by JL Madore
Brant swings. Hawk evades. He’s smaller but fast. Brant takes another run at him and they slam into the bedroom wall. The bus rocks as the sound of fists to flesh fill the room.
“Stop!” I shout. “Both of you, now.”
The fury rippling off the two of them as they face off feels all wrong. It hurts my insides. Instinct tells me that I’m supposed to be the core of the bond.
Instead, I’m the conflict.
I swipe at the moisture dripping off my chin and pull a labored breath into tight lungs. “Brant, please stop. Please.”
He lets off an ear-shattering roar and stumbles back.
Hawk straightens, glances over at me, and looks as smug as ever.
I swallow against the lump in my throat. “You may think you have me figured out, but you’re not as smart as you think you are.”
Hawk steps away from my bear and laughs. “Please, I’ve bathed in women like you. You’re nothing special Calli. We all know it. Our world needs greatness right now. Hard truth time—that isn’t you. Do you honestly think you can step up and claim the reins to protect a species of people you know nothing about?”
No. I don’t.
“I didn’t think so. You haven’t got it in you.”
Brant growls. “Not. Another. Word. That’s enough.”
Hawk holds up his palms. “Agreed—it’s more than enough. It’s too much. When Jaxx dies, we go to the Bastion as planned and have the Elder Council sever us from this magical mistake as we talked about. If a phoenix is needed, we’ll find a better one than her.”
Tears stream down my cheeks as fire burns the back of my throat. They planned to sever our bond. They think I’m a mistake. The wildness inside me reels to break free. Damn it. Yesterday I fought to deny our bond, now it physically hurts to think of it being taken from me.
When did I buy into the idea that I could be more? That I could belong to something amazing? I grip the blanket to quell my shaking hands. The threat of breaking the bond of my mates hurts at a depth of emotion I don’t understand.
I can’t bear to meet the gaze of Kotah or Brant. Squeezing my eyes shut, I curl around Jaxx and cry.
I wish I died in that stupid ditch.
CHAPTER NINE
Hawk
Fuck me. I’ve flayed people to the bone in the pursuit of something I want in business a thousand times but ripping Calli to shreds isn’t that. The cruelty that leveled her gave me no pleasure. The betrayal and horror in her eyes pierced me to the same damaged part of my own blackened soul. The only truth I spoke was that I do know her—I fucking am her.
I see the walls erected around her emotions and knew she’d never be able to cry to heal Jaxx—not without help.
Reading people is my fucking superpower. I can follow the tension in someone’s furtive glance and instinctively drill into their most private pain. That skill coupled with what my team dug up on Calli made reducing her to shattered shards too easy.
Yeah, so who’s the one who’s really broken?
Life smashed me into so many pieces at a young age that I’ll never be Humpty Dumptied enough to belong in this mating quint. The odd man out is nothing new.
Hated and envied is my wheelhouse.
Heavy footsteps gain on me as I drop out of the bus and head for the rest station. Of course, Brant needs to play the part of Calli’s big bad protector. It’s in his genetic makeup.
Rough hands grab my shoulder and whip me around. I don’t resist. His fist connects with my face and knocks me back in an explosion of black spots in my vision. His grip tears the front of my custom-fitted shirt as a rush of blood sprays from my mouth and nose.
The pain soothes my aching soul like a masochistic balm. I deserve this. Fuck. The bear has fists like concrete.
But yeah, I deserve this.
Huffing like it’s an effort not to rip me to shreds, Brant pushes his broad chest at me. “You’re a steaming piece of shit, Hawk. A real piece of work.”
“You’re welcome.”
Brant stares like he knocked my block loose and I’m not tracking. Nope. I recognized what needed to be done and did it. Calli wasn’t about to unleash tearful regret over Jaxx and our golden boy didn’t have time for them to figure that out.
“You shattered our girl. For what?”
To keep the quint whole.
He’ll never believe that. I test my jaw and push at a few teeth. I pull myself upright and check that my legs still work. If Jaxx died, Calli would never forgive herself and she’d never grow into the phoenix our people need. “Big picture, Bear. The five of us need to up our game for what’s to come.”
“You alienated her—humiliated her. She’ll never forgive what you said or how you said it.”
Brant’s words drive another stake into my cold, dark heart. I hold my expression tight and head to the closest toilet to be sick.
“You’re an asshole,” the bear shouts at my back.
“You’re welcome.”
When I finish in the washroom, I pat my mouth with a length of gritty paper towel and pop a mint. I find Lukas outside the bus doors. The man’s been with me the better part of a decade. I trust his skills as much as his loyalty. “Their life and well-being are now linked to your own. Consider yourself warned.”
“Of course, Mr. Barron,” he says, accustomed to the truth behind my threat. “We’ll await your return unless directed otherwise.”
“And the other thing I asked about?”
Lukas hands me a stack of loaded magazines and I nod. “Spelled to take down drow?”
Lukas dips his chin. “As requested.”
“And Jayne? Is she handling the scheduling for the Monster Rights conclave?”
“For now. The meeting is still set for next week. She wanted me to remind you to check-in before that or risk losing the good will you’ve earned.”
Yeah, no. Despite the unknown status of my personal life, I won’t let Calli derail my business goals. “Understood.”
That taken care of, I pop the back hatch of my truck and key in my lock code to open the safe built into the luggage compartment floor. With military precision, I strap on a flack vest, slide two of the magazines Lukas prepared for me into the ammo pockets and eject the magazines from my twin Sig forties. Once my usual hollow point performance rounds are replaced with the drow ammo in my guns, I holster them and rub a shammy over the camera lens on my sternum.
“Prefer to battle like a human, do you?” Brant asks the insult clear in his timbre. “Can’t cut it as a Hawk?”
I shut the hatch and smile through the insult. Prejudice against avians is real. All the big, burly species of wildlings think that their teeth and muscles take them to the top of the predator list. They underestimate cunning and stealth. “A man like me garners enemies, both nary and not. You know the saying, ‘Always be prepared.’”
Brant chuffs. “Except you’re no Boy Scout.”
I bare my teeth. “And don’t forget it.”
When I slide behind the wheel, I’m struck by the acrid stench of charred leather and the feminine scent of Calli’s orgasm. The bastardized scent hangs fragrantly in the air of the cab. Fuck me. Another wave of self-hatred swamps me.
I lower the windows and lock my reaction away with the rest of my loathing. “Get in, Bear. You’re no use to anyone here. You might as well come help with the clean-up.”
The guy glances back at the bus. “I should stay with Calli. She’s upset.”
I roll my eyes. “Lukas, Doc, and the kid can babysit Calli. Last I checked, you work for me. How about you show me what you can do in the field.”
Brant opens the passenger’s door, clicks his seatbelt, and glares over at me. “I’m an FCO Enforcer and a damned good one. Don’t think for a second that I work for you. I work for the fae community and I’ll take down anyone who’s fucking with the system for their own purposes.”
“Uh-huh. Is that supposed to mean something to me?”
“Hard to know if anything means s
omething to you.”
I adjust the rear-view and see Calli’s melted handprints in the leather. Is this my life now, bumping into one reminder after the next of how the universe fucked me over?
Hard pass.
I cast a sideways glance and catch the disapproving scowl locked on Brant’s face. I turn the key and the beefy engine rumbles to life. “Oh, for shit’s sake. Yes, I’m a mean man. I hurt your girlfriend’s feelings. Head in the game, Bear. You didn’t want her at that property any more than I did.”
Christ. One day into this disaster and they’ve all lost their damned minds. It’s maddening. What kind of male allows his world to get overturned by sad eyes and killer curves?
I curse myself. Yeah, fuck off.
One look at Calli, one breath of her scent in my lungs, one feminine note of her voice in my ears, and I fell victim to the same fate. I’m as pathetic as the others.
And I hate it.
“The property we’re heading for has a chinked-log bungalow, a large barn, and a secured, underground bunker in the woods out back. What I didn’t say in front of Calli is that all the women in the freight container were already dead.”
“You lied to her. You said they were free.”
“No. I said they were recovered and wouldn’t be defiled and sold to monsters.”
“Semantics. You misled her.”
I merge onto the highway and check my rear-view. “She’s suffering from the loss of her friend. Her friend died to save those women. What do you think it will do to her to know that her efforts ended with little success? While she lay in a comfy bed sleeping for three days after her transition, eighteen women died, trapped in a steel tomb. She knew they were there and instead of telling someone who could help, she opted for revenge and they all died.”
“You can’t seriously blame her.”
“I don’t, but trust me, Bear—she will.”
Thankfully, my shotgun seat falls quiet and I’m left to my thoughts for the rest of the drive. What Kotah is to IQ, Brant is to heart. The guy feels things to the marrow of his oversized bones. Part of me envies that kind of compassion.
A bigger part of me doesn’t.
What use would I be if I caught a case of the feels?
As my mind drifts, I catch sight of the back seat and revisit the sexual scene I was privy to an hour ago. As much as it pisses me off, I’m not nearly as immune to our sexy little mate as I want to be.
When she was grinding on the cub, my cock was so hard and demanding I had to park and bail. Even from thirty feet away and with my attention firmly scanning the rest stop, instead of the interior of my truck, Calli’s orgasm got to me.
And seriously? The kid is the first one to win the prize?
I let that truth bite me in the ass and glare at the road ahead. How in all that’s holy can the universe think that my perfect match is a female drawn to a sweet puppy like him?
Still, she challenged me on kink.
Maybe there’s hope for her yet.
The next fifteen minutes are spent in hostile silence, but when we get to the property, it’s all business. “I’ve got an extra vest in the back. I’ll introduce you and then leave you to check things out on your own. Let me know if you find anything interesting.”
Brant accepts the vest and when he straps it on, he takes an extra moment to flash his big brawny muscles as if that would intimidate me somehow. Not gonna happen.
“I am the Dom, not the Sub. Save the pec winks for someone who cares.”
Jaxx
I rise in slow, sluggish pulls from the depths of a dark stupor. Despite feeling like I’ve been run over by a bulldozer, my cells are alive with magic. If my mind wasn’t such a muddy fog, I’d track the magical signature and figure out where it’s coming from. Instead, I follow the soft sobs of a female to consciousness. No… it’s not a female, it’s my female.
Even before I blink awake, I feel Calli curled around my cat form. She’s crying like someone ripped her heart in two. Is this about me? I fight to shift back and ease her suffering. I’m not there yet. Whatever happened—
I remember the pain of being struck down in the garden. Were we ambushed? Did someone breach Leo’s compound and attack us?
Concern for her gives me the strength to reclaim my human form. I shift and gather her into my arms. The first thing that comes to me is that we’re both naked. The second is that she’s wrapped in a fire blanket again.
What did I miss?
My arms come around her and she sinks against me. The apprehension and fight that bled from her before are gone. All her soft and curvy melds with my hard and cut.
It’s perfection.
The miracle of Calli makes my breath hitch.
She lifts her face and man, yeah, she is a hot mess. My chest isn’t faring well either. My skin is soaked, and it dawns on me. The magic I feel is her—phoenix tears.
Calli’s power of healing saved my life.
“Shh, sweet girl, shh. Whatever it is, it’s okay—”
“Jaxx,” she sobs, my name barely understandable with the breathless gasps and hiccoughs racking her. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was scared. Hawk’s right, I am selfish. I’m so sorry you’re stuck with me. I understand why you wanted to sever our mating bond. I am a mistake.”
My mind stumbles, trying to keep up. Sever our bond? Mistake? Wait. Is she saying she pole-axed me?
Okay, that stings, but still, I can’t stand to see her so lost. I ease back to see her better. “What’s this about?” I bend and kiss the top of her head. Yeah, I missed a lot. She shifted again. The faint trace of char in her scent before, is now much more defined. “I’m all right. S’all good. Tell me what happened.”
“None of this is fair to you four. Hawk’s right.” Calli goes on to tell me about running away, and bikers who killed her best friend, and torching truckers, and a creepy uncle and the aunt who didn’t choose her, and everything Hawk put her through about what she did to survive.
When I tighten my hold on her, she sags. “Jaxx, I never meant for any of this to happen. Please, forgive me.”
Does she think I won’t—that I’ll push her away? She doesn’t understand mating bonds yet, but I’ll show her. “Of course, sweetheart. Forgiven. Forgotten. We’re a lock.”
After a few more minutes of snuggling, her fall apart ebbs to its end and she pulls herself together like the fighter I know she is.
When I’m sure she’s good, I place a gentle finger under her chin and lift her gaze to meet mine. “Ignore Hawk. If I could stand, I’d track the bastard down and gnaw him like a chew toy. As far as I’m concerned, you were reborn on the side of that road. Whatever happened before was your human self. You’re a wildling now. You were chosen to be our perfect match and you will be. The past is over and done with. It’s the future I’m invested in.”
She snuggles tighter against me and I peel back the edge of her blanket to kiss her bare shoulder. “Forget the dirt Hawk slew at you. The only animal that can’t fall down is a worm. The rest of us are imperfect. Our life begins now.”
Calli rises in my arms and the blanket’s coverage falls away. Hot dayum she’s gorgeous. Sadly, I’m in no condition to show her how amazing I find her.
Right now, we need to heal. “Grab the duvet and cover us up, kitten. I need rest and you need TLC. Let’s hunker down for a bit.”
When Calli brings up the duvet, I pull the fire blanket around her shoulders and cover her up. “No more tears, sweet girl. Everything will look better when we wake up. I swear.”
Calli
I wake with a startle when the bus jerks into motion. I blink at the warm, tangerine sunset tinting the tour bus bedroom. I must’ve dozed off. When I came in to lay with Jaxx, it was mid-afternoon, now it must be nearly dinner time. My heart rate jumps, and I wonder what’s next. Will Hawk want to go talk to his council to break our bond? Jaxx doesn’t want that. Or Kotah. I’m pretty sure Brant won’t want it either, though I haven’t had a chance to talk with
my bear much yet.
I shift to extract myself from the covers, and Jaxx stirs in his sleep. He tightens the hold of his arm draping over me to keep me close.
Funny. If I woke like this a few weeks ago, I would’ve panicked. Any man too close when I feel vulnerable triggers my defensive instincts no matter how much I care for him or rationalize. With Jaxx, that cold dread doesn’t come.
He forgives me.
With an unfamiliar glow warming my chest, I unwrap myself from the blankets and slide out from the comfort of Jaxx’s embrace. My jaguar lets off a sexy purr and I’m all smiles as I shuffle into the bathroom.
Set out on the counter of the little vanity area is a white robe made from what feels like the same flame-retardant fabric as my blanket. Sweet.
How weird is it that a bus has a full-sized washroom with shower, toilet, and vanity? Who thought of this? Someone with money to burn.
I think of Hawk and a fresh wave of betrayal hits.
The woman in the mirror catches my attention. With the dust settling from the obliteration of my emotional walls, I see things in a new light. Hawk is wrong. I’m more than my mistakes and the circumstances of a shitty human life. If he wants to sever our bond, he can walk away. He’ll be the one making the mistake.
I’ll prove to the others I’m more than my past.
I freshen up, shrug on the robe, and pad barefooted past my purring jaguar man sleeping in the bed.
“There she is,” Brant says, welcoming me into the lounge to join him and Kotah for what I can only describe as a buffet gone wild. The guys move to stand as I enter the room, and I wave for them to sit back down. “Just in time, beautiful. We figured you and Jaxx would be starving, so we picked up enough food to choke a horse.”
I glance at the spread, and the bear isn’t exaggerating. There is enough food set out on the counter to feed an army. Well, at least my guardian army. “Where’s Hawk?”
Brant tilts his head toward the front of the bus. “He’s shot-gunning the way in his truck. Lukas is driving the Navigator while he gets some work done.”
“Avoiding me?”
“Avoiding us,” Kotah says. “Calli, what he said before… the way he spoke to you…”
