Noah finally stops revolving on the slippery surface and comes to a stop, well almost does because Sam takes advantage of his attention being on trying to get his legs underneath him enough to stand up. Sam attempts to kick him into another spin but ends up skidding over on his butt and being bounced off the side bales keeping in the water, he flicks over, and the pointy end of his carrot ends up succeeding with his master plan and sends Noah spinning again.
It’s already hilarious!
Nathan and Chops move on my signal and halt the out of control fruits and right them in a standing position.
“On my go,” I say, “and hear my words very clearly. There are no rules but this one. You may not throw the other out of the stairway. We,” I rove my hand around, “do not like wasting food. Everything else is… acceptable.”
Sam and Noah’s faces both blanche, I blow the air toward my forehead and huff. I knew they were thinking to do that. Their arms and legs are still but full of tension, sticking out of the rubbery costumes. I wait for a word from them, nothing, but the emotions that cross their faces are priceless. They really think they will be letting blood in there.
“On your mark, get set…” Both lean forward, struggling to be free from their capturer’s grasp and promptly slip over. Legs flying everywhere. Sam goes face first and spits out frothy water from his mouth. Noah snickers.
“Restart,” Nathan drawls. We all wait a good minute while they are righted again, and I see that both of them have a bit more appreciation of how difficult this will be.
“Sam, you look positively rabid,” I grin.
“Rabid Carrot on the menu for the local sharks then,” Noah snarls at him.
Sam spits at him.
“GO!” I yell before it gets feral and never starts.
Instead of going straight up to win, they appear to have taken on the Hunger Games strategy of taking each other out in the first second, expecting an easy climb at the end. Nathan hoots loudly as Noah tries to swing one fist at Sam’s squashed face only to go spinning out of control along the sides of the hay. Sam having ducked what he thought was going to be a king hit, finds his legs flicked backwards and ends up doing a carrot headstand before flipping over on his back. His arms and legs flail like a cockroach on its back that has dared enter Daryl’s spotless kitchen. Noah’s eyes roll round and round as he slowly skates to a halt. It’s a full twenty seconds before he tries to get up and even then, he’s wavering precariously.
It is beyond funny and between laughter, everyone is cheering them both on. Sam tries to right himself by tucking one arm under the carrot back and flip his whole-body weight over. Noah is trying to work out how to even get his legs and arms to touch anything as the roundness of the apple hinders him. He starts to attempt to roll it over by doing weird flinging movements with his arms and legs. Like a ninja star... in a whacko washing machine. Finally, he gets purchase on the side and creates enough momentum to stand upright, feet skating, maliciousness floods out the panic of being stuck and he launches at Sam. But when the apple belly meets the carrot’s one, Noah gets bounced back on the side of the hay and shoots forward toward the first step like lightning. Sam is dashed sideward into the hay retaining wall, so he is then able to pull himself up. He bares his teeth in a triumphant grin then shouts, “Sucked in, Arsehole.” Noah halts from his grasp on the first step and tries to manoeuvre the round green body to glare at Sam, only to find Sam has decided that insulting him isn’t enough that kicking him will be the best bet.
His leg, sticking out from the side of the carrot lifts to stamp ruthlessly on Noah’s scrambling leg, but Sam’s other leg sluices out from underneath him at a weird angle causing Sam to spin on the carrot’s pointed tip before falling against Noah who finally managed to stand.
The apple barrels forward again bouncing off the first hay step and rolls over the prone body of Sam’s carrot. Both of them roar in frustration.
“Cover your ears, peeps!” I shout cracking up at the monstrousness erupting from the frothy mouths. I guess they are kind of getting their mouths washed out with soap. Everyone else is too busy cracking up. Outlaw has shuffled closer and is not only watching the beer now.
They keep trying to bring each other down by punches or kicks for another five minutes, my side is throbbing from laughing. Slowly the moves dwindle from hoping to get a kick or punch into just hoping to get a savage handful of each other’s costume and peg them down or sideways. Nathan and Chops have to save them at least four times each from flinging themselves out of the stairway and make a game of tossing them back straight on to the other one who thought they might have made a getaway. No one has made it to the second stair on purpose.
After another bout of ineffective moves to smash each other but only resulting in them seeming, well, to everyone on the outside, to be kissing (Sam was lying over Noah face to face) causing lots of whooohooo and fruity men comments to be made, they lay there for a good minute, faces red and pulling in ragged breaths. No one misses the expression that passes between them. After another ten minutes of trying to maim each other, screaming insults and only coming to grief themselves they have decided that winning the unicorn thoughts their way will suffice. Determination passes over their features in a surge. However, that determination is pretty much used up by the mere act of trying to get upright.
Finally, they get themselves standing and begin to race toward the top. Sam actually uses the bottom point of the carrot to steady himself on the step. Noah has a much harder time; the apple belly pushes him back every time he tries to get on a step. He should feel comfortable in a washing machine with the number of backflips and spins he’s been involved in. He tries to squat jump up to the next step and lands! Only for Sam to come sliding down like a limp cartoon carrot from three steps up taking them both careening to the bottom. Noah bounces so high Nat has to jump and bat him back in like volleyball. Soon as that happens everyone crowds around the edges hoping they will get a chance to do replay that move. They do, about five more times.
“Break,” I yell. And Noah and Sam both close their eyes and expel a huge sigh. Again, they share a look. Muhaha, it’s working! Dad , you sir, are a Bonafide genius.
“I think,” I begin, thinking that more fun is better, “this is something everyone should have a chance to be in the winning for as there is no greater prize than being a unicorn with a get out of Av and Frank’s bad behaviour card. Everyone in! Wait for my mark!”
Everyone is still, bar for Nat and Chops, who throw off their clothes and jump in in just their boxers without a second thought. After pleading from both parties, they help Noah and Sam out of their fruit costumes and wait. Noah and Sam are red from their expended efforts but it doesn’t stop my octopus sucking the tips of two tentacles to my eyeballs, and the rest to various other parts of my body as my gaze roams over his body. I thought that thing shrivelled up after the whole baby thing. Apparently, it was off purchasing more potent tentacle juice which it is injecting those various body parts with liberal generosity. Noah’s eyes narrow slightly as he returns my gaze. Then he smiles crookedly and winks at me. “Monster,” I mouth to him. The girls wait until Nat makes a sound that tears my eyes from Noah’s. Jaime and Wade exchange looks with each other.
“Come on,” I encourage, “I played soccer!”
“Aren’t you too?”
“No,” two savage male voices growl. Great. “Just asking,” Jaime mumbles under his breath. Nat and Noah don’t share a glance.
They slowly strip and move in. It’s D that makes the first move for the girls. The rest follow suit. Good girl!
“Okay,” I start with a smile. “Don’t throw anyone off the stairwell and kicking and punching and like general murder stuff is now not allowed. On your marks, get set, GO!”
Mayhem does not describe it, bodies are flying left, right and centre!
Nat and Chops who have played this before, cause chaos, purposely tipping people over the slide into others. Chops helps D up to the top and she
grabs the beer before her feet slide out beneath her and she takes out every single person on the stairway. She never makes it to the bottom with the beer because Outlaw, with an impressive display of timing, snatches it from her hand as she slips past. I watch open-mouthed as he plants the bottle between his two front hooves and twists off the lid with his teeth.
“Guess that solves those strange indents on his teeth,” Flea says dryly. Outlaw lifts the bottle and chugs it back like he was born in a pub. I don’t think I’ve ever watched anything be chucked away as disdainfully as that empty bottle.
Noah and Sam are squashed together and lay there panting and groaning. Nat and Chops having made sure those guys were the ones to have it the toughest.
I watch with relief and smugness as they exchange a glance that contains no hostility, maybe some resignation but definitely no murderous overtones now. “You’re the one dating her,” Sam drawls with a shake of his head as they lie there, buggered. Noah chuckles quietly.
“It’s just evidence of your insanity,” Sam slithers a hand toward Noah’s. Gee, thanks, Sam. “But...” he trails off.
Noah’s considerable chest expands before he breathes out, “It takes one to know one?”
Sam moans in agreement like he can’t believe where his path has taken him. Or where I’ve dragged him. Like it wasn’t him that was posing naked in filtered sunlight only a couple of hours ago.
I hold my breath. After a silent minute, Noah takes the offered hand, they only hold the grasp for a second. “Change the way you look at her and I’ll kill you,” he says.
INSANITY TRUCE
Avalon
“An Insanity Truce has been offered forth and accepted!” Jaime yells causing everyone else to twist tired heads to see what the hell he’s talking about. It’s a pretty lousy find to catch the almost instantaneous awareness in the surprised gazes.
Nathan’s top lip curls, he despises any word that may originate from the base word ‘insane’ directed our way. That lady, the no-idea psychologist from the city, that came years ago part of the government intervention project had muttered that word over and over as she staggered away from the ‘session’ she had with Nathan and I. Pop had assured us that we could only have been perceived that way due to our upbringing outside of normal social constructs and she, being bought up, well within those walls, could not get her head around our peculiarities. He smiled a strange smile then and ruffled both of hairs. I personally thought it was probably Daryl’s food or maybe the few ‘choice’ pet specimens we offered her to take home; in hindsight maybe a feral pig and a little croc weren’t decent selections for the city. Poor creatures. I shake my head at Nat to say it’s not what you might think and at Jaime, who suddenly seems quite at ease with Sam and Noah, like competing and losing to D of all people has tossed them all in this Boys Club where the members are now best buddies.
“Yeah. Celebrations should definitely occur,” Sam snides sarcastically.
“They should,” Jaime tries to jump up but slips down and lies there supine for a second, breathing heavily. “We,” his free arm waves to everyone lying in varying positions, “are the safest people in the area! We can walk on both sides now! Noah and Seth are in our… posse. Cheers, Av!” The word posse seemed to hold its own question.
“Okay,” I smile at him, not really getting that he wouldn’t walk anywhere he wanted to in the first place. “Strut it, kid!”
Jaime just nods as if he is literally striding past someplace he would never have the guts to go in his mind. Rockin’ it too by the looks of his grin.
“Where are you going venture first?” Noah asks him, without turning his head. It’s odd for Noah to entertain even the idea of a conversation about these types of things with others. Maybe Sam did get a few into his head.
“The Avenue,” Jaime replies instantly.
Nathan and I don’t hold back our matching giggle. “Sounds riveting.”
“Please,” scoffs Wade, sticking up for Jaime. “Bet Sam wouldn’t go there first up.”
Nat raises an eyebrow, “What is this Avenue?”
“It’s just a street near the othersides’ beach,” Sam replies offhandedly. “How much?” He uses his legs to scoot into a better position to watch Wade.
“Fifty bucks,” he nods in agreement to Jaime who adds quickly, “Without Noah or Avalon – ”
“— Or him,” Wade interjects, jerking a thumb towards Nat.
“Done,” Sam says with a smirk that makes me think he’d thought of all the loopholes to that bet that had run through my mind.
“Can’t wait!”
“Hold on, so were you on Sam and Seth’s side in the beginning?” I ask remembering how much they didn’t like the two school terrors. They look perplexed, “No?” They retort in unison.
“Then I don’t get it.” I throw my hands up.
“They were never seen as targets to us,” Sam explains. “More like … flies. Annoying.”
“Were they a mark to your side, Noah?” I try to make sense of this in my mind.
He smiles a good millimetre, shaking his head, “Bit below my radar, fellas.”
“So, all along you could have walked wherever you wanted?”
Jaime and Wade exchange confused glances.
“Ah, good old communication,” Nathan chuckles. “Excluded from all the important stuff, yet again.”
“And doesn’t posse mean we are all on the same team?” I ask, staring straight at Jaime and Wade who look rather sheepish. “Seems like you want a bit of carnage.” I indicate to the exhausted Sam.
They start to fiddle with the tarp. Sam hmpfs… “Everyone out to get me…Old habits…” he sniffs as D looks grief-stricken.
“Anyway, I better take a snap of this momentous day for evidence sake,” I grin teetering on the edge to reach my arm out above them. Noah and Sam’s heads are almost touching, like they are leaning in toward each other in front of a blue backdrop. So endearing, they destroy the moment by grimacing as I grab a shot. “Aw, so cute,” I gush dramatically, hoping they think they didn’t wreck it. “Those fruit costumes really have rubbed off on you guys.” Sam snarls and tries to get up. He slips and lands on top of Noah who emits a loud oompf before trying to hurl Sam off. Instead, yet again, it sure looks like they are up to no good.
“Learning to accept love is the first step to a full life, monster,” I chide waggling my finger. I like calling him monster, it suits, as it did the first time I let it slip after the cage fight. “Stop feeling his boobs, though, makes the cows jealous.” His eyes flick to mine, and for a moment I think about launching down there in place of Sam’s exact position. Bloody octopus!
“Shut up, Av!” Sam snaps trying to desperately get hold of the side as well as a foothold. Nathan who has been slipping over on his back lifts a foot against Sam’s butt to shove him out of the pool, straight into a pile of dust. Sam goes nuts trying to rub it off only to smear it everywhere. I can tell his temper is rising like a rocket zooming to space with every swipe. He gets jerky, and his face goes beetroot red.
Harry points to the trough where two cows are happily sucking up the water. “Don’t touch their boobs though, son.” He warns. “They aren’t that sort.”
“Don’t cry, Sam,” Wade taunts, obviously feeling the Boys Club vibe returning with his new view on his verified safety. “Once your photos are printed there will be plenty of boob feeling but in the meantime dirt and manly love will make you so much stronger, therefore, extra attractive!”
Sam, totally stepping out of the OCD cleanliness blue he thrives in, prizes up a huge dryish cow pad and hurls it at Wade like a frisbee. It splinters everywhere like a clay target raining on everyone in the stairway pool causing another bout of screaming, slippery chaos.
“I’ve heard that swimming in shit also helps,” Sam scowls moving to the other trough. “You’re welcome.”
Everyone is helped out; sore and exhausted and still absolutely horrified Sam threw poo. And as we are washing them of
f, me trying not to let my damn hands have their way and soap up Noah, a car drives slowly down the driveway. Harry raises an eyebrow as he squints in the growing darkness. It’s not a car I know. Flea, who admitted that he still worries that he’ll be taken back to the hostel, swallows and takes a steadying breath. I move in front of him reaching one hand behind to squeeze his old one, he holds on to it for a minute until the slight tremors cease. Nathan steps in front of us all and after an assessing glance at my knife leg, strides toward the white 4WD as it nears, hand unconsciously feeling for a whip that isn’t there. In general, we don’t like visitors we aren’t expecting… or know. But… sometimes, I’ve come to realise since being here, they are okay, like if they are delivering Mooves or millions of roses. Noah’s green eyes study my hand as it lets go of Flea’s, then both he and Sam step between Nathan and us. I raise an eyebrow but don’t say anything.
Nathan showcases his considerable bare bulk in a manner that says back away now if you have no business here or I will crush you between my pecs as he paces toward the car and bends down to the driver in a confidently menacing way. His body relaxes, I relax, Pop releases a breath. After a second Nat calls out, “It’s the vet!”
Everyone else relaxes. D and the gang, who Chops had harried to the verandah, wrap towels around themselves and sit on the edge, legs swinging over the side. An older man approaches in blue overalls, shooting Nat a few sideways glances and raising an eyebrow at Noah and Sam. I poke them in the side with a grin “Thanks, boofs, unreal security teamwork,” I wink at them before they move off, I sidle up to Noah and kiss him on the cheek. His eyes darken before he smiles lopsidedly at me, shaking his head. The vet shakes Harry’s hand in greeting. “Sorry about the timing, accident at the racecourse, so thought I’d swing by now instead of tomorrow when I’ll be doing more than a few follow-ups,” he smiles.
Avalon Expandable Heart: The Wild Heart Series Page 36
