet of chips on my little table. “Now we know where Daz got his cooking degree from.” He plucks the lid off my Tupperware container and scowls. “I’m going to have to get more food to last us tonight.”
“Can you get scallops with chicken salt?” I perk up at the thought, my tummy suddenly rumbling reminding of when Seth gave me laxatives. Time has gone so quickly, it’s a funny feeling thinking my time here may be over soon because I usually would have been rearing to go but there’s this little part of me that revolts. I don’t get myself.
“Lovey?” The woman next to me whispers loudly. “Pelvic floooooooor.” Salacious doesn’t even describe her tone now.
Nathan furrows his eyebrows before turning and pulling the curtain between me and the lady shut with a snap.
“How rude,” the lady gasps. “Can’t anyone be helpful these days?”
Nathan whips back the curtain. “Not if that help involves holding a bag of piss when people are trying to eat or giving people crude hand signals about stuff you’ll never experience in the flesh.”
He pulls the curtain shut again.
“They’ve got these egg and tomato pie things that are edible and lots of crap that Dad would kill us if we ate,” he replies like we weren’t interrupted and pulls over the hat. “Which one is ‘how’?” He asks.
I know I shouldn’t bother to ask as he would have explained if he wanted but... “What did you mean crude hand signals?” I drain the rest of my juice.
“You don’t want to know,” he scowls. “Believe me, I’m saving your mind from something eroding that will give you nightmares. Which is ‘how’?” Righto, end of that conversation.
“Umm,” I lean forward and pick up one of my cards keeping it from his view. “This one.”
We know the order, so he picks it out and shuffles mine with his and continues to do so around the pile. As he does his smile turns into a grin.
“I hope I’m okay to dance at the Hostel show,” I watch while he deftly places everything back in the hat.
“I’ll take your place if you want,” Nathan shrugs non-plussed at the thought of doing All the Single Ladies with some oldies.
“Maybe you’ll have to,” I move to get out of bed to go to the loo. “We should have a practice tomorrow night. You have to wear a leotard.”
“So?” Nat helps me manoeuvre the IV drip to the bathroom, so I don’t trip over it. As I close the bathroom door, I catch a glimpse of my angel wings stowed under the bed. “Hey? You bought my wings here?”
“I haven’t been to Harry’s; you were wearing them when you collapsed in the truck so I carried you into the ER with them on. It looked pretty awesome too,” he turns and heads back to the bed, but before I shut it, he whirls back with a light bulb on expression.
“Av,” he surveys me with a tilted head. “Brush your hair.”
“What?” I sound shocked. “Are you channelling Angus or something?” I tease, kind of freaked because Nat would never ask me to get presentable.
He bares his teeth. “No, just had a funny scenario idea. Go,” he gestures with his hands.
As always, my heart starts to beat rapidly as we wait for the Family Feud to load on Nathan’s phone. Lowest score goes first.
“Name a part of a woman’s body that is usually larger than a man’s...”
“What? Is this an X-rated version?” I laugh.
“No... I didn’t know they had an X-rated version. Apparently, this is a serious question,” Nathan replies laughing.
We look at each other.
“Boobs,” we chant together.
Damn.
“Bum,” again together.
“We’re both thinking of Matilda aren’t we?” Nathan chuckles. I start looking over my body and then at Nathan’s. He just watches me in amusement scramble for something.
“Belly,” he says.
Arghhh. “Hair,” I reply thinking of what I see around here.
Both of our separate answers don’t get on the board.
“Name something a teenage boy can do for hours at a time?”
“What?” I say dumbly while Nat cracks up.
“This is bias, how do I know what they do?” I cross my arms.
“Have a guess?” He prompts.
I think about it; my brothers work, and that’s not normal so ummm.... Seth watches TV or surf a lot. Noah surfs too. Time is up before I even answer.
“Name something people take shopping?”
“Money,” we both yell simultaneously. Argh.
“Shopping list,” it’s so hard playing this with Nat because we think very alike.
We both go quiet for a moment as our brains scramble for something. I go back to the day I went shopping with Seth.
“Trolley,” I say with a smile.
The clock counts down.
“Bag?” Nathan says.
“Bag is too generic,” I hark up not wanting to go first.
“Fine. Wallet,” he grumbles.
We wait, sending each other the evil eye as money is the top answer.
“Nooooo,” I groan when wallet comes in second, why oh why did I complain?
Trolley wasn’t even on the list. Figures. I’ve only ever had one shopping experience where I actually shopped. The other time I was in a supermarket is rather hazy and I’m sure making a mess wouldn’t be an answer.
I rub my suddenly sticky hands down my blue hospital gown.
Nathan pushes the hat in front of me.
I get the shivers that I always get before I play this game.
I pull the cards out and lay them upside down. I close my eyes and turn them over.
I open them only to choke.
“What?” I stare at the two words. “GRIM REAPER.”
Nathan’s smile is huge. “Looks like you have to PUSH a HOGWART’S CART dressed as the GRIM REAPER through the GERIATRIC WARD.”
I don’t question where I’ll get the bloody grim reaper costume because suddenly the whole ‘macabre dress’ thing is explained oh so clearly. No wonder the nurse was unhappy.
“Oh God,” I take a deep breath. “Hand it over.”
Nathan ducks under the bed and places a big box on the white sheets along with a huge sickle decorated with fake blood, there are even bits that look like they are continually dripping. It’s horrendously real and totally disturbing. “I’ll go steal a cart and fill it up with yummy stuff, be ready in ten. I’m so fricken happy I thought of bringing it and matched with the Geriatric ward it’s priceless.”
“That wasn’t how I intended to give them a thrill,” I lament.
GRim reaPERs and ballerinas
Avalon
“Let me look at you,” Nat whispers after I don the costume in a dark doorway outside of the ward I was doomed to enter. He stands back and studies me totally unimpressed. “Dwarf Grim Reapers aren’t scary.”
I cross my arms. “Hey,” I start and almost jump out of my bloody skin. My voice isn’t mine, it is contorted to sound like a twisted concoction of Darth Vader, Jimmy Barnes and E.T.
Nath
an grins, “It has a digital voice thingo embedded in the mask. Fricken awesome, hey?”
“Real awesome,” I say, goosebumps erupting over my skin. It’s not a voice you would want to hear in your dreams that’s for sure.
“It was from a horror movie the guy said,” Nathan fiddles around with my dress, trying unsuccessfully to hem it.
“Where did you get this from?” my voice grates like pure evil into the air.
“The same place as your angel wings, I saw the number on the tag. I rang. He delivered.”
“Oh yeah, that shop rocks,” I nod. “I got myself a giant vagina from there too.”
How it comes out sounds absolutely ridiculous, Nathan cracks up and falls on the floor in a fit of laughter. I might be able to lower the scare factor down enough not to kill people with the addition of humour, I just have to figure out what else would sound crazy for a Grim Reaper to say.
“Why?” He sits up still choking.
“Remember?” I prompt grabbing the sickle and pointing it at him. I’m kind of getting into this now, I can feel the Grim taking over me. “That Amanda girl, I could gut her, but it’s a lot more fun to hit such hideous people where it hurts.”
He pulls himself up. “Av, I have to see the vagina.”
“Suddenly,” I scowl behind the mask. “I can think of an answer to the name a thing a teenage boy likes or whatever it was.”
“Teenage boy? Haven’t been one for five years plus I grew up on a farm. I’m scarred for life,” Nat scoffs. “But I have an idea to really drive home the point. You’ll get my pun later. I’ll do it tonight. Later. I’ll be bored anyway while you’re in Snoozeville.”
“You’ll break into the school?” I hedge not wanting him to get into trouble. “You don’t even know where it is.”
“Please, three words. Google Maps. Taxi.”
I cross my arms again and let my mask stare at him impassively imaging him hauling a giant vagina into a taxi. I find I’m totally for that.
Avalon Expandable Heart: The Wild Heart Series Page 25
