Forbidden Love

by Phillips, Laura

  Cam. Cameron… No.

  Jackie thought she might get sick right there. She glanced down at the waste basket that was under her desk, swallowing the lump in her throat.

  “Jackie, you okay?”

  “Cam…” Jackie glanced down at the paper that she’d graded last night, not quite believing that it was hers, that she was taking her behavioral psychology class.

  “Jackie, you’re shaking… What’s going on?”

  “You’ve obviously known all along that I was your professor,” Jackie said, her voice shaking slightly with anger.

  “Yes…”

  Jackie pushed her chair back and stood up. She couldn’t sit still. She paced back and forth, in the space behind her desk, in front of the window.

  Jackie’s hands were clenched at her sides. She could feel the anger swelling up inside of her.

  “How could I have been so reckless?” Jackie whispered, more to herself than Cam.

  “Wait, how did you not know that I was your student? Cameron isn’t exactly a common name.”

  “Reading the name, I assumed you were a guy and I’ve only ever known you as Cam. I never thought about what your full name was. Also, I have two hundred and fifty-six students in that class alone. I can’t keep track of who’s who.”

  Jackie wiped her hand across her face, still pacing the floor.

  “I thought you knew,” Cam said in a voice just above a whisper.

  “What am I going to do?”

  “Nothing. We just kissed, and I won’t say anything,” Cam said as she stood up. “This has obviously been a huge misunderstanding… I thought you were okay with this.”

  “How could I be okay with almost sleeping with one of my students?”

  “Well, you wouldn’t be the first. I’ve heard rumors…”

  “About who?”

  “Professor Fields. I think he teaches some literature class. Linda Harrison. I had no idea that she taught here. I’ll probably have her next year.”

  “She’s married.”

  “I know but that obviously doesn’t stop her. Look, it doesn’t matter. I’m not interested in dating a professor. It was just you, Jackie, and you happened to be my professor… I can’t believe how unlucky we are.”

  Jackie nodded. “Well, your paper was excellent… You can take it. It’s on the top of the pile. My notes are on it… I can’t sit down and go over it with you. Not now anyway…”

  “Of course… You’re shaking,” Cam said, meeting her eyes.

  “I’m in shock.”

  Cam reached for her paper across Jackie’s desk and slid it into her leather satchel. Jackie watched her as she crossed the room to stand in front of her.

  “You have nothing to worry about,” Cam said softly. “Okay? We didn’t sleep together. No one knows that we kissed. I didn’t tell anyone anyway.”

  Jackie nodded, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall.

  “Everything’s going to be okay… I’ll see you around campus I guess,” Cam said as she showed herself out.

  Jackie couldn’t understand how she was being so calm about all this. Jackie could hear the sadness in Cam’s voice though.

  She wished there was something she could do about it but there wasn’t. They just had to stay away from each other. That was the only solution.

  They had to end things before they could even begin, and Jackie would just have to hope that her feelings would fade with time.

  Chapter 16

  Jackie got to her Tuesday morning lecture early and took off her cream winter coat and green scarf. She took her time setting up her laptop and getting ready as a few students pushed opened the doors at the back of the room and found a seat.

  It had been almost a month since Cam had walked into her office. She’d gone home in a daze that evening, wondering how she could have missed it but what she’d told Cam was true. She had hundreds of students every year.

  She shouldn’t have assumed that Cameron was a guy, but she’d only seen the name when she was grading that paper. They’d already kissed twice at that point.

  Jackie had to accept the fact that she couldn’t change what happened, she just had to make the decision not to cross that line again.

  They’d been avoiding each other for the last month. Jackie was sure of it. She knew that she didn’t want to bump into Cam, but she thought Cam might approach her at some point.

  Jackie was glad that she hadn’t because it would have been so hard to stay away, especially if they were alone together.

  Cam always sat at the back of her lectures. Almost every seat was taken now, and Jackie scanned the back of the room before she dimmed the lights. Her eyes easily found Cam, her chestnut hair, steaked with rusty shades, pulled back into a messy bun.

  Jackie sighed as she looked away. It was for the best really. Things could have been a lot worse.

  Jackie didn’t need the distraction. Her rule was still firmly in place. No students. But for the first time, she had to deal with temptation.

  She just couldn’t believe how close she’d come to breaking that rule. If they’d met one more time, Jackie was certain that they would have fallen into bed together.

  But she hadn’t known that Cam was her student, so it was different, right?

  Now she did know… And Jackie was still incredibly attracted to her. She’d seen her a few times crossing the campus parking lot or heading in the same building ahead of her.

  She wanted to talk to her but what was the point? What could she say?

  They couldn’t be friends. She was a student and why would they even be friends anyway? Jackie was too drawn to her. It would just be torture.

  The only solution was to keep their distance.

  Chapter 17

  Cam tucked her scarf further into her black winter jacket as she crouched down in front of the massive oak tree by the side of the road, leaving a bunch of lilies at the foot of it.

  It was a cold and cloudy day with snow forecasted in the evening. Cam hated this time of year, the way winter choked the landscape, suffocating the archaic trees.

  It was hard to believe that seven years had gone by since her brother, Stephen, had died.

  She’d been fifteen, Stephen eighteen. They were on their way to Philadelphia for Cam’s first real concert. He wanted to take her away for the weekend.

  The roads were icy, and Stephen took the bend too fast. They skidded across the road, slamming into this tree. He didn’t have his seatbelt on, but Cam did.

  She didn’t remember large chunks of that day but the sound of the tires screeching and the crunch of metal against this tree would stay with her forever. She remembered the blinding pain that shot through her legs when she tried to move.

  Cam tried to imagine what he’d be like now, if that night hadn’t happened. He’d be twenty-five years old. He was supposed to go to college and play baseball on a scholarship. He might have even made it to the big leagues.

  Cam missed him every day, but the anniversary was always hard. She’d skipped all her classes for the day. She didn’t want to see anyone or have to explain her mood.

  In the evening, she’d go into the library and try to get some studying done for her exams that were starting next week. Hopefully, she’d be able to focus by then.

  Chapter 18

  Snow flurries fell, sticking to her windscreen as Cam pulled into the only free parking space she could see. Everyone else had the same idea, cramming for their exams at the library.

  She was lucky to find a spot. She turned off her car and reached across the passenger seat to get her leather messenger bag with her notes. She wanted to put in a solid two or three hours that evening.

  Cam got out of her car, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

  “Cam!”

  She turned to see Jackie walking towards her in a beige winter jacket with a deep green scarf wrapped around her neck.

  “Hi,” Jackie said with a shy smile as got closer.

  “Hey… How are y
ou?”

  This was the first time they’d spoken since the argument they’d had in Jackie’s office six weeks ago.

  “Good… I feel like all I’m doing lately is trying to calm everybody down. I hope you’re not worried about your exams?”

  “No… I’m quietly confident.”

  “You should be.”

  “I’m still heading to the library though,” Cam said with a lopsided smile. “So not that confident.”

  “I won’t keep you then… Are you okay?” Jackie asked, her brows furrowing slightly.

  Cam nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

  “Okay… I’ll let you get going… It was nice to see you.”

  “You too.”

  Cam’s eyes followed her as she made her way to her white Audi. There was just something about her.

  Kayla had been trying to fix her up, but she kept putting it off. She couldn’t imagine kissing someone other than Jackie.

  Cam looked away and turned to head into the library. She didn’t know how she was going to get over her. Jackie was the most confident, beautiful, sexy woman that she’d ever met.

  Cam still couldn’t believe how bad their timing was. Kayla had asked her to play softball last year and the year before.

  If Cam had started playing then, she would have met Jackie long before she was her student.

  But would anything have come of it?

  Jackie probably wouldn’t have been interested in her when she was only nineteen or twenty.

  Cam pushed open the library door and tried to forget about all those ‘What ifs?’

  Chapter 19

  Cam’s mocha colored eyes surveyed the function room, making sure everything was running smoothly. The DJ was in the top-left corner of the room, taking requests now.

  This was the youth group’s third year having a Christmas party. They rented out a function room at a different hotel each year, bringing together several youth groups and pooling their resources together to hire a DJ and caterer.

  They’d had fundraisers throughout the year and it was worth it. Cam wished she’d had something like this when she was their age.

  She remembered how hard it was when she was sixteen or seventeen. She was too young to sign up for an online dating site and she’d been too scared to approach anyone from school.

  This was a safe place for the sixty or seventy teenagers that showed up tonight and it was a great experience for the members of their group to meet other LGBTQ youth.

  Tonight, everyone was dressed in their best. Some wore dresses and suits, others a nice top with black pants.

  Cam wore black skinny jeans and a teal tank top with a black blazer and heels. Her auburn hair was down but more styled than usual.

  She caught Kayla’s eyes across the room and she gave her a thumbs up. The night was going well. Cam went to check on the food and drinks and the only problem they seemed to have was that they’d run out of ice.

  She couldn’t see any hotel staff in the room and the bar on the far side of the room was closed. She’d have to wander down to another one of the other function rooms to see if they’d give her a bucket of ice.

  Chapter 20

  There was nothing Jackie hated more than small talk and she couldn’t get away from the young man that was standing beside her, telling her about how world war three was going to start.

  She’d just met him a few minutes ago, but she was stuck to him like a stringy piece of gum that you couldn’t get off the bottom of your shoe.

  Linda’s fiftieth birthday party was a real mix of characters. Linda had a large family and they were all here. Almost everyone from the Psychology Department came and a few other people from college that Linda was friends with. Most of the softball team was here too. Jackie assumed the people she didn’t recognize were either family or members of the golf club.

  Jackie glanced over at the bar, planning her escape. She drank the rest of her wine and was just about to excuse herself when her eyes fell on a woman, who looked a lot like Cam, waiting to be served.

  But what would she be doing here?

  Jackie hadn’t seen Kayla, so she didn’t come with her. She tore her eyes away to finally excuse herself from the conversation.

  She weaved through the tables and groups of people chatting until she got to the bar. Cam had her back to her and Jackie took the opportunity to look her up and down. She looked amazing in all black.

  “Hey…”

  “Jackie?” Cam asked as she turned around. “Hi.”

  “How are you?”

  “Good thanks. You?”

  “I’m alright. Not nearly drunk enough for this,” Jackie said, lifting up her empty wine glass.

  “And what’s that?”

  “It’s Linda’s fiftieth.”

  “She’s fifty?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Wow,” Cam said, leaning back against the bar, folding her arms across her chest.

  Jackie had trouble focusing on the conversation. Cam’s mocha colored eyes were almost hypnotizing, the golden flecks sparkling under the light of the chandeliers.

  “What about you?” Jackie asked, subconsciously licking her lips. “What are you doing here?”

  “I volunteer at an LGBTQ youth group. Tonight’s our Christmas party. We’re down the hall in the next function room.”

  Jackie nodded. “That’s nice,” she said with a warm smile, holding Cam’s gaze.

  “You look amazing,” Cam said softly, her eyes daringly passing over Jackie’s emerald green dress that clung to her curves.

  Jackie loved that dress. She knew it brought out her eyes and she’d paired it with gold jewelry and black heels tonight.

  “Thank you. I um…”

  Jackie sighed softly. She knew what she wanted to say she just… She couldn’t say it. She’d made up her mind. There was no point pursuing this.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” Jackie said quickly. “Never mind.”

  The bartender came over to them. “Here’s you ice,” he said to Cam. “Will I carry it down for you?”

  “Yes,” Cam said. “Please.” She turned back to Jackie. “I should probably get back.”

  “Of course. Enjoy your night.”

  “You too.”

  Jackie watched her leave, loving the way her silky hair swept across her shoulders in lose waves. She looked stunning.

  I might as well order a drink while I’m here and I think it needs to be something stronger than wine.

  “Can I get a whiskey on the rocks, please?”

  “Who was that?”

  “Jesus,” Jackie breathed, her hand moving to her chest. “Linda, you scared the shit out of me.”

  “I thought it looked a lot like that girl that came to one of our practices… I can’t remember her name though.”

  “Cam.”

  “Right…” Linda pushed a lock of her blond hair behind her ear. “I know that look, Jackie.”

  “There’s nothing going on,” Jackie said a little too defensively.

  “Why not? She’s gorgeous. Young… But gorgeous.”

  “She’s in one of my classes.”

  “Ah,” Linda said as she took a drink. “Wouldn’t want to repeat that mistake again…”

  “Is that how you think of our affair? That it was a mistake?”

  “No… Not at all. I don’t,” Linda said, pressing her hand into her chest. “I thought you might of.”

  Jackie sighed and paid the bartender as he passed her drink across the counter. She took a much-needed drink.

  “It probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done but I don’t regret it,” Jackie said as she turned to face Linda. “Besides, it was a lifetime ago.”

  “We were reckless… I was your lecturer and I was married. I had a lot at stake.”

  “So, you’re advising against me going there?”

  “Yes… As would any other intelligent person. You have everything to lose and she has everything to gain. What’s at stake f
or her? Nothing… It can’t end well.”

  “I know…”

  Chapter 21

  Cam had tried to enjoy herself when she got back to the party, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Jackie was in the next room looking absolutely drop dead gorgeous. She looked amazing in that emerald green dress.

  Jackie still wanted her. She could see it in her eyes. Cam was certain of it, but she didn’t think that changed anything. Jackie was terrified of getting caught. The way she reacted to finding out that Cam was her student said a lot about their future.

  It just wasn’t going to happen, and Cam had to get that into her head. She needed to stop daydreaming about her, thinking that there was still some chance that they would get together.

  The only good thing was that this party would be finishing up soon and the one next door would continue on into the night. Cam could wander back over there if she was feeling adventurous, but she knew that she shouldn’t.

  “Hey, Kayla,” Cam said as she walked over to stand beside her. “Did you know that Linda’s birthday party was on next door?”

  “Yeah. I’m heading over there once everyone’s gone home. I didn’t think to mention it to you. Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Why would you? I only met her once.”

  “Feel free to join me thought if you want. She wouldn’t mind,” Kayla said as she waved goodbye to a sharply dressed boy.

  “You know, what? I think I will,” Cam said, hoping that she wouldn’t regret that decision.

  The DJ had just played his last song and most of the teenagers were saying goodbye and making their way out the door.

  Cam debated the decision she’d just made as she watched Kayla saying goodbye to a few more people.

  What exactly do I think is going to happen? Jackie’s not going to cross that line… I’m just going to torture myself. Maybe I shouldn’t go…

  “Alright,” Kayla said as the last couple left. “That was a great night… But now I need a drink. Are you coming?”

  They left the function room and strolled down the hall. They could hear the music coming from Linda’s party.

  “Yeah,” Cam said as she walked beside her. “I’m just going to freshen up first.”