by Tucker, RH
His admission catches me off-guard. When we went out, he was kind enough, but looking back at it, he had this arrogance about him. I thought it was just confidence at the time. But it was more than that. He was cocky.
He has a right to be a little cocky. He’s tall, maybe an inch shorter than Micah. His pitch black hair is a bit shaggy, causing it to hang over his forehead, but it’s short enough that it doesn’t hit his dark blue eyes. Cute dimples in both cheeks when he smiles, which always comes off as a confident smirk. He didn’t have a reputation in high school, but I wasn’t the only girl who noticed him. So when he asked me out I was over the moon, but confused. I knew what I was. I’m the big girl. And he played sports and hung out with some of the most popular guys in school. I was smitten.
“Hey, can I buy your drinks?”
“What?” I stare at him, confused. “Why?”
“Honestly, I’ve wanted to talk to you. I thought about calling or texting, but I figured you’d ignore them.”
“You’re right. I would.”
“Yeah,” he says, letting out a chuckle. “Please, V?”
“Why? What do you want? What you did was … it was …” I’m not sure what words to use. I know what he did was arrogant and humiliating, and pathetic. But none of those words seem big enough.
“It was bullshit,” he answers for me. Again, I’m taken aback by his honesty. “Seriously, Veronica. Complete and utter bullshit. Please, just give me five minutes.”
I stare at him, as he waits for my answer. Any trace of smugness or superiority is vacant. He seems … sincere. “Okay. Five minutes.”
He follows me inside, and I place my order, fully intending to pay for it. He speaks up from behind, asking the girl at the counter for a drink himself, then pays for them. I give him a courteous nod, but don’t say anything. If he wants to pay for our drinks, fine.
After we get them, he asks where I want to sit. There are a few open tables inside of the shop, but I feel weird about sitting alone with him inside. A couple tables are set up outside, near the door, so I point them out, and we take a seat.
Taking a sip of my drink, still unsure what he’s going to say, I wait for him to speak up but he stays quiet. After putting the straw through his lid, he nervously picks at the straw wrapper, biting his lip.
“Did you want to talk or …” I finally speak up.
“Yeah,” he replies. “Um … you look good.”
My eyebrows perk up, and I laugh. I actually laugh. “Are you serious?”
“What? You do. Did you lose some weight?”
“Wow, you’re a dickhead, you know that?” I slap my hands down on the table and slide out of the chair.
“Wait, no. No, I’m sorry.” He stands up, grabbing my hand. “Shit. I didn’t mean it like … whatever. This is all coming out wrong, and you have no reason to think I’m being real with you right now, but I wasn’t taking a shot at you or anything. I was sincere.” He lets go of my hand and waves at the table. “I’m sorry. Please, just give me a chance to explain some stuff.”
Taking a seat, he looks back up at me. I want to head next door and tell Cindy he’s out here. She’d probably flip out and verbally attack him. And he deserves it. But he does seem like he’s trying to be empathetic. I don’t remember him like this. Maybe if I listen to whatever he has to say, I might get some closure myself. It’s with that thought, I decide to return to my seat.
“Thank you,” he says, smiling.
“Seriously, Tim. I don’t know what this is, but if you’re just going to try and throw something in my face, namely my weight, I’m telling you right now I’ve had a pretty lousy week. I can’t guarantee I won’t dump our smoothies all over you.”
He lets out a laugh. “V, I really didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. No, I’m not trying to throw anything in your face.” I give him a quick nod. “You’ve had a bad week? Everything okay?”
“I don’t know,” I answer, then let out a sigh. “Micah and I— Wait, no.” I shake my head, narrowing my eyes at him. “No, I’m not discussing my life with you. You wanted to talk, so talk.”
“Right.” He nods and starts fidgeting with the straw wrapper again. “Okay, well, remember that girl you saw me with at the mall a while back?”
“Yeah.”
“So, that was Lacey. And you have no idea how hard I had to work to explain what happened at the mall, and how Cindy tore me a new one.”
I scoff. “Seriously, Tim? I’m not apologizing for what Cindy said. You deserved that. You deserved a whole lot more than that, even though I was embarrassed she said it.”
“No, you’re right. I did. Sorry, that’s not what I’m trying to say.”
“Then just say it already.”
“She cheated on me.”
He stares at me, letting the words hang in the air.
People walk by, talking and laughing. A couple is walking a golden retriever. Everyone seems to be having a great time, on a beautiful day for the beach. And at first, I want to laugh. I know I shouldn’t, but what goes around comes around, you know? But the way he stares at me—the way his eyes meet mine for a moment longer, before he averts his gaze, looking back down at the table—I can tell he’s hurt.
“Sorry,” I say. I feel like I should reach out to him, but I don’t.
“Thanks. Yeah, it sucked.”
“You think?” I blurt out. He finally meets my eyes again, and now I have to look away. “Sorry.”
“No, don’t be. I’m not telling you this for pity. I really liked her. Since it happened, and I know this doesn’t take away from anything that I’ve done or said in the past, but since it happened, I’ve thought about you. A lot. I was an ass in high school. An absolute piece of trash for what I did, and especially for what I said. I was so caught up with trying to act like some player, trying to hookup with girls and act like I’m better at it than some of the guys, I didn’t realize just what I was doing. And when this happened? I know it’s way late, but I’m so sorry, Veronica. I’m sorry for cheating on you and especially for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I was just a douchebag, trying to justify why I did what I did. But there’s no justification for it. I screwed up, and I’m so sorry.”
I don’t know how to respond. I stare at him, first trying to discern if he’s telling me the truth. Then I’m trying to come to grips with the fact that he’s apologizing for what he did and that he didn’t mean his words. A final thought enters, wondering just how many people cheat on their partners. I mean, seriously. What the hell is wrong with people?
I don’t realize that I’m just sitting there, staring at him, until he clears his throat. “Veronica, did you hear me?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I heard you,” I answer. “I just … I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Thanks for hearing me out.”
“Right.” I sit there, staring at him still. “Thanks, I guess.”
He laughs. “You’re welcome. Thank you for not dumping smoothies on me.” A quietness settles around us, a slight uneasy silence again, so I grab the drinks and get up.
“Well, I guess I should be getting back.”
He stands up. “Yeah, okay.”
“Thanks again for the drinks.”
“Don’t mention it. It’s the least I can do.”
I nod, and I’m just about to turn around when he motions forward, wrapping an arm around me. “I really am sorry, Veronica.”
“Oh … okay.”
It’s a weird sensation. I remember holding hands with him and making out. Then he did what he did, and I wanted to slap him every time I saw or thought of him. I don’t feel comfortable enough with him anymore to embrace him, but he’s so apologetic right now, that I feel like I should. The weird sensation is trumped with sheer panic, as I hear Micah’s voice.
“What the hell?”
I turn around to see Micah staring daggers at him and Cindy looking at me with pure confusion.
“Micah? What are you doing here?”
His eyes finally meet mine, staring at me in puzzlement. “Here? At the beach? Where I invited my girlfriend to a beach party? I don’t know, Veronica. What am I doing here?”
Walking over to them, I give Cindy her drink as her jaw hangs open. “No, sorry. Yeah, I know that. Um, this is—”
I wave back at Tim, but Micah cuts off my words. “I know who this is. What the hell are you doing?” he asks him.
“I was just talking to her, man. Chill out.”
“Chill out?” he scoffs. “You chill the fuck out.”
“Micah!” I scold him.
I’ve never seen him like this. Not just angry, but jealous. I understand what it might have looked like, and he knows who Tim is and what he did, but he’s not even giving me the chance to explain. This isn’t like Lana, who’s been showing up left and right, giving me legitimate cause for concern.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he responds, sounding anything but apologetic. “Am I not supposed to be pissed off when I catch my girlfriend and her asshole of an ex-boyfriend, who cheated on you by the way, hugging each other?”
“We weren’t hugging each other,” Tim says.
“Tim, don’t.” I put a hand up to him, still staring at Micah. “No, you’re not supposed to be mad, Micah. You’re supposed to ask me what’s going on because I’ve never done anything to break your trust. And you sure as hell shouldn’t throw the fact that some asshole cheated on me in my face. So no, you’re not supposed to be pissed off. You’re supposed to trust me.”
I shove my drink into Cindy’s hands and storm off down the boardwalk.
Chapter 27
Micah
Veronica hurries past me. I just stand there, still staring at Tim. Besides knowing about him from Veronica, I know who he is from school. He stares back at me, giving me a confused expression.
“Way to go, man,” he says shaking his head.
“Shut the hell up.”
“She ignored me, and I had to beg her to just let me talk to her, all under threat of being doused by her drinks, and you basically just accused her of cheating on you. Nice job.”
I want to punch him, but not because I saw him hugging her. Because he’s right.
“Shit,” I hiss under my breath and turn around to find Veronica. She’s walking down the boardwalk, far enough along that I can barely make her out.
“Micah, go,” Cindy tells me.
Her words are the push I need to break away from this stupid jealousy and start to run. Weaving around people, I catch up to her, as she continues to walk briskly.
“Veronica, wait.” I pull at her arm.
“Just leave me alone.” She yanks it free, continuing forward.
“Please! I’m sorry, okay?” I get in front of her, stopping her motion. “I’m a jackass.”
“Yes, you are.” She folds her arms, staring at the ground. “Do you know how much that hurt, Micah? As if I don’t know what he did, then you throw it in my face.”
“I know, I don’t know why I said that. Damn it, I’m sorry, Vero.” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close, but she keeps her arms up. “I wasn’t thinking. I just saw him with his arms around you, and I thought—”
“I know what you thought.” She looks up at me like I’m crazy. “Micah, I would never do that. I’ve never given you any reason to think that.”
“I was just shocked. I saw him and you and …” I kiss the top of her head, still holding her, willing her to hold me, or at least drop her arms. “What’s going on, Veronica?” I ask softly. “This entire week things have felt off.”
“I know,” she answers, finally putting her arms around me.
Moving us off to the side instead of standing in the middle of the boardwalk with everyone around us, I lean against a cement partial, keeping her close. The waves break behind us, kids are playing in the sand, and music floats out of neighboring stores. We should be enjoying ourselves. Laughing in the sand or water, only worried about our upcoming classes. Instead, it feels like there’s a dark cloud hovering above us.
She’s right though. She hasn’t given me any reason to believe she’d cheat on me. So why am I still so jealous of Tim?
“You know I would never do that either, right?” I ask her. “You don’t have anything to worry about with Lana.” I’m not sure if I’m saying it to calm her fears or my own.
I wait patiently, hoping she finally lets me in. Ever since the night she told me how much she loved me, I thought we crossed a point in our relationship where we knew one another, inside and out. But since then things have also felt crooked. Like a schism has torn through us and I have no idea what to do.
“I … I just feel …” She takes a deep breath. She’s finally going to talk to me. Maybe we can finally move past whatever wall is being built up. “I feel like—”
“Hey, guys,” Cindy cuts off her words, jogging over to us. “I told Tim to get the hell out of here.”
I give her a thankful nod, but can’t help tensing up as Veronica looks over at her and shakes her head.
“Cindy, you didn’t have to do that. We weren’t doing anything.”
I don’t say anything because I’m not sure what to say, but I feel angry and jealous again. Why the hell is she defending that asshole? “Taylor and a few others have a spot picked out on the sand.”
“I don’t know.” She finally looks up at me. “I’m not really up to hanging out on the beach anymore.”
“Please?” I lean down closer, kissing her forehead.
“Yeah, come on, V,” Cindy adds. “It’ll be fun.”
She pauses, taking a deep breath. Looking up at me, there’s a timidity in her eyes I haven’t seen since the first night she slept over. “No, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I squeeze her hand, trying to sound as understanding as I can. “Did you want to go back to my place?”
“I don’t know.” I fight back a frown from her words. “Maybe you can drop me off at home, and I’ll pick up Miguel’s car. He’s been letting me use it.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind taking you.”
“Yeah, I think that’d be better.”
Better? Better for who? I swallow the words and nod, trying to smile, but it’s barely a smirk. “Okay.”
After she gives Cindy a hug, we head to the parking lot. The drive to her house is anything but comfortable. I turn on the music low, hoping something will cut the tension that seems to be building, but it doesn’t help. She stares out of the window as I drive down the highway. I reach over, giving her hand a squeeze, offering her another smile. She smiles back, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
My thoughts drift back to what she was going to say right before Cindy showed up. Something about how she feels. Does she doubt us? Me? I thought we were on such solid ground a week ago, but now I don’t know. And why would she even give her ex the time of day, much less let him hug her? Unless—
No, Micah. Get your head out of your ass.
I pull up to her house, parking on the street, and turn down the radio. She doesn’t move. She just stares out of the window. I reach for her hand again, pulling it to my lips, and kiss her fingers.
“You’re still coming over, right?”
“I don’t know,” she answers, shaking her head. “Maybe I should just stay home.”
“Veronica, please.” I move closer to her, hoping she’ll do the same. She doesn’t. “Can we just try and get to where we were? Or at least tell me what you were going to say?”
She finally scoots closer, wrapping her hands around my arm, laying her head on my shoulder, nodding. “I’ll come over. I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on with me.”
“It’s okay, baby. Just know you can talk to me.”
“I know,” she whispers and then sniffles. Reaching for the door handle, she plants a quick kiss on my cheek, then steps out the truck. “I’ll grab some clothes, and I’ll be over in a little bit.”
“Okay.”
I watch her get out, giving me a quick
wave, and then she heads into her home. I wish I knew what was going on, but more importantly, I’m hoping whatever it is means we aren’t over before we even got a chance to start.
Chapter 28
Veronica
Walking into my house, I quickly pass Miguel, yelling out, “Miguel, it’s okay if I use your car again, right?”
“Yeah, sure,” he calls back from our dining room. I’m hoping to grab my clothes and head over to Micah’s before any of my brothers see me because I’m pretty sure I look like I’ve been crying.
I was so close to telling Micah how I feel before Cindy came over to us. I wasn’t sure what he’d say or how he’d react, because how do you tell someone you love that you don’t think you’re good enough for them? And even thinking that it just makes me feel pathetic. Shallow. Because all I’m basing that on is appearances. And he’s never, not once, told me I need to or even should change.
Maybe if can I can get it out and in the open, I can digest and work through it, and not feel like every other girl out there would be a better fit for him, only because I don’t like the way I look.
It was on the tip of my tongue, but once the moment passed, all of my reservations returned and I don’t want to think about it, much less tell him. I’m already fighting the urge of not going over to his place. Fighting the thoughts of texting him and telling him I’m going to stay home. But I don’t want to do that. I need to work past this. And that’s only going to happen if I remain comfortable around him. Who knows, maybe I’ll find the courage to tell him tonight, and I can finally start to work past my insecurities.
“Hey, Yessi is making tamales tonight with Mamá,” Tomás calls out, following me to my room. “I was going to text you. I thought you were hanging out at the beach.”
“No,” I answer, grabbing my bag and heading to my closet. “I mean, I was, but we changed our minds. I’ll just be at Micah’s.”
“Invite him over.”
“What?” His invite makes me pause. I turn and stare at him because he still hasn’t been very receptive to Micah. “Really?”
