I nodded, clamping my mouth shut, deciding to keep my plans for Heart Reign to myself.
The sound of Nana’s chair wheeling over the uneven floor alerted us before my grandmother entered the room. "Addie, why don't you rest in here for a while?" her level voice suggested. "I need to speak with Silas about something."
I knew Nana had probably heard our conversation or my abrupt near-exit from her home, but I was thankful that she didn't mock me for it. Though we were years apart, we understood each other's reasons for our actions.
Nodding, I retreated to a chair by Nana's broken bookcase, though my curiosity piqued as to why Nana needed to speak to Silas alone. I watched their exit to the kitchen, straining to hear the hushed words. But after a moment of indecipherable whispers, I gave up.
Sinking into the chair, I enjoyed the way the stuffing had been worn over the years from me curling up to read. While Nana didn't have many books, she had more literature than I did. In the days before, when Nana would merely peer out the window into the distance instead of acknowledging or speaking to Silas and me, I would often seek comfort in the stories in her books. Triumphant heroes who diminished evil with a cut of their swords. Magical wizards who could heal with a touch. How nice it would have been to escape to one of those realms instead of the one I was stuck in.
A wave of nostalgia washed over me as I leaned over the arm of the chair to admire the stack of books. They were perfectly organized: large ones at the bottom, ascending to smaller ones.
A small smile came to my lips as I ran my fingertip along the unique bindings of the books. How many times had these stories distracted me from my fears? How many times had I sought love and companionship in their pages when I had none?
The wheels of Nana's chair pulled me from the stack as she entered the room. Her glance was as lifeless as stone as she said, "I know this is a hard time for you, Addie. It's a hard time for all of us." She took in a long breath, her unwavering stare making me uneasy.
Luckily, Silas came through the kitchen doorway, holding a large red book in his hands. "Just finished up the last of the dishes," he said. He looked at Nana, then to me. "Addie."
I turned toward him. His face, as always, held nothing.
"Are you ready to go?"
Nodding, I glanced at the book. “What’s that?”
“That’s something for Silas’s eyes only,” Nana said quickly before positioning herself near the door, ready to say good night.
I cocked my head at the unusual reply but padded over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, anyway. "Thank you for tonight. And I'm sorry . . . about everything."
Nana nodded slowly.
I wandered over to Silas, who had already said his good-byes to Nana and was waiting at the door. He clutched the red book tightly in his hand as he gave me my cloak and mittens. Though he bore no emotion, something was off. I started to wonder if it had anything to do with their talk in the kitchen or the book I had never seen before.
Glancing up at him, I gave him a small smile and said, "Thank you for always helping me." I reached out to take the cloak, my hands brushing against his. An electrifying sensation ricocheted up my arm, straight into my chest. I sucked in a sharp breath, hoping my reaction went unnoticed.
But Silas’s eyes never wavered as his hand slowly receded. He swallowed and nodded firmly. Before I could say anything else, he turned and opened the door, marching into the bitter night.
Wrapping the wool cloak around my shoulders and pulling on my mittens, I gave Nana a small wave. She nodded quickly and wheeled herself around, fleeing into the safety of her home.
Taking in a breath for good measure, I walked out the door. The cold wind hit me again as I stared out once more into the night sky. Silas's golden hair gleamed in the moonlight as he waited at the bottom of the steps.
I swallowed hard, looking at the long trek before me.
"You can do it," Silas said coolly.
I nodded again, repeating that phrase in my mind as I grasped my hands and walked down the stairs.
Eventually, I made it down the steps and Silas began trekking down the snowy trail. Using him as my guide, I followed each step he took.
We walked through the icy night in silence until we reached the worn steps of my house. Relief overcame me when I saw the cracked white paint and barely attached shingles, and I rushed up the stairs, thankful for the safety of my home. I expected to hear Silas's footsteps follow, but the creaks never came. Halfway over the threshold, I turned around. Silas looked up at me, his eyes heavier than usual.
I tried to muster up a smile, but my words came out with a wobble. "Silas, is everything okay? Are you staying?"
His lips formed into a tight line. "I just want tomorrow to be over with." Before I could react, he turned toward the community housing. "Good night, Addie."
A tightness squeezed my chest, but the fear never came. Instead, the warm feeling I had begun to have around Silas faded, dulling into a layer of disappointment as I watched him disappear into the shadows.
I quickly turned and went inside, locking the door and placing a wooden chair in front of it like I always did when Silas didn't spend the night. My heart, fully calmed since earlier this evening, knew without a doubt that it was safe. Yet, as I looked around at my darkened home, the loneliness that haunted me crept in. Shaking my head, I pushed those thoughts away as I lit every candle and oil lamp I had, extinguishing the shadows.
Satisfied with the light, my eyes began to feel heavy. I knew I needed sleep for tomorrow. I had no idea what would happen. But that's exactly why I couldn't sleep. Taking one of the lit lamps, I walked up the stairs toward Lyle's room. Maybe being in there would bring me some peace before Heart Reign.
The wood squeaked and groaned under my feet as I reached the top of the stairs. Another small lamp sat on a table in the upstairs corridor. Carefully, I used the flame of the one in my hand to light it, causing the hallway to illuminate.
I crept cautiously toward the door adjacent to mine, slightly cracked like Lyle always left it. Taking a deep breath, I pushed it open entirely, allowing the crisp scent of cedar to fill the hallway. Everything was exactly as he had left it seven years ago. Clothes were scattered around the floor, various strange items for trades were stacked in a box next to a pile of books. I had never moved any of them, even when I had reread my own several times and desired something new.
I held the lamp high before I found a candle resting atop one of Lyle’s shelves. It was a nub from all the nights when he would stay up late researching. I feared lighting it would cause it to melt completely. Thankfully, my oil lamp cast more than enough light, so I wouldn’t have to light Lyle’s candle tonight.
Placing one hand on my hip, I studied the room, memorizing every detail of it as I had the day Lyle disappeared. I had convinced myself that if I didn't touch anything, he would come back.
My gaze roamed throughout the piles of things, memories connected to each one. A bundle of light blue fabric caught my eye, and I let out a gasp. Tiptoeing around a mound of socks, I reached out and carefully dislodged the sweater that was buried beneath them. My eyes welled with tears, and I clutched the sweater close. This was Lyle’s favorite sweater. After he disappeared, I searched everywhere for it, but couldn’t find it. How had it gotten here?
I scanned the room once more, my eyes landing on a familiar stack of papers. Something didn't seem right. Taking a step closer, I was careful not to disturb a piece of cloth that resembled a wolf from the forest. A thin text, maybe fifty pages long, was covered with Lyle's old scribbled notes. Its length was larger than the paper he had used. I knew I had never seen this before.
Holding my breath, I slung Lyle’s sweater around my neck as I carefully nudged the scraps of paper away from the book. The cover was leather, and simple twine bound the yellowed pages together. It looked so frail, as if a single breath would disintegrate it.
Excitement rose in my stomach as I carefully placed the oil lamp on the tab
le and slid the thin text out without disturbing anything else. With my curiosity piqued, I peeled back the tattered cover. An elegant script covered the front page: Writings and Thoughts by Anna Dilig. I sucked in a breath. This was Nana's journal.
Chapter 6
My fingers squeezed the book. I had always wondered what Nana was like before her Extraction. Thoughts of how this and the sweater had come to Lyle's room when no one had entered it but me flew from my mind as curiosity took over. Carefully, I flipped to the next delicate page and began to read.
"Today was the most wonderful day! I just went down to the market and received a beautiful golden gown. Who would've thought a quick wink and a smile could do so much! I can't wait for Heart Reign. I just know I’ll be able to trade my heart for anything I desire."
I blinked at the words. Nana sounded just as disoriented as the woman from the newspaper I had read earlier this morning. But this entry had been written before Schism, when there was still hope in Barracks. Looking at the fluid, delicate writing, I read the next page.
"Something quite unexpected happened today. Upon my Extraction, I learned I had the purest and brightest heart among anyone! Me! I can hardly believe the luck. Everyone in line was extremely jealous of me, especially Patty Farmount. He has always tried to best me at everything, but this time he came up just a tad too short. Or a tad too dim, I should say! I’m excited to see what trades await at me Heart Reign tomorrow."
My eyes scanned over the passage a second time. A pure heart? So what Headmaster Clive had taught me when I was young was right. Barracks did have an abundance of pure hearts. But that wasn't the case anymore. No one had extracted a bright red heart in years.
Placing my hand in the text so I wouldn’t lose my place, I tiptoed from Lyle's room, extending the oil lamp to find my way so I didn’t disturb anything else.
Once I crossed the threshold, I carefully placed the door back in the same position it had been in and entered my room.
Reaching for the group of candles I had stacked on my dresser, I grabbed the first one and ignited it. After the flame burst to life, I used it to alight the others and retreated to my bed, placing the oil lamp on the small stool next to it.
After putting Lyle’s sweater on the edge of the bed, I nestled under the warm, thick quilt, propping my flat pillow behind my head and opening the journal once more. As I reread the previous passage to make sure I had read Nana's writing correctly, I focused on where she had written about Patty Farmount. Disgust wrapped around my heart. That had to be Patrick Farmount, Lord Farmount's boorish father who had begun the tradition of offering women marriage in exchange for their hearts. I didn't know Nana had grown up with him.
I continued reading.
"Heart Reign was especially exquisite! The colors of the vendors' displays were immaculate, and my golden dress glittered beautifully in the summer sun. What a glorious day! And that's not even the best part! I, Anna Dilig, was able to barter my heart for TWO trades. Everyone scowled at that. No one has ever been able to do it before! I've always wanted to have money of my own, so I chose unending wealth, and, because I could trade once more, I chose beauty. Who doesn't want a pretty face? I'm extremely pleased with my trades!"
I let out a sigh. Nana was just like the others, fooled by the façade of Heart Reign. But I was still curious as to how this exuberant woman transformed into the scarred woman I had too many similarities with. So I read on.
"It has been a few weeks since Heart Reign, and I must say my trades were the best decisions I have ever made. Every day, I receive new beauty potions and garments to adorn myself with. I also have been given a luxurious case of rare jewels, all of which I can trade back at the market for anything I desire!
Though I'm happy with the trades I made, I must be completely honest. Since it was discovered that I received two trades, I have had an unprecedented number of suitors. None, unfortunately, whom I desire. I would never say this aloud, but though the jewels and clothes are beautiful, and the attention is welcoming, none of it feels the same as having my heart did. I feel happy on the outside, but my inside is hollow, as if it's been carved into a hole that only one thing can fill. I'm not sure if this is how everyone else feels, but I wouldn't dare bring it up to anyone, for fear of what they would say."
I placed the journal flat on my lap, staring at the blank wall in front of me. It was true. Once a heart was extracted, your emotions became shallow before fading into nothing. Was Nana the only one who had ever felt this way? Or did everyone else experience and ignore it? I focused on the last sentence, feeling comfort that I wasn't the only one afraid of the ridicule of others. I flipped to the next page.
"Today was a complete disaster! I cannot believe the boorish pig's insolence!"
My brows rose with curiosity.
"I was minding my own business, trying to pick out the perfect tray of cherry donuts for my birthday party, when I overheard Patty haggling with one of the vendors I traded my heart to. The beast was trying to get the vendor to trade MY heart to him! Can you believe it? As if I would actually want that ignorant fool to wrap his sweaty hands around my beautiful, pure heart!"
I pursed my lips, assuming that was when Lord Farmount, Sr. had begun his marriage tradition. I returned to the journal, wondering what Nana had done to him once she found out.
"I wasn't going to stand for that. How dare he! I left the pastry vendor and marched right over to him in a rage. And you wouldn't believe what happened next. A market boy I had never seen before came barreling out from behind the vendor, spilling an entire tray of raspberry tarts down my beautiful lilac skirt. The horror! How would I ever get raspberry filling out of silk? Even though he looked around my age, I was ready to take out my fury at Patty on the market boy. But when he lowered the empty tart tray, it was if I had been struck silly. His eyes—they were like crystals as blue as the seas I had read about. And his hair, like a chestnut tree, thick and wavy. I don't know what happened, but I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what to do!
Patty took advantage of my speechlessness and ran toward the handsome market boy, ready to strike him. Luckily, the market boy was too quick and bolted away! He ran so fast, he left Patty in the dust."
Who was this man Nana was talking about? He couldn’t be the one she had lost long ago, could he? I ran my fingers over the delicate script. Nana never talked about Paw Paw. Whatever happened was too painful for her to share. Though I never thought he had died, I understood enough to know he wasn’t around anymore. But if this man was him, then I was finally discovering who my grandfather was.
"Well, I couldn't let him get away, so I dashed right after him. I couldn't believe I was so bold! I ran so hard that the thin heels of my boots completely snapped off! By the time I reached the boy, I was a complete and utter mess. My hair had fallen out, there was mud and raspberry tart smeared on my dress, and I was covered in sweat. I'm sure I looked like a disaster.
But that boy looked up at me, and I will never forget it. His blue eyes gazed at me, and he told me I was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. An odd thing happened then. I began to feel something strange in the cavity of my chest. It jumped, and I screamed, not expecting the beating of my heart to greet me."
I brought the text closer, scrutinizing the words. Hadn't Nana traded her heart away? How did it come back? This was something I had never heard before. Who was this market boy who had such a power to bring back lost hearts?
"My scream instantly brought the market boy to my aid. He placed his hand on the beating heart in my chest, but I couldn't allow that; I have a reputation to uphold. So I smacked him in the face! And do you know what he did? He grinned and kissed me on the cheek! I was astounded at his boldness. I know he is the man I am going to marry."
Leaning back, I stopped reading, unable to comprehend what had happened. I knew that Nana was married before. I had seen her wedding band on a chain around her neck. She oftened cradled it in her hands when she thought no
one was looking. But was the man who had restored her heart her husband? If that was so, where was he now?
"Things have moved quickly, but each time I'm with James, I feel my heart coming back to me more and more. I'm about to burst with happiness! There's not a silk skirt or diamond necklace that could replace how I feel when I'm with him."
So, James must be the market boy who had saved Nana's heart from Lord Farmount's father. And the one who had brought back her pure heart.
"Today was the day my life has changed for the better. James asked me to marry him, and I said YES! A thousand times yes, yes, yes! My returned heart beats ferociously for him now that I feel its life within me once more.
I reread the last sentence a few times, biting my lip as my eyes scanned the text. Had Nana grown her heart back? I’ve never heard of something like that happening before. How was it possible?
It's quite a strange thing, and it's never happened to anyone before. I didn't even know it was possible until the two vendors I traded my heart to came storming to my front stoop, demanding to get the power of my heart back. How dare they! My heart's power was no longer my own. I have fully given it to James.
They began threatening to take me back to Doctor Magnum's to have another Extraction, but I would never go through that terrible procedure again. Losing the love I have in my heart would kill me."
Doctor Magnum? He really had been extracting hearts for decades. Examining the passage again, I felt my own heart fall to the pit of my stomach. Was the Extraction that terrible? I had never heard negative things about it, but then again, after the procedure, no one talked about what had happened during it. I swallowed, trying to put it out of my brain, and continued reading.
"They were about to drag me down there when James appeared. He had a strange item in his hand, like an axe, but it had a hook on the adjacent end. James didn't even have to say a word, because when the vendors saw the axe, they let go of my arms and ran away. My savior had rescued me, and we are to be together forever after this very evening!"
Heartmender Page 4
