by Ella M. Lee
“There are some things that don’t add up, and it doesn’t help that my visions are ineffectual for viewing my own life. We have information about the virus used on me, but that’s mostly a dead end. Sylvio and Teng are looking into getting more information from Meteor about Mark. Cameron and Daniel are going over our research of Derek and seeing if we can pinpoint him again.
“Meanwhile, we need to continue our work for Water Clan without letting on that anything is amiss. Please keep in mind that our tasks for Arturo’s group, Angie’s group, and Shatterfall are as important as our current issues. Daniel and I restructured the priorities, so let’s take a look at the queue together…”
Everyone took out their phones, laptops, or tablets. As I pulled up the task application on my tablet, I caught Nicolas’s eye and smiled. Unlike the others, I had the additional work of making sure Nicolas was okay and making sure our relationship continued to survive these emergencies.
Sometimes I wondered why I did any of this. It was so difficult and exhausting. Working in a clan already rivaled the most high-powered jobs possible—it was mentally taxing, physically draining, and thoroughly dangerous. On top of that, I had decided to fall in love with one of the most complicated, powerful, and impenetrable men in the world.
But then I remembered Nicolas’s arms around me, and his constant support, and his ability to make me feel like I was the only important person in the entire world. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. If I had to deal with the stress of magic, wasn’t I lucky I at least had someone who understood what I was going through?
Nicolas’s eyes were still on me, and there was warmth and acceptance in them. I wanted so badly to believe he felt the same way about me, that he received the same comfort from me as I received from him.
Without a blink or hesitation, he nodded solemnly at me. My smile turned into a blushing grin, and I looked down at my work quickly, trying not to be distracted by his very intense gaze.
Nicolas cleared his throat, snapping his fingers to get everyone’s attention. “Let’s start by going over the items that were pushed to next week, then we’ll go through priorities one through five…”
We were all in varying states of dazed boredom by the time we’d gone through all fifty-six tasks in the queue, and I was pleased to stand and stretch when we were done. The room broke out into quiet chatter as more wine was poured and Chandra produced a large box of fancy matcha-and-sesame doughnuts from her duffel bag, drawing all of our fascinated attention.
We were arguing over whether the sesame flavor was strong enough when suddenly Teng, who hadn’t engaged in our dessert banter, spoke up.
“Hey,” he said, and then louder, “Hey!”
We all looked at him, quieting. He was scanning his tablet with an intense look.
“Well, well,” he said. “Our new favorite Meteor commander wants a meeting.”
Nicolas’s frame shook with laughter. “The gall. Why would he think I would meet with him?”
“He doesn’t want to meet with you,” Teng said. He turned his sharp gaze on me. “He wants to meet with Fiona.”
Chapter 5
All eyes in the room went to me, and I drew back, aghast.
“What?” I said. “Why?”
“You tell me.” Teng shrugged. “And while you’re at it, where the fuck is Cedar Bluffs?”
Nicolas, who knew exactly where my hometown of Cedar Bluffs, Nebraska, was because we had visited it a few weeks ago, eyed me incredulously.
Daniel broke the tense silence in the room by bursting out laughing. “That’s not happening.”
Nicolas held up a hand to him.
“No,” Daniel said. “You’re crazy.”
“Teng, read the message,” Nicolas said.
Daniel had moved to stand behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders protectively. He was watching Nicolas with a murderous expression on his face.
Teng read the message. “To Fiona Ember. There are things that we should discuss, allegiances aside. Can you be in Cedar Bluffs on Saturday? See you in our old drinking spot? No traps, you have my word. I’d say come alone, but I know you. Bring your handsome commander. I have an apology gift for him that I think he’ll like. No reply needed.”
I was frozen, unable to breathe. After a few moments of awkward silence, I shrank back against Dan. “So…” I said, laughing slightly. “There’s no way this isn’t a trap, right?”
Nicolas smiled wolfishly, fascinated and amused. “You tell me. He’s your brother.”
“He was my brother a decade ago. Now he’s a stranger. A hostile, dangerous stranger who tried to kill you. And me.”
I was shaking, and Dan held me firmly. I liked having him at my back. I loved Nicolas, but I preferred having Dan as my boss. He understood a little better how it might feel to see a brother suddenly resurrected; his own brother had been killed in a conflict between Water and Smoke. Nicolas was great, but he tended to view relationships more analytically. I could trust Daniel to understand my reaction and defend it for me.
“Aren’t you interested in learning what he wants?” Nicolas asked. “He hasn’t contacted you in eight years. There must be a reason. He’s dangling some nice bait in front of us.”
“He probably wants to finish what he started,” I said. “I have no desire to get any of us killed, you especially.”
Nicolas smiled again. “He didn’t actually ask for me. He asked for your handsome commander. That’s Daniel.”
I exchanged a glance with Daniel over my shoulder. Nicolas was right. The message had been phrased strangely, as though Mark’s information was old or misguided. “An apology gift” couldn’t be directed to anyone except Nicolas, but he wasn’t my commander anymore.
“I’m pretty sure he thinks you’re my commander,” I said. “He’ll be expecting you.”
“If I don’t go, I can possibly see what will happen,” he countered, shrugging.
“No,” Daniel cut in, his voice firm. “She’s not going. None of us are going.”
“Dan…” Nicolas started.
Daniel’s expression was as serious and unshakable as I had ever seen. The two of them were staring at each other with intensity. The room was completely silent now; everyone knew not to get between Nicolas and Daniel.
Nicolas had raised Daniel. He’d bought him five years ago at auction and brought him into Water. Although Dan was an adult and a commander, their relationship was complicated. Dan considered Nicolas his god, and the way they sorted out their differences was complex.
But this wasn’t entirely about them.
I considered Mark’s offer. I thought about Nicolas’s words. Would it be enough? Mark’s promise? Nicolas’s visions? Could we make this work?
I spun to face Dan. He stepped back, shaking his head with a warning look on his face.
“We should think about it, Dan,” I said.
He crossed his arms. “No.”
“You can’t actually tell me what to do,” I pointed out.
“I can,” he said, “if you have plans to stay in my group as my lieutenant. But yeah, sure, go back to Nicolas. He’ll let you do whatever you want.”
His words were painfully dismissive, and I flinched under his harsh gaze. This was part of the reason Dan was a commander. I usually saw him as my adorable best friend, but he had quite a bit of steel in him—all learned from Nicolas, all gained from years of training and the trials of Nicolas’s difficult operations.
“How about we sleep on it,” I said. “And we’ll hear what Nicolas gets from his visions, then we’ll make a plan and see how terrible it looks. Saturday is still a couple of days away, especially with the time difference with the States.”
Daniel stepped back and shook his head. Everyone in the room took a breath. I hadn’t realized how present his magic had been until he reeled it in. The whole room relaxed.
“We’re not going to jump into anything,” Nicolas said softly. “We will assess this like any other operation. There is time to tal
k and strategize.”
Daniel closed his eyes and sighed. When he reopened them, they were as dark as ever but at least a shade calmer than before.
“Fi,” he said, “with me for a moment.”
He gestured out the door, and I followed him into the hallway. He leaned against the wall as I shut the door.
“What are you thinking?” he asked. “You’re going to walk into what is very likely to be a trap? At the very least, we’ll be at an extreme disadvantage. I can’t…”
He trailed off. I knew he was still shaken by what had happened to Nicolas. Dan was often headstrong, but these past few days had brought out a conservative streak in him. I didn’t want to dismiss his concerns, but I wanted to explore every option.
“You like data and information, you like to strategize,” I said. “At least let us think about it. This isn’t a time to blindly charge into things, but it’s also not a time to blindly ignore them either.”
He looked miserable, and it hurt me to see him so unsure.
“We’re going to make the right decision here,” I said. “Not the hasty one.”
He swallowed and pressed his palms over his face. I sighed and put my hands on his shoulders, shaking him gently and affectionately.
“Do not fall apart on me,” I chided. “You’re better than that.”
“I’m fine,” he said. “Just tired. I haven’t been sleeping.”
“I need you to sleep, okay?” I said, giving him the sternest look I could muster. “Promise me you’ll go to bed early tonight, Commander Darling.”
He smiled at me. “What would I do without you? This is why I can’t just send you into some crazy situation. That guy isn’t your brother, and this meeting is bad news.”
“I know, I know, maybe,” I said. “Come with me and take care of me, then.”
“I will always take care of you,” he said, squeezing my shoulders in return. “How many times do I have to say it? You are mine to protect.”
“I thought you were firing me if I went to Cedar Bluffs?” I said teasingly.
“I’m reserving judgment,” he said. “We’ll figure out the details like you asked.”
I took both his hands in mine. “Things will be okay. We have the best team, and all the resources to make things go our way.”
“I’d love for something to go our way for once,” he said longingly. “For, uh, meticulous planning to come through rather than dumb luck.”
“I’d like to have both,” I said, tousling his hair. I studied him—his tense shoulders, his serious expression. “You’re hurt, aren’t you?”
My words weren’t a judgment, or even a question—they were an opening. Dan didn’t talk about how he felt very often, but I did care about him, and I was interested in his mental state.
He sighed, his eyes finding mine and then cutting away quickly. “It’s been a really long time since I’ve considered the possibility of losing Nicolas. Coming so close the other day…”
I didn’t push him to say more. Nicolas had spoken to him at length. I had seen them in the training room sitting together in the sunlight, Nicolas’s hand resting lightly on Daniel’s shoulder, the two of them communicating silently. I hadn’t asked either of them what had been said—it wasn’t my business—but I appreciated that Nicolas still took care of his young protégé.
Regardless, Daniel was more likely to be a mess inside than Nicolas. Nicolas had better defenses for helping him process his own death and resurrection. Dan needed more time, more support, more stability. He had some of Nicolas’s deep and unshakable calm, but not all of it.
“Nicolas is fine,” I said. “You’re fine. We’re all fine. Remember what you told me about life? It goes on. We have so much to do, and I need my amazing commander. So let’s get back in there and figure this out piece by annoying piece. We can do that as long as we have each other, right?”
He smiled weakly. “Right.”
I tugged his hands, pulling him back into the room. I watched as he went to Teng, asking him several rapid questions and receiving distracted one-word answers.
I leaned against the closed door, watching the room. Nicolas’s eyes slid to mine for a second before going back to what he was doing—studying something on Chandra’s tablet and offering advice—and I knew he had listened in on our whole conversation.
He’ll be okay, I thought to Nicolas. He’s young. Give him time.
I hoped I was right. I looked around at our family, all of them brilliant and competent. I liked knowing they were here helping Dan too. Cameron went over to join Daniel and Teng. Sylvio and Irina were deep in conversation, pointing at something on Sylvio’s tablet. Ryan typed something on his phone, Keisha leaning against him.
Dan seemed to read my mind, seemed to draw some strength and stability from my words and their presence.
“Good work lately, everyone,” he said, his eyes roving around the room. “Nicolas or I will contact you directly for assistance if needed, otherwise work on the tasks as discussed. I’m sorry it’s been a rough week.”
I frowned, thinking about Mark and his offer.
My brain screamed at me not to do it. Trap, it said. Trouble. My heart was not so sure. “Allegiances aside,” “old drinking spot,” and “I know you”—all phrases I could hear in my brother’s casual tone. Phrases that eased my mind a fraction, although I still needed to consider their true meanings.
I was doubting my instincts in favor of Daniel’s, but was that the correct thing to do? He had a brother once, too—he understood all the hard decisions to be made here.
But Mark had asked me to step aside when I stood over Nicolas to defend him. He only tried to kill me when I refused. Had he been planning to let me go if I obeyed? What if he hadn’t wanted me there? What if he hadn’t contacted me all these years in order to protect me in some way?
I needed answers to these questions, and there was only one person who could provide them: Mark. I needed answers for my safety and sanity, but I was wary to seek out their source. I hadn’t been lying when I told Nicolas and Daniel that I thought the Mark I had known was dead now.
I went to sit by Teng.
“Hey,” I said. He tilted his head toward me. “What else can you tell me about that message? Do you know where it came from? Can a reply be sent?”
“No and no,” he said. “There’s nothing else I can pull off of it. It could be Mark; it could not be. It could have been sent from the building next door or Helsinki. Who knows.”
“The phrasing sounds like Mark,” I offered, “and he mentioned a place no one would know of but him.”
Teng shrugged noncommittally. “Sorry, Fiona.”
I sighed, sinking further into the chair next to him, watching him work with the incomprehensible little boxes of text on his tablet. His eyes flicked to me once, but Teng wasn’t the type to chat. He was clearly frustrated with whatever he was working on, typing, then deleting his work and retyping. Teng wasn’t the full-on success story that Daniel was, but he was some sort of genius in his own way. I felt bad that his life had been difficult.
Teng glanced at me and swallowed before saying, “Don’t look at me with such pity.”
“Sorry…” I said, looking away. Were my thoughts that obvious? “I wasn’t trying to pity you. I just care about you.”
He looked at me as though he had never seen me before. I thought he might say something biting or cruel. Instead, he merely rolled his eyes.
I loved him a little more for that.
“Caring too much is dangerous,” he said after a while. “Don’t get hurt.”
I glanced around the room, frowning, wondering if it was better to love deeply and risk the pain of loss or betrayal, or stay distant to avoid heartbreak.
I didn’t think I was the type who could ever stay distant. I seemed to be programmed to form attachments quickly and easily, and I hoped that wouldn’t hurt me in the end.
I was late getting to Chandra’s place, even though she lived down the hal
l from me. Daniel had insisted Nicolas and Sylvio and I stay to plan next steps for considering Mark’s offer, and I was eager to leave that behind for a few hours so that I could give myself a chance to breathe.
Athena had beaten me to Chandra’s. She was lounging on the dark-blue couch with a glass of white wine in one hand and a pineapple bun—a traditional Hong Kong pastry—in the other.
“Do you think these are made with Crisco? Or butter?” she asked.
I laughed. “Dan says everything here is made with lard. That’s how he makes his pineapple buns.”
Athena grimaced, shaking her head. Chandra, who had just come out of the bathroom, rolled her eyes.
“You are so typically Californian,” she told Athena. She looked at me. “Wine?”
I sighed. “Xanax?” I asked hopefully.
“Nah, got none,” she said. “Wine will help.”
“You could take a leaf out of Nico’s book and drink whiskey when you’re annoyed,” Athena chimed in helpfully. “It gets you drunk faster.”
“Ugh,” Chandra said. “Is that even true for a commander? I’ve never seen Nicolas drunk, unless he hides it really well. That reminds me that I have a meeting with him on the calendar for tomorrow. Fiona, what do you tell him when he asks what your life goals are?”
I stared at her, bewildered. “He’s never asked me that.”
Athena rolled onto her stomach as Chandra handed me a very full wineglass. I took a seat on one of her two large beanbags.
“You know, you can tell him to stop asking that,” Athena said. She ran a hand through her hair. “Just let him go through his selection of introspective questions until you find the one you feel like answering.”
“And if I tell him to stop asking them altogether because I hate management bullshit?” Chandra said.
Athena shrugged. “No idea. Fiona?”
“Really, we don’t talk about this stuff,” I said. “Dan is my boss. Nicolas is my boyfriend. I haven’t had a business meeting with him since the day he brought me into Water. We talk about other stuff.”
