It wasn't until I was actually wiping away tears of laughter- one-handed, of course-that I realized I had no idea what time it was. I took my cell phone out of my pocket and checked the clock. The library would be closing in less than an hour.
"Wow," I could hear the surprise in my voice. "It's five thirty already."
Caspian stopped laughing. A look I was starting to recognize crossed his face. "I hate to say it, Abbey, but I need to go."
"I know. I figured." I hadn't meant for my answer to come out sounding so depressed, but it sort of did.
"I'll tell you what. I have to meet my dad at eight tonight, but what if we meet afterward? I promise I'll have you home by midnight."
"I can't," I groaned. "My parents are still living in the dark ages. Not only do I have to ask them, like, three weeks in advance to go on a date, but my 'official' curfew is nine o'clock."
"No big deal, Abbey. I'll see you again soon," he promised, getting up from his chair.
"Yeah, sure. I'll see you again by the river sometime." I stood too, not really sure if I should try to hug him or wait for him to hug me.
"That will be at the river, not in the river, right?" He looked deadly serious.
"Right," I agreed, and then I winked at him.
He grinned, and we stood there for an awkward moment. I started to take a step toward him but then kind of just jerked and froze.
"Well… bye, Abbey. I'll see you later." He didn't seem to notice my strange movements, and left the room.
I stood by my chair, feeling like an idiot. Maybe I should have asked for his phone number or something.
Then he called my name.
I ran out of the room, but forced myself to slow down before I came to the banister. He was waiting on the steps below.
He put one finger through the stair railing and beckoned me down to his level. Ignoring the cobwebs, I knelt between the badly painted wooden spindles and gripped them tightly. I was only inches away from his face.
He motioned for me to come closer, and I moved a fraction of an inch. His eyes held that desperate look again, and I searched them, not sure what was going on.
We were so close, and I wanted that moment we had almost shared, back again. My eyelids slowly drifted shut, and I waited, holding every part of my body absolutely still.
His lips barely touched mine. It seemed like everything he did around me was hesitant, as if he was afraid I would break… or tell him no.
Like that would ever happen.
That explosion in my skull happened again, only this time it wasn't pain; it was pleasure. My heart stopped beating. My toes curled. And I held on for the ride.
He kissed me like I was delicate and fragile, an easily breakable thing.
I heard a soft moan, and my eyes flew wide open. I was mortified that I had made such a sound. His eyes opened too, and he stared at me, his mouth still pressed to mine. Then his eyes darkened and he whispered my name against my lips as he ran a finger down my cheek.
I closed my eyes again, and sank everything I had into that kiss. His hand moved from my face to the back of my hair, and he was holding my head, almost cradling it.
The kiss suddenly turned harder, and more desperate. I tasted the urgency in it and thought that I would die from the pleasure. Would they lock up the library for the night and find us dead in each other's arms? Perished from pleasure? That thought sent delicious goose bumps traveling over my entire body.
This is a million times better than holding his hand I never wanted it to end.
As soon as I thought that, he tore away from me, and I felt the separation all the way through to my soul. He really was some sort of mind reader.
I looked into his eyes, panting slightly, and tried to catch my breath. I fervently hoped that I wasn't a disappointment to him.
He was staring back at me, hair slightly disheveled, and he brushed the hair out of his eyes. "Abbey, I lo-" His voice was a hoarse whisper. He broke eye contact with me and looked briefly down the stairwell. Then he looked at me again. "I really do love your hair, Astrid."
And with one final tug of a red-tinted curl, he vanished down the steps.
Chapter Twelve
Secrets
He was always ready for either a fight or a frolic.
"The Legend of Sleepy Hollow"
When I woke up Monday morning from dreams of long white dresses and houses with white picket fences, I realized that my subconscious was really rushing things. But that didn't stop me from daydreaming during school that day.
Sure, I might have relived that kiss a thousand times. Or maybe thought about what we would name our first dog. And possibly even scribbled our names together surrounded by hearts.
I seriously needed to get a grip.
Caspian had never said he loved me. I didn't even know if he really liked me. We hadn't gone on any official dates yet, and it wasn't exactly like I'd told him how I felt. Yet I still doodled, and daydreamed, and smiled happily at everyone around me. Not even the ten million hours of extra homework that every teacher so eagerly assigned could ruin my good mood. All was right in my little corner of the world.
On Tuesday I passed a history test that I had totally forgotten to study for. On Wednesday the soda machine in the cafeteria wouldn't take my quarters but after a quick shake spit out a soda anyway. Although grape soda wasn't exactly what I wanted, it was free, so I wasn't complaining.
Even lunch seemed to have gotten marginally better. I moved to a table where small talk was mutually hated by several other people. We spent the whole time working on homework, reading a book, or, in the case of one, playing with our food. And I was not the one playing with my food. It wasn't the most exciting time in my life, but it was better than it had been.
On Thursday afternoon I found a note from Ben in my locker asking me to meet him in the gym after school. It really surprised me; I thought we were avoiding each other.
When the last bell rang at the end of the day, I wasn't entirely sure if I should go see Ben or not. I kind of felt guilty about it. What would Caspian think? Would he mind that I was meeting another guy? I mean, it wasn't like I was going to hook up with Ben or anything, but still…
My overflowing book bag felt like a fifty-pound weight on my back, wearing me down with each step I took as I paced back and forth in front of my locker trying to make a decision. If I went to go see Ben now and only stayed for a couple of minutes, then I could apologize about the whole prom thing ending badly and stop by the river on my way home to see if Caspian was there. It was a win all the way around.
That idea seemed to lighten my load, and my spirits, and I headed toward the gymnasium to look for Ben. As soon as I stepped into the room, I saw a couple of track runners warming up in one corner and felt an immediate sense of relief that we wouldn't be alone. Then I scolded myself for thinking that, and repeated the phrase "I will not feel guilty" out loud. I was young, and carefree. Or at least I was supposed to be.
Right.
I took my young and carefree self off toward the other end of the gym, still searching for Ben. Was he not here yet? I rounded the bleachers, and that was when I saw him, leaning against the wall watching the runners. As I got closer, I could see that he had a perfect view of the door I'd come in. Great. Did he see me talking to myself?
A strange feeling of nervousness washed over me as I approached him. Was he mad at me for what I had said to him about the prom? What if he'd had a terrible time with his date and wanted to blame me for it?
He saw me, and smiled. "Abbey, I'm glad you got my note."
The nervousness melted away. My answering smile was wide, and I felt a slight blush rise to my cheeks as he gave me a quick once-over.
"Hey, Ben," I said, walking over to him and dropping my heavy book bag against the cinderblock wall. "I swear that thing wants to kill me."
He laughed. "Yeah, all the teachers are really piling it on this week. I hope we don't get any homework for Thanksgiving break."
&n
bsp; "Only in a perfect world," I sighed.
"True." He smiled at me again. "Hey, you changed your hair. I like it."
I blushed furiously and reached up to touch my curls. "Thanks. I was feeling… festive."
"It looks good," he said.
I glanced down at the wooden floor, still feeling the heat in my cheeks. We stood there silently, and I wondered what he really wanted to say. Maybe I should go first, I thought.
"Look, Ben." I tried to look anywhere but into his eyes. "I'm sorry for what I said to you about the prom. You were trying to do a nice thing, and I shouldn't have acted like I did."
He shook his head. "It was stupid. I'm sorry. That's why I sent you the note to meet me here. I should have asked you back when I first wanted to. You had every right to turn me down." He gave me a hopeful look. "Will you give me a second chance if I ask you out again?"
Hmm. How best to skirt that issue?
"You don't have to pull the puppy dog look on me, Ben." I tried to laugh it off. "Apology accepted." I turned to pick up my book bag, but his voice stopped me.
"How about a hug, then?"
I peeked over at him, sternly telling myself not to make a bigger deal out of this than it really was. People hugged all the time. It didn't mean anything. "Sure." I stepped closer, and he folded his arms around me. I briefly raised mine to hug him back, and had started to pull away when he leaned down close to my ear.
I could feel his warm breath, and I froze. "I really like your hair, Abbey," he whispered, gently touching a curl that was near my cheek. I turned my head and came face-to- face with him. His big brown eyes were only inches away from mine. But in my head a different voice was saying those words to me, and for a moment the eyes were green.
A split second later, I realized what type of position I had placed myself in. If I didn't move very soon, he was going to get the wrong idea. "I'm sorry, Ben," I said, pulling myself back from him. "I have a… boyfriend." The term tripped on my tongue, but I felt a warm sensation inside as I said it. I rolled the word around silently, liking the way it sounded.
"Oh, but I th-thought…," he stammered. "I mean, you do?" He pulled back too. "I haven't seen you with anyone. Does he go here?"
"He graduated two years ago," I said proudly.
"Oh. Well, I… I didn't mean anything by it. I didn't know. I just thought that you and I… since Kristen."
I felt terrible. "No, it's okay. No one really knows about it. It's kind of a new thing." Had I known this was going to happen? Was that why I felt so guilty about meeting him? I tried to make it better. After all, he didn't really want me. It was obvious that Kristen had been the one he'd had the crush on.
"If I didn't have a boyfriend, things might be different. I'm actually really flattered that you thought we would be-well… I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship, Ben."
"Oh, Abbey, you're killing me," he groaned. "First the I- would-have-picked-you-if-I-hadn't-already-picked-someone-else line, and then the friendship zone? That's like the kiss of death."
I was stricken, but I didn't know what else to do.
Ben gave a heartfelt sigh, and then he laughed. "It's okay. I'm just teasing you. If you're happy, then I'm happy. I'm still glad to be your friend."
I turned away from him and bent to pick up my book bag. When I turned around to face him again, he had a smile on his face. But his eyes looked sad.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, reaching out to give his hand a quick squeeze. He nodded, and I started to walk away. So much for my good mood. It was now completely gone as I thought about the person I was leaving behind.
I decided to tell Caspian how I felt when I finally made it to the river. I had to know whether or not he felt the same way about me. Hopefully, my confession wouldn't be in vain, or else I'd be joining the recently rejected club.
My determination fell away, though, as I passed by the river, and then the bridge. He wasn't here.
I wandered through the cemetery, looking everywhere in case I saw him. But once I realized I had no hope of finding him somewhere he obviously wasn't, I stopped looking. Dejected, I kept my gaze to the ground and followed the familiar pathway home.
It was when I looked up to step around a deep rut in the road that I spotted him.
"Caspian, what are you doing here?" Happiness crept into my question, and I couldn't stop myself from blushing.
He was sitting next to a large monument in a family plot, drawing on a piece of paper. He had black smudges on his hands, and he looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see him. "Hi, Abbey." A strange look passed over his face, and he shoved the paper behind him. "I'm just… sitting."
"Wow." I laughed. "You must like it here even more than I do." I shifted my book bag awkwardly. "I know we just saw each other a couple of days ago and all, but…" I blushed again at the memory of our last meeting and then stopped abruptly when I realized I was rambling.
He didn't say anything. Silence rose between us, and I started to get concerned.
"Have you… been waiting here… for me?" I was hoping for a no to that question, but I could see the answer in his eyes.
"Yeah. I stopped by the cemetery and river each day. But I didn't wait long. Other stuff to do, you know." He blew it off.
I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. "I'm really sorry I didn't stop by, Caspian. I… I didn't know." I found myself repeating Ben's words.
"It's not a big deal. We'll catch up another time, okay?" He picked up his drawing and stood up.
"Caspian, wait," I said. He had started to turn away already. "When… Where do you want to meet next?"
"I'm busy this weekend, but I guess meet me here next Saturday at noon," he replied over his shoulder. "Bye, Abbey."
I watched him walk away, and was confused by his dismissive tone. Okay, so he was mad that I hadn't stopped by, but it wasn't like we had set a date and time. And if I actually had his phone number or something, then I could have called him about it. I made a mental note to ask him for that next Saturday.
Upset, and not even really knowing why, I went to Washington living's grave. As usual, there wasn't anyone there and I let myself in through the gate. I stalked around the length of the fenced-in area, too disturbed to sit still on the ground.
"How was I supposed to know he'd be waiting here?" I muttered, half to myself, half to the empty graveyard. "Did I ever claim to be a mind reader? No, I did not. So how can I be expected to read his mind?" Angrily, I kicked at a stray leaf on the ground. "It's called a phone number. Get one."
As I heard those words come out of my mouth, echoing those hateful words once said by someone else in a prom dress, I immediately stopped pacing. Hanging my head, I went to sit down next to the carved initials tree. I buried my head in my arms and tucked my legs up underneath me. Why did he act that way today?
It was all so confusing.
Soft footsteps disturbed the grass around me, and I looked up to see the old caretaker coming toward the tree. He was wearing the same patched blue overalls, but he had a brown shirt on. I forced a smile to my face and got to my feet. "Hello, Nikolas."
His whole face lit up, and the smile he gave me almost made me cry. He looked so happy to see me. "Abbey, how wonderful to meet you here again! How have you been?"
I shrugged my shoulders and stuffed my hands into my jeans pockets. "I guess I'm fine. It's been kind of a rough day."
"Is there anything I can help you with?"
"I don't know. It's just…" I hesitated. "It's not like there's anything specifically wrong, you know? I just don't get how someone can act a certain way that's really positive, and then all of a sudden be different."
"Like changing your mind about something?" he asked.
"No," I said, at a loss as to how to describe my dilemma. "Nevermind. It's just… boys. They're aggravating. That's all."
He got that mischievous look in his eye again, and said very solemnly, "Well, speaking as someone who was once technically a boy…" I blushed, co
mpletely embarrassed now. "I don't want to make any excuses for whoever this is you are speaking of," he continued on, "but… he is obviously crazy."
My eyes grew wide, and he chuckled. "I am just teasing with you. I hope you don't mind."
I couldn't hide my grin, and I shook my head at him. "You're just as bad as the boys," I teased back.
He smiled. "I only wanted to see you smile. I hope you don't mind indulging an old man. Truthfully, though, give your young man some time. I am sure he's confused, or unsure of himself. A man's pride is a very powerful thing."
"That's definitely true," I agreed. "So do you think that maybe it wasn't me, but him? Maybe he's just dealing with something on his end?"
Nikolas leaned closer and said quietly, "I can tell that you have a very wise and kind soul, Abbey. And I am an excellent judge of character. I don't think it was anything you could have done. Besides, if he can't get over whatever is bothering him, send him to me and I will set him straight."
To my total embarrassment, I burst into tears. Then I leaned over to hug him. "Thanks, Nikolas," I whispered. "That means a lot to me."
He let out a soft breath, almost like I'd surprised him, and hesitated before awkwardly trying to hug me back. He seemed a bit rusty at it. I hastily dashed away my tears, scrubbing both hands across my face.
"You know," he said, "sometimes we put on a facade because we are afraid of how those close to us will react if they see our true selves. Just because someone does this, doesn't mean he wants to put you off in any way, or he doesn't like you. I don't see how anyone could not like you, Abbey."
Taking a minute to compose myself, I leaned down and acted like my shoe was untied. After fidgeting with it for a while, and hoping that my eyes weren't all red and splotchy, I stood back up to face Nikolas. "I… um… should go. Mom's probably waiting, and I have a lot of homework to do. So… thanks. I really appreciate it."
He patted my arm gently and beamed at me. "You are most welcome, Abbey. I hope I'll see you again soon."
The Hollow Page 15
