Trouble was, Hannah had told him the other night how much she missed her Auntie Georgie. He knew she’d been angling to go down and see Clara instead and he’d made a kind of lame excuse. It wasn’t even that he was self-conscious about the fact they’d kissed. He was much more self-conscious about the fact that last time he’d been in her apartment he’d more or less spilled out his insecurities about failing as a parent. He wasn’t even sure why he’d put all that into words.
His mind had been on his sister too. Georgie had texted a few times, and he got the impression that more was going on in Scotland than she was actually telling him. He’d tried to call her and left a few messages. But they hadn’t actually managed to talk in person for a few weeks. They were normally so close. He worried about her. He wasn’t surprised that Hannah had said she was missing her auntie.
He lifted his glass of beer towards Clara. ‘It’s our pleasure to have you along with us today. We’ve had fun, haven’t we?’ He nudged Hannah and she nodded enthusiastically, her mouth full of pasta.
‘I probably should have asked you before,’ he admitted without thinking.
Clara gave a soft smile and met his gaze. ‘Well, I’m just glad you asked now.’
The words and meaning hung in the air between them. For a few seconds the background seemed to fade away and it was just the two of them there. Joshua felt his mouth dry and his skin prickle. Clara’s dark eyes were pulling him in, keeping him there. And he liked it. He liked it a lot.
Was Clara someone he could trust? Someone who would be truthful with him?
‘Can we go to Buckerham Palace next time?’ asked Hannah, her mouth still full of food.
It broke the spell and they both jerked. He frowned a little as he racked his brain. ‘I think Clara might be working next week,’ he said, but he gave Clara a warm smile. ‘I’m sure we can work something out in the future.’
Clara nodded. ‘I’d love to visit Buckingham Palace,’ she said. ‘It’s definitely on my list.’ She paused and bit her lip for a second. ‘But I do have a day off this week. How about Hannah and I check out that film that everyone’s been talking about? I’d love to go to the cinema and see that.’ She leaned towards Hannah. ‘I kind of need to take a kid with me, or people will wonder what I’m doing there.’
Hannah laughed and turned to him. ‘Can I, Daddy? Can I?’
Joshua shifted in his seat. In truth, he didn’t like being put on the spot. However, Hannah had been talking about this film non-stop and he had no idea when he’d finally get the time to take her.
‘As long as it doesn’t interfere with swimming lessons,’ he said as he caught Clara’s look of surprise.
‘You started swimming lessons? That’s wonderful. It’s so important that you know how to swim.’ She said the words to Hannah, but he knew her purpose was backing him up.
‘I quite like it,’ said Hannah quickly. ‘Daddy got me a swimming costume with unicorns on it.’ Her proud grin said it all.
Clara leaned forward. ‘So what have you done so far? Have you held onto the edge and kicked your legs? Or have you been really brave and put your face in the water yet?’
‘I did that last week!’ shrieked Hannah.
‘Wow.’ Clara leaned back again. ‘I am so impressed. I bet you’ll be swimming without a float soon.’
Hannah nodded as the waiter came over to take their plates away. ‘Any desserts?’ he asked.
‘Can I have ice cream?’ said Hannah without taking a breath.
The waiter picked up the last plate. ‘Better ask your mum.’ He smiled at Clara.
Now Joshua really couldn’t speak. No words would come out. He saw the instant that Clara sucked in a shocked breath. But she didn’t speak either.
‘Oh, that’s not my mum,’ said Hannah without a second thought. ‘This is our friend, Clara.’
The waiter pasted a smile on his face and gave a wary and apologetic smile. ‘So, who gets to make the ice cream decision?’ he asked.
Joshua nodded quickly. ‘Absolutely.’ He looked at Hannah. ‘Chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce?’ She beamed back and nodded.
The waiter disappeared and Joshua looked over at Clara. She still looked as though she was holding her breath. But there was something else—a tiny light of sadness in her eyes that he hadn’t seen at any point all day.
He had no idea what that meant. But his heart seemed to give a twist in his chest. She looked sad. And he didn’t like it when Clara looked sad.
It wasn’t as if he hadn’t experienced random people asking Hannah about her mother before. He’d learned to accept it was an easy mistake—even though it was tactless in this day and age, when families came in all guises. He and Hannah had spoken about this before when sensitive times came up—like Mother’s Day. Hannah still had the simple reasoning of a child. Her mummy had died and was in heaven, next to the stars in the sky.
Those who did know her were supportive. Her teacher at school had asked her if she wanted to make a card for her auntie, her granny or her daddy on Mother’s Day. These things were done smoothly, with no fuss, and Joshua appreciated that.
So, even though it had been a little awkward, he was surprised to see the hint of hurt in Clara’s eyes. Was she just embarrassed by the comment? Or maybe it was something deeper. Maybe Clara didn’t want to be a mum at any point. Maybe she couldn’t have children. Or maybe she was hiding something else.
No. He pushed that thought away for now. Things had been going well. He had to try and move past the fact that Abby had kept secrets from him. He was jumping to conclusions. He couldn’t assume that Clara would do the same. Whatever it was, he didn’t want it to spoil their day.
‘Another wine?’ he asked her.
She gave a gentle shake of her head. ‘I’m afraid I’m a bit of a lightweight. One glass is fine; two glasses make me feel a bit wobbly. Not my best time.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Really?’
She smiled and nodded. ‘You don’t want to see it.’
‘Maybe I do?’ he teased as Hannah was presented with her ice cream.
All of a sudden he was struck with the thought that this day would come to an end, and he really didn’t want it to. It was only early afternoon. He glanced over at one of the tour boats bobbing past. It was close enough to hear part of its guide’s chatter. The guide pointed to a nearby hotel, naming it. ‘It’s for the rich, the very rich and the very, very rich.’
The people on board started laughing and Joshua looked over at Clara. ‘Ever done the Thames tour?’
She shook her head. ‘I’ve seen the boats often enough. They come right down to where the flat is.’
‘There’s a pier just near to here. We can jump on one of the sightseeing boats. They go right past the Houses of Parliament, and the London Eye. Want to give it a try?’
Clara pointed at one of the packed boats. ‘It’s definitely this kind of boat, and not the speedboat kind?’
They’d seen several of them shoot past in the last hour. Joshua laughed. ‘Don’t like the look of the speedboat tour?’
She gave him her best haughty glance. ‘I’m just thinking about the bumpy ride. Wouldn’t want Hannah to lose her crown, would we?’
He signalled to the waiter for the bill. ‘Absolutely not. Just so long as you weren’t scared.’
He was teasing her again and she seemed to like playing along. She slid her hand across the table to Hannah. ‘Girls aren’t scared. We’re just far too clever to let ourselves get wet. Have you seen the people that come off those boats?’
Hannah squeezed Clara’s hand and looked determinedly at her dad. ‘Exactly,’ she said in a voice that made him laugh out loud.
‘Why do I feel as if you’re both ganging up on me?’
Hannah gave a little nod as she slid her arms into her jacket. ‘Because we are, aren’t we, Clara?’<
br />
Clara grinned and gave him a wink. ‘Absolutely.’
* * *
By the time they got back to the apartments Hannah was almost sleeping on her feet.
The boat trip had only been the start of the afternoon. They’d wandered around the shops for a bit, and come across a ticket booth with availability for some shows that evening. After a quick chat they’d gone for a musical about witches that Hannah had absolutely loved.
‘I’ve always meant to take her to a musical,’ said Joshua in a low voice as they waited for the lift. ‘I just never got around to it.’
He smiled down at the slumped figure in his arms. ‘You might have helped me create a monster. Now I’m going to have to take her to the ice one, the lion one, and the one with the genie.’
‘I’m game if you are. Musicals are my addiction. I’ve always loved them. Did you see the way her eyes lit up while she watched?’
He gave a slow nod and the edges of his lips tilted upward into a sexy smile. She realised the first words that had come out of her lips and how they might have sounded.
I’m game if you are.
She couldn’t help the low laugh that came from deep within her.
‘You were saying?’ he said huskily.
She stepped a bit closer and whispered in his ear. ‘I’m not sure I should say anything at all. We have company.’
‘I’m sorry I have my hands full,’ was his quick retort.
She took a deep breath and looked at him for a second. They were flirting. After weeks and weeks of playing at just being friends, they were definitely flirting. And she liked this version of Joshua. He could be playful. And he could be deeply sexy. Probably not the best thought to have about her boss—who was also a single father—but she really, really liked it.
But something had struck at the heart of her today. She was a little bit jealous of the fabulous relationship he had with his daughter. It was something to aspire to. Would Joshua want to have more kids in the future? The offhand comment by the waiter had made parts of her pang even more badly than they had before.
She leaned against his shoulder. ‘No, you don’t,’ she said honestly. ‘You’re lucky. And you know you are. You have a fabulous child, and you’re doing a great job as a parent.’
He turned his head, his blue eyes locking with hers. His lips brushed against her forehead, sending a whole host of tingles shooting down her spine. ‘Thank you,’ he whispered. ‘That means a lot.’
The doors slid open and Clara swallowed. Her floor was first.
‘Do you want to come upstairs?’ he asked, the words coming out so gravelly it sent a huge array of prickles across her skin.
Every single part of her wanted to scream yes. She knew he didn’t do this—didn’t ask women up to the apartment he shared with his daughter while Hannah was there.
But something was holding her back. If she closed her eyes for just a second she could imagine exactly what would come next. But did she want to cross that barrier between them? It could make things awkward at work. She, for one, wouldn’t regret the next step, but what if he did?’
She pressed her lips together and swallowed before reaching over and touching his cheek lightly. ‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Hannah’s had a big day. I’d hate if she was restless and saw something she shouldn’t.’
Her stomach coiled. These words weren’t entirely true. She really, really wanted to go upstairs to his place. And she felt sure. She just wasn’t sure that he was.
Somehow even the touch of his skin beneath her fingertips let her know that she could fall hard and fast for this man, without him doing another thing. She was feeling good right now—her mood was better than it had been for months. Did she want to risk a chance of heartbreak? Particularly when this romance could potentially only last a few months. Her body felt ready to move forward, but did her heart?
She stood on her tiptoes for a second and brushed her lips against his. ‘Thanks for a great day,’ she whispered. ‘How about we take a rain check?’
She could see the disappointment on his face, but he gave a slow nod. ‘Of course,’ he said smoothly as the doors slid open and she stepped out at her floor.
All the way to her door she wanted to turn back around and tell him that she’d changed her mind, but there was too much uncertainty there for her. Maybe they could chat about things in a day or so. It could be this uncertainty was only her head—she could well be reading too much into this. A short-term thing might suit Joshua. She just wasn’t entirely sure it suited her.
As the door opened she bent to pick up a large envelope from the floor. Wrinkling her nose, she pulled it open as the lights came on around her.
A number of glossy information catalogues fell into her hand. The clinic. The clinic had sent her the information she’d requested. A small card slid out and she picked it up from the floor. A password and code to access the sperm donor catalogue.
Her skin prickled and her mouth dried. This had all suddenly got very real.
CHAPTER SEVEN
IT WAS LIKE living in a permanent state of standing at a crossroads.
He liked being around Clara. Hannah liked being around Clara. And Clara seemed to like being around them. But that was where everything stopped.
They’d been spending more time together. It was easy to be in each other’s company. There had been flirting. There had been glances and a bit of innuendo. But he just couldn’t seem to take that final step forward. That final...
She was on his mind more or less permanently. But he really didn’t want to play this wrong. Yes, they’d shared a kiss in a cupboard. Yes, she’d spent the day with them and several others since. But it was as if he couldn’t actually make a move. Ridiculous. If he’d had this conversation with himself he would have scoffed. But taking things further would lead to what, exactly?
Things had been complicated by a call from his sister last night, letting him know that she was pregnant. It had been a complete shock. Georgie had been resolute. No, she wouldn’t talk to him about the father. No, she hadn’t told their parents yet. Yes, she wanted to have this baby. And yes, she needed some time to think things through.
He’d wanted to get in the car and drive straight up to Scotland. But Georgie must have read his mind because she’d sent him a text five minutes after their call had ended.
I told you because I know how you are about secrets. I kept one from you before and swore I wouldn’t do it again. This is my life. You have to let me live it my way. Don’t worry. I’ll call if I need you. Trust me.
He’d spent most of the night awake, worrying about her. But Georgie knew her own mind. And she’d be a wonderful mother. He knew it, and he had to give her space.
Joshua sighed as he sat down next to Ron, who was typing away on the computer.
‘You’re making a mess of things,’ came the unexpected comment.
Joshua started. He hadn’t expected that. ‘What do you mean?’
Ron rolled his eyes and lifted his fingers from the keyboard. He turned to face Joshua. ‘Clara. You’re making a mess of things with Clara.’
Joshua’s first reaction was to look around and see if anyone else could overhear their conversation, but the coast was clear. ‘I don’t understand,’ were the words that came out.
Ron’s glare was sharp. ‘Well, you should. Forgive the expression Joshua, but I’m assuming this isn’t your first rodeo?’
Joshua’s brow wrinkled. ‘What?’ Why on earth had he sat here? Was Ron reading his permanently spinning mind?
Ron gaze softened. ‘I’m assuming that you’ve dated a few women in the last few years.’
Joshua gave a slow nod. ‘A few,’ he said quietly.
‘Then why not Clara? We can all see it. You’re both like a magnet to metal—you’re pulled together. Quite often I’ll see the two of you laughing togeth
er, or sitting together, and it looks like the next natural reaction would be to put your arm around her shoulders. But you stop yourself. I can see you. You actually start to make the move and then stop.’ Ron gave a half-snort. ‘Your body and mind and all your senses are telling you to do it. But you don’t. Why?’
Joshua wasn’t quite sure how he’d been pulled into a conversation like this. ‘It’s complicated,’ he said, stalling for time.
‘Actually, it’s not,’ answered Ron promptly. ‘You need to get your act together. I can’t tell you if there are stars and rainbows in your future. But, from here, it looks like you don’t want to find out. You can’t take that risk. Why, Joshua? Clara’s a great girl. Do you think there aren’t a hundred other guys in this place with her on their radar?’
That made Joshua sit up a little straighter. He hadn’t actually thought about that at all.
Ron shook his head. ‘Right now, her eyes only seem to look at you. If you don’t get your act together, you could miss out on a few months of fun.’ He lowered his tone. ‘Or you could miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime.’ He gave a wry laugh and shook his head. ‘And you’re the one that’s supposed to have the brains between us.’
Joshua was stunned. Ron hadn’t said a single word about practically catching them both in the stationery cupboard. Not to him, and apparently not to anyone else. It was unusual in a hospital this size. Usually the first hint of anything sent the rumour mill going, turning the barest whisper of something into a firework display. But for Ron to be so discreet, and yet so direct today? It made Joshua pay attention.
Not that he hadn’t been paying attention before...
The phone next to him rang and he picked it up. ‘I’ll give it some thought,’ he murmured to Ron as he walked away, shaking his head at him as if he was the stupidest man to walk the face of the planet.
His pager sounded as he was on the phone to another hospital, giving a second opinion on a really sick child.
Family for the Children's Doc Page 9
