by Robert Mills
As each week passed and Liv failed to become pregnant, her frustration grew. She started to talk about finding another man, but I implored her to let me keep trying. Meena had become pregnant so easily and I’d assumed it would be the same with Liv. I still thought that it was just a matter of time, but I dreaded a positive outcome because it would almost certainly mean that our sexual relationship would be over. We changed our meeting place from time to time to reduce the chances of being found out and as far as we could judge that neither of our partners had any inkling of what we were doing.
The meetings continued until one Friday afternoon in late October. I had enjoyed a particularly pleasurable encounter with Liv and had returned to the office a little later than usual.
I was just getting down to work when Meena barged into my office with a face like thunder. “Where have you been?” she asked coldly.
“What do you mean?”
“Layla says you were out of the office for a couple of hours at lunchtime. Where did you go?”
“I went out for lunch.” I said, trying to sound untroubled.
“And what did you have for lunch?”
“I had a plate of pasta at Giovani’s. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve been to Giovani’s, but they haven’t seen you today. Where did you really go and who were you with?”
I had to think quickly. It appeared that I’d been found out, but Meena almost certainly didn’t know the whole truth. I would have to confess to something, but at all costs Liv must be kept out of it.
“OK,” I said, “I had lunch with a friend and it wasn’t at Giovani’s. I should’ve told you, but you caught me on the hop. I know I should have been honest but I didn’t know how you’d react.” I imagine that an experienced liar would have come up with something better. With my customary ineptitude, I had produced a response that begged questions rather than answering them.
“I don’t believe you,” said Meena between gritted teeth. “I think you’re having an affair.”
“No, I’m not,” I said. “I’ve been helping a friend who has a problem. Honestly, that’s all there is to it.”
“Is that what you call it?” she gasped. “Why did you have to ‘help’ your friend in the Milky Way Hotel? There’s no point in lying, Symon, I saw you leave and don’t tell me you were having lunch there, because I checked and they don’t have a restaurant.”
I wondered how on earth Meena had discovered the venue for my meetings with Liv. I was glad that our routine meant that I left the hotel first and Liv stayed on in the room, resting in bed until she judged that sufficient time had elapsed to optimise the chances of conception. Knowing her, this probably meant that she would not have left until an hour or two after me. I was reasonably certain that Meena had not seen Liv, but I knew that I would have to be careful what I said. I regretted admitting to meeting a friend for lunch, when what I should have done was to come up with a credible reason for my being at the Milky Way Hotel. It was clear that I would have to come up with an explanation for why I was there now. I thought of saying that I was seeing a client, but decided that Meena would be aware that we held our business meetings in the office.
I looked at Meena as she stood there, grim faced and indignant. Uppermost in my mind was the need to protect Liv. Things were bad enough without Meena finding out the whole truth. I had to say something. “Alright I admit it,” I said. “I was there with a woman. We rented a room for a couple of hours and went to bed together.”
Meena flinched visibly. “What’s her name?”
“I don’t think that’s important, I don’t think I’ll be seeing her again. We’re not having a relationship, just a bit of recreational sex to brighten up our sad lives.”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I thought you were a decent man, a good man. That’s why I married you. Why have you changed? I’ve been a good wife, I’ve given you two lovely children. How can you treat me like this?”
“This isn’t about you,” I said, “it’s about me. I needed some variety, some excitement.”
“I can’t take any more of this,” she said, a tear running down her left cheek. “We’ll talk again when you come home.”
She left my office, closing the door behind her with exaggerated care. I sat there for some time wondering what the consequences of my actions would be. I would have to take the blame for Liv’s sake, regardless of what happened next. I was already beginning to form the opinion that the cost to me might be very great indeed.
Chapter Twenty-Two
That night, as I lay awake in the guest bed in the living room, I considered my future. I knew that I could live without Meena easily enough, but I would miss the children dreadfully. Still, she wouldn’t be able to prevent me spending time with them; after all I was their father. That left the more difficult problem of Liv and Marvin. Liv had shown no signs that might suggest she was in love with me, but at the same time I hadn’t told her about my own feelings for her. I knew that Marvin was devoted to her and I had no reason to believe that she was not still very much in love with him. I’d watched the gestures of affection which they exchanged when they were together, something which was sadly lacking from my own marriage.
I was clear in my own mind that I wanted to be with Liv, but to achieve that I would have to tear her away from Marvin and I knew that would cause him terrible pain and inevitably destroy our relationship. This in turn would potentially destroy our business partnership as well and I was the one with most to lose from that. It was clear that if Meena and I were to separate I would be alone. I was ill equipped for this in a practical sense, but as by then homes on Europa were largely run using modern fully automated appliances this wouldn’t be a significant problem. I couldn’t help feeling that some time on my own might be good for me and might even be enjoyable.
I didn’t get to sleep until the early hours of the morning and woke to find that it was after ten. Meena had gone out and the children were sitting in front of the smartscreen in their nightclothes watching a film. I made myself breakfast and joined them. I was just starting to think about having a shower when Meena returned. “I want to talk to you,” she said, “alone.”
We went through to our bedroom and I sat on the bed, while Meena stood with her back to the door. I could see that she was fighting back tears as she spoke. “I’ve been thinking and I’ve decided that I’m prepared to forgive you this time, this time, mind you. I’ve got to think of the children. They need a father; they need a family. You will have to promise not to do it again and I think it’ll be a while before I can sleep with you but, if we work at it I think we can still make a go of our marriage.”
I had not expected such leniency from Meena. I’d always imagined that she would drop me like a hot cake if I stepped out of line. The irony was that I hadn’t committed the crime of which I was accused. I had deceived her, but I hadn’t had an affair in the conventional sense of the word, nor had I engaged in the casual sex I’d admitted to. I didn’t feel that I entirely deserved forgiveness, but it seemed best to accept the offer while it was on the table.
“Of course I’ll promise,” I said. “The family is very important to me too. I don’t want to destroy it. I know I’ve been foolish. I’m truly sorry.”
I moved towards her to take her in my arms, but she shrank away and I stopped.
“I’m going to see Liv now,” she said. “I need someone to talk to and I need to be away from you for a while. You look after the children and I’ll be back in time to organise dinner.” She withdrew and shortly afterwards I heard the lift starting to descend.
I had to warn Liv so that she wouldn’t say anything that would give us away, so I called her comms code. After what seemed like an eternity, I heard her familiar voice and saw her face on the screen of my wrist tablet. I explained what had happened and that Meena was on her way. After a moment’s hesitation she spoke in a thin, edgy voice:
“I’m terribly sorry, Symon, I feel this is my fault. I’ll comfort her and tell her she’s right to stay with you. I won’t let on about us, I promise.”
I seized my opportunity: “I can’t go on seeing you as I have been,” I said. “It’s just too risky, I hope you understand.”
“Yes I can see that. It wasn’t working anyway; I mean I’m not pregnant, so it’s probably for the best. There’s someone at the door. I’ll have to go.”
The next few weeks weren’t easy, but we got through them. I couldn’t help feeling that if Meena knew the whole truth, my situation would be easier. As it was, I was on a sort of punishment detail. This enabled Meena to get her way with regard to almost anything by giving me a look which said: You’ve been a bad boy; don’t even think about disagreeing with me. I could see her becoming progressively drunk with her new power. As a dependent wife, she’d had to toe the line. Now, she was liberated to show her true colours and I can’t say I found them very appealing.
Worse still I was separated from Liv. I’d become dependent on the adrenaline rush associated with our furtive meetings. I’d become so fixated on the pleasure of making love to her that I now experienced withdrawal symptoms similar, I imagine, to those experienced by a drug addict deprived of a fix. However, I’d made my mind up; I would protect Liv at all costs and the cost for me was very high indeed.
Gradually, the ice that had immobilised my marriage thawed. Meena allowed me back into the marital bed and even permitted me to make love to her. However, it was different now. She insisted on aspects of foreplay and lovemaking that she’d never demanded before. It seemed to me the changes were designed to enhance her pleasure at the expense of mine. I was pleased to see her enjoying sex in a way she’d never done before, but I regretted the lack of satisfaction that I experienced. Perhaps, if we had been allowed to continue like this, undisturbed, a balance would have been restored. As it was this was not to be.
Three months later I received a call on my wrist tablet and was surprised to see that it was from Liv. I accepted it and her face appeared on the screen. “Symon, I need to talk to you,” she said urgently, “I need to see you again.”
My heart sank. “Oh Liv, I told you already we can’t go on like before. I thought you understood.”
“Don’t you love me anymore?”
At first I couldn’t speak but after a few moments I managed a hoarse: “What did you say?”
“I said: don’t you love me anymore? I thought you did.”
It seemed that, although I’d never told her how I felt about her, she had divined the nature and depth of my feelings. “I, I, how do you f-feel about me?” I stammered.
“Do you really think I would have let you fuck me if I didn’t care for you?”
“I thought you just wanted me to make you pregnant. That’s what you said.”
“Of course I want a baby, but I wanted you as well. Why else would I have continued seeing you when I didn’t get pregnant?”
There seemed to be some logic in this, but I was still a little suspicious. “Come on, Liv,” I said, “I know how you feel about Marvin, I thought it was just about the sex for you.”
“But not for you, Symon, tell me it wasn’t just sex for you?”
“No, of course not, I love you, Liv,” I said. “I’m helplessly and madly in love with you.”
She leaned forwards so that her face filled the screen. “Symon, I need to make love to you again. I think about you being inside me all the time. Please say you’ll meet me.”
What could I do? I’m only human. The venues were new, but the pattern was the same. The only difference was that she no longer restricted our meetings to any particular time of the month. For reasons that she never explained, the cold, calculated approach of the past had been abandoned. I did wonder if she thought that this added spontaneity would increase our chances of success, but told myself I was being paranoid. All I knew was that when Liv was in my arms, I felt happier than at any other time. When we were apart I was haunted by images of her face, the smell of her skin and sounds she made when we were making love.
I was genuinely concerned that Marvin would be hurt if he ever found out about us, but my concern was insufficient to stop me from seeing her. My feelings made me reckless. Looking back now, I’m ashamed that I dismissed our years of friendship so lightly. I thought about being discovered by Meena, and found that it didn’t bother me. It’s hard now to believe that I cared so little about my marriage. After all, as far as I knew Meena had always been faithful to me and she was the mother of my children. Surely the risk of hurting Richmond and Charlet should have made me think again? Anyway I didn’t. I was bewitched and the spell I was under distorted my view of right and wrong.
Did I really believe that Liv loved me, or was I knowingly deluding myself? I find it hard to answer this question, but quite clearly I went on with our affair of my own free will. There can be no excuse for my actions. Why was I so besotted with her? There are no rational explanations for love.
Chapter Twenty-Three
While Liv and I were scaling new heights of carnal delight, the fortunes of Piper and Shaw were in decline. The economy of Europa went into negative growth for the first time in its history and some of our clients went out of business. Those that survived did so by reducing their workforces and mothballing some of their robots. We had to reduce staff numbers in the office and lay off one of our technicians, and Marvin and I saw our earnings fall. This was more of a problem for me because I had a crippling loan on our apartment, having moved to an even larger one at Meena’s insistence. Despite all this I was relatively happy with my lot, as I could always look forward to my next meeting with Liv. The clandestine nature of our liaisons gave them an added frisson. I almost believed that we could carry on like this indefinitely without being discovered, but of course this was not to be.
One Tuesday evening Marvin invited me to go for a drink after work. There was a time when this would have been a commonplace occurrence, but in recent years we’d generally gone straight home at the end of the day, almost without a word. The bar was one of those fully automated establishments that were new then but are now the norm. The minimalist décor was not to my taste, but it was clearly popular and we had to wait in line to obtain our drinks from the row of dispensers on the bar.
“These are on me,” I said, swiping my wrist tablet over the payment sensor.
Once we were settled in a quiet corner with our glasses of White Bull Ale, Marvin said, “I’ve got some news. Liv’s pregnant.”
“That’s marvellous, congratulations,” I said, trying with some difficulty to sound suitably enthusiastic.
He sighed. “She’s thrilled of course, but I’m concerned. We’ve been trying to have a child for years. I’d become convinced we just couldn’t do it. To be honest, I’d come to accept that it would always be just the two of us.” He paused. “The fact is she’s been behaving oddly for a while now. I think she may be having an affair.”
A shockwave darted through my body. “Surely not, Marvin,” I said, “Liv’s devoted to you. I’ve always envied your relationship.” It seemed better to approach the matter obliquely, rather than begin with a direct lie.
“It’s little things mainly,” he said slowly, “the sort of things only someone who knows Liv as well as I do would notice. And there was one occasion when she came home after I’d got back from the office and made a daft excuse for not being there when I arrived. I mean to say, it’s not as if I expect her to be there every evening when I get home. I’m not that sort of husband.”
I remembered Liv telling me that a few weeks earlier she had fallen asleep after I left her and woken to find it was nearly five o’clock. This still gave her time to get home before Marvin but, when she was halfway there, she realised that she had left her necklace in the hotel room and had had to go back for it. She’d also told me that her explanation for being la
te back was somewhat lame. “But,” she had said, “I don’t think Marvin suspected anything.” So much for feminine intuition, I thought.
“And there’s another thing,” he continued, “we’ve hardly made love at all recently. She hasn’t been in the mood. It seems odd to me that she should get pregnant now when she failed to do so when we were at it every night.”
My mouth was dry. “I see what you mean,” I said with some difficulty, “but I’m not sure it works like that. Perhaps she got pregnant because you weren’t trying.”
He scratched his head. “Maybe; it’s difficult to put my finger on it exactly, but I know there’s something wrong.”
“Have you talked to Liv about it?”
He shrugged. “No. It’s not an easy thing to bring up, especially when you’ve got nothing concrete to go on.”
I decided that a positive approach was called for. “Frankly, Marvin, all you’ve come up with is circumstantial evidence,” I said. “There could be a hundred explanations for what you’ve observed. I think you’ve put two and two together and come up with three. This is a time for celebration, not worrying unnecessarily.”
“I hope you’re right,” he said gloomily. “I don’t want to even think about life without Liv. I just don’t know how I’d carry on without her.” He reached across and patted me on the shoulder. “Thanks for listening to my incoherent ramblings, Symon, I really appreciate it.”
