by Noelle Adams
“But... but...” She rubbed her face, trying to force her brain to work. “Are you sure? This doesn’t sound right.”
“Of course it’s not right. It’s the fucking sadistic universe being vindictive. Punishing me for my life of sin. But it’s true, Summer. He loves you, and he wants you the way I do. So whatever was between us can never work.”
“But why not?” She was shaking again. Not with anger but with growing despair. Because this felt real. Felt final. “Even if he does feel that way, he’ll get over it. I don’t feel that way for him. You know I don’t. I love you, Lincoln. And I want—”
“Stop it!” Lincoln choked the word out. His head was turned sharply to the side, as if he didn’t dare to let himself look at her. “Please stop staying that. You’ve got to stop tempting me. I’ve made my decision, baby. It’s not going to work between us.”
Summer was crying for real now. “But why not? I know it’s hard, but why can’t we somehow make it work?”
“Because he’s my brother!”
Summer grew still at the hoarse, desperate words. She stared at Lincoln through her tears.
“He’s my brother,” he repeated, softer now. “I’m so sorry. But he’s my brother. And you were his long before you were ever the slightest bit mine. When I thought he didn’t want you like that, I thought it would be safe to... to see if what I’ve wanted for so long might have a chance. But he does. And I can keep cursing a cruel universe that let him get to you first, but it will never change the fact that he did. I’ll never, never do something like that to him. I might be a sinner, but I’m not going to go that far. I’m not that bad. I’m not that selfish. It doesn’t matter if it breaks my heart. I’m not going to do it.”
Summer started crying again. “But it’s breaking my heart too.”
He made a rough sound in his throat and turned his back to her. He was hurting. She could see it in the tension of his shoulders, the set of his head. He was hurting just as much as she was. But it didn’t make a difference because Lincoln was the most stubborn person she’d ever met in her life. And he’d made his decision. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. But we’ll have the paperwork for the acquisition finalized next week. Then we can all move on.”
She sobbed. Hugged her arms to her chest and shook helplessly. When Lincoln didn’t turn around, she finally ran out of the room.
She threw herself on the bed so she could cry, but she jumped back up almost immediately.
Stumbling over, she closed the connecting door between their rooms. Then she locked it with a loud click.
It felt as final as anything ever had.
SHE DIDN’T GO BACK to work that day. She called in sick, and with the way she was feeling, it wasn’t even a lie. Her whole body ached. Her head pounded. And every time she thought she was going to pull it together, she started to cry again.
Lincoln left the house shortly after their conversation, and he didn’t come back. Neither did Carter. Nona came over in the evening to cheer her up, but the Wilson brothers were nowhere to be found.
Summer thought she would start to feel better after the shock of the first day, but she actually felt worse as the weekend progressed. It was like the pain in her heart was bleeding out into her body, making it ache, making it hot and cold in turn.
On Sunday she could barely make herself get out of bed. Her head was fuzzy, and she missed Lincoln. She missed Carter too. It felt like all the men she’d counted on had deserted her, and she was left there all alone with only Mrs. Wilson’s occasional pleasantries.
It felt like she was an orphan all over again with nothing to her name but a ludicrous fortune she’d never done anything to deserve.
At seven o’clock in the evening, she took a long shower, hoping that would revive her. Then, since she’d barely eaten all day, she wandered down to the kitchen. She wasn’t hungry, but she vaguely believed that a little food might help her feel better.
She was surprised to see Carter in the kitchen, standing in front of the open refrigerator as if he were searching blindly for something to eat.
He whirled around when she made a noise.
“Hey,” she said, surprised when her voice came out as a croak.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his handsome face frowning in concern.
She stared at him in exhausted astonishment. “What do you think?”
He closed his eyes. “I’m sure you must hate me.”
“I don’t hate you. But it would have been nice if you hadn’t been avoiding me all weekend. I thought we were friends.”
“We are. Of course we are. But I didn’t know how to... I didn’t think you’d want to see me.” His eyes were torn. Sincere. Carter-like.
Her heart clenched with an affection that was decades old. “Well, you were wrong.” Her eyes burned, but the tears didn’t fall. She didn’t have any tears left in her.
His mouth twisted, and he took a few steps over until he could wrap an arm around her and pull her into a quick, hard hug. “I’m so sorry, Summer. I’m sorry for everything. The whole thing is my fault, and I can never make it up to you.”
She sniffed and hugged him back. “It’s not all your fault. You didn’t do it on purpose. But it’s a mess. That’s for sure.”
“Yeah.” The refrigerator was still hanging open, and he turned back toward it. “Are you hungry?”
“Not really. But I haven’t eaten all day, and I feel like I might pass out. So I should probably try something.”
“There’s some leftover soup in here. Chicken and rice?”
“Yeah. That sounds okay. Let’s try that.”
It helped to have something to do. They warmed up the soup and cut a few pieces off a baguette and split a bottle of chilled Pellegrino. They took their food to the kitchen table, and Summer was relieved to get off her feet. Her legs were shaky. She didn’t know why she felt so weak and achy.
“Have you seen Lincoln at all?” Carter asked mildly, after they’d eaten a few minutes in silence.
She shook her head. “Not since the middle of the day on Friday. He worked Friday and Saturday nights, but he doesn’t work tonight. I don’t know where he is. He’s not going to talk to me.”
Carter stared down at his soup. “He said... he said he wasn’t going to keep seeing you. He said it was no big deal.”
Summer blinked. “Then he lied to you. He broke things off with me, but it was a very big deal. To both of us.”
“Really?” Carter’s eyes shot up to her face.
Frowning, she put down her spoon. She didn’t have the energy to hold it up. “Carter, do you realize what was going on between us?”
“You... had a thing.”
“It was more than a thing. I love him, Carter. And he loves me.”
She could tell the words surprised and hurt him. He raised a hand to rub his jaw and stared at her with bleary eyes.
“Maybe Lincoln didn’t make that clear to you, but we’re in love. And he broke things off with me anyway. For you.”
“Summer.” Carter’s voice broke, so he tried again. “Summer, I didn’t ask him to do that. I never would have demanded something like that. You know that.”
“Yes, I know that. But he thinks you... He believes that you...”
“That I love you.” He said the words simply. Softly. “I do.”
If Summer had been capable of crying anymore, she would have started to do so right now. “I love you too, Carter. But as a friend. Not like that. It’s never been like that between us.”
Carter put down the piece of bread he’d been holding and leaned forward, closer to her. “I know it’s never been that way, but that’s because I’ve been blind. I’m not asking or expecting anything from you, Summer. Not now. But I want more from you. I really do. I didn’t realize it until I saw you and him together. I saw you looking at someone else like... like...”
“Like I used to look at you.” She could see the truth on his face.
“And I realized what I was losing.
I’m so sorry I didn’t see it before, but I see it now. And I can’t help but want... I’m not going to ask anything of you right now. I wouldn’t do that to you. But I can’t lie to you and say I don’t feel the way I feel.”
“But it’s... it’s too late.”
Carter ducked his head. “Maybe it is. It doesn’t change how I feel.”
Summer took another spoonful of soup and made herself swallow it down. Her throat hurt. Really bad. Almost as bad as her head. She could barely hold herself up straight. She’d never known heartache could make someone feel so sick.
Carter started eating again too, and they sat in silence for a few minutes, processing what had been said. Carter almost finished his soup, and Summer only ate about a third of hers.
Finally she cleared her mind enough to say slowly, “Carter, I love him.”
Carter winced like he’d been hit.
“I’m sorry if that hurts you, but it’s true. He loves me too. He’s trying to be good right now. He’s trying to be loyal to you. But it’s not fair of you to let him do it. You’ve got to... make things right with him so we can be happy.”
“It’s more complicated than that. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a bastard here. But it’s complicated. And I love you too much to let you get into a situation that’s going to hurt you. I know you don’t think so right now, but he’s going to hurt you. You can’t trust him.”
“Yes, I can! I know I can. And he’s been showing you for months that you can trust him too.”
Carter kept shaking his head, licking his lips. He wasn’t meeting her eyes.
“You can’t do this!” Summer demanded, her voice barely recognizable from its hoarseness. Every word she spoke grated on her throat. “Carter, please. It’s not fair. It’s not like you to do this.”
“I know it’s not like me, but I don’t know what else to do.”
“Why can’t you try to trust him? Why can’t you see that he’s changed?”
“Because I’ve had a lifetime of hoping that he’d change. A lifetime. And every time I think he’s finally changed, every time I give him a chance, every time I try to trust him, he blows it. He drops the ball. He hurts me.”
Summer swayed slightly, her head pounding and her heart pounding even more. “What... what did he do to you?”
Groaning and pushing his chair back from the table, Carter said, “About five years ago, I worked on getting him involved in the business again. Dad acted like he’d given up on Lincoln, but I knew it bothered him that Lincoln had abandoned us. So I kept at him for a few months, trying to get him involved in a possible deal I was working on. For a while it worked. Lincoln came to some meetings. They really liked him. He’s way better at schmoozing than I am, and he had them on our side. He convinced them to go through with the deal. It was another possible acquisition, and it would have turned our company around five years ago without having to go through all the stuff we’ve had to go through now. I was so happy. Lincoln was coming back to us. He was helping us. And we were finally going to save the company for Dad.”
Summer was holding her head up on her arm propped on the table. It was too heavy to hold up on her own. “What happened?” she rasped.
Carter looked away. “Lincoln bailed. All he had to do was show up for one final meeting, and he blew it. He didn’t show up. He was drunk off his ass with no explanation. I tried to salvage the deal, but Lincoln was the one they wanted to work with. There was nothing I could do. The deal was blown. Wilson Hotels didn’t get turned around. And Dad never trusted me again.”
She could barely breathe. Barely swallow over the ache in her throat.
“Summer, I’m sorry I had to tell you this. I promised him I never would, but... but you have to know. You have to see what he’s like. I love him. Of course I do. But I can’t trust him. He bails whenever it gets too hard, whenever it gets too real. He’s going to do it to you too, and I’m not going to sit here and let it happen if there’s something I can do about it. I won’t. Even if I can never have you myself, I’m not going to let him hurt you like he’s hurt me.” He reached over and covered her hand on the table. “Do you believe me?”
She nodded, still unable to get a word out.
“The stupid thing is I still would have forgiven him. If he’d had any sort of explanation, any sort of reason for what he’d done. But he didn’t. He laughed at me and said I was an idiot for thinking he could ever be anything but what he was. I’ve learned my lesson. It’s taken years and years, but I’ve learned my lesson with Lincoln. He’s my brother, and I’ll always love him. But that doesn’t mean I’ll ever trust him again.”
Summer sat and shook for a long time, staring down at the table. She had no idea what to say. What to do. What to think. Her head was too cloudy and her body too weak to move or say a word.
Carter squeezed her hand. “Are you okay, Summer?”
She shook her head.
“I’m really sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you this. But I don’t know what else to do. I want to protect you even if it’s from my brother.”
She finally sucked in a deep breath through her nose and looked up. She licked her lips because they were bone dry. “Carter?”
“What is it? Are you all right? You’re so pale.”
She felt pale. She felt like the blood had completely drained from her body. “Carter, you need to let me go.”
That was clearly not what he’d expected her to say. He jerked visibly. “What?”
“You need to let me go. I’m sorry it’s turned out this way. I’m sorry the timing was so... so bad. So hurtful for all of us. But it is what it is. I love Lincoln. I do. I know he hurt you, and I understand why you don’t trust him. But he’s never hurt me like that. He’s never not been there when I needed him. I love the man he is now. I trust the man he is now. I’m not expecting you to trust him, but if you love me—if you love both of us—you’ll let me go even if it’s hard.”
“Summer, please—”
“I know it’s not fair.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks now even though she’d thought she’d cried herself out. “I know it’s a terrible thing to ask of you. I love you so much, Carter, and I’d never hurt you for the world. It’s not fair that you have to do the hardest thing and then not get anything to show for it. But sometimes that’s what love... love requires of us. You need to let me go. You need to tell him that you’ve let me go. He’s never going to let us be together if you don’t. He loves you too much. He owes you too much. But I love Lincoln, Carter, and I’m never going to be happy without him. So if you mean it when you say you love me...” She sniffed and wiped her tears away.
Carter’s face was damp and white. He was shaking with suppressed feeling. His hands were fisted on the table. “Summer, I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. You’re the best person I’ve ever known. You have the biggest heart. I know you can. Maybe it’s wrong of me to ask this of you, but I don’t know what else to do. I love him. I want to be with him. So please. Do this for me.”
He took a shuddering breath. He didn’t say anything.
Summer forced herself to her feet. If she didn’t lie down soon, she was going to collapse. She couldn’t remember ever feeling worse than she felt right now. “I’m so sorry, Carter. I do love you. You’re like family to me, and you’ve always been. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want, but... I just can’t.”
She couldn’t say any more. She couldn’t stand anymore. She limped to the door of the kitchen and—with great effort—made it back to her room so she could fall into bed.
SHE DOZED ON AND OFF in a hot, aching haze for a couple of hours until she heard movement from the room next door.
Lincoln must be home.
She rolled off the bed and trudged to the connecting door, unlocking it and pushing it open without knocking. She didn’t care if it was rude. Her whole body hurt, and her heart hurt even more.
Lincoln had been leaning over, pulling off his socks. He jerked in su
rprise as she walked in. His face softened as he gazed at her. “Baby, are you all right?”
“No, I’m not all right.” Her throat was way too scratchy. She had no idea what was wrong with her. Even grief shouldn’t have affected her like this. “Carter told me. He told me why you owed him.”
Lincoln looked away with an abrupt twitch of his head. His shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. “So I guess you hate me now.”
“No, I don’t hate you. I love you. Nothing has changed.”
He searched her face urgently before he looked away again. “I can’t, Summer. I can’t. If he told you that, even after he promised not to, then he’s doing everything he can to break the ties between us.”
“You love me, Lincoln.”
He gave a helpless shrug.
She was being slammed with waves of hot and cold. She started to sway on her feet. “Doesn’t what I want matter at all?”
“Yes, it matters. But not enough for me to betray my brother.”
She gave a little sob. Then her vision started to darken. She wasn’t sure exactly what happened, but she could feel herself falling.
“Shit.” Lincoln had closed the distance between them. He was holding her up. “What’s the matter...?” His big hand was pressing her cheek, her forehead, her throat. “Fuck, baby. You’re blazing hot. Why didn’t you tell me you’re sick?”
“I’m sick?” She stared up toward the direction of his voice, but she couldn’t see anything but a blur.
“You’ve got a fever. You should have told me.”
Before she could respond in any way, he’d swung her up into his arms and was carrying her into her bedroom.
“I’m really sick?” she mumbled, her whole body aching painfully and the cool air of the room burning her skin.
“Yes.” He yanked back the covers and then gently pulled them over her. “This is definitely a fever. I’m going to call a doctor, and I’ll get you some Tylenol.”
She tossed restlessly under the covers. “I have a fever? I thought I just had a broken heart.”
“Oh shit, baby.” His voice was soft and broken. He leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. “Don’t say things like that. I’ll never forgive myself if I broke your heart.”
