by Ella M. Lee
“Thank you,” she said, giving the coffee a relieved look. “Come on in.”
“Are you feeling better at all?” I asked.
She shrugged. “This time was worse than usual.”
We settled onto her couch. Her apartment was large but sparsely decorated. It was as though she hadn’t wanted to settle here; there were hardly any personal touches beyond the basics.
“When did your dreams start?” I asked.
“About nine years ago,” she said. “I didn’t really understand what was happening at first. It took a while to connect the dots. Once I did, it took even longer to get up the nerve to reach out to Nicolas.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I can understand that.”
“I went through the database this morning and cataloged the sparrow,” she said. “In addition to last night’s dream and the two I showed you in the sketchbook, I found one other reference. It was the first time the sparrow appeared, back in the spring.”
She grabbed her laptop and opened it, clicking through a few of our group’s folders to pull up an image. It was a picture of a charcoal drawing. The sketch portrayed the sparrow standing on the bank of a rushing, wild river. On the opposite bank stood a raven.
Nicolas.
Athena cleared her throat. “The notes I wrote for this one read as follows. The raven paces the shore, watching the sparrow. The sparrow seems not to notice his existence. Suddenly, she is startled. She attempts to fly away, but her wings don’t seem to work, and she falls into the river. The raven watches but does not intervene. End.”
“Yeah, I don’t think we need to do much literary analysis on that one,” I said, frowning at the sketch.
“Fiona, the sparrow who found her way into Water, while Nicolas watched?” Athena said.
“Sounds about right.”
She reached over to touch my hand, giving me a sympathetic look. “I left behind some stuff to come to this group, too. Not like you did, I mean, but… well, we made the best of it, right?”
“Do you like it here?”
She tilted her head back and forth, considering. “I don’t not like it here.”
“Do you think you’ll like it in Osaka more?”
“From what I’ve heard, yeah, maybe. You?”
“Yeah, I think so,” I said. “This clan house suffocates me. It’s pretty, but it’s just too much.”
“I think that’s how Water magic is sometimes. It’s easy to drown in it,” she said. “Maybe lightning-based magic will be a bit freer. Loftier.”
“Maybe,” I said. “Daniel thinks he’ll be able to shape it, at least a little. Maybe he can shape how it feels, along with everything else.”
Athena smiled. “That would be nice. I get overwhelmed here too. I’m glad I’m not alone in that. It’s hard to be here alongside all the confident people and not feel a little self-conscious.”
“You have no idea how much I understand that,” I said. “Even with Nicolas telling me that I’m great.”
Athena smiled. “You are great. Everyone sees it.”
“You see the fucking future,” I said, rolling my eyes. “How are you not great?”
She laughed, and I joined her. It was refreshing to talk to someone who understood my fears. Nicolas certainly didn’t, even though he tried his best to allay them. Daniel didn’t always understand either, although he could usually connect with my feelings better than Nicolas could.
Athena got it, though, and I was glad to know her.
“Do you think we need to worry about your dreams?” I asked.
She shrugged. “My dreams always seem ominous when I have them, but I’ve never predicted any of the really terrible things that have happened… injuries, deaths, you know. That’s what Nicolas is for.”
I nodded, but my stomach writhed. Nicolas wasn’t infallible. Not even close. Especially not when he was so involved in the work we were doing right now. There was so much he hadn’t seen, and there was probably even more yet to come that none of us would be able to predict.
It was much later in the day before I caught up with Daniel. His door was open and unshielded when I got back to our floor, so I popped my head in.
He was in the kitchen, stir frying food in his giant wok, looking as relaxed and graceful as he normally did in the kitchen.
But my eyes were drawn to his hair. It was no longer the coppery red color I’d grown used to. It was now black with subtle sapphire highlights, cut a little shorter on the sides than usual, but still arranged in floppy spikes.
“What did you do to yourself?” I said, springing into his apartment.
He spun at the sound of my voice and smiled. “Do you like it?”
I ran a hand through his hair, watching the colors shift. Black hair made Daniel look older and more severe, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
“I love it,” I said. “You look like an ocean at night, very shimmery.”
He swatted my hand away, but his smile widened at the compliment.
“What are you cooking?” I asked.
“Salt and pepper shrimp,” he said, tossing the wok to shift the food around.
“Hungry after a long night with Julia?” I asked.
He shied away from me. “Are you going to tease me for liking someone?”
That wasn’t the reaction I’d been expecting. But much like with other emotional things, Daniel tended to be sensitive about these topics when it came to himself. I touched his arm gently. “No, of course not. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I’m glad you have someone you feel close to. Why didn’t you tell me before?”
He shrugged. “It’s not like I spend a lot of time with her. We don’t even talk a lot. Does it matter if I sometimes spend the night somewhere else? I don’t ask where you spend your nights.”
I laughed. “You know where I spend my nights.” I touched his arm again. “Really, Dan, I’m not making fun of you. I won’t bring it up again.” I leaned into him. “Is there enough food for me? I’m starving.”
He sighed, relieved that I had changed the topic. “Yeah, of course. Get two bowls out of the cabinet.”
I followed his instructions, watching him finish cooking the meal with sure and practiced motions. If a night spent with Julia could make him look so calm and serene after everything that had happened recently, I wouldn’t complain about it, and I would respect his wishes that I leave the topic alone.
Now that our issues with Mark and Derek were solved, Nicolas was anxious to address our Shatterfall planning. That was how I found myself at our group meeting at ten p.m., all of us spread around the room, picking at cheese and charcuterie boards that Nicolas had ordered from some French restaurant.
It had only been three days since we’d sent Mark home, but things were already returning to normal. Sylvio reported that Mark had experienced no problems returning to Meteor, nor did he seem to be experiencing any side effects of the virus or his healing. Claudius hadn’t made a fuss about Derek’s death, nor had he followed up on his embarrassing conversation with me. Stephan hadn’t yet made problems for us, but we still felt the urgency of our move.
Keisha was giving an update on our new home—Joushin-ji, the pure heart temple.
“We have contractors lined up to do our phase one work starting the day after tomorrow on the soubou,” she said, referring to the main house on the property. “That will be the remodeling of the kitchen and bathrooms, repairing the roof, insulating the outer walls, replacing the glass, refinishing the wooden floors, and replacing the tatami mats. When all of that is complete, we can begin moving in. Repairs on the outbuildings, the temple building, and the gates can come later.”
“Excellent,” Nicolas said.
“There’s one catch,” Keisha said. “Someone needs to be on site in Osaka to answer questions and keep the work streamlined.”
Daniel, who was stretched out next to me, picking pieces of saucisson off the nearest board, sat up. “I guess it has to be me? Not many of us speak Japanese.” He held
up his hand and started ticking off fingers. “Keisha, but she has to be here for portals. Irina, but she’s important to our upcoming meetings with Angie’s group. Cameron, but he’s busy working on reconfiguring our servers for the move.”
Nicolas shook his head. “I need you here, Dan. You and I have to make sure no one becomes suspicious of our activities.”
Keisha held up her hand as though waiting to be called on by a teacher in class.
Nicolas smiled. “Yes?”
“It doesn’t need to be someone who speaks Japanese,” she said. “The foreman speaks English. It could be any of us.”
Nicolas surveyed the room, no doubt trying to figure out who would be the least-awful choice for a two-week solitary sabbatical away from Water Clan. Before he could come up with a plan, I cleared my throat.
“I can do it,” I said.
Daniel looked at me in surprise.
“It makes sense,” I said. “No one needs me to be here. I don’t take meetings outside of the group. I can work from Osaka, and I don’t mind being alone.”
Dan looked at Nicolas. “What do you think?”
Nicolas closed his eyes, and they shifted back and forth under his eyelids for several seconds before he reopened them.
“I don’t see any problems,” he said. “I see a continued line for Fiona that extends beyond the next two weeks. That’s generally a good indicator of successful outcomes.” He paused. “Any objections?”
I looked around the room. No one spoke up. I imagined that Athena was relieved no one had volunteered her for this task. Chandra didn’t like being isolated and alone. And Teng couldn’t be away from his computer setup. I was an obvious choice for this, having done much of the Osaka planning myself.
And I could use some time away from the clan house. I was worn out from these past few weeks. Maybe some days to myself would help.
“All right,” Nicolas said. “Fiona goes to Osaka to oversee the renovation of Joushin-ji. The rest of us have work to do here, including preparing for the move, continuing Shatterfall research, and completing tasks for Water Clan at large.”
Nicolas’s eyes lingered on me while we sorted out some final details of work priorities, and I wasn’t surprised when he came to sit near me after the meeting was over. As usual with group meetings, everyone had broken off into small groups to drink wine and talk. Nicolas took Dan’s spot next to me on the couch and offered me his hand. I took it, stroking his knuckles gently.
Are you that eager to get away from me? he asked.
Not from you, specifically, I thought. I will most certainly miss you.
His eyes softened. There was no glow behind them tonight; there hadn’t been any true glow to them for days. Nicolas was tired. I felt bad leaving him. I wished desperately that he could join me, that the two of us could have a couple of weeks alone together in Osaka without a care in the world.
Unfortunately, life wasn’t going to play out so nicely, at least not yet.
I will miss you, lamb, he purred. I’m worried about you being alone.
I will be fine, I thought.
He sighed. Don’t do anything to upset yourself. If you want to come home at any time, you can.
You can come visit, I said. Take a break from endless meetings and visions of the future and just bask in my arms.
I wanted to lean in and kiss him and hold him and feel our bodies pressed together, but I couldn’t in this crowded room. I merely gave him a sweet look of longing and thought about how much I wanted him inside me tonight, his hot skin against mine, his arms holding me, his fingers touching me in all the right places.
He shivered. I can’t wait for that, his tone a low growl.
I only had a moment to take in his pleased expression before Cameron, who was engaged in conversation with Teng and Sylvio, called Nicolas’s name. He offered me an eager smile and pulled his hand from mine reluctantly.
Daniel seemed to have similar concerns as Nicolas. He refilled my glass of rosé and put an arm around my shoulders.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m looking forward to some time alone. I won’t slack off on my work.”
He gave me a tilted smile. “Maybe you should. You look like hell lately.”
“Why, thank you, Commander Darling.”
“Sorry,” he said. “But really, Fi, take care of yourself. I need you in good shape, and I need Joushin-ji to be ready for us to move in. Do whatever you need for that.”
I took a long sip of my wine and closed my eyes. “I love you, Dan.”
He laughed. “Of course. How could you not? I am the best commander in the whole damn clan. You are blessed to know me. You are so fucking lucky. I am generous and—”
“Okay, okay,” I said, smacking him lightly on the top of the head. “Your ego will be as large as Nicolas’s if you keep that up.”
Nicolas glanced over his shoulder at me and winked. Daniel took my glass of rosé with him as he got up to talk to Ryan. I was left smiling, watching my family, soaking up their abundant energy before getting some much-needed time to myself.
Chapter 26
It had been just over a week since I had come to stay at Joushin-ji, and I was growing used to the solitude.
Well, I wasn’t completely alone. There were workmen here during the day, but they didn’t speak to me except to say “ohayou gozaimasu”—good morning—when I let them through the gate in the morning. The foreman checked in occasionally, asking questions or requiring my input on the order of work. I took deliveries here and there, avoiding eye contact while I signed, embarrassed that I couldn’t speak the language here.
I missed Nicolas desperately. We texted and talked on the phone, even though we both felt awkward doing it, but it wasn’t the same. Keisha popped in and out to drop things off, often with Chandra or Sylvio, but they never stayed for long.
I wandered around town and drank tea and bought trinkets from little shops—lacquered chopsticks, cups and bowls, lucky cat statues, yukata robes and tabi socks, herbs to plant in the tiny front garden. Things to make our new home feel more like a home.
I made lists. Items we needed to buy. Parts of the building that required more repairs.
I read about how to keep onsen baths clean, how to repair the shoji screens in all of our sliding doors, and how to take care of koi because we had ponds that we would fill with fish.
I surveyed our land and made detailed maps so that we would be able to set appropriate wards and shields.
Creating a new clan was starting to feel like the most boring thing I’d ever done in my life. It was ironic how little magic was being used to make it a reality.
At night, I would talk in our group chats because I missed everyone, and I read with the doors open to the sound of rain and crickets and wind.
Daniel and I would text, mostly pictures of food and scenery and inside jokes. It was nice to be connected to him and the others via the internet, but I missed their voices and faces more than I would have thought possible.
When I got snippy with Sylvio in our group chat on the tenth day, bored after an afternoon stuck inside due to rain, I got a message from Dan.
Hi?
Hi.
You can come home whenever you want, you know.
I’m fine.
Uh-huh.
I need a hug.
ooooooooooooooo
That’s not the same, Dan.
I love you, Fi. Come home.
The work will be done in four days. I’ll come home then. Unless your words are an order?
Order: home in 4 days.
Yes, Commander Darling.
Another boring evening passed. The last few days of the project involved renovating the kitchen, so I had no way to cook food. I walked to town and got myself yakitori, or grilled chicken skewers, from what I affectionately called the “cute skewer restaurant” because I couldn’t read its real name.
I topped that off with sake and ice cream from
the convenience store because I deserved that, being away from my boyfriend for so long.
I was just brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed when I felt the icy, pinging pinpricks of magic—my wards had been breached.
I ran downstairs and out into the garden, only to find Nicolas walking down the driveway. He was wearing a dark trench coat and holding his leather overnight bag, and I thought I had never seen a sweeter sight than the smile on his face.
I ran to him, and he caught me in his arms.
“Hello, you,” he murmured, his tone warm and affectionate. He placed a possessive kiss on my lips.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, running my hands over him.
“Daniel said you needed a hug.”
“So you just decided to drop in to Osaka, fifteen hundred miles from home? How did you even get here?”
“Plane,” he said, shaking his head as though he couldn’t believe I had asked such a moronic question.
“At this time of night?”
“Charter plane,” he clarified, smiling.
I took his hand in mine and dragged him toward the main house. “You paid for a private flight to get here?”
“Keisha was busy, and I wanted to see you. Nothing could stop me from that.”
I leaned into him and let him put his arm around me. “You are perfect.”
“You are worth it,” he said. He dropped his bag in the entryway. “Now… where are we sleeping?”
Nicolas had taken me straight to bed, and the two of us pressed together was everything I needed after my time alone. We had pushed our phones aside and ignored them, and I felt content to get Nicolas to myself for an evening. It was such a rare occurrence that I savored it.
I didn’t mind that I shared him with the others most of the time. That was made fine by these hours we somehow managed to find together, our affection expressed with lips and tongues and careful touches and smoldering looks.
